Windswept over Twilight
AN: Okay we have another first time attempt. I've never actually done a 1st person perspective before so I hope you won't judge this too much. It's mainly canon –looks sad- But it does delve into the future which is therefore AU. Well enjoy! Oh and in case you can't guess straight away it's Remus talking… just thought I'd clear that up!
I sit here waiting for my guest to arrive, thinking about the long and winding path that has brought me to this point. Although unaware of why I have asked him, Severus is very much aware that I have been having problems of late. Sighing I rub my immobile legs, and although no longer of any use to me they still cause me great discomfort. I once had truly thought that my life was turning around for the better, I once again had a friend whom I could trust in Sirius, and I was seen as a mentor to many young people. What a difference a few years make, those fragmented shards of the past now haunt me day and night. Laughing smiling faces, wiped eternally from this earth, far before their time.
The second war came to a dramatic and brutal climax and although we had come out victorious we suffered many casualties. Sirius was one of the first, his death still haunts my dreams and it still breaks my heart in two as I watch the once bright star fall into darkness again and again in my mind. It's quite a wonder I haven't been driven insane yet, maybe I have and just haven't realised it. Then of course many more followed, Ron, Hermione, Neville to name but a few I knew well. The final loss being Harry. My memories of that final battle are still very vague, but what I do remember is exceedingly clear. Voldemort looming like some great shadow over our heads finally attempted to take Hogwarts. It was horrific having to witness students squaring off against students, those that had been tempted by the dark lord fighting former classmates and in some instances former friends.
Voldemort had taken residence in the Great Hall, the stronghold of the school. It wasn't easy but somehow, myself and Harry alone had been able to penetrate the defences and gain entrance. Neither of us had anything to lose, Harry had lost everyone close to him as had I and that had brought us together to face this foe. The battle was titanic, Harry was a far better dueller than me and so I just kept up defences and covered his back. Harry blasted through, felling Death Eaters as if he was shooting fish in a barrel; they crumpled before him one by one, one death eater for each of the innocents he had lost. McNair, Avery, Lestrange, Malfoy, all fell without him barely trying. Finally he reached Voldemort and the clash began, shaking the very foundations of Hogwarts. Curses and hexes flew in every direction I tried to keep up the best I could, but I was far to out of practice to even dream of competing, I was still weak from the moon but I fought as best I could. I took care of the remaining Death Eaters who straggled in, trying a sneak attack on us. I remember a particularly vindictive moment of victory when I came across Wormtail. Once again he begged and pleaded for his life, reminding me of the days when we had been friends and things had been good and pure, the opposite to now. He begged and begged, but I had no more room in my heart for sympathy or pity toward him; he had after all cost me everything. I killed him, as he would have done me, had already done to me, without so much as a shred of remorse.
Harry was clearly winning the battle and it looked as if we may escape unscathed, however it wasn't to be. Voldemort, sensing his eminent doom quickly cast a shattering spell at the ceiling in a kamikaze mission. At first I though nothing had happened, but then cracks appeared in the once pristine ceiling and before I knew what was happening I was pinned under a huge slab of stone and unable to feel my legs at all. It is here that things get hazy because the next thing I can remember is a wounded and dying Harry crawling over to me and taking my hand in his. He whispered about being tired and then closed eyes sighing deeply murmuring "It's over" again and again. Tears poured down my cheeks as I felt his grip loosen as his spirit left his body. I truly believed that I was going to join my friends in the afterlife, but my plan was thwarted by the dratted wolf inside me. Not yet ready to give up his life….
Ironic really that the topic comes back to my real train of thought.
Death, the one thing that I seek most of all but remains the most elusive to me. People will say I am mad for wanting this release, this ultimate freedom. But in reality I am mad for staying. I have nothing left to live for. My friends are gone, and even my freedom of movement has been snatched away from me brutally and condemned me to live in this godforsaken wheelchair for the rest of my life. An empty shell of a man.
I am jarred by my musings as the faint 'pop' sound of apparition enters my ears and a gruff voice, weary from travel asks.
"Where are you Lupin!"
I give a sigh, pleasantries were never exactly Snape's cup of tea. 'But at least he came' a small voice in the back of my mind answered.
"I'm in here Severus." I replied, my voice echoing through the large empty house.
There was a brief rhythmical thudding of footsteps and Snape appeared around the door, looking bedraggled and clutching some rectangular parcels to his chest. I raised my hand toward the armchair opposite me and Snape taking the hint took up the pro-offered seat.
"Thank you for coming Severus." I said lightly "Would you like some tea?"
Snape eyed me a moment and then said "Why am I here Remus?"
Typical Snape, always straight to the point, I almost sighed in happiness. Severus was one of the few people who still treated me like a person (as much as he usually did anyway) and not like an invalid. The only other people who did were Albus and Minerva.
I did not answer him, I did not want him to know of my intentions yet.
"Lupin, why the hell did you call me here?" he repeated more venomously.
"Calm down Severus! You will know in due course…. On the matter of your presence, did you bring the books I requested."
He nodded and shoved the parcel into my arms "I don't see why you need it, you know most of this already." He muttered.
I opened the parcel and pulled out the books inside. There were three, the first was an ancient tome written in Latin. Well there was nothing a translation spell couldn't fix. I muttered the spell and the title became English. 'Lycanthrope Lore: The ancient right of the wolf'. The second was one was a book Dark curses and their effects; the third was one about Spiritual anatomy.
"Thank you" I repeated, flicking through the first of the books.
We sat there in silence each contemplating one another, I knew I would eventually have to tell Severus about what I had brought him here for and exactly what I intended to do. But for now we sat in silence, sighing I paid closer attention to the book I was reading, scanning over the passages, most of which I knew from experience.
"Severus" I murmured softly, not daring to look up into the cold black eyes I could feel boring into me. "I think I should tell you why I have asked you to come."
"Yes?" replied Snape questioningly
"I want to die."