Ice, Ice Baybeeee

Damn Jecht.

He could've at least offered a soft landing, or warmer at least, and easier to walk on.

Now I, the legendary guardian, Auron, am lying in my back on cold ice, afraid to move in fear of breaking something or finding that something is already broken

I try to raise my head and my back, cringing as I do so.

Dammit...I think I broke my assbone...

I put my right hand on the cold ice and try to stand up and... I flail my arms around just in case I have the secret ability to fly, and unfortunately, I don't, so I fall again...this time on my face.

If Sin could laugh, then Spira would be infested with sinspawns.

I put both hands on the ice and try to stand up again, and I do so successfully! I take a step forward and I slip...again. And I land on my back. Again.

Yevon...my spine...

While I lie on the cold ice for another long moment, I try to formulate a small plan so I can get off the ice. If I roll on my belly and crawl off the ice and into the snow I can get out of this hell...

And I do so, but instead of just rolling on my belly and stopping; I continue to roll and am unable to stop because if I use my hands to try to stop, I'll just keep rolling. And I continue to roll until I crash into a massive rock.

Yevon...my spine...and my head...

I grab hold onto the rock that I crashed into and slowly stand up. Thankfully, when I crashed into the godforsaken rock I rolled into the direction of the Travel Agency. I slowly step onto the snow and let out a sigh of relief. I take a glance around to take in the memories I had here.

Ah yes, I can remember Jecht running out of the Travel Agency drunk and naked and complaining about how cold it was just like it was yesterday.

And I remember Braska getting his tongue stuck on the ice; Yevon knows what he was trying to do...

Anyway...I glance around enjoying the snowy scenery around me, the snow covered Agency, the frozen lake, the woman with the sphere that was recording everything that had happened moments ago...

I am NOT going to let my reputation go up in smokes. No matter how many annoying fans flock to me day in and day out, no one must ever know about this.

Ever.

I walk briskly to the infernal woman and the damned sphere, and I swipe it from the ground and shove it into my pocket. The woman eyes me evilly and demands that I return the sphere.

Unfortunately for her, I'm in a terribly bad mood, so I threaten to slice her in half if she didn't leave me alone. The woman gasps and runs into the Travel Agency, screaming. Maybe I should have told her I meant it in the nicest way...

"Hmph."

Stupid woman. That's what she gets for butting in other people's business.

So I stand in all my super glory, since I, the Legendary Guardian Auron, have defeated the stupid, evil woman of Macalania! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!...

Okay... Maybe I shouldn't have taken those very few sips of sake before I came to Spira...

So I leave this cold, forsaken place and head for the lake, the unfrozen lake of course. Why the hell did Macalania need two lakes? Isn't one enough?

Upon arrival, I spy with my unblind eye a girl sitting by the lake. And the color is pink!

Maybe I shouldn't have had those small sips on my way here...I think I've been drinking too much. Thank the Yevon it wasn't obvious.

I shake my head and take a step forward, and the girl stands up and turns around, weapon in hand and ready to fight. Was I that noisy that she had to notice me?

Blonde hair, goggles, and a wetsuit. Al Bhed? Definitely.

The girl raised her hand and pointed at me. Ugh. Didn't this girl know that it's rude to point?

"Behind you!"

What? Oh. She must have been talking about Jerry. Who's Jerry? He's the fiend that's been trying to bite my head off on my way here. Don't ask why I named him.

So I ignore the kid and sit in a rock. I can feel Jerry breathing down my neck. Ticklish. The girl looks at me nervously and says, "Um...Mister? There's a humongous fiend breathing down your neck...just so you know..."

I swing my blade behind me and chop the fiend's head off. I glance at the girl and say coolly, "Happy?"

Poor Jerry...

The girl stared at me for ten whole seconds and then her lips started to flap so fast that it hurt my head just listening to her.

"Wow! That was so cool! You didn't even look at the fiend and you killed it in like, two seconds! Man, that was cool! You're like superman or something! You know, you look familiar. Do I know you?"

I smirk. I'm still famous after all these years?

"Your that guy on the Imodium commercial, aren't you?"

I decide to ignore this girl because I need rest. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Hmph. I don't need Imodium. Never had. Never will. What? You think I'm lying?

"No? Umm...the hotdog guy? Still no? You're the guy that fixed our kitchen! Wait...he was fat...but he looked like you...I know! You lost weight! How are ya Jim?"

I look at the lake. It's all shiny. And it's not noisy. It doesn't sound like a little girl who never takes a breather when she talks. I like lakes. They're so peaceful. And quiet. Too bad it isn't so quiet now.

"Come on! You look so familiar. Tell me who you are!"

Ignore. Did I mention I was ignoring her?

"Jim! It is you! Right? Right?"

This is the final straw; I can't take anymore of this noise. I must get out of here. So I stand up and head for the road. But the girl gets up and follows me, still loud with her endless talk. One step and I'm out of here! But then I notice something. I notice what seemed to be impossible with the child.

Silence.

I turn around, afraid the child must have suffocated from not breathing while she spoke. I don't want to be held responsible for any deaths! Besides, I might be labeled as a racist. Which I'm not! I'm quiet fond of Al Bhed's. They fixed my turbo cooker once.

But instead of a half-dead, suffocated body, the girl was standing in front of me. Her goggles were off and she was biting her lip. Her eyes resembled that of a small puppy dog that was being neglected. I almost felt bad. Why did she have to make such a face?

Then she whispered something.

"I'm not going to cry..."

Damn. What was she doing? Trying to make me feel bad for ignoring her? Not a chance in hell!

Oh Yevon.

Was her lip quivering? Please no...I feel like I'm being punished for doing something that I did not do.

I try my best to keep my strong composure, something that she wasn't doing. I can make it! She's fooling me! I won't be fooled!

Then tears started to flow down her eyes. It's a trick. A trick. A trick. Then somehow, she looks straight into my eye. Damn sunglasses. I thought they were good for shielding everything! But I still saw her eyes, big and full of tears.

I keep my straight composure. I will make it! It repeated in my head over and over. But then sobs started racking through her body. She wiped the tears away but they kept on flowing, and when she couldn't wipe anymore she just covered her face with her hands and cried.

Yevon. This was tormenting me. Why is this tormenting me? WHY?

Then I walk forward and put my hand on her shoulder. Wait a minute. What am I doing? Stop this foolishness! She's tricking you for heaven's sake! Don't show sympathy! Then she stared at my hand for a while. Then started to cry louder.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean to offend you in any way. Please accept my apology."

What am I saying? She is tricking me! Tricking me! Don't apologize!

Then she answers in quivering voice, "B-but you hate me! You just met me and you hate me! What did I do? I was just trying to be nice and to get to know you! You hate me because I'm an Al Bhed! That's the reason, right? Right?"

"Of course not," I answer calmly. Well, since I'm doing this, better end it quickly.

"I was just too tired to notice you, I'm sorry if I hurt you. Tell me if I can make it up to you. Anything. You name it," I told her. That ought to do the trick.

She then wiped her eyes and stared at my face. Her foot was tracing an imaginary line on the ground and her hands were behind her back.

"May I please come with you? I'm all alone because I was separated from my friends, and I didn't know what to do. I got excited when I saw you because I thought that I was alone for sure. If you let me come with you I promise I won't cause trouble," she clasped her hands in front of her and stared at me with those big, puppy dog eyes. "Please mister? I don't want to be alone here...I'm...I'm afraid."

I tried to say no, but somehow, I couldn't bring myself to say it. I did say I would do anything, and she did promise to behave, and she looked so helpless...

I sighed and said, "Alright, you're welcome to come with me."

The girl's eyes brightened, and no hint of sadness was on her face. She pumped her fist into the air and ran in front of me. She beckoned me with her hand and yelled, "Come on mister slowpoke! We got a long way to go!"

She pointed to one of the winding paths of Macalania and yelled again, "We must journey onward to our destination!"

Why do I feel like I've been tricked? Damn. This was so wrong! I should have known it was an act!

Nevertheless, no use dwelling on mistakes, it's best if I just find Tidus as quickly as possibly so I can separate from this...this...

"Hey mister! Got any food? Coz' I'm starving! Oh yeah, I don't have any equipment with me, so can we share?"

Parasite.

I stride forward and erased all my thoughts of cold-blooded murder; I state something as I walk past her.

"We're going the other way."

"I knew that!" then I notice she gets a somewhat frightened look on her face when she realized where our path would lead us. "But..."

"But what? Are you giving up the journey already? I don't mind," I say with my emotionless tone. Maybe she had second thoughts of coming...

Then her expression was erased into an insulted one. "Of course not! Let's go!"

Then she walked briskly in front of me.

Why do I have a feeling this journey would be as hard as I thought it would be?



I know Auron seems OOC, but those are his thoughts, not his actions. And does anybody really know what goes on in each character's heads? Of course not!

You never know. Maybe when Yuna gives one of her long, boring speeches, someone's thinking about potato chips or monkeys. I'm sure I would, Yuna's speeches always got me bored out of my freaking mind!

So one character might be thinking stupid, unintelligent things in his mind but on the outside they're acting all intelligent and sophisticated. That's how it is!

And if anyone's wondering where this took place, Rikku got transported to Macalania Lake after the ship was attacked by Sin in like the first 20 minutes of the game.

And Auron was dropped off at the frozen lake when he and Tidus were swallowed by Sin.

So the time may not be accurate since Auron would have arrived at Rikku's spot before she was even there. But it just works that way. And I'm writing this for fun. Not so this follows all the facts. And I forgot the disclaimer in the last chappy, I don't own nuthin' okay? And it really sucks!

Well, anyway, hope you enjoyed! And remember, if you read this, you can't leave without reviewing! If you don't review, Rikku will give you THE LOOK.

Rikku is in the corner staring at you with big, puppy dog eyes. "Please, I know Elyang may have really bad, crappy stories. And it may not all be that funny. But she would really like to know what you think. Good or bad, it doesn't matter. As long as she gets reviews," Bites her lip and stares directly into your eyes. "Pleeeaaassse??"

Feel the BURN!!