Alright! People actually read Yuffie's Lethal Candy Canes! I am so happy!
And just as I promised, here is the second commercial, this time staring
Vincent! Tell me what you think. More reviews = More stupid commercials!
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or any of its characters. I also do not own Skippy Peanut Butter. Nor do I actually wish for anything bad to happen to George Bush.
Peanut Bitter
(Scene opens with a depressed girl sitting in a big comfy armchair watching TV. The camera focuses on the TV and that annoying Skippy peanut butter commercial is on.)
TV: SQUEEZE THE SKIPPY! IT'S THE SKIPPY YOU SQUEEZE!
(The girl sighs and sinks into the back of the chair.)
Depressed Girl, faking gut-hurlingly sappy sadness: Peanut butter is way too happy for somebody like me. I'll never get to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I think I'll just go hang myself now.
(The girl grabs a rope and begins to walk away, but out of nowhere Vincent Valentine appears in front of her with a "ding" noise)
Vincent, in an overly cheerful voice: Wait! Don't hang yourself yet!
(The girl looks into the camera with a shocked expression)
Girl, in false confusion as she holds her hands out: Why?
Vincent: Because someone has finally invented peanut butter for people like us!
(A fake smile appears on the girl's face as if someone pinned it there with a staple gun)
Girl: It doesn't contain any Prozac does it?
(Vincent wags his finger at her with another big phoney smile)
Vincent: No siree! It's completely drug free and it's made with real peanuts!
Girl: Wow! What is this amazing product called?
Vincent: Peanut Bitter!
(The screen changes to a flashing pattern of colors with a jar of Peanut Bitter shaking back and forth in the center)
(Vincent's voice is heard speaking as the Peanut Bitter shakes back and forth)
Vincent: Peanut Bitter is the only all natural peanut butter for the bitter and depressed! Just spread it on some bread and see the exact time and date of your very own death!
(Screen changes back to Vincent and Depressed Girl)
Vincent: See for yourself!
(Vincent grabs a jar of Peanut Bitter and a butter knife as the girl smiles at the camera)
(Vincent spreads the Peanut Bitter on the bread and the camera zooms in on it. Within seconds red numbers appear on the nutty treat)
(Depressed Girl puts her face right up in the camera and gasps)
Vincent: The number on the left is the year you will die, the ones in the middle are the month and day, and the ones on the far right are the time!
Depressed Girl: That's amazing!
Vincent: It sure is!!
Depressed Girl: Does it tell me what I will die from?
Vincent a bit nervously: It certainly won't be food poisoning!!!
Depressed Girl: Yay! Maybe I'll get a drive by shooting!
(Vincent and Depressed Girl both begin to laugh uncontrollably)
(The final scene is of Vincent and Depressed Girl munching happily on the bread covered in Peanut Bitter. As the scene begins to fade out Vincent starts talking again.)
Vincent, so fast you can barely understand him: Peanut Bitter is illegal in all of the 48 contiguous states due to attempts at predicting George Bush's assassination.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or any of its characters. I also do not own Skippy Peanut Butter. Nor do I actually wish for anything bad to happen to George Bush.
Peanut Bitter
(Scene opens with a depressed girl sitting in a big comfy armchair watching TV. The camera focuses on the TV and that annoying Skippy peanut butter commercial is on.)
TV: SQUEEZE THE SKIPPY! IT'S THE SKIPPY YOU SQUEEZE!
(The girl sighs and sinks into the back of the chair.)
Depressed Girl, faking gut-hurlingly sappy sadness: Peanut butter is way too happy for somebody like me. I'll never get to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I think I'll just go hang myself now.
(The girl grabs a rope and begins to walk away, but out of nowhere Vincent Valentine appears in front of her with a "ding" noise)
Vincent, in an overly cheerful voice: Wait! Don't hang yourself yet!
(The girl looks into the camera with a shocked expression)
Girl, in false confusion as she holds her hands out: Why?
Vincent: Because someone has finally invented peanut butter for people like us!
(A fake smile appears on the girl's face as if someone pinned it there with a staple gun)
Girl: It doesn't contain any Prozac does it?
(Vincent wags his finger at her with another big phoney smile)
Vincent: No siree! It's completely drug free and it's made with real peanuts!
Girl: Wow! What is this amazing product called?
Vincent: Peanut Bitter!
(The screen changes to a flashing pattern of colors with a jar of Peanut Bitter shaking back and forth in the center)
(Vincent's voice is heard speaking as the Peanut Bitter shakes back and forth)
Vincent: Peanut Bitter is the only all natural peanut butter for the bitter and depressed! Just spread it on some bread and see the exact time and date of your very own death!
(Screen changes back to Vincent and Depressed Girl)
Vincent: See for yourself!
(Vincent grabs a jar of Peanut Bitter and a butter knife as the girl smiles at the camera)
(Vincent spreads the Peanut Bitter on the bread and the camera zooms in on it. Within seconds red numbers appear on the nutty treat)
(Depressed Girl puts her face right up in the camera and gasps)
Vincent: The number on the left is the year you will die, the ones in the middle are the month and day, and the ones on the far right are the time!
Depressed Girl: That's amazing!
Vincent: It sure is!!
Depressed Girl: Does it tell me what I will die from?
Vincent a bit nervously: It certainly won't be food poisoning!!!
Depressed Girl: Yay! Maybe I'll get a drive by shooting!
(Vincent and Depressed Girl both begin to laugh uncontrollably)
(The final scene is of Vincent and Depressed Girl munching happily on the bread covered in Peanut Bitter. As the scene begins to fade out Vincent starts talking again.)
Vincent, so fast you can barely understand him: Peanut Bitter is illegal in all of the 48 contiguous states due to attempts at predicting George Bush's assassination.