This is really tiring. But I want all RK freaks to read this. Well......... what is this? It's just the Kaoru vs. Tomoe issue on my opinion. Although I am more for Kaoru, Tomoe fans should not be afraid of reading this fic. All I laid in is facts and I would really appreciate reviews - even flames - and please bear with me... It's kinda long but with great sense.

Now I have come to terms with my Kenshin OAVs and series. I really don't know how to explain it, Rurouni Kenshin always did strike me as a very moving saga - deeply affecting those that it has touched. The character I can relate to much with is Kaoru. I don't think this makes me less understanding of Tomoe in anyway.

I would admit that I would go to extremes of posting my writings of Rurouni Kenshin on fanfic sites. I think I would entitle it -

- A Prologue to Rurouni Kenshin -

Now that I remember, I can understand that commentator who calmed Tomoe and Kaoru fans who kept debating on the net about who was better for Kenshin or whom he loved better. That person said that they shouldn't be debating at all - first, because Kaoru and Tomoe both loved Kenshin; Kenshin loved Tomoe in the past and he valued Kaoru in a different timeline ( notice the word valued )

Readers would have a hard time discerning what I believe in based on what I've written before and what I am saying now. I would say that this sums up all that I think Rurouni Kenshin - as far as the love triangle is concerned - is all about.

I think I get her point regarding maintaining the peace among all of us Rurouni Kenshin freaks! (are you?)

Then again, as an individual, everybody wants a resolution - a truth to believe in.

It was never the question of who is good for Kenshin for both women are deserving and both are good and bad for Kenshin in a lot of ways. And you wouldn't know good if you haven't tasted bad, believe me!

Tomoe may not have lived with him out of love at first, but like Kenshin, she was a victim of circumstances. and she did love him! Enough, and more than enough -- to die for him and die at his hands.

Kaoru may have had a different philosophy on this issue but it doesn't mean he loves Kenshin any less.

She would not die for him if she knew that it would burden Kenshin later on. She would not let herself be one of the reasons for his atonement, one of the guilts he carries on his shoulders. She knows Kenshin does that without need for a reason.

Even so, in the manga, Kaoru did - unthinkingly, covered for Kenshin when he was about to get shot. And she has proven several times in the series that she would cover any blows for him. For several times, she has acted out of her heart's instinct telling her to save him regardless of the cost which could have been her life. And I believe that had it cost her life, she would never have regretted it and will in her dying breath whisper for Kenshin to go on and forget about it. Forget about her. If it would pain him, Forget her, though she wants to be remembered.

To be honest, she - Kaoru, has always competed for Kenshin's affections - which was buried with Tomoe. Whatever Kenshin felt for her - it was never as deep as the love he had for his first wife.

I don't think a debate is necessary here.

I would profess to be a Kaoru fan but those girls out there for her would brand me as a coward. Which Kaoru never was. And they would be screaming bloody murder that i wrote this stuff.

Kaoru was strong enough to admit that she can never live up to Tomoe. She was a woman. Kaoru was a child - she was one with Kenshin. They found that in each other. Tomoe saw that in Kenshin and loved him for it. Still, Tomoe treated him like a man and Kenshin could not love her more.

It is only now that I had the courage to admit what Kaoru had known for a long time - I would understand why she ran away the first time she heard about Tomoe - which he called 'my wife'.

Kaoru knew that Kenshin cannot give himself wholeheartedly - that he can only rest when, all comes to an end, or when he does. It was difficult for him to share a piece of himself in fear that by doing so he would be dishonoring Tomoe's memory. That was why he was so hard to reach even though he was so near. He cannot even give a pure smile even if he says that he is very happy to be with Kaoru. A big part of him died when he accidentally slashed Tomoe to death.

Kaoru knew that she can never revive that part of Kenshin. It was for Tomoe and Tomoe alone. She had carried the key to that part of his heart when she died. ( Have you read "THE WAY"? Pardon me, the writer of that fic is exceptional and if a resemblance between this comment to that fic is reached, I do footnote with all integrity. Doumo!)

I cannot blame Kenshin for not loving Kaoru as much. Kaoru said that it was enough for her and Kenshin believed her. Sometimes, when Kenshin feels so much for Kaoru - - I am bound to think that it is out of guilt, for not being able to return what she gives so freely, what she gives for free.

Even when he was a husband to Kaoru, the better part of him was living for his promise to Tomoe. And most of the time, he was afar, away. It seemed that he was the one who built the gap between himself and Kenji (his son). I could almost understand Kenji's resentment of him. But Kenshin is Kenshin. And he does not deserve to be shun off his son's life. His "indifference" towards Kenji will forever be a puzzle to me. Kenshin has always been good with kids, right? Or perhaps it's not indifference - it was fear. Fear. Right. Never indifference. It seemed that the days he lived with Tomoe were longer than the years he spent with Kaoru. For a while here I wish, Hiko was there in the battle with the Yaminobu clan. Would it have been better if Tomoe didn't die - Hiko would have been more than enough to save his baka-deshi and his wife.

When it gets as truthful and as painful as this - I wish Kaoru never met Kenshin.

But she did. And the loveliest thing about Kaoru was not her beauty, nor her strength as a master of the Kamiya Kasshin School - but her smile. And though she didn't have the grace and bearing of a woman like Tomoe - Kaoru was not a bad competition either. To clarify, not that there was a need for competition.

The loveliest thing about Kaoru is her ability to accept hard facts and smile through it. Even Megumi cannot hold a candle to that. Megumi considered that, that the very reason why Kenshin chose Kaoru over anybody else -- like.... okay.... over her!

It was never the question of love, was it? Almost apparently, everyone knows to whose loyalty Kenshin's heart belongs to. It was known to those who love Kenshin whom he loved and loves most. It was not among them. Sano, Yahiko, Megumi, Misao - Kaoru - they knew. It was not among them and they all know it. They knew. It was his past. It was in his past. She was in his past. Kenshin loved Tomoe.

They say that it's easier to win against a living person than with a memory. Now, how much harder would it be to be victorious against a beloved and protected memory? A person whom Kenshin loved to the point of adoration. How would Kaoru be able to surpass that? (It was not mediocrity that Kaoru accepted being second best. It was reality.)

She cannot. She never intended to surpass Tomoe and she has accepted her defeat honorably. Why do you think she had to beg Tomoe in her grave to leave Kenshin to her even if she knows it's no use? That Tomoe can't hear her? That it was Kenshin who would not entrust himself freely to her? Kaoru knows that. And she understands. It is not a crime for Kaoru to hope. And she can smile that smile Kenshin wants to see in her face because of that hope. And she smiles above the hopelessness of it all. There are moments when she tells herself, when they are apart (which is almost always the case) "he always comes back home". And Kenshin did admit that home was with her. Kenshin needed her. Flimsy, Flimsy, but fine. Kenshin and Kaoru have shared so much. They have lived through so many battles longer than Kenshin did with his scars. I don't know what to say to erase the pain of admitting that the woman who had won Kenshin is still YUKISHIRO TOMOE... HIMURA TOMOE. Maybe, there's nothing to say at all.

Just that Kaoru loved Kenshin. And in his own special way, HE LOVED HER BACK. As KAMIYA KAORU... As HIMURA KAORU. Nobody ever felt and realized how selfless that love was that Kaoru offered to him without asking for anything back. Not even Kenji knew how deep and pure Kaoru's love is. Not even Kenji could understand how and why Kaoru, his mother, would love someone like Kenshin, (his father) who has nothing to offer - not himself, not even his love. I think Kenshin has an inkling of the generosity of Kaoru's love; thus his guilt about not being able to return as much. I dare say that I could not fathom Kaoru's love either. And I can only hope Tomoe fans out there would realize the greatness of it too.

Kaoru was not set out to destroy Tomoe's memory. She suffered so that Kenshin would live and die in peace for that smiling vision of Tomoe. Kaoru helped Kenshin live so he can fulfill his promise of atonement. HIS PROMISE TO TOMOE. It is not only Tomoe who loved Kenshin. Kaoru did too. And she was a better woman for it!

Thank goodness Misao has no competition. :)

What would you think if I create something about Sayo vs. Megumi for Sanosuke based on the above premises? (WICKED???) be warned: i guess i'll be all for Megumi-chan... (joke...i'm not all that sure yet...i have the prerogative to change my mind...hehe)

I'll be waiting for your reviews......... Feel free to e-mail me!

Sorry for some grammar errors.... I couldn't read my rough draft clearly. heheheh.

Thanks cousin!!!!!!