Well, you all thought I was dead, didn't you? Well, let me just tell you
what you have to blame for the lack of updates to this story. Number one,
FFXI. This game has been leeching away all my spare time and money (name's
Skywaltz on Quetzalcoatl server, if you see me say hi!). Number two, lack
of ideas. Yeah, I was supposed to come up with something for Cloud, and a
lot of half baked ideas were floating through my skull, but I didn't know
where to go with any of them. Number three, sheer laziness. Well anyway,
my little rebirth can also be credited to a recent review I received.
Thank you Nyacha for rekindling my writing spirit. You may have saved this
fanfic! So here we go with your idea about the Turks and stuffing!
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 nor do I actually wish for anything bad to happen to Geoge W. Bush.
Turk-ey Stuffing
(Scene opens with a family sitting around a big ol' mahogany dining room table. All the stereotypical family members are there. From Grandpa with a twinkle in his eye, to Cute Little All Purpose Girl complete with a rag doll and pigtails. You see Grandma reenact that Norman Rockwell painting as she places a plump roasted turkey before the family)
Well-Dressed-Business-Man-Uncle: Wow, Grandma! That looks like the best Thanksgiving turkey ever! It smells so good I feel like my nose is going to leap off my face and hand me a greeting card!
(Grandma adjusts her spectacles and smiles warmly)
Grandma: Well, it was baked with all my love for the family.
(The table chuckles too boisterously for human lungs and Atticus-Finch-Rip- Off-Father stands up and ambles over to the bird to cut it. You see all these shots of the turkey from different angles, making it look like something you'd sell your own legs just to taste. As the turkey is cut you see stuffing spill out, but it's not souped-up and delicious looking like the bird itself, it looks black and white and boring thanks to the use of a camera filter.)
Cute-Little-All-Purpose-Girl: Grandma? What is that stuff inside the turkey? Is it possessed?
Grandma: Why no, Hun, that's the stuffing.
Grandpa: It looks all dried out and soggy at the same time!
Slim-Earring-Wearing-Aunt: Thanks for ruining Thanksgiving, Grandma! That stuffing isn't fit to feed a meat grinder!
Cute-Baseball-Card-Carrying-All-Purpose-Boy: We can't eat that turkey!
Atticus-Finch-Rip-Off-Father: Well, we have to eat something!
(Everyone looks at Grandma voraciously and reaches for their fancy silverware, but just at that moment, the door flies off its hinges and who is standing there but the Turks!)
Reno: Hold on, there's no need for cannibalism!
Well-Dressed-Businessman-Uncle, with the over enthusiasm we've all become so accustomed to: There's not?
Elena: Nope! Not with our amazing new product!
(Everyone drops their silverware and gapes at the Turks)
Whole Family: What is it?
Tseng: Turk-ey Stuffing! The only stuffing that never becomes boring even after years of serving!
(The camera focuses on Rude holding a brightly-colored box with a logo of the Turks dressed like pilgrims)
Grandma: You can't keep stuffing from getting boring! That's like trying to keep white sneakers clean!
Reno in the most cheery of tones: Well, don't just stand there being a hated skeptic! Try some!
(A lump of the stuffing appears on Grandma's plate with the sound of windchimes. It looks the same as normal stuffing)
Grandma: This doesn't seem so special.
(Grandma shovels a forkful of Turk-ey Stuffing into her mouth and she immediately falls backwards in her chair racked with spasms as lightning dances across her body. Once the lightning stops, Grandma gets up looking all charred)
Grandma: Wow! That really is exciting stuffing! The ashes in my mouth that were once my tongue are jumping up and down with delight!
(Everyone at the table cheers the Turks on as they dish up more Turk-ey Stuffing)
Whole Family: Thanks, Turks!
Elena: And be sure to also try our new pumpkin pie! It comes dressed in its very own blue suit!
(As the scene fades out Rude holds up a sign with tiny lettering that reads: Turk-ey Stuffing is illegal in all of the 48 contiguous states for causing tumors in lab mice and Republican presidents)
; Sorry it was kind of short, but I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 nor do I actually wish for anything bad to happen to Geoge W. Bush.
Turk-ey Stuffing
(Scene opens with a family sitting around a big ol' mahogany dining room table. All the stereotypical family members are there. From Grandpa with a twinkle in his eye, to Cute Little All Purpose Girl complete with a rag doll and pigtails. You see Grandma reenact that Norman Rockwell painting as she places a plump roasted turkey before the family)
Well-Dressed-Business-Man-Uncle: Wow, Grandma! That looks like the best Thanksgiving turkey ever! It smells so good I feel like my nose is going to leap off my face and hand me a greeting card!
(Grandma adjusts her spectacles and smiles warmly)
Grandma: Well, it was baked with all my love for the family.
(The table chuckles too boisterously for human lungs and Atticus-Finch-Rip- Off-Father stands up and ambles over to the bird to cut it. You see all these shots of the turkey from different angles, making it look like something you'd sell your own legs just to taste. As the turkey is cut you see stuffing spill out, but it's not souped-up and delicious looking like the bird itself, it looks black and white and boring thanks to the use of a camera filter.)
Cute-Little-All-Purpose-Girl: Grandma? What is that stuff inside the turkey? Is it possessed?
Grandma: Why no, Hun, that's the stuffing.
Grandpa: It looks all dried out and soggy at the same time!
Slim-Earring-Wearing-Aunt: Thanks for ruining Thanksgiving, Grandma! That stuffing isn't fit to feed a meat grinder!
Cute-Baseball-Card-Carrying-All-Purpose-Boy: We can't eat that turkey!
Atticus-Finch-Rip-Off-Father: Well, we have to eat something!
(Everyone looks at Grandma voraciously and reaches for their fancy silverware, but just at that moment, the door flies off its hinges and who is standing there but the Turks!)
Reno: Hold on, there's no need for cannibalism!
Well-Dressed-Businessman-Uncle, with the over enthusiasm we've all become so accustomed to: There's not?
Elena: Nope! Not with our amazing new product!
(Everyone drops their silverware and gapes at the Turks)
Whole Family: What is it?
Tseng: Turk-ey Stuffing! The only stuffing that never becomes boring even after years of serving!
(The camera focuses on Rude holding a brightly-colored box with a logo of the Turks dressed like pilgrims)
Grandma: You can't keep stuffing from getting boring! That's like trying to keep white sneakers clean!
Reno in the most cheery of tones: Well, don't just stand there being a hated skeptic! Try some!
(A lump of the stuffing appears on Grandma's plate with the sound of windchimes. It looks the same as normal stuffing)
Grandma: This doesn't seem so special.
(Grandma shovels a forkful of Turk-ey Stuffing into her mouth and she immediately falls backwards in her chair racked with spasms as lightning dances across her body. Once the lightning stops, Grandma gets up looking all charred)
Grandma: Wow! That really is exciting stuffing! The ashes in my mouth that were once my tongue are jumping up and down with delight!
(Everyone at the table cheers the Turks on as they dish up more Turk-ey Stuffing)
Whole Family: Thanks, Turks!
Elena: And be sure to also try our new pumpkin pie! It comes dressed in its very own blue suit!
(As the scene fades out Rude holds up a sign with tiny lettering that reads: Turk-ey Stuffing is illegal in all of the 48 contiguous states for causing tumors in lab mice and Republican presidents)
; Sorry it was kind of short, but I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.