Hello everyone! It's been a long time, hasn't it? I deeply apologize for
how long it has taken me to get this new commercial up. Between school and
my new addiction to Final Fantasy XI, a lot of my time has been sapped.
But I finally just sat my butt down, glanced at my idea sheet and got to
work! So here for your reading pleasure. or scorn, is the next commercial
starring Aeris! Don't forget to review!
*By the way, if you are on Final Fantasy XI, look for me, I'm a little Tarutaru black mage called SkyWaltz.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or Barbie.
My Little Hardroll
(Scene opens with two little girls sitting in a room that's pink to the extent that it looks like the inside of a diseased stomach. They are sitting at a little table upon which there is a toppled tea set and a bunch of Barbie dolls.)
Girl 1: Emily, I'm bored! We've already played every game we possibly can with your Barbies!
Girl 2: But Samantha, Barbie and Ken still haven't taken their trigonometry tests!
Girl 1: That's a boring game too!
(Girl 1 crosses her arms and looks utterly miserable while Girl 2 looks from a trigonometry text book to her Barbie doll with tears forming in her eyes)
Girl 2: Well if you want they can go to calculus.
Girl 1: I don't want to play with your stupid Barbies anymore!
Girl 2, trying to sound really upset and threatening: Well, if you don't like playing with my Barbies maybe we shouldn't be friends!
Girl 1: Fine! I'll just go join the Mafia! At least they play interesting games!
Girl 2: Fine! I hope Al Capone eats you!
(Girl 1 stomps her foot and makes for the door attempting to look pissed off. On her way, she knocks a stack of text books off of Girl 2's shelf. The text books land on a Barbie doll, crushing its leg. The camera zooms in on the Barbie and sad piano music begins to play)
(After a few seconds of showing the Barbie doll, the camera zooms out to show the whole room again. Girl 1 has just about reached the doorway when suddenly Aeris pops out of the tea set on the table and crawls out onto the floor.)
(Aeris gets to her feet and gives a big smile to the camera)
Aeris, sounding all jolly: Hey girls! Whatcha doing?
Girl 2: Samantha doesn't want to be my friend anymore!
(Girl 2 points to Girl 1 and begins to fake cry, but it sounds more like she's having a panic attack)
(Aeris kneels down next to Girl 2 and feigns concern)
Aeris: Why doesn't Samantha want to be your friend anymore?
(Girl 1 speaks before Girl 2 can even open her mouth)
Girl 1: Because I'm tired of playing with her! All we ever do is play with her Barbie dolls!
Aeris: Well, I know what you can play with together!
(The two girls look at one another and then at Aeris with unnaturally wide eyes)
Girl 1 and Girl 2: What?
(Aeris pulls a hardroll with a pink bow out of her pocket and holds it up. There is a dramatic lens flare)
Aeris: It's called My Little Hardroll and it's the hippest doll around!
(The two girls gasp)
Girl 1: What can we do with My Little Hardroll?
Aeris: Lots of things! There are hundreds of accessories! You can buy the Fantasy Deli Playset and take My Little Hardroll for an exciting day of sandwich making, or you can invest your parents' hard earned dollars into the dozens of Fashion Spreads for her!
Girl 2: Fashion Spreads?
(Aeris's fake smile gets even bigger)
Aeris: Yes, Fashion Spreads! Just check out Stylin' Garlic Herb! Or Butter Glam! And if you're really feeling adventurous there's always Jammin' Jelly!
(Aeris waves an extravagantly packaged jar of jelly in front of them and wiggles her fingers to make it seem mysterious and exciting)
Aeris: You also can't forget My Little Hardroll's friends such as Cutey Croissant, Beautiful Bagel, and Dreamy Doughnut!
Girl 2: Wow! My Little Hardroll has more friends than I do!
(Aeris and Girl 1 begin to giggle as a chorus of voices accompanied by a guitar chants "My Little Hardroll" over and over again in an almost hypnotic fashion)
(The next scene is of Girl 1 and Girl 2 standing next to Aeris holding My Little Hardrolls)
Girl 1: Gee Aeris, thanks for saving our friendship! Now I won't have to gun down mobsters!
(Aeris winks at the camera and the scene changes to a picture of My Little Hardroll and all its accessories. As it begins to fade out Aeris begins a voice over)
Aeris, talking so fast you can barely understand her: My Little Hardroll is illegal in all of the 48 contiguous states because of the squabbles Dick Cheyney and George Bush get into over whose is prettier.
*By the way, if you are on Final Fantasy XI, look for me, I'm a little Tarutaru black mage called SkyWaltz.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or Barbie.
My Little Hardroll
(Scene opens with two little girls sitting in a room that's pink to the extent that it looks like the inside of a diseased stomach. They are sitting at a little table upon which there is a toppled tea set and a bunch of Barbie dolls.)
Girl 1: Emily, I'm bored! We've already played every game we possibly can with your Barbies!
Girl 2: But Samantha, Barbie and Ken still haven't taken their trigonometry tests!
Girl 1: That's a boring game too!
(Girl 1 crosses her arms and looks utterly miserable while Girl 2 looks from a trigonometry text book to her Barbie doll with tears forming in her eyes)
Girl 2: Well if you want they can go to calculus.
Girl 1: I don't want to play with your stupid Barbies anymore!
Girl 2, trying to sound really upset and threatening: Well, if you don't like playing with my Barbies maybe we shouldn't be friends!
Girl 1: Fine! I'll just go join the Mafia! At least they play interesting games!
Girl 2: Fine! I hope Al Capone eats you!
(Girl 1 stomps her foot and makes for the door attempting to look pissed off. On her way, she knocks a stack of text books off of Girl 2's shelf. The text books land on a Barbie doll, crushing its leg. The camera zooms in on the Barbie and sad piano music begins to play)
(After a few seconds of showing the Barbie doll, the camera zooms out to show the whole room again. Girl 1 has just about reached the doorway when suddenly Aeris pops out of the tea set on the table and crawls out onto the floor.)
(Aeris gets to her feet and gives a big smile to the camera)
Aeris, sounding all jolly: Hey girls! Whatcha doing?
Girl 2: Samantha doesn't want to be my friend anymore!
(Girl 2 points to Girl 1 and begins to fake cry, but it sounds more like she's having a panic attack)
(Aeris kneels down next to Girl 2 and feigns concern)
Aeris: Why doesn't Samantha want to be your friend anymore?
(Girl 1 speaks before Girl 2 can even open her mouth)
Girl 1: Because I'm tired of playing with her! All we ever do is play with her Barbie dolls!
Aeris: Well, I know what you can play with together!
(The two girls look at one another and then at Aeris with unnaturally wide eyes)
Girl 1 and Girl 2: What?
(Aeris pulls a hardroll with a pink bow out of her pocket and holds it up. There is a dramatic lens flare)
Aeris: It's called My Little Hardroll and it's the hippest doll around!
(The two girls gasp)
Girl 1: What can we do with My Little Hardroll?
Aeris: Lots of things! There are hundreds of accessories! You can buy the Fantasy Deli Playset and take My Little Hardroll for an exciting day of sandwich making, or you can invest your parents' hard earned dollars into the dozens of Fashion Spreads for her!
Girl 2: Fashion Spreads?
(Aeris's fake smile gets even bigger)
Aeris: Yes, Fashion Spreads! Just check out Stylin' Garlic Herb! Or Butter Glam! And if you're really feeling adventurous there's always Jammin' Jelly!
(Aeris waves an extravagantly packaged jar of jelly in front of them and wiggles her fingers to make it seem mysterious and exciting)
Aeris: You also can't forget My Little Hardroll's friends such as Cutey Croissant, Beautiful Bagel, and Dreamy Doughnut!
Girl 2: Wow! My Little Hardroll has more friends than I do!
(Aeris and Girl 1 begin to giggle as a chorus of voices accompanied by a guitar chants "My Little Hardroll" over and over again in an almost hypnotic fashion)
(The next scene is of Girl 1 and Girl 2 standing next to Aeris holding My Little Hardrolls)
Girl 1: Gee Aeris, thanks for saving our friendship! Now I won't have to gun down mobsters!
(Aeris winks at the camera and the scene changes to a picture of My Little Hardroll and all its accessories. As it begins to fade out Aeris begins a voice over)
Aeris, talking so fast you can barely understand her: My Little Hardroll is illegal in all of the 48 contiguous states because of the squabbles Dick Cheyney and George Bush get into over whose is prettier.