Chapter 3

Angel walked down the stairs and he winced as he heard banging of pots and pans. He sensed something wasn't right. He walked over to the kitchen and heard an erratic heart beat. Angel stood in the doorway and watched as Buffy sniffed and slammed down pots on the counter.

"Hey what's with all the racket?" Angel asked with a smirk.

Buffy looked over at him with red eyes.

"Angel, I'm not in the mood for your annoying games," snapped Buffy.

Angel looked at her, concerned.

"What happened, Buffy?" asked Angel as he sat down at the island.

She closed her eyes not wanting to cry in front of Angel, even if she had done it a thousand times before.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

William walked down to the beach, letting the wind toss his hair. His thoughts traveled to the conversation he'd had with Buffy, an hour earlier. She wanted him to be her husband.

"I can't replace a loved one," William said to no one.

He looked over at the dark water. He stared at the full moon and looked up at the stars.

"Are the stars speaking to you, my little Willie?" a cool soothing English accent said from behind him. "They are speaking to me."

William turned around and looked at the woman with long dark hair wearing a black and red dress.

"Do I know you?" William asked feeling uneasy.

She looked at him and starting to make a puppy cry noise.

"Miss. Edith said you were with no mind, but I punished and made her miss her favorite kill," said the mysterious woman.

"What….Please I'm in no mood to try and remember you. Just go away," William, said irritatedly rubbing his sore head.

"My Spike is all upset. She is still around you, Spike. She is still laughing," the woman said.

"Look, woman who ever you are…."

"DRUSILLA!" Angel hissed stalking over to them.

"Angelus, you still have you soul. The slayer is around you too," said the mysterious woman.

Angel growled.

"Drusilla, get out of here. You don't belong here and leave this man alone. He is nothing to do with you any more," Angel said in a warning tone.

"But Angelus…"

"NO BUTS! GET OUT OF HERE!" Angel yelled.

The woman pouted and took one last look William then left.

Angel turned and looked at William. He could tell William was a little shaken up, not just by the encounter with Drusilla.

"Who was that?" asked William.

"Her name is Drusilla," said Angel.

William looked at Angel.

"Aren't you that man at Buffy's house?" asked William. Angel put his arm around William.

"We need to chat about so many things," Angel said.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy sat in the living room, staring blankly at the television as Dawn talked to Willow and Tara about her college classes. Buffy's mind kept going back to William and the pain of knowing she was pushing her luck.

She couldn't understand why she'd rushed things. She had put not only her happiness up for grabs, but she also had put Amber's and Dawn's in jeopardy too. She hated herself for it. She had no right to do it. She had just met William and he looked like he was lost as she was when she'd come back to life.

Damn! Spike would never be so forward with me if I'd lost my memory. He would have stuck it out and helped how ever he could. Why can't I do that with him? Buffy thought, then the logical grown up mother voice kicked in.

Who said it was Spike in the first place? Think of Amber, Buffy. She will be hurt if this thing with William doesn't work out. You can't deal with anymore pain. It's time you give up and move on.

Buffy felt her heart ache knowing the truth and not wanting it. He had died to save their lives, but….it wasn't right. Her life was truly doomed. She was never meant to be happy. She felt tears well in her eyes.

"I'm going for a walk," Buffy said out of the blue.

All three girls looked up at Buffy stunned.

"Are you all right? You look a little pale," Willow, asked concerned. Buffy licked her lips.

"If Amber wakes up because of a dream or whatever, would you read her another bedtime story while I'm gone?" Buffy asked, ignoring Willow's concern.

"Sure," Willow answered as she watched Buffy walk out of the house.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy walked down to the beach with her arms wrapped around herself. She felt guilty for letting her heart lead her instead of her head. It was common sense to know that her William wasn't alive, but her heart filled with hope and longing for him. The past few months she felt like she had nothing in her life.

You're lonely, Buffy thought, but her bad voice came into play. You very well know that the new man in town is hot, sexy, and single. Girl, you still have hell of a body. Why not go for him? It's time to get over William and move on to the new sexier William.

Buffy came to a dead stop. Her heart felt like she had just disrespected her dead husband. She shook off the thought and looked out into the black water.

"Beautiful isn't it?" a voice said coming from behind her. Buffy turned around and saw a shy William.

"What…."Buffy began, but was cut off by William, putting his finger on her lips.

"Shh. I have to say this Buffy," said William.

Buffy held her breath waiting to hear what he had to say. William stared into her big green eyes.

"I just got into town two days ago and just today, everything changed. People have been saying that they knew and I was their relative. It's all very confusing and it hurt for me trying to remember. Your friend, Angel, told me about what had happened five years ago. I have to say I'm really am sorry, but I think we both know I can't replace that man, but I'm willing to take a chance and help. I can be your friend, Buffy. I can't be anything more until…" William began.

"I understand what you are saying, William. You don't have to give this big grand speech. I would prefer we take things slow. You're right.  We have just met and we both are on an understanding level," Buffy cut in.

"So, it's that simple? Wow, I thought it would be more..." William began.

"Difficult?" Buffy offered.  William nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. 

They stood there is uneasy silence.

"William, about earlier, I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have been so forward. I have no idea what it is like for you right now, but I wasn't helping much with the craziness…" Buffy began.

"I understand. You still have a thing for your husband it's…" William cut in.

"It's not only that. I have been having these dreams at night watching him burn in front of my eyes. We're always at the park and we are watching Amber play. He always ends up in flames.

It's like if I could…" Buffy stopped as her throat clenched and her eyes swelled with tears. She licked her lips and looked down.

"I swear I could have done something to save him. I kept playing the situation over and over in my mind."

William could see the inner turmoil as she opened and closed her fists. He wanted to comfort her some way or another, but all he could do was watch.

"Maybe if I had been quicker or never left Spike's side in the first place…."

"Buffy, breathe, You'll collapse from lack of oxygen," William advised. Buffy kept taking small quivering breaths.

"Come on. I'll take you back to my cottage. You can rest for awhile," William advised. Buffy nodded, without saying a word she let him lead her back to his place.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel ran up the stairs to Amber's room. Her piercing screams could be heard throughout the house. He opened the door and saw the child sitting up in bed, crying and shaking. He walked over and scooped the young child into his arms. He took her over to the rocking chair and rocked her. He could sense Buffy. He could tell she was upset.

He would have to wait to ask her if she was all right.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy sat in a chair in front of the fire holding a cup of hot cocoa. The cottage was beautiful. All the rooms had wooden interiors. It was very modern. The kitchen had all the up-to-date appliances. She could feel the outside beauty of it too. There was a huge fireplace in the living room, and nets protected the porch outside. It was very beautiful home.

William walked into the  room with his own hot cocoa. He sat down in the chair next to Buffy. He didn't say a word. The uncomfortable silence, stretched out between them.

Buffy looked at William. She watched as the fire played off his features. He reminded her of Spike so much. She still could see Spike's smile, as he would come up with a way to annoy Angel. God, I miss that man, Buffy thought.

"William, about earlier…" Buffy began.

William took a sip of his cocoa and held up a hand.

"Buffy, it's quite all right," William said with a gentle smile. "You miss him. From what Angel told me, you were deeply in love with him. That could be hard to try to get over. Some people never get over their lost loves and some do. It's just the way you feel and you shouldn't be sorry about it."

Buffy stared into her cup. She watched the marshmallows swirl around in the chocolate.

"Thank you," Buffy said silently. 

William looked at her. He studied her facial expressions. She was sad, he could tell, but other he couldn't read the other emotions. Was it grief? Was it gratitude? It wasn't any of those things. He didn't know what it was, but he was sure he would figure it out sooner or later.

"For what?" William asked.

Buffy tried to hold back tears. It had been five years and she still could feel the pain of when she lost him that horrible night. She still could feel the heat of that night.

When Buffy didn't answer, William got up and called Angel. He knew this wasn't time for him to be around. This was time for family and friends to help her grieve. She considers you a friend, William thought. She needs you now. Show her that you ca be by her side.

"What's wrong, William?" Angel asked on the other line.

He explained everything to him about the talk they had had, and that she was now spaced. He explained that he thought it would be better if the people that she loves surrounded her.

"I agree," Angel answered. "Why don't you drop her off? Amber is having trouble sleeping and I'm thinking she'll probably go to sleep if you put her to bed. I mean you are her new best friend."

William laughed and shook his head.

"All right," William agreed. "We'll be over there in a little bit."

William hung up the phone and put his cup of coco in the kitchen. He grabbed his coat and Buffy's coat.

William walked over to Buffy and got to her eye sight. Her eyes were distant and full of tears. This thing with her husband was really eating her up inside.

"Buffy, I'm going to take you home," William said softy.

Buffy slightly turned her head towards him. She was barely there, but it registered to her.

"Ok," Buffy said distantly.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel walked downstairs with Amber in his arms. The gang was sitting around laughing. He enjoyed watching them. It reminded him of the old times.

"Hey dead boy, you finally decided to join us," Xander said looking up.

Amber wrapped her tiny arms around Angel's neck.

"Well, I figured, wait for Buffy," Angel said simply.

He bent down to put Amber on her feet, but she clung harder to Angel. He sighed and held her closer. He could tell she was tired and she was fighting it. He also could tell she was frightened.

"Is she all right?" Dawn asked getting up from her spot from the floor.

Dawn walked over to Amber and touched Amber's hair. Amber laid her head on Angel's shoulder.

"She acts like you're her dad," Xander said bluntly.

Everyone turned and looked at Xander. Brandon came running with a chocolate bar in his hand and had chocolate all over his face. Xander got up and picked up his boy. He took the chocolate bar from him.

They heard the door open and saw Buffy walked in followed by a man. Everyone gasped except Dawn, Giles, and Angel.

Amber's head shot up. Her face brightened and a huge smile went across.

"Willie!" Amber cried. Her arms stretched out.

William walked over and took Amber from Angel. Amber wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a hug.

"How are you doing, kitten?" William asked softly.

Amber laid her head on his shoulder.

"I'm tired and a monster tried to eat me," Amber said softly.

William adjusted his arms and headed for the stairs.

"Merciful Zeus," Xander gasped.

William turned and looked at all the gaping faces. He felt awkward with everyone staring at him.

"Is something wrong?" William asked everyone.

Willow stood up and walked over to him. She poked him and went wide-eyed.

"He's alive!" Willow gasped. 

Everyone got up and rushed over to him.

"He's…" Buffy was cut off.

"Spike, Buddy, I can't believe you're alive," Xander said joyfully.

William stared at Xander confused.

"He's not…" Buffy was cut off again.

"Jeez, we missed you," Willow said giving William a hug.

Buffy saw the confusion on William's face.

"HE'S NOT SPIKE!" Buffy yelled.

The whole room went quiet. Dawn and Angel stood off to the side with their arms crossed. Buffy looked annoyed and extremely tired. William back up and slowly made his way up to Amber's room.

He crept in to Amber's room and put her down in her bed. Her eyes were already starting to close. He could tell she was fighting sleep. William moved a strand of hair out of her face. He felt a strong connection with this child.

"Sleep now, Kitten," William whispered and then silently slipped out the room.

He walked back down stairs and saw everyone sitting back down silent.

"I'm heading home," William said. "Buffy call me if you need to talk or you need someone to baby-sit Amber."

"Ok, William," Buffy agreed. "I will call you tomorrow."

William nodded and left.

"He looks so much like Spike," Willow said softly.

 Buffy flopped down in her chair.

"That's the problem," Buffy said. "He looks too much like Spike.  It's killing me and yet I can't stay away from him. It's not…."

Buffy looked into the fire, remembering the fire of eternal love her, and Spike had made. He was so shocked and happy. She could remember the tears he had shed. He loved her so much. She wished she could have prevented that night from happening.

She just wished she knew the truth

A/N: Ok, sorry for the really long delay. I sent it to Angie a couple of weeks ago.  Then my computer crash last week. I lost the story but thanks to Angie I have chapter 3 for you. Oh also to add to the delay fan fiction.net went down. *sighs* so here we are. You have another chapter to hold you off as I start chapter 4.  I was working on it before my computer crash but again I lost it. Yeah I am dwelling on it. I give you a tiny bit of a summary of chapter 4. Buffy looks back on her memories with Spike. I think it's time for one of those chapters. So the next chapters will be a bit spoilerish. He he. . Anyway, so I hope you will read chapter 4.