Chapter 4

Buffy sat in the chair on the porch of William's beach home. She was reading one of her favorite books and trying her hand at being in someone else's life.

William had called her the following day, after the situation at the house. He said she had to loosen up and let her self wash away everything that had happened over the past few days.  So that things could at least be calm for one day.

When she had begun to protest, he said he would entertain Amber while she relaxed. He promised they would be on the beach and remain within view of her so that she had nothing to worry about.

Buffy closed the book that she had been half-heartedly attempting to read and gazed at the beach. William and Amber were trying to make a sand castle. She smiled as she heard William groan as the tide took out half of the castle and at Amber, who was now acting like a dinosaur, tearing down the remains.

It was obvious that Amber enjoyed William's company. She become attached to him in such a sort while.

Buffy leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She could hear William and Amber laughing. She could hear the waves as they crashed onto the shore and the birds singing in a beautiful tone. These weren't city noises. They were noises of Mother Nature. It so was peaceful and relaxing. She kind of wished she   lived by the beach .

She opened her eyes and went back to her book.

He didn't wait for her to respond. He grabbed her by the waist and kissed her. The kiss wasn't gentle. It was full of Hunger and Passion. The kind of Passion that only exists in true love. This was rare in all cases of love, but was found by few.

Buffy booked marked it again and stared distantly at the ocean. Her heart and mind were racing, full of memories and thoughts of the past.

He can really hurt me, Buffy thought, as she threw Spike against fireplace.

"I love you," Spike said huskily. Buffy scoffed

"You're in love with pain," She said before Spike got up and they fought again and exchanged more words.

"I wasn't planning on hurting you…much," Spike said with a sly grin. Buffy glared at him.

"You haven't even begun to hurt me," Buffy said as she tossed his hand off her. She pushed him against the wall.

"What you afraid I'm gonna…"

He was cut off by Buffy crashing her lips to his. Tongues danced and clothes were ripped. All in a heat of the passionate moment, Buffy experienced a sensation she never dreamed of.

She shook off her memory and looked down at her book. She stared at it, wondering if she should continue with the book and bring on more memories, or get up and wander around William's house. While she contemplated, more memories came back to her.

She had a major headache and she was drowsy. Her visions cleared and she saw Spike standing in front of her. She tried to move. She couldn't. She was chained to the wall. She looked around and saw Drusilla tied up.

"I love you," Spike said after Buffy swore at him. Buffy stared him dead in the eyes.

"The only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious," she said.

Buffy looked down at her feet. She put the book down and decided neither idea was good for her. She would just let her thoughts and memories take their pace. She had tried to push off before, nothing worked, and it became worse. She just let her memories take her over.

She couldn't help, but wonder if Spike had still thought of the horrible things she had said to him and wonder if everything was true.

"If he did he never showed it," Buffy whispered to herself.

"You know you want it, Slayer," Spike said with a grin. Buffy pushed him to the ground.

"Even if I did," Buffy said with a disgust look on her face. "It would never be you, Spike. You're beneath me, William."  She threw her money at him and stormed off.

Buffy felt tears well in her eyes. She had unwittingly used the same harsh words as his once beloved, Cecily. She used harsher and made sure to get through by adding William.

He was never beneath her. He never would be no matter what happened. She loved him more then she had loved anyone. She loved Spike more then she did with Angel.

Angel was her first and innocent love. Spike was her mature, loving, build a life with kind of guy. Of course, fate took away that hope of the perfect life she had always wanted.

Buffy got up and walked into William's house. She headed to the bathroom to freshen up. She walked into the bathroom and stared into the mirror.

For the first time ever, she got a good look at herself. She looked older and worn out.

Her blonde hair was longer.

"If Spike, was alive he wouldn't recognize me," Buffy whispered to herself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rest of the scooby gang sat in the magic shop. The bottom level was quiet. Faces were mixed with sad and joyful emotions.

"So, it's really him," Giles whispered with his arms crossed.

Angel looked over at Giles and nodded.

"Yeah, it is," Angel said. 

Xander shook his head.

"How could it be?" Xander asked. "We watched the place burn down the ground. He didn't even make it out,"

"Just because we didn't see him come out of doesn't mean he didn't escape," Angel said.

"So, what do we do about it?" Willow asked. "Spike is back and has no memory of anything,"

"I guess we help him," Angel answered.

Angel looked over at Dawn as she rummaged through her purse. She finally retrieved what she was looking for. She walked over to Giles.

"I found this in my room a couple of days ago. I have another one and I thought you would like it," Dawn said sadly.

She handed the object to Giles.

"Oh, Dawn," Giles said breathlessly.

It was a photo of the family taken a couple of weeks before Spike had died. The entire scooby gang was in the photo.

"I have many photos of Spike in my room with Amber and such. I thought you would like that," Dawn said with a small smile 

Angel looked at the photo. His face lit up.

"What?" Willow asked looking at Angel.

"I think I have an idea," Angel said.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy walked back out onto the porch as William and Amber came up the steps. Amber's little hands and feet were covered in sand.

"You guys have fun?" Buffy asked with a smile.

"It was fun," Amber said with a huge grin.

Buffy picked up her daughter.

"Sorry, she is a little messy," William apologized. "I tried getting her hands cleaned in the ocean but she just dirtied them up again.

Buffy laughed and gave him an understanding smile.

"William, you have a lot to learn about kids," Buffy said before turning around and heading for the bathroom.

William followed her.

"They don't like to stay clean. No matter what you do. They will find a way to get dirty. I'm just glad she didn't get her sundress dirty." William shrugged.

"I'm kind of thirsty. You want anything to drink?" William offered.

Buffy put down the toilet lid and sat Amber down on it. Buffy looked up at William.

"Lemonade would be fine," Buffy answered.

William nodded and headed off to the kitchen. Buffy wetted a washcloth and put some soap on it. She bent down and started cleaning her daughter's feet.

"Mommy," Amber said sweetly.

Buffy looked up at Amber.

"Yes sweetie?" Buffy asked.

"Can William stay with us?" Amber asked innocently.

 Buffy stared at her daughter in apprehension.

"Amber, William already has a home," Buffy said soothingly.

 Amber's features saddened. Buffy's heart wrenched at her little daughter's expression.

"Isn't Willie apart of the family?" Amber asked.

"Amber, where did you hear that?" Buffy asked a little alarmed.

Amber looked innocent and frightened.

"I heard it from Aunt Drawnie and Uncle Angel," Amber answered.

"They told you that William was a part of the family?" Buffy asked.

Her head was spinning with thoughts and worries.

"Not exactly, I heard them talking in Aunt Dawnie's room," Amber answered.

Buffy tried not to let her face show shock, pain, and joy. She went back to cleaning Amber's feet without saying a word to her. She washed her hands then took her off the toilet lid.

"Mommy, can Willie say with us?" Amber asked with hopefulli in her eyes. Buffy hated to crush it but she didn't want her daughter to be disappointed in the long run.

""I don't think so, sweetie," Buffy said gently. "William has his own home and he is trying to find his family."

"But aren't we his family?" Amber asked again. Buffy picked up her daughter and moved a strand of hair out of her face.

"No, sweetie," Buffy answered gently. "He's just a friend."

"Like Uncle Xander?" Amber asked.

Buffy shook her head.

"No, sweetie," answered Buffy. "Uncle Xander is family."

Amber looked confused at her mother. but didn't say another word.

Buffy walked out of the bathroom and walked into the living room where she saw William sitting on the couch sipping his lemonade staring out the window.

Amber laid her head on her mother's shoulder.

"William, do you have a spare room where I can put Amber down for her nap?" Buffy asked. William looked away from the window distant and then snapped out of his trance.

"Yeah, you can lay her down in my room," William answered.

Buffy nodded and put Amber down for her nap.

Buffy walked out of the bedroom a few moments later and joined William out on the porch. He sat in his porch swing.

"Is this seat taken?" Buffy asked with a small smile.

William moved over so she could sit down.

"So, did you enjoy some of the peace and quiet?" William asked looking over at her.

She nodded.

"I got half way through the book," Buffy answered. "My husband was the one who got me into reading when we were together. At first he would read to me because I was having nightmares then he just read to me for the sake of it. Then I finally decided I would start reading for myself.  I have been reading ever since,

"Wow," William said amazed. "He sounds like a great guy."

"He really was," Buffy said softly. "He would do anything for me. He never was much a poet though. He was going to start writing a book."

"Did he ever get around to starting it?" William asked.

Buffy looked down at her feet.

"Barely," Buffy answered. "He just started it a couple days before he…." Buffy's voice faded.

William looked at his hands. He studied the faded scars on his hand.

"I look at these scars and sometimes I wonder how I got them," William said changing the subject.

 Buffy looked up at him. She waited for him to say more.

"I wonder if I got these playing outside on a swing set or I got into a fight. I got them some way and I often wonder if I would ever remember how I got them and who I actually was."

"It must be hard," Buffy said softly.

She placed her hand on his. He looked over at her.

"It is," William agreed. "I don't know who I am or where I came from. I don't know if I have family that was counting on me, like you and Amber did on your husband."

"I didn't count on him," Buffy said. "I just loved him with all my soul. I gave him mine and in return he gave me a semi-normal life."

William caressed her hand with his thumb. Buffy sat closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. He took in her sweet scent and a memory came flashing back.

"Buffy, love," Spike said softly. Buffy stood there with tears in her eyes as she stared into her mirror.

"We're going to have a baby, Spike," Buffy said in an emotional voice. "I don't even know if I'm going to be a good mother." Spike walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Buffy, I love you. I will be by your side," Spike assured her. "No Matter if I ever get killed, I will be by your side giving you strength."

William stared at the porch distantly. He actually had a real memory. Something was coming back.

After five long lonely years, he finally had a clue into his past. He had finally discovered something. The girl that had lost her husband and the child were his. He, now, knew what drew him to Sunnydale.

To keep things from going over exposed, he decided to keep things secretive until he learned his entire past.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel and Dawn sat at the dining room table. They had photos of Spike in front of them. Most of them had Buffy with him.

"I'm starting to think they were forced together," Angel said looking at the photos.

Dawn threw the towel that was lying next to her, at Angel.

"They weren't forced together," Dawn argued. "They got together before anything happened."

Angel looked up at her with a raised eyebrow.

"In the photos they look like they aren't even happy," Angel said handing her his photos.

Dawn smiled.

"That's because in these photos Xander ruined the engagement party," Dawn answered.

"He got really drunk and started saying everything that was on his mind. He couldn't stop bad mouthing Spike."

"From his best bud? I'm shocked," Angel said sarcastically.

Dawn ignored the sarcasm.

"I remember Spike getting so mad that even Buffy couldn't calm him down," Dawn said with a distant smile. "He walked straight up to Xander and punched him. Of course, this happened before he got the ship out and he had hell of a headache, but he said it was worth it. Xander never said another word the entire night. After the incident they called a truce and became friends."

Angel stared at her in disbelief.

"Oh, they still have their disagreements, but it was worth it," Dawn said.

Angel nodded.

"I can't wait till Spike gets his memory back so I can tell him the hell we all have been through," Angel said with a little anger in his voice.

"Angel, it's not his fault that he lost his memory," Dawn said defensively. "You know very well he would have came running back to Buffy and Amber. I mean  he still has even if he doesn't remember them or has no idea that he is over hundred years old. He doesn't even know that demons, vampires, or witches exist."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

William splashed Buffy as she threw water at him. They stood there laughing and acting like a bunch of teenagers. Amber sat at the kitchen table coloring.

"Mommy, can I have a cookie?" Amber asked sweetly.

Buffy turned and looked at Amber.

"You just had supper, Amber," Buffy said. "You know very well you are not allowed to have sweets."

Amber started to pout. William looked at Amber and made a sympathetic face.

"Come on, Ma, Just one small cookie," William said sticking up for Amber. Buffy looked over at William wide-eyed.

"You're not helping," Buffy said. "Please don't encourage her either."

Buffy noticed how tired Amber looked. Buffy grabbed the towel and wiped off her face and hands. Buffy walked over to Amber and picked her up. Amber cuddled close to her mother.

"Come on, Amber," Buffy said in soothing voice. "Time to take you home and put you to bed." Amber groaned softly and tried to protest. but her little eyelids were too heavy for her to stay awake.

William got their coats and took Buffy and Amber home. He opened the door for Buffy. She gave him a thankful smile.

"I'll be right down," Buffy said softly as she headed up the stairs. She changed Amber into her pajamas and then tucked her into bed.

"Good night, Amber," Buffy whispered before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Buffy headed back downstairs and walked into the living room.

"She's sound asleep," Buffy said as she sat down on the couch.  "I have to say you entertained her the entire day. I really do appreciate that. It was nice to have some time to collect my thoughts and read a good book." William shrugged.

"I could tell you needed a break," William said.

"I'm not really all that tired. Are you up for a walk?" Buffy looked at the clock.

"Let me see if Dawn is home," Buffy said getting up. "I'm sure she is."

As If on cue, Dawn walked into the living room eating a cookie. She waved at William then looked at her sister.

"Hey you guys," Dawn greeted with her mouth full. "You guys have fun at the beach?"

"Yes, it was very nice," Buffy answered. "Dawn, would you mind keeping an eye on Amber for a while? She's sound asleep. I don't think she'll wake up."

"Yeah," Dawn answered. "I'll have Angel check on her in an hour."

Buffy smiled and gave her sister a hug.

"I don't think I'll be long," Buffy promised.

Buffy got her coat and William followed. They walked in silence as they walked down the neighborhoods until they got to the town.

"You up for an ice cream?" William asked. Buffy shrugged.

"Only if you let me buy," Buffy answered. "You have done enough for us."

William shooed it off.

"Please, I love doing this for you and Amber,"

William said. "I'm a very giving guy."

William ordered two ice cream cones and they walked again down the streets. The place was mainly quiet.

"It's like a deserted town," William said looking at all the shops.

 Buffy shrugged and smiled.

"Everyone is inside by ten. It's a nice way to keep everyone safe," Buffy answered.

"Slayer," A voice hissed from behind them. Buffy handed her ice cream cone to William, walked over to a tree, broke off, and branch.  The vampire followed her and they got into a fight.

William stared stunned as Buffy fought him with no effort and staked him without even breaking a sweat. She walked back over and took the ice cream cone.

"I guess I have a lot of explaining to do," Buffy said sheepishly.

"Let's start with the slayer part," William suggested.

Buffy sighed and told him about her past. She told him that she was only one besides Faith. Mr. Giles was her old watcher and Angel was a vampire.

"So, your husband, was he a demon?" William asked innocently as they stopped at the docks.

"Actually he was a soulful vampire until he turned human," Buffy answered. "He turned human the day I found out I was pregnant. It was a very event full night.

"When I was in my early months with Amber, I craved blood," She shuddered.

"You're kidding," William said with a small smile. "Did you drink the blood?"

Buffy flushed.

"Yeah," Buffy admitted. "I drink half of Spike's left over supply of blood. I was so freaked out. I thought I was turning into a vampire or the baby was going to be one. Spike was so worried, but we found everything was fine and I craved more normal things peanut butter and pickles."

"You call that normal?" William asked amused.

"Well better then drinking blood," Buffy answered. "I would think you would be freaked out by this. You know think I was crazy and decide to offer me to the crazy ward."

William shrugged.

"I find in interesting," William answered. "Something told me that things here weren't normal. The vampire thing was just locked in my brain somewhere waiting to come out."

"So, you're ok with it all?" Buffy asked surprised.

"Yeah," William answered. "It's not like I'm scared of the night. I actually love it and I never really figured out why."

"Even though Spike was human, he still loved the night," Buffy said distantly. "He loved day light the most though because he missed it. He said he cherished seeing me in sunlight and he longed to watch Amber play in the park. He would be spoiling her rotten."

"Well, doesn't Angel?" William asked. Buffy shook her head.

"He doesn't want to play father," Buffy answered. "He feels it would be wrong to take Spike's place as her father. He just plays Uncle who sleeps during the day and is up when she goes to bed. She thinks of him as a bodyguard. Nothing more and nothing less."

"Well, she has a strong mother to protect her that's for sure," William offered.

"Yeah and she has a strong father that protects her even if he is dead," Buffy said sadly.