Dying Souls
Avatar Alchemist
Heero sat up with a start. It was the same dream he had had ever since Duo had left. Every time he would wake up after Duo gave him that last cold look. Every time he woke up with tears in his eyes.
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and stood. He went into the suite's bathroom and removed his boxers. He stepped into the shower and realized he had no idea what time it was. It had to be earlier than six thirty being as that is the time he had set is wake up call for.
He heard the phone ring. He debated letting it ring but if it was his wake up call and he didn't answer they would send someone up to the room. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped the hotel towel around his waist. He went to pick up the phone. Yes, he had asked for a wake up call at this time, thank you.
He went back to his shower after telling the person on the other line to please have a cab waiting for him in thirty minutes. He stood under the hot water for a while. He had told himself that if anything, he wanted to see Duo one last time. That part was fulfilled and now after, seeing how hopeless and selfish it had been to come, he reluctantly accepted fate.
He wanted to say good bye to Duo but thinking over it again, he didn't think it was such a good idea. He was sure he'd break down and all but beg Duo to run away with him. He laughed bitterly at the thought of it and finished up his shower. He stepped out and dried himself up with the towel. He got dressed more casually than he had been dressed the day before: a pair of jeans and a simple white t-shirt.
He grabbed his suitcase and headed for the door. He was sure Quatre would be at the office by that time so he didn't bother to knock on his suite door. He went into the elevator at the end of the hall and pressed the button for lobby and waited a bit impatiently as the mundane elevator music played. The doors finally opened and he rushed out. He went out onto the hotel passenger pick-up lot and waited.
"Mr. Yuy, your cab is waiting, sir," called the door man and extended his hand to a cab.
Heero nodded in 'Thanks' and got into the cab. The driver waited for instructions, which Heero promptly supplied, "The Winner Corp. offices."
The driver nodded and set the vehicle into motion.
Heero put his hand on his chin and closed his eyes. He would finally say good bye to Duo. However, saying good bye did not mean he would get closure or piece of mind. He would still leave with the darkness in his heart. With the deception and the unwillingness to keep going.
He had always been thought of as the strong one but the truth was he wasn't. He was afraid to keep going without Duo. He was afraid to accept that it was over. He had been going on hoping Duo would come back for five pathetic years. Five years wasted on waiting for Duo to return. Though, those five years wasted waiting was nothing compared to the years gone to waste in loving Duo. No, what he saying? Loving Duo would never be a waste it would be a most treasured memory. Even so...He'd wait all his life if only Duo promised to return.
The cab came to a halt in the Winner building parking lot. Heero handed the driver a twenty and asked him to wait. He left his suitcase in the car and walked into the building. He made his way to Duo's office but stopped in front of the secretaries desk.
"Mr. Yuy, no? Mr. Winner has asked me to tell you to step into the office as soon as you arrived," the secretary said and smiled up at Heero.
Heero said nothing. He stared at her as she continued with her work. He found those instructions very peculiar but he didn't think about it much. He hoped to be on his way home that same afternoon and he couldn't afford to waste any time questioning the secretary about the validity of her words.
He went into the office and found Duo leaning over some papers on his desk, while talking on the phone.
"No, I don't think that will work...Well, because it's an impossible supply. I can't export that much all at once...Well, if you feel you need to go to another company then I am sorry. I really have tried to find a loop-hole to make this work but I can't find any...All right, I will be waiting for you," he hung up the phone and sat, closing his eyes as he rubbed his temples..
Heero stared at him until he wasn't looking at Duo anymore. He stared into memories of times when he would kiss Duo's stress away. When they would sleep together just hold each other in darkness. Heero would come home and Duo would rub his back and...and...
"Heero?"
Heero blinked and snapped back to the present. He looked at Duo and made an effort to keep up his front, "I...came to say good bye."
Duo felt something in him burst and he clutched the arm of his chair, hoping subconsciously that his disappointment didn't break through, "You are leaving so soon?"
Heero nodded, "I had no real reason for coming here, Duo."
Duo said nothing. He stared at Heero's eyes as they wandered aimlessly through the office.
"I had no reason to come and disturb your life," Heero paused. What was he doing, saying this? Trying to guilt Duo? He held up his hand when Duo opened his mouth to speak, "I'm sorry. I came to say good bye and I have done so and I should be leaving now."
"Heero...I was hoping that you would be staying a while longer," Duo said and circled around his desk to go to Heero. He stood a foot away from him knowing it was a bad idea. His hands itched to touch his face.
"No, Duo...I should go. I'll miss my flight and...I really only came to say good bye so..." Heero took a step backwards still avoiding Duo's eyes. He couldn't look into them. He could get lost in them for all eternity and then it would be no good to even try to go on without him.
Duo watched as Heero began to turn. His mind yelled a million things but, among all the things it yelled, one thing soared above the rest; 'Stop him.'
Duo grabbed Heero's arm and pulled him into a kiss before he could stop himself. Like the day before, nothing more existed in that moment. It was only Duo, Heero, and their feelings for each other, forbidden as they may be.
Heero felt beyond happiness at that moment and he prayed to every being that time would hold still if only a moment longer but it seemed every being mocked him in return for his prayer.
Duo's phone buzzed and his secretaries voice came through, "Mr. Maxwell, you wife is on line two. She says it's very urgent she speaks with you."
Heero pulled back, not feeling ashamed for the kiss. He felt more like an idiot. He kept fooling himself. It's like he was fighting the darkness but he gave in to in on purpose from time to time. It was a useless struggle that he was loosing.
Duo stepped away from Heero. It was his turn to avoid Heero's eyes. He was married with a child but it had felt good. It had felt more natural than holding Hilde's hand when they went out on walks. He didn't love her because if he did then why didn't he feel what he felt with Heero every time he kissed her. Even looking at Heero made him happy but with Hilde...He didn't love her...Not the way a husband was supposed to love his wife.
The door opened and Duo's secretary poked her head in, "I'm sorry, I wasn't sure you'd heard me. You're wife..."
Duo held up his hand, "Yes, yes, thank you."
He went over to the phone, picked up the receiver, and pressed the button to connect to line two, "Hello?"
Heero watched as Duo turned his back to him, obviously full of guilt.
"Wait. What are you talking about?...Why? What happened?...Why weren't you watching her?...Stop crying, I can't understand you...What hospital did they take her to?...All right I'm on my way," Duo hung up and grabbed his jacket from his chair.
He turned and came face to face with Heero, "Helen, my daughter, she's at the hospital. I'm sorry Heero."
He rushed past him and out to his car.
"Duo! Where are you going?"
Duo turned to see Quatre, "Helen is in the hospital. Hilde says she fell off the swing set. I have to go see her."
Quatre nodded, "I'll follow you."
Duo said nothing as he got in his car and drove off.
Quatre held his hat in place as the wind produced by Duo's speeding off hit him. He looked around and saw Heero at the entrance to the building looking rather confused and a little hurt, "Heero!"
Heero saw Quatre and went over to him, "Where did my cab go?"
"I sent him to take your luggage back to the hotel so you could go to the hospital to see Helen," Quatre said and smiled. He hooked his arm to Heero's and lead him to the rental car.
"What are you talking about? You knew about Helen getting hurt?" Heero asked, giving Quatre a strange look as they got in the car.
"No, but it does work out nicely!" Quatre said with a smile.
"You almost sound happy that she got hurt," Heero said and glared at Quatre.
Out of everyone Quatre was the most affected by Duo's decision. He was secretly set on making Duo go back to Heero. He refused to let Duo go. What had always given Quatre hope and strength was the fact that someone like Duo had been on "their side." The thought of someone like Duo that could surpass anything was Quatre's source of inspiration to keep going. When Duo left and denied himself, the ideal Quatre held so dear had shattered. It was something Quatre wasn't ready to let go of. He accepted Duo's decision because he still wanted Duo's strong personality. He wanted to stay in touch with Duo and call on him when he was needed. A super-hero kept in storage. However, that idea also failed. When Duo denied himself, he lost his very essence. His soul, his true identity was being locked up and this was something that Quatre had no use for. He wanted to see Duo happy. He wanted to have the old Duo back. Hilde did not allow the old Duo to shine through and so in order for Quatre to reach his selfish goal he needed to take her out of the picture. Quatre couldn't give up on Duo because doing so would drain him and leave him as empty as Duo was now.
"Quatre?" Heero looked as Quatre's eyes glazed over and became empty.
The blond snapped back and smiled sadly, "No, Heero, I don't blame the girl for anything except keeping them together."
Hilde sobbed as she paced up and down the hall waiting for Duo to get there.
The doctor had said Helen was ok. She had only broken her arm and she was now sleeping under the influence of a sedative for the pain. She would be ok. She would be ok. She would...
Dammit!, Hilde cursed herself. She had been outside sitting right in front of the swing set as Helen played but she got to thinking about Heero being there. Duo and Heero would be seeing each other in the office. The danger of her loosing Duo had never been so present. It had never been so near. She had gotten so caught up in her thoughts that by the time she looked up. Helen was on her way off the swing.
She had lost her grip. She was going to fast. She tried to break her fall by putting out her hand but it broke under the pressure. Hilde had tried to catch her but she had been too far away. She had heard Helen's scream to late.
Duo came around the corner and rushed up to Hilde, "What happened?"
"I was watching her, Duo. I swear. I only got distracted for a second. I'm so sorry," Hilde sobbed desperately and clung onto Duo.
Duo pulled her away, as gently as he could, and walked past her without saying a word.
Hilde felt her heart skip a beat as it had done when Helen had fallen off the swing. Duo had walked right by her, ignoring her pain. Ignoring the fact that she needed to hear something from his lips, even if what she heard was a scorn. Ignoring the fact that she needed to be consoled and held. Ignoring the fact that she needed her husband.
Duo stepped into Helen's room and walked up to the bed in which she lay sleeping. He took her small hand and brought it to his lips. He brushed a lock of her hair away from her face and looked at her little arm in the cast. He supposed he really wasn't mad at Hilde. Worried about Helen had been more like the case, and in his worry he had not allowed himself time for Hilde.
He heard the door open and turned to see her enter, followed by Quatre and Heero. He looked into Hilde's red, puffed eyes. Her eyelashes were stuck to each other and her face looked damp from the many tears that continued to roll down her face.
Heero and Quatre walked up to the bed but Hilde stood some feet away.
She felt so guilty and she had this strange paranoid feeling; She had given Duo a reason to go to Heero. She had all but delivered him to Heero.
Duo looked back at Hilde.
She caught his eyes and began to sob uncontrollably. She rushed to Duo and threw her arms around him, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Heero watched in silence as Duo took Hilde in his arms and whispered sweet words of love and comfort into her ear. In turn she held him tighter and buried her face deeper into his neck.
Heero felt an urge to break down and cry as Hilde was doing. He left the room fearing he would do so, but once in the hall he did so anyways. He put his forehead up to the wall and cried silently.
He understood why he could never have Duo back. He understood everything now. It made so much sense. Duo would never return to him because Duo didn't need him.
Duo had never needed him. On the other hand Heero was lost without Duo. In all these years, Heero had been the one to feed from Duo's light and love for life but then Duo left. Heero died on the inside and became no more than an empty shell, but Duo...He had gone out and married. Duo had been the stronger one. He had kept going while Heero was still frozen in the past. Afraid to move forward. Afraid of the future. Afraid to go on without Duo's light to guide him down life's dark road.
Quatre excused himself and left the room in search of Heero. He looked down the hall towards the waiting area and saw Heero sitting with his face in his hands.
Quatre went and kneeled before him, "Heero?"
"I understand now, Quatre. I have to accept it now and force myself to move on," Heero whispered hoarsely but refused to take his face out of his hands.
"What are you talking about? What is it you understand?" Quatre asked with a confused frown.
"I think even I thought Duo needed me but I couldn't fulfill the role. I thought Duo needed me but all this time it's been me who's needed him. It's been me who's been lost," Heero paused and lifted his face to look at Quatre, "But I'm afraid to finally give him up...I'm afraid of being alone."
Quatre felt an overwhelming need to protect Heero. He wrapped his arms around him and gently soothed him, "That's why we can't let Duo leave us, Heero. If you really love him then you need to fight your love.
"Come with me."
They stood and Quatre lead Heero around the hospital until they found and empty patient's room.
"Heero," Quatre spoke once hey were in the room, "I never shunned Duo for what he did. Though, I found it disgusting to think of his cowardliness. I wanted Duo to be happy and if being with Hilde would make him happy, so be it, but year after year of visiting him only disgusted me more.
"Duo doesn't love Hilde, he never did, and never will. He's so willing to put up that front of faux love and marriage so it would be normal to society. I started to hate Hilde and the fact that she knows Duo doesn't lover her yet she...She submits herself to the falseness of it. I had wanted to convince Duo to leave her. I wanted to tell him, to make him see the truth but I knew he couldn't be helped. He loves Helen too much. He-"
"Quatre I don't understand, what are you driving at?" Heero interrupted.
"I don't want Hilde at Duo's side any longer! I can't accept to see him suffer and die. Don't you see? It's the only way to save him," Quatre said breathlessly, growing desperate at the mere thought of it.
"Quatre, it's useless. Duo would never leave Helen," Heero paused and gave Quatre a curious look, "Are you that willing to break up a marriage?"
He had a feeling that Quatre wanted him to be excited. As if they were plotting the fall of some great evil. Though, he didn't feel that way. It was wrong to even think about. Family was something so sacred but then again wasn't love also sacred?
"Don't you understand? Haven't you been listening to me? It's false! He doesn't love her. He never will!" Quatre exclaimed, tears blurring his vision.
"It makes no difference. They have a daughter! They are a family. I can't tear him from Helen. I can't tear Hilde from him. It's not fair for them. It's selfish. It's-"
Heero put his hand to his cheek. It throbbed a little from the blow. He looked Quatre in the eye but was too shocked to actually speak.
"You don't understand. I need Duo too! If anyone was being selfish it was him. The day he left us he betrayed us. Yet...Yet...I want him back! I want Duo back," he covered his eyes with his arm, as a child might, and continued sobbing, "...But I can't bring him back. Only you can. I want him back. I don't want him to die.
"I would move heaven and earth so he could keep his daughter, if only he would come back," he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and left Heero still standing there, dumbfounded and holding his cheek.
The truth was they were all being selfish for their own reasons and in the same way they were all dying. They were all in pain.
Finally...::sigh::...for those of you that keep up with this story I will try to finish up Chapter 4 soon. Please be patient!