I was thinking of writing you all personally and thanking you to no ends
until the idea of answering you as "the second chapter" suited me
perfectly.
There was not supposed to be a second chapter. You all have yourselves to blame.
And I may still go as far as emailing you for the lovely reviews. (That is, if you have not tired of me yet).
I get the weird feeling that I will be hated after this second chapter but I'll risk it. Please be kind. Yoroshiku onegai shimasu to doumo arigatou minna-san!
Chapter 2 THE KENSHIN MONOLOGUE
The Perspective Battlefield
It has really been a while since my mind started functioning again for this anime. It seemed to me as if i have woken up from a deep slumber. Your reviews have revived me. (Be very afraid.)
I have written the piece you read and reviewed some time ago. Funny, while I was reading your comments last time, I doubted for a while if you were voicing your opinions about my piece or simply expressing your points to one another (it can't be helped really). You made my review page look like a debate site (not that I'm complaining), I suddenly feared if it was peace I promoted for TOMOE/KAORU fans or if I accidentally muddled the deep waters of our parted and silent but shaky existence. Have I defeated the purpose of my so called-resolution?
I am nearly regretting my effort to arrive at one. The fic I made was mainly directed for myself--to always remind me how painful a thing you might dangerously come to believe as "love" can be.
Being a Kaoru-enthusiast myself (some of you would want to prove the veracity of this), you must know how agonizing it was for me to have admitted something like that -- and post it online too, for afficionados of both sides to read!
Fact is, I kind of expected Tomoe partisans to be a little supportive and sympathetic. But I would like to make it clear to champions of both sides taht I - DO NOT APPEAL FOR PITY FROM THE TOMOE faction. I, a KAORU FAN, simply expressed my heartfelt and most objective view of the ken-kao relationship.
For Kaoru backers out there, I have nothing except my declaration to prove how genuine a Kaoru-supporter I am. I will be very hurt should you question my loyalty.
Then again, I have resigned myself to the possibility that Kaoru fans would not be so receptive of my views. I had difficulty accepting them too before but since I felt kaoru did, I must take it too.
Guys, I have been to Rurouni Kenshin and back. I finished the series, watched the OAVS, borrowed the manga, surveyed the translations, memorized heartfelt lines and went as far as learning and reading japanese for this anime. I can even sing the soundtrack well! NO, all these don't make me an expert nor an authority on the subject. But if you knew how much I felt for Kaoru (enough to draft a letter to Watsuki-sensei, the author himself, to thank him for making Kaoru live) you'll never for a single second doubt taht if there would be one, just one person left in this world who would want to romanticize the Kenshin-Kaoru pairing to perfection, that person WOULD BE ME.
Yes, I nearly sent my letter to Watsuki-san, to thank him for making Kaoru live. Did you know that he had so many detractors for that single decision? Did you know that he actually caught a fever worrying whether Kaoru should live or not?
Did you also know that Watsuki-sensei is a Tomoe-fan? (How do you think I felt about that?) Tomoe is his cool beauty. He arduously witnessed the OAV filming only to make certain that they did not show Tomoe's ears!
Yes, I went through author interviews as well.
I am saying here that I only tried to be objective in my writing. Forgive me if I am TOO PRIDED TO CONSIDER EVEN FOR A SECOND THAT I AM COMPLETELY MISTAKEN, much less, misled.
My declarations about the HIMURA-KAMIYA relationship does not mean that I completely agree with Tomoe enthusiasts.
I have only one thing to say to that. Tomoe-san is very fortunate to be loved by Kenshin the way a woman would want to be loved by a special man.
It is not that Kenshin did not love Kaoru. He valued Kaoru more than enough to forget his promise to Tomoe -- to never take a life away again. Remember that battle with Jin'eh? when he said he is prepared to become an assassin again for her? Thing is, KAORU WOULD NOT LET HIM.
There are degrees of love. I am saying Kenshin loved Tomoe differently the way he did Kaoru.
Can you honestly say that Kaoru would not want to be loved by Kenshin the way he treasured Tomoe?
I turn the tables now, Tomoe-fans.
Would you not, as Kaoru have and did, want to share Kenshin's pain and life, accept him for all he stands for, be a mother to his child and meet him under different circumstances?
NO? If you can readily say that, I admire you. But forgive me if I say I think you're lying.
You may believe the only woman Kenshin treated like a wife was Tomoe. You may believe that he never saw Kaoru as an equal. You cannot be more mistaken. I will not rationalize this anymore. I have had enough of rationalization all the time I patiently surveyed this anime. A fat lot of good it did me.
This is what I want to share with Kaoru fans. We tend to rationalize all the time. We can't just be contented that Kenshin did this and looked at Kaoru like that. Do we always have to go as far as " hey, he said this too and this look, this is what he actually meant". Do you know how pathetic that sounds? I mean, come on. WE don't really have to do that. I doubt if Kaoru thought as far ahead and profoundly as we did for her and Kenshin.
Kaoru was just loving Kenshin. She wasn't even thinking. We don't have to do the rationalization for her. In the first place, Kaoru did not asked to be loved back. Kaoru did not fool herself into believing that Kenshin would come to love her even if she had all the reasons and situations in the world to back her up. But Kenshin did, right? He valued her.
That very truth is too much to take for a Tomoe-fan. They may say that Kaoru's truth is a far cry from reality and IT MAY WELL BE TRUE -- but still, they can't take that away from her, from the people around Kaoru and Kenshin who believed in their 'UNION' - from Sano, Megumi, Misao, Yahiko...from us. Plus the fact that Kenshin does act weird around Kaoru when the world is round.
IF YOU PLEASE, enlighten me on the FATHERLY AFFECTION. Is this a major agreement among Tomoe-fans? that what KENSHIN FELT FOR KAORU WAS ONLY PATERNAL LOVE? Again, I would not rationalize, but I would not mind if you do. At least, not on this issue. This is news to me. I missed out on this one on slumber vacation.
I just have one anime to quote for clarification. I hope you are familiar with CCS (no, not clow card sakura!) card captor!
Anyway...
In one of the scenes here, Yukito-chan, a 17 year old and the apple of Sakura-chan's eyes, told the 10 year old girl: "Think. Feel. Search your heart. What you feel for me is exactly similar to the love you have for your father."
She unquestioningly accepted his words and silently nodded to his towering form, head bowed until he has left. She cried to herself once he was out of sight: "I may be young and you must think that I hardly recognize my feelings yet, but I know that my affection for you is different from the love I have for my Papa. I know in my heart it is not the same."
Please don't flame me for this commercial. My point is: If a ten year old can discern between parental lover (paternal to be exact) and affectionate-sweetheart type of love, can we not expect a man of Kenshin's age to be a little more knowledgeable of his feelings? All I ask is that you give Kenshin a bit more credit...
SPECIAL NOTES FOR REVIEWERS:
Quiz Champion:
I hope you passed your Bio. Go girl! I wouldn't feel happy about you flunking it. (i think you can't fail it even if you try...:)
For YOu Fanfic expert:
I don't want to post this reply until i have read all the fics that you recommended but...that may take quite some time and I really want to thank you for your fine writing (i know your fics can't disappoint me). Please bear with me again. My RK scars are still raw. I don't think I can read anything 'serious' about RK right now. The reviews are the first one in years. I guess posting my critique was worse for myself than for those who have read it. I was trying to forget. I thought I have forgot about RK already. I plead deliberate amnesia after accepting that he loved Tomoe so much and gave Kaoru so much pain. I'll let you know when I'm ready to open up to the RK world again.
Megumi-fan:
I may back you up on that growing faction...Aoshi - Megumi, huh? cool! Just as long as we don't involve Kenshin, Kaoru and Tomoe, okay? (joudan! :)
Obviously, flaws and all, this may not be the best fic on the triangle issue but I will be lying if I don't say how glad I am that you think it's that. Now, maybe not anymore..
---No more writings from me.
CLARIFICATIONS ONLY LEAD TO INCONSISTENCIES. I HOPE MY ATTEMPT TO ARTICULATE MY THOUGHTS ON YOUR REVIEWS DID NOT MAKE ME DIGRESS 360 DEGREES FROM WHERE I STARTED.
Minna-san,
Your reviews are so lovely I wouldn't know how to handle flares. Taihen osewa ni narimashita. Mata, doumo arigatou gozaimashita!
love,
lovely-witch
There was not supposed to be a second chapter. You all have yourselves to blame.
And I may still go as far as emailing you for the lovely reviews. (That is, if you have not tired of me yet).
I get the weird feeling that I will be hated after this second chapter but I'll risk it. Please be kind. Yoroshiku onegai shimasu to doumo arigatou minna-san!
Chapter 2 THE KENSHIN MONOLOGUE
The Perspective Battlefield
It has really been a while since my mind started functioning again for this anime. It seemed to me as if i have woken up from a deep slumber. Your reviews have revived me. (Be very afraid.)
I have written the piece you read and reviewed some time ago. Funny, while I was reading your comments last time, I doubted for a while if you were voicing your opinions about my piece or simply expressing your points to one another (it can't be helped really). You made my review page look like a debate site (not that I'm complaining), I suddenly feared if it was peace I promoted for TOMOE/KAORU fans or if I accidentally muddled the deep waters of our parted and silent but shaky existence. Have I defeated the purpose of my so called-resolution?
I am nearly regretting my effort to arrive at one. The fic I made was mainly directed for myself--to always remind me how painful a thing you might dangerously come to believe as "love" can be.
Being a Kaoru-enthusiast myself (some of you would want to prove the veracity of this), you must know how agonizing it was for me to have admitted something like that -- and post it online too, for afficionados of both sides to read!
Fact is, I kind of expected Tomoe partisans to be a little supportive and sympathetic. But I would like to make it clear to champions of both sides taht I - DO NOT APPEAL FOR PITY FROM THE TOMOE faction. I, a KAORU FAN, simply expressed my heartfelt and most objective view of the ken-kao relationship.
For Kaoru backers out there, I have nothing except my declaration to prove how genuine a Kaoru-supporter I am. I will be very hurt should you question my loyalty.
Then again, I have resigned myself to the possibility that Kaoru fans would not be so receptive of my views. I had difficulty accepting them too before but since I felt kaoru did, I must take it too.
Guys, I have been to Rurouni Kenshin and back. I finished the series, watched the OAVS, borrowed the manga, surveyed the translations, memorized heartfelt lines and went as far as learning and reading japanese for this anime. I can even sing the soundtrack well! NO, all these don't make me an expert nor an authority on the subject. But if you knew how much I felt for Kaoru (enough to draft a letter to Watsuki-sensei, the author himself, to thank him for making Kaoru live) you'll never for a single second doubt taht if there would be one, just one person left in this world who would want to romanticize the Kenshin-Kaoru pairing to perfection, that person WOULD BE ME.
Yes, I nearly sent my letter to Watsuki-san, to thank him for making Kaoru live. Did you know that he had so many detractors for that single decision? Did you know that he actually caught a fever worrying whether Kaoru should live or not?
Did you also know that Watsuki-sensei is a Tomoe-fan? (How do you think I felt about that?) Tomoe is his cool beauty. He arduously witnessed the OAV filming only to make certain that they did not show Tomoe's ears!
Yes, I went through author interviews as well.
I am saying here that I only tried to be objective in my writing. Forgive me if I am TOO PRIDED TO CONSIDER EVEN FOR A SECOND THAT I AM COMPLETELY MISTAKEN, much less, misled.
My declarations about the HIMURA-KAMIYA relationship does not mean that I completely agree with Tomoe enthusiasts.
I have only one thing to say to that. Tomoe-san is very fortunate to be loved by Kenshin the way a woman would want to be loved by a special man.
It is not that Kenshin did not love Kaoru. He valued Kaoru more than enough to forget his promise to Tomoe -- to never take a life away again. Remember that battle with Jin'eh? when he said he is prepared to become an assassin again for her? Thing is, KAORU WOULD NOT LET HIM.
There are degrees of love. I am saying Kenshin loved Tomoe differently the way he did Kaoru.
Can you honestly say that Kaoru would not want to be loved by Kenshin the way he treasured Tomoe?
I turn the tables now, Tomoe-fans.
Would you not, as Kaoru have and did, want to share Kenshin's pain and life, accept him for all he stands for, be a mother to his child and meet him under different circumstances?
NO? If you can readily say that, I admire you. But forgive me if I say I think you're lying.
You may believe the only woman Kenshin treated like a wife was Tomoe. You may believe that he never saw Kaoru as an equal. You cannot be more mistaken. I will not rationalize this anymore. I have had enough of rationalization all the time I patiently surveyed this anime. A fat lot of good it did me.
This is what I want to share with Kaoru fans. We tend to rationalize all the time. We can't just be contented that Kenshin did this and looked at Kaoru like that. Do we always have to go as far as " hey, he said this too and this look, this is what he actually meant". Do you know how pathetic that sounds? I mean, come on. WE don't really have to do that. I doubt if Kaoru thought as far ahead and profoundly as we did for her and Kenshin.
Kaoru was just loving Kenshin. She wasn't even thinking. We don't have to do the rationalization for her. In the first place, Kaoru did not asked to be loved back. Kaoru did not fool herself into believing that Kenshin would come to love her even if she had all the reasons and situations in the world to back her up. But Kenshin did, right? He valued her.
That very truth is too much to take for a Tomoe-fan. They may say that Kaoru's truth is a far cry from reality and IT MAY WELL BE TRUE -- but still, they can't take that away from her, from the people around Kaoru and Kenshin who believed in their 'UNION' - from Sano, Megumi, Misao, Yahiko...from us. Plus the fact that Kenshin does act weird around Kaoru when the world is round.
IF YOU PLEASE, enlighten me on the FATHERLY AFFECTION. Is this a major agreement among Tomoe-fans? that what KENSHIN FELT FOR KAORU WAS ONLY PATERNAL LOVE? Again, I would not rationalize, but I would not mind if you do. At least, not on this issue. This is news to me. I missed out on this one on slumber vacation.
I just have one anime to quote for clarification. I hope you are familiar with CCS (no, not clow card sakura!) card captor!
Anyway...
In one of the scenes here, Yukito-chan, a 17 year old and the apple of Sakura-chan's eyes, told the 10 year old girl: "Think. Feel. Search your heart. What you feel for me is exactly similar to the love you have for your father."
She unquestioningly accepted his words and silently nodded to his towering form, head bowed until he has left. She cried to herself once he was out of sight: "I may be young and you must think that I hardly recognize my feelings yet, but I know that my affection for you is different from the love I have for my Papa. I know in my heart it is not the same."
Please don't flame me for this commercial. My point is: If a ten year old can discern between parental lover (paternal to be exact) and affectionate-sweetheart type of love, can we not expect a man of Kenshin's age to be a little more knowledgeable of his feelings? All I ask is that you give Kenshin a bit more credit...
SPECIAL NOTES FOR REVIEWERS:
Quiz Champion:
I hope you passed your Bio. Go girl! I wouldn't feel happy about you flunking it. (i think you can't fail it even if you try...:)
For YOu Fanfic expert:
I don't want to post this reply until i have read all the fics that you recommended but...that may take quite some time and I really want to thank you for your fine writing (i know your fics can't disappoint me). Please bear with me again. My RK scars are still raw. I don't think I can read anything 'serious' about RK right now. The reviews are the first one in years. I guess posting my critique was worse for myself than for those who have read it. I was trying to forget. I thought I have forgot about RK already. I plead deliberate amnesia after accepting that he loved Tomoe so much and gave Kaoru so much pain. I'll let you know when I'm ready to open up to the RK world again.
Megumi-fan:
I may back you up on that growing faction...Aoshi - Megumi, huh? cool! Just as long as we don't involve Kenshin, Kaoru and Tomoe, okay? (joudan! :)
Obviously, flaws and all, this may not be the best fic on the triangle issue but I will be lying if I don't say how glad I am that you think it's that. Now, maybe not anymore..
---No more writings from me.
CLARIFICATIONS ONLY LEAD TO INCONSISTENCIES. I HOPE MY ATTEMPT TO ARTICULATE MY THOUGHTS ON YOUR REVIEWS DID NOT MAKE ME DIGRESS 360 DEGREES FROM WHERE I STARTED.
Minna-san,
Your reviews are so lovely I wouldn't know how to handle flares. Taihen osewa ni narimashita. Mata, doumo arigatou gozaimashita!
love,
lovely-witch