Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, that would be J.K Rowling's doing. I do however own all the ideas for this fan fic. Muah ha. Ahem.
It is Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts. Even after five years, nothing has really changed. Voldemort is still an evil homicidal killer with no friends, and Hermione still has awfully horrid bushy hair. Nevertheless, read of their adventures at Hogwarts. Perhaps something exciting may happen for once.
[ Setting: The Hogwarts Express. Time: 10 A.M ]
Harry finds a seat in an empty compartment and places his luggage lovingly at his side. Hedwig, in her cage, hoots happily .
HARRY- Shut up you horrible pigeon. Or I'll paint your beak with Hermione's nail polish again.
Hedwig looks FRIGHTENED
RON- Ahoy there, Harry! Long time no see. I didn't see you board.
HARRY- Er, hello Ron. I just got on the train actually. Here, have a seat.
Harry makes room for his lovable friend
RON- Bloody hell- I sat on something!
HARRY- Dag-nabit, Ron! That was Hermione's favorite polish!
Hedwig lets out a hoot of relief
RON- It looks like I pooped out a rainbow. It's all over my pants!
HARRY- Don't tell Hermione about the accident. Here she comes.
A bushy head pokes inside of the compartment
HERMIONE- There you two are! I've been looking for you everywhere! Perfect timing that I found you, I suppose. The train's about to leave. May I join you?
She doesn't wait for an answer and shoves Harry over, practically sitting on his lap
HERMIONE- Ron! What is that horrid smell! And what is that all over your trousers?
RON- Um....Well would you look at that! Where did all this mess come from?
He acts surprised and feigns several gasps
HERMIONE- Well it looks like you crapped out a rainbow. Clean it up immediately. Change your pants.
RON- But Hermione! I haven't another pair!
HERMIONE- I have a skirt you can wear. It's better to wear a skirt than to look like you sat on a creature from Dr.Seuss.
She digs around in her luggage. Harry clears his throat and begins to make conversation
HARRY- Is anyone nervous about the upcoming year? Since Voldemort has shown up every year that we have been here, it's highly inevitable that he'll show his sorry face again. Are we ready to defeat him once and for all?
RON- If we defeat him this year..what will happen in the seventh book?
HARRY- What..?
RON- Maybe it will be all about me, Ron Weasley. It will follow me through my life as I am growing up. Perhaps it may even begin the start of a whole series! I shall finally get the recognition I deserve!
Ron cackles madly, and the other two stare at him
HERMIONE- Are you on meds?
Ron ignores her and pokes himself in the stomach. It makes a "squeak" noise
HARRY- Let's get back on subject, shall we?
HERMIONE- To answer your question, Harry, yes I agree with you that Voldemort is going to reveal himself again.
RON- Ew. I hope not, that would be extremely icky.
HERMIONE- I didn't mean that kind of revealing himself!
RON- Oh. Phew.
HARRY- Come to think of it, that would be kind of gross. But seriously, I don't think I'm ready to fight him this year. I just want to relax and be a celebrity without breaking a sweat!
HERMIONE- Harry, being a hero means you actually have to get off your butt. You can't just sit on the couch all day eating cake and donuts gaining more weight by the second until you eventually get so big that we have to hire a forklift to scrape your filthy ass off the couch and carry you to the dump where my grandma lives!
RON- Your grandma lives at the dump?
HARRY- Ron, she was making a metaphor to show me that I can't be lazy this year. I don't know why she threw in the part about her grandma though.
There is a long pause.
RON- Who is the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher this year?
HERMIONE- Dumbledore.
RON- That old fart couldn't win a match against a handi-capped kid in a wheel chair!
HERMIONE- Sure he could. Dumbledore is in good shape for his age.
Meanwhile, back at the castle, Dumbledore is currently breaking his hip for the eight time this year
HARRY- I think it would be cool to have the Head Master as our Dark Arts Teacher.
RON- You're only saying that because he favors you and makes you feel special.
HARRY- Am not! I earned my place in his heart! I earned it fair and square!
RON- Oh, so the oatmeal raison cookies you baked him the first year didn't help him along any?
HARRY- No! I'll have you know the cookies were peanut butter!
HERMIONE- Will you two please stop bickering! I feel like my head is going to explode!
RON- Cool! Then there'd be little bits of Hermione everywhere!
HARRY- I always liked confetti. I'm sure flesh-and hair-confetti would be just as nice.
HERMIONE- Argh!
[THIS SCENE IS CENSORED FOR MILD VIOLENCE AND MAY NOT BE SUTIBLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF TEN.]
HERMIONE- Phew. I better go clean the blood off my hands.
End of scene
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Don't worry, Ron and Harry are fine. Probably just a little shaken up. Please review, I'd highly appreciate it. gives out cyber hugs to everyone Oh yeah, the next chapter will be up soon!......xJuliex
It is Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts. Even after five years, nothing has really changed. Voldemort is still an evil homicidal killer with no friends, and Hermione still has awfully horrid bushy hair. Nevertheless, read of their adventures at Hogwarts. Perhaps something exciting may happen for once.
[ Setting: The Hogwarts Express. Time: 10 A.M ]
Harry finds a seat in an empty compartment and places his luggage lovingly at his side. Hedwig, in her cage, hoots happily .
HARRY- Shut up you horrible pigeon. Or I'll paint your beak with Hermione's nail polish again.
Hedwig looks FRIGHTENED
RON- Ahoy there, Harry! Long time no see. I didn't see you board.
HARRY- Er, hello Ron. I just got on the train actually. Here, have a seat.
Harry makes room for his lovable friend
RON- Bloody hell- I sat on something!
HARRY- Dag-nabit, Ron! That was Hermione's favorite polish!
Hedwig lets out a hoot of relief
RON- It looks like I pooped out a rainbow. It's all over my pants!
HARRY- Don't tell Hermione about the accident. Here she comes.
A bushy head pokes inside of the compartment
HERMIONE- There you two are! I've been looking for you everywhere! Perfect timing that I found you, I suppose. The train's about to leave. May I join you?
She doesn't wait for an answer and shoves Harry over, practically sitting on his lap
HERMIONE- Ron! What is that horrid smell! And what is that all over your trousers?
RON- Um....Well would you look at that! Where did all this mess come from?
He acts surprised and feigns several gasps
HERMIONE- Well it looks like you crapped out a rainbow. Clean it up immediately. Change your pants.
RON- But Hermione! I haven't another pair!
HERMIONE- I have a skirt you can wear. It's better to wear a skirt than to look like you sat on a creature from Dr.Seuss.
She digs around in her luggage. Harry clears his throat and begins to make conversation
HARRY- Is anyone nervous about the upcoming year? Since Voldemort has shown up every year that we have been here, it's highly inevitable that he'll show his sorry face again. Are we ready to defeat him once and for all?
RON- If we defeat him this year..what will happen in the seventh book?
HARRY- What..?
RON- Maybe it will be all about me, Ron Weasley. It will follow me through my life as I am growing up. Perhaps it may even begin the start of a whole series! I shall finally get the recognition I deserve!
Ron cackles madly, and the other two stare at him
HERMIONE- Are you on meds?
Ron ignores her and pokes himself in the stomach. It makes a "squeak" noise
HARRY- Let's get back on subject, shall we?
HERMIONE- To answer your question, Harry, yes I agree with you that Voldemort is going to reveal himself again.
RON- Ew. I hope not, that would be extremely icky.
HERMIONE- I didn't mean that kind of revealing himself!
RON- Oh. Phew.
HARRY- Come to think of it, that would be kind of gross. But seriously, I don't think I'm ready to fight him this year. I just want to relax and be a celebrity without breaking a sweat!
HERMIONE- Harry, being a hero means you actually have to get off your butt. You can't just sit on the couch all day eating cake and donuts gaining more weight by the second until you eventually get so big that we have to hire a forklift to scrape your filthy ass off the couch and carry you to the dump where my grandma lives!
RON- Your grandma lives at the dump?
HARRY- Ron, she was making a metaphor to show me that I can't be lazy this year. I don't know why she threw in the part about her grandma though.
There is a long pause.
RON- Who is the Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher this year?
HERMIONE- Dumbledore.
RON- That old fart couldn't win a match against a handi-capped kid in a wheel chair!
HERMIONE- Sure he could. Dumbledore is in good shape for his age.
Meanwhile, back at the castle, Dumbledore is currently breaking his hip for the eight time this year
HARRY- I think it would be cool to have the Head Master as our Dark Arts Teacher.
RON- You're only saying that because he favors you and makes you feel special.
HARRY- Am not! I earned my place in his heart! I earned it fair and square!
RON- Oh, so the oatmeal raison cookies you baked him the first year didn't help him along any?
HARRY- No! I'll have you know the cookies were peanut butter!
HERMIONE- Will you two please stop bickering! I feel like my head is going to explode!
RON- Cool! Then there'd be little bits of Hermione everywhere!
HARRY- I always liked confetti. I'm sure flesh-and hair-confetti would be just as nice.
HERMIONE- Argh!
[THIS SCENE IS CENSORED FOR MILD VIOLENCE AND MAY NOT BE SUTIBLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF TEN.]
HERMIONE- Phew. I better go clean the blood off my hands.
End of scene
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Don't worry, Ron and Harry are fine. Probably just a little shaken up. Please review, I'd highly appreciate it. gives out cyber hugs to everyone Oh yeah, the next chapter will be up soon!......xJuliex