I was lying face down on my bed. I knew there were people walking about the
dorm room, but I ignored them. All the new information I was overcome with
clouded my thoughts. It was all I could think about, that and the intense
pain on my lower back.
"...breakfast is almost over..."
I got up, I think, through my own free will. Thankfully I was in my uniform already, though I had no recollection of how I became dressed. It was like my memory had been erased, but only certain information was coming back, slowly.
Sitting down at the Slytherin table I barely noticed that I was eating, I was mechanically putting my fork into my mouth and back down to the plate. I felt like death had possessed me and pushed me back to the living. It was then I noticed who I was sat next to.
"Please talk with me before dinner."
"If I must."
It might be because I am desperate for a connection, but I swore I heard a slight happy note in his answer. I really am desperate.
The day passed in a fluid motion, I floated between lessons, ignoring all chatter and noise, and I took notes and even managed to make a potion without killing myself. However as much as I had looked forwards to finally talking to Severus, now I was dreading it with every fibre. Throwing my bag onto my bed I considered changing my clothes, not knowing what to wear I pulled on the closest things to hand. Fortunately I matched; I was wearing a black, knee length skirt and a three quarter length black shirt. I met him down in the common room and he gestured that we carry on the conversation elsewhere.
"What do you want?"
"Something happened last night, and you are the only..."
"Your Gryffindor buddies not good enough, happen to resort to me, second best." Severus spat.
"Hey! You are the only one who would understand, they couldn't even begin to comprehend the situation. Much too dense"
The corners of his mouth twitched slightly before he answered. "Come on then."
"He visited me last night."
"Who? The tooth fairy?"
"The tooth fairy is a girl, no, Voldemort did."
"How...what...you...him...are you sure?" "Yes."
I turned around and lifted my shirt to reveal what I had been branded with, a solid black circle with the Dark Mark inside.
"This is..."
"Unbelievable?" I prompted.
"That is one word, are you sure? How could he even come here?"
"I have no idea, I can't exactly tell Dumbledore now."
"Come on."
I followed Severus willingly; he led me out of the dungeons into the pallid moonlight of the grounds.
"Do you realise what you have done? It doesn't stop here; you are stuck with this for the rest of your life."
"Of course I know! What do you think I have done for all these years?"
"Apart from cosying up to the Gryffindors?"
"Slytherin to the end Severus." I replied putting a hand to his cheek, thankfully he didn't flinch as I expected. Actually, he leaned into it enjoying the warmth, however as soon as he leant in he became conscious of what he was doing he rapidly moved away.
"So what have you been doing?"
"Partaking in a considerable interest in the Dark Arts."
"All this time?"
"Severus, how long have you ignored me?"
Silence.
"From the word go I have hardly spoken to anyone, lest a couple of Gryffindors. And as far as I can remember, you told everyone else that I had."
"I can't believe you have been this stupid. How idiotic can you be? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?"
I wasn't sure myself, and the last person I thought that would question me would be Severus. He was far from perfect, yet he seemed so angry with what I had done.
"Fine, I'll leave you be Severus."
"Please, I just don't want you to be hurt."
Whoa, did he just say what I thought he said? Could it be that he cared? Why did I care so much?
"Right, let me get this straight, you don't want me to be hurt, yet you are the person that has hurt me the most. What is up with that?"
"I hurt you? I HURT YOU? You ran off to the one person I detested above all else. But, not only do you talk to him once, you make friends with him and all those other bastards that make my life hell."
He stunned me into silence, but I couldn't let it rest, all this needed to come out, and if this wasn't the right time, I didn't know what was. Tears were beginning to form in both of our eyes, but he was the one to keep them under control. I failed hopelessly and they started to stream down my face.
"At least people acknowledge your existence in Slytherin. You get the occasional hello, I get nothing. Nothing. When I get up in the morning people don't even look at me. I live in silence; if it weren't for those Gryffindors I would have gone mad!"
"Like you aren't mad now, you're crazy for getting in with Voldemort, now anyway. This is it for the rest of your life. You have no control over whatever happens, he has all the control."
"Do you not think I know that? Do you not think I have thought about this?"
"No, I don't think you have thought, at all, about the consequences. He just pops up and you say yes." He is right. Why does he have to be right? "I'm right aren't I?"
I don't want to say anything because if I do he will know exactly how I feel. But if I don't say anything he will know, there is one thing I could do. Something I have wanted to do for as long as I can remember, ever since the sorting. I shouldn't really, he probably doesn't want to, oh to hell with it, I'm going there anyway. I slowly leant forward so the tip of his nose met with mine and his eyes widened, magnificently so, as I began to press my lips on his. However it didn't last long as he pushed me away quite violently.
"What are you doing?!"
"Are you saying you don't want this?"
"No, I do want this, believe me. But you haven't answered my question." He placed his hands on my upper arms firmly to, quite literally, squeeze it out of me. "Why did you do this?"
"I don't know Severus, I really don't. Apart from the fact that I have felt completely alone since my second year has nothing to do with it..."
"You and your sarcasm." I missed his smirk.
"How would you know, when have you ever listened to me?"
"I have remembered everything you ever said to me; you are pretty damn sarcastic for a girl."
Is he being civil, or have I transferred to another dimension? This is too much, way too much for one person to deal with. The tears began to run down my face again as I slumped against the wall. Sliding down I felt the cold from the floor seep through my skirt. This made me cry, everything that was running through my head was making me cry, I couldn't stop it, and I just let it all out. I then felt Severus put his arms around me as he joined me on the floor.
"Come on, I'll help as much as I can. You are just going to have to explain a few things for me alright?"
Thank you: x Jae x, Spirit and Essence and Helga.
"...breakfast is almost over..."
I got up, I think, through my own free will. Thankfully I was in my uniform already, though I had no recollection of how I became dressed. It was like my memory had been erased, but only certain information was coming back, slowly.
Sitting down at the Slytherin table I barely noticed that I was eating, I was mechanically putting my fork into my mouth and back down to the plate. I felt like death had possessed me and pushed me back to the living. It was then I noticed who I was sat next to.
"Please talk with me before dinner."
"If I must."
It might be because I am desperate for a connection, but I swore I heard a slight happy note in his answer. I really am desperate.
The day passed in a fluid motion, I floated between lessons, ignoring all chatter and noise, and I took notes and even managed to make a potion without killing myself. However as much as I had looked forwards to finally talking to Severus, now I was dreading it with every fibre. Throwing my bag onto my bed I considered changing my clothes, not knowing what to wear I pulled on the closest things to hand. Fortunately I matched; I was wearing a black, knee length skirt and a three quarter length black shirt. I met him down in the common room and he gestured that we carry on the conversation elsewhere.
"What do you want?"
"Something happened last night, and you are the only..."
"Your Gryffindor buddies not good enough, happen to resort to me, second best." Severus spat.
"Hey! You are the only one who would understand, they couldn't even begin to comprehend the situation. Much too dense"
The corners of his mouth twitched slightly before he answered. "Come on then."
"He visited me last night."
"Who? The tooth fairy?"
"The tooth fairy is a girl, no, Voldemort did."
"How...what...you...him...are you sure?" "Yes."
I turned around and lifted my shirt to reveal what I had been branded with, a solid black circle with the Dark Mark inside.
"This is..."
"Unbelievable?" I prompted.
"That is one word, are you sure? How could he even come here?"
"I have no idea, I can't exactly tell Dumbledore now."
"Come on."
I followed Severus willingly; he led me out of the dungeons into the pallid moonlight of the grounds.
"Do you realise what you have done? It doesn't stop here; you are stuck with this for the rest of your life."
"Of course I know! What do you think I have done for all these years?"
"Apart from cosying up to the Gryffindors?"
"Slytherin to the end Severus." I replied putting a hand to his cheek, thankfully he didn't flinch as I expected. Actually, he leaned into it enjoying the warmth, however as soon as he leant in he became conscious of what he was doing he rapidly moved away.
"So what have you been doing?"
"Partaking in a considerable interest in the Dark Arts."
"All this time?"
"Severus, how long have you ignored me?"
Silence.
"From the word go I have hardly spoken to anyone, lest a couple of Gryffindors. And as far as I can remember, you told everyone else that I had."
"I can't believe you have been this stupid. How idiotic can you be? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?"
I wasn't sure myself, and the last person I thought that would question me would be Severus. He was far from perfect, yet he seemed so angry with what I had done.
"Fine, I'll leave you be Severus."
"Please, I just don't want you to be hurt."
Whoa, did he just say what I thought he said? Could it be that he cared? Why did I care so much?
"Right, let me get this straight, you don't want me to be hurt, yet you are the person that has hurt me the most. What is up with that?"
"I hurt you? I HURT YOU? You ran off to the one person I detested above all else. But, not only do you talk to him once, you make friends with him and all those other bastards that make my life hell."
He stunned me into silence, but I couldn't let it rest, all this needed to come out, and if this wasn't the right time, I didn't know what was. Tears were beginning to form in both of our eyes, but he was the one to keep them under control. I failed hopelessly and they started to stream down my face.
"At least people acknowledge your existence in Slytherin. You get the occasional hello, I get nothing. Nothing. When I get up in the morning people don't even look at me. I live in silence; if it weren't for those Gryffindors I would have gone mad!"
"Like you aren't mad now, you're crazy for getting in with Voldemort, now anyway. This is it for the rest of your life. You have no control over whatever happens, he has all the control."
"Do you not think I know that? Do you not think I have thought about this?"
"No, I don't think you have thought, at all, about the consequences. He just pops up and you say yes." He is right. Why does he have to be right? "I'm right aren't I?"
I don't want to say anything because if I do he will know exactly how I feel. But if I don't say anything he will know, there is one thing I could do. Something I have wanted to do for as long as I can remember, ever since the sorting. I shouldn't really, he probably doesn't want to, oh to hell with it, I'm going there anyway. I slowly leant forward so the tip of his nose met with mine and his eyes widened, magnificently so, as I began to press my lips on his. However it didn't last long as he pushed me away quite violently.
"What are you doing?!"
"Are you saying you don't want this?"
"No, I do want this, believe me. But you haven't answered my question." He placed his hands on my upper arms firmly to, quite literally, squeeze it out of me. "Why did you do this?"
"I don't know Severus, I really don't. Apart from the fact that I have felt completely alone since my second year has nothing to do with it..."
"You and your sarcasm." I missed his smirk.
"How would you know, when have you ever listened to me?"
"I have remembered everything you ever said to me; you are pretty damn sarcastic for a girl."
Is he being civil, or have I transferred to another dimension? This is too much, way too much for one person to deal with. The tears began to run down my face again as I slumped against the wall. Sliding down I felt the cold from the floor seep through my skirt. This made me cry, everything that was running through my head was making me cry, I couldn't stop it, and I just let it all out. I then felt Severus put his arms around me as he joined me on the floor.
"Come on, I'll help as much as I can. You are just going to have to explain a few things for me alright?"
Thank you: x Jae x, Spirit and Essence and Helga.