If Harry Potter did adverts..

They'd probably be the best adverts in the world

A/N: Back again!! I'm starting to get the hang of this directoring thingy! Well apart from the slight incident last time! –Smirks- Well please read and review PWEASE!!!

Ad 3: Stannah Stairlifts!

Take 1

SIRI: -To director- See you came crawling back –Evil smirk-

DIR: Shut UP!! –Smacks him around head- I only came back because they doubled my pay!

REMY: But I thought and I quote ' I don't care how much their offering me! I'm leaving!'

DIR: Yeah and like I quoted before 'SHUT UP!'

REMY: Women… –Receives smack round the back of head- OW!

DIR: Right enough chitchat! What are we doing today? – Stage manager hands her script- Oh LORD!!! Why do I get all the ridiculous ones! You don't see bloody Steven Spielberg getting crappy second-class movies! So why should I have to put up with this!!

STAGE MANAGER: Just shut up and get on with it!

DIR: -Glares- Fine! Right bring out… Dumbledore?? Oh GOD! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! He's gonna make this –shudders- interesting. I HATE IT WHEN THEY MAKE IT INTERESTING!

SIRI: Geez calm down!! If anyone needs Prozac it's you!

DIR: ENOUGH!!! Dumbledore just get your wrinkly backside out here!!

-Dumbledore appears on stage-

DUM: I don't think that is appropriate language for a girl of your age.

DIR: BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! Please Albus I'm NOT in the mood –rubs temple- Right On with the AD! Stannah Stairlifts take one a-and ACTION!!!

-Camera goes to Albus who is standing near some stairs-

DUM: -Fake grin- when you reach your golden years nowa... –Puts foot on first step and falls through into concealed pit- ddddaaaaaayyyyyyssssss –Falling echo and thud heard-

DIR: CUT!!!!  I knew this was going to get interesting! –Sighs- Someone either fish Albus out the hole or get a replacement please! And tell Fred and George they are in serious trouble!

DUM: It's quite alright my dear I can get myself out –Floats up- There I believe that is better

DIR: Er…. Right. Would someone kindly please fill in that hole before the next take, Please!

Take 2

DIR: Okay take two of Stannah Stair Lifts aaaaand ACTION!!!!!

-Albus walks on stage and hobbles over to stair lift-

DUM: -Grins- When you reach your golden years nowadays you often find that you need a little extra support and help with some of the necessities of life. –Sits down on stair lift-

DIR: -Sighs in relief- Thank you god!

DUM: Stannah are here to give you a helping hand with some of those life's little problems….. –Pushes button and stair lift splutters and dies-

DIR: Oh LORD!! Why can't anything go right?

SNAPE: Because it's you doing it?

DIR: Shut up Snape!

DUM: ….Such as now –Jabs button again and stair lift bursts into life flying up the stairs at 100 mph-  WHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! –Crashes through roof and flies off into distance-

DIR: -REALLY annoyed- CUT!!!!! Who the hell tampered with the stairlift.

FRED & GEO: Hey don't look at us!

DIR: I know it wasn't you two, you don't have enough experience with muggle artefacts to pull something like that off.

FRED: Hey! I take offence to that!

GEO: Don't, it at least means were not going to get murdered.

FRED: Good point.

DIR: Hmmmm Let me think…. Who has experiece with mechanics….. –Something clicks- SIRIUS!!!!!! I know it was you!!! You're the only one with experience!!

SIRI: Oh…. Shit! Run for the hills!…. –Runs away- …Dam I didn't think she'd figure it out that quick.

-Sirius is chased by enraged director-

STAGE MANAGER:  Er…. Redo?

DIR: -Skids to stop and rounds on Stage manager- HEY!!! THAT'S MY BLOODY JOB!!!!! YOU ARE SOOOOOO SACKED.

STAGE MANAGER: FINE!!! I BLOODY HATED THIS JOB ANYWAY!!!!! I GOT NOTHING BUT ABUSE!!!!! –Storms off-

DUM: -Walks in covered in leaves and twigs- What did I miss?

ALL: -Roll eyes exasperatedly-

DIR: REDO!!!!!

ALL: We've already been told that!!!!

DIR: -Groans- I don't bloody care, just redo it!

Take 12

DIR: Right have ALL the traps been set off now.

ALL: -Nod innocently-

DIR: Are you SURE! –Glares-

ALL: -Cower slightly and nod again-

DIR: GOOD! Because I don't want a repeat of the last few takes. I sincerely DID NOT appreciate getting my eyebrows singed off thank you very much.

ALL: -Snigger quietly-

DIR: Okay! If we're all ready…. Stannah Stairlifts take twelve. A-aaand ACTION!!!

DUM: -Strolls onto stage grimacing-

DIR: -Holds up sign saying LOOK HAPPY OR ELSE!-

DUM: -Sighs and smiles warmly- When you reach your golden years nowadays, you sometimes find you need a little help with some of life's necessities…. –Sits down on the stair lift-… Stannah are here to give you a helping hand with some of those little problems… -Pushes up button and stairlift moves slowly up stairs-

DIR: -Thanks any and all available God's and Deities-

DUM: They  are a friendly service…… -Screams-

DIR: Oh what now?!?

DUM: -Still screaming-  My beard, MY BEARD!!!!! It's caught!!! Owie,owie, owie owie!!!!!!!!!!! –Lift continues up the stairs- OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! –Big RIP! Is heard- ARGGGGHHHHHHH NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! My BEARD, MY BEAUTIFUL BEARD!!!!

DIR: -Trying hard not to laugh- CUT!!!!!!! –Fails attempt miserably and bursts into hysterical laughter- OH MY GOD THAT IS SOOOOO FUNNY!!!! –Starts doing a little dance and singing- Life is fine life, life is good, Albus lost his beard and looks we-urd

REMY: Don't you mean we-IRD?

DIR: Shut your cakehole Remus. I had to make it rhyme!! –Laughs at Albus's misfortune-

REMY: Oh –Shrugs-

DUM: -Looks Really REALLY annoyed- Okay that does it –Pulls out wand-

DIR: -Shits pants- ARGGHHHH!!! Come now Albus I didn't mean. Please don't transfigure me into something 'Unnatural'!

DUM: -Grins evilly- That's Lord Of The Rings you know!

DIR: Er… is it? I really couldn't tell –Dumbledore advances- Er….. Okay this shoots over, it's a wrap BYYYYYEEEE

–Runs away very quickly-

SNAPE: -Smirks- Nice one headmaster, that's her out of our hair for a while!

DUM: Yes but she will be back

VOICE: Yes, YES I WILL MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –Coughs- HAHAHAHAH –Gags and chokes- A!!!! -

SNAPE: Am I the only one freaked out by that?

ALL: -Shake heads-