Simple Happiness
Avatar Alchemist
Sorry for those of you that keep up. It took me a while to finish this one. Finals are creeping up on me and I got tangled in my own story line. Anyways, finals are still creeping up on me but I've smoothed out the story line...At least for this chapter ;
Duo filled his cup with coffee and headed back to Helen's room.
She'd be able to go home that afternoon. The doctor had only wanted to keep her overnight to make sure Helen was doing all right and that she hadn't developed any allergic reaction to any of the medications and sedatives given to her.
Duo entered the room and smiled at Helen, as she ate the toast that came with her breakfast.
She had woken up and seen her arm in the cast. She had cried for a little while, more from fear than pain, but she had calmed down. She seemed all right with it, since she noticed there was in fact no pain.
Duo went to stand next to the window in the small room. He looked over, as Hilde began to stir in the chair she had claimed as her bed the night before.
Helen finished with her piece of toast and looked over at Duo, "Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Why didn't Heero come before?" she asked and reached over to grab a coloring book and crayons a nurse had brought for her earlier.
Duo looked away avoiding Hilde's stare, "He's very busy, I guess."
"Why is he so quiet all the time? He looks mean," Helen exclaimed, without looking up from the picture she was coloring.
"Heero's always been like that but he's not mean," Duo said. He knew it was wrong to say things that could be hurtful to Hilde. However, it just didn't feel wrong to talk about Heero when what he was saying was the truth.
Hilde stared at Duo. She didn't say anything. She was afraid to do so. She didn't want this conversation to continue but her guilt for the events from yesterday didn't allow her to speak.
"Daddy, were you and Heero great friends? The other day at dinner he said you used to be great friends. I like him," Helen said still ignoring everything but her picture.
"We were," Duo said simply and drank from his coffee.
"Daddy, why doesn't he smile? Is he sad? Quatre smiles such pretty smiles but Heero doesn't," Hilde looked up for the first time and stared into Duo's eyes. It was as if she knew. It was painful to have her stare at him like that yet he couldn't seem to look away.
"I suppose he is sad...I don't know," Duo answered. He managed to look away when Hilde returned to her picture but then he glanced over to Hilde. He didn't like this conversation anymore. He didn't want to be allowed to remember. He didn't want to wish it was like before.
"But why?" she paused and looked at her drawing thoughtfully, "Why is Heero so sad, daddy?"
Duo looked down at the floor, "I...I..."
Hilde stood and went to Duo's side, taking his hand in hers, "Daddy's very tired, honey, stop asking him so many questions."
Helen shrugged, "Ok."
Duo pulled away from Hilde and went to Helen's side. He touched her hair. She had Hilde's black hair and Duo's violet eyes. The difference was that Hilde's hair was longer and her eyes still had the gloss of happiness.
"Daddy! I know what can make Heero happy! When ever I am sad you hold me tight until I fall asleep and then you tuck me into bed. If Heero is so sad then someone should hold him tight and tuck him into bed. Does Heero have anyone to hold him tight, daddy?"
Duo looked down at Helen's enthusiastic face then over at Hilde; tears were building up in her eyes. He looked back at Helen and shook his head sadly, "No..."
Not anymore, he thought to himself, Not since I left him for this...For my 'normal' life.
"Daddy...," Helen started as she put her crayons up, "...You give the bestest hugs. Mommy gives them too, but you hug the bestest. You should give Heero a hug."
No one said anything. The room was silent the exception of Helen's humming as she held up her flipped through her book.
Duo looked at her absently. It was all so hopeless. It was a withering lie. He almost wanted to laugh but no doubt his laughing would convert to crying and endless depression. He'd grown too used to life with Hilde that, even if Helen wasn't in between he'd think twice before leaving her.
Helen looked up from her coloring book and continued as if she had never stopped, "I think that would make Heero happy."
Heero looked at Quatre from across the table they hadn't spoken much since what happened at the hospital. Quatre had shown a side of him Heero had never seen or even thought existed. Quatre had bared his fangs declaring war on Hilde and everything Duo had become. Though, he'd done nothing but be true to what he felt. He'd spoken out. He'd declared he wanted Duo back despite everything, which is how Heero felt but didn't dare speak it. It made Heero seem so pathetically useless. He knew it did but he didn't care, if in the end he'd have Duo at his side once more. However, this would never happen lest he stopped being a coward for Hilde's sake and began to care more for what he wanted.
"Listen, Heero...I'm sorry for my behavior last night. I don't know what came over me. I also acknowledge hitting you didn't make things better. We'll go home tomorrow night. I can' leave yet due to things still pending at the office and I don't want you to go ahead without me. I understand you'd rather not see Duo anymore so just go around the city and..." he trailed off and looked off into nothingness.
"Don't worry about last night. We're both affected by this, I guess, in our own way," Heero said and took a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. He took one out and ventured to find his lighter.
"Always carry a lighter when traveling with Heero. Just in case," Quatre said with a little smile and held out a lighter. His smile faded and he went on, "I miss him, Heero."
Heero lit his cigarette and took a drag. This would be the first time he'd talked about it. The first time he'd really spoken how he felt about Duo being gone. He wouldn't put on the mask anymore, it was useless. It didn't matter anymore.
"I do too. After five years...I can't forget him. I can't let it go. Am I being pathetic?" Heero asked rhetorically and shrugged absently. He took another drag and tapped the ashes off.
Quatre smiled bitterly, "We're all being pathetic. I told you last night. I am utterly disgusted by the lie Duo lives. I'm disgusted to the point of wishing Helen hadn't been born. It would have been so much easier."
He'd said the last bit more to himself but not soft enough to keep Heero from hearing him.
"I have to admit to you I want him back also but I can't let myself do it. No matter which way I look at it nothing justifies my breaking him away from them. It seems wrong to us but to him...It's perfectly normal. I suppose it is but not when he has to become someone completely new. At the end of all this I hope to be able to walk away with some understanding of it. I have to see Duo again. I have to get the closure I so desperately need," Heero took a finally the final drag and crushed the cigarette butt in the ashtray that sat in the center of the table.
"Then I think you should know...I'm selling this branch of the corporation. I don't want to see Duo again. The deal will be finalized sometime next month. It's the reason for this visit. Of course I still haven't told Duo but I suppose I should do that soon," he smiled sadly, "I also must move on. I'm sorry I dragged you into this. It was my last selfish attempt. Things have to get better for us and lingering on...Well, at least things can't get any worse."
Heero nodded, "What about Duo's position at the corporation. All business seems to be running as if nothing were happening."
"Yes, part of the deal. None of the clients know about the transaction and as for Duo...He'll be keeping his position unless he wants to give it up, of course, in which case the company buying the branch will bring in one of their own to manage it. I asked them to let Duo stay. They've been watching his performance. It seems they are pleased with the way he works," Quatre said and took a sip of his tea.
"So this will be it? This will be good bye to Duo," Heero said silently.
"Indeed. We'll be saying good bye. If only we could truly let go...Maybe even forget."
Duo walked into the office. He'd left things on hold since the day of Helen's accident and honestly he did need to get back. He sat at his desk with the daily pile of paper work and began to work. He wondered if Quatre would be coming today to take care of the paper work for the upcoming pay raises for the employees.
As if on cue Quatre stepped dressed for business, briefcase held tightly in his hand. He smiled at Duo and without saying a word went to sit in a chair in front of his desk.
"Good morning, Quatre," Duo said and returned the smile. The strange feeling he always ignored returned; why didn't Heero come? Had he left?
"I suppose," Quatre said but this time he didn't smile. He put his briefcase up on Duo's desk and opened it, "I'll be leaving earlier than planned due to Heero but no matter. We should have enough time to tie things up today. Though, we might have to spend all day in the office. Your wifewon't mind will she?"
Duo flinched at the emphasis Quatre had put on the word wife but he pretended he hadn't heard it. In all these years Quatre had never really been rude about things. He'd been supportive about everything. There was no need for him to be rude about it now.
"No, I don't think she will," Duo answered after a while and shifted uneasily in his chair.
Quatre nodded and took out some papers. He handed them to Duo without saying a word and sat pack, putting his hands together on his lap, "Read."
Duo took the papers and assumed they were the papers they'd been talking about but when he actually read them he became confused, "You're selling the branch?"
"Indeed, it's been long coming but I saw no reason to tell you being as it wont jeopardize your position. You'll still be head man here. Nothing will change for you," Quatre said with a dry tone.
"Quatre, I don't understand. Why are you doing this? And without telling me? What-"
"Duo, I'm very sorry but last time I checked I didn't have to answer to you. I made sure you could keep your position. I think you should be grateful if anything. Everything will keep on as it always has with the exception of new clients, of course. The workers will still be receiving their raise..."
Quatre kept talking but Duo had stopped listening a while ago. Quatre was cutting ties with him? After five years of maintaining a seemingly close relationship Quatre was leaving him. Stranded in the life he had chosen. Without his friends. Alone with Hilde until death do them part.
"Are you listening? It is extremely imperative that you prepare things for when your new employers visit. I won't be dealing with them after the signing of the papers and as expected, I won't be needing to come visit anymore," Quatre said and flipped through the papers in his briefcase, "I seem to have forgotten some of the paper work. If you could please come by the hotel and pick it up by five o'clock tomorrow afternoon. If I'm not in my room I'll make sure to leave the papers with Heero, as trustworthy as the hotel staff is these papers are worth far more than they are. You won't mind will you?"
Duo shook his head. He looked down at his hands, "Why are you doing this Quatre?"
Quatre stood and went around to Duo. He took Duo in his arms and sighed, "I'm freeing you from your past Duo. Isn't this what you always wanted?"
Duo didn't answer. By the time he looked up Quatre and his briefcase were gone. Duo got up, not bothering to finish his work or put anything away. He grabbed his coat and headed out to his car. He drove home and walked into his house. He heard Hilde off in the distance, though he was sure she'd been a mere couple of feet away. He ignored her not because he had wanted to but he couldn't think about anything other than what had happened with Quatre. His mind couldn't stop repeating Quatre's last words, "I'm freeing you from your past Duo. Isn't this what you wanted?"
He got up to their bedroom and laid on the bed. He closed his eyes and fought back the sobs waiting to escape his throat. If there was anything that he didn't want to go through was being without any of them. He didn't want Quatre to leave him. He didn't want to be left alone.
Hilde entered the bedroom and walked up to the bed where Duo lay curled into a tight ball. She didn't remember ever seeing him this upset. She had liked to think it was because he never got that upset but she knew Duo had always kept his true feelings hidden.
She sat next to him and gently laid her hand on his back. She was surprised when Duo lay his head on her lap and cried as he encircled her waist with his arms.
"Duo, what's wrong?" she asked and stroked his hair.
"Quatre's selling the branch. I'll never see him or the others again," he whispered, "I'll be alone."
Hilde was taken by surprise once more to hear his confession. Quatre was exiting their lives. She almost felt happy and relieved but then Duo's sobbing came through and his tears began to soak through her skirt. It was wrong to feel the way she felt.
She looked down at Duo lovingly.
True love created beautiful things but it also gave power and strength enough to undo things. Love was nothing if it wasn't happiness as well.
"Duo, don't cry. People leave because they must. In order for you to be happy they must, but no matter what, Helen and I will always be there," Hilde said quietly and pulled Duo up to face her.
The stared into each other's eyes for a silent moment of revelation and then it was gone.
I'm sorry," Duo said. He kissed Hilde's cheek and stood, "Duo you want to go for a walk?"
"No, go on...We'll be here."
Duo got out of the shower and dried himself off. He got dressed from the waist down which left him wearing a pair of blue jeans. He left the restroom and looked at Hilde.
Hilde blushed. She would never be able to get used to the way he looked at her. She watched as he smiled at her and turned to the closet.
Duo got out a button up black shirt and put it on, not bothering to button it up yet. He went in search of a hair brush and a towel to dry his hair.
Hilde handed him a towel and his favorite hair brush.
"Thanks," he said and kissed her cheek. He dried his hair, brushed it, and tied it up in it's usual braid. He buttoned up his shirt and made his way down to the kitchen.
"Helen!" Duo exclaimed a little surprised to see her up so early, "What are you doing up, sweetie?"
"I couldn't sleep anymore, daddy, and I'm thirsty," Helen said and rubbed her eyes sleepily.
"All right," he took her in his arms and she lay her head on his shoulder, "You're not even wearing your socks. The floor is cold, you're going to get sick."
"I couldn't find them and I'm really thirsty," Helen said.
"Yeah? Ok," Duo went to the fridge and opened it, "What do you want? Juice, kool-aid, or water?"
"I want some juice," Helen said and lifted her head off Duo's shoulder.
Duo sat her down on the counter and went to serve her up some juice. He handed her the cup and watched her gulp it down.
She put the cup down and yawned, "Daddy isn't today Saturday?"
"Yes, do you want to go watch cartoons?" Duo asked and held out his arms.
"Daddy, are you going to work? When did Quatre leave? He didn't come to say good bye," she climbed into his arms again but didn't put her head down so she could look at him.
"Well, Quatre is leaving today but he can't come to say good bye because he will be very very busy. I'm not going to work today so I'm going to go say good bye to him and to Heero," Duo said though that wasn't entirely true. The only reason he was going to see Quatre was to get those papers he needed.
"Oh, daddy, will you make Heero smile today? Oh, I wish you would so next time he comes he will smile for me!" Helen exclaimed as Duo put her down on the couch.
"I don't know Helen. We'll have to wait and see how things happen. Even so, I don't think they will come back again," Duo said.
"It doesn't matter, daddy. When you're happy I know you are happy even if you aren't here because when you leave you leave with a smile; like this," she smiled wide and giggled, "Heero can smile like that and you can tell me and then I will know even if he doesn't come back."
Duo smiled at her happiness. She seemed so contempt in knowing that Heero would be happy even if she didn't see him. She didn't even know him, not really. She had spent a total of two hours with him yet she felt like she knew him.
"I have to go now and pick up some papers tell mommy ok?" Duo said but didn't wait for Helen to answer.
Duo drove to the hotel and went up to the hotel number Quatre had indicated. He knocked, waited, then eventually knocked again. He hesitated before walking away and moving towards the door next to it. He knocked and prepared himself for anything. He was worrying to much, though, wasn't he? He was only there to pick up some papers.
The door opened and Heero stepped into view. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a button up shirt that wasn't completely buttoned.
"I'm sorry to bother you. I only-"
"You don't have to be so formal. Honestly, Duo, we should be past all formalities. I'm glad you came. We need to talk," Heero said and opened the door wide so that Duo could walk in.
"Listen, Heero it's best if we don't-"
Heero looked back at him, "Duo, you know as much as I do that this is the best thing for both of us. I can't get past it and I know you can't either or else you wouldn't have kissed me the other day. We need to talk and let it go."
Duo nodded in acceptance, it was true. After seeing Heero he just couldn't stop thinking about how it was. He had never realized how much he had missed Heero. He had never realized how bad it would be without any of them until the day before. He had never realized how badly he wanted to hold on to it.
"Sit where ever you're most comfortable," Heero said and reached into his shirt pocket for his pack of cigarettes. He took one out and lit it.
"I didn't know you smoked," Duo said before he could stop himself.
"Many things change in five years, Duo, but some things may always stay the same. I know it's not right for me to be here but I had to come. I had to tell you I still love you and I guess...I can't take you from your family if you feel happy with them. I can't come and tell you you're a coward. I can't say I hate you, the truth is...I love you and maybe I always will but I just had to come and tell you. It was something I had to do but I just wasn't willing to do it," he paused and took a drag, "I don't think I'll ever be able to see you again but I don't think I want to loose contact with you...No, that's too selfish. All of this its..." he trailed off, took another drag, and turned away from Duo.
Duo fought back the tears in his eyes. He wanted to say it. It was wrong but...why didn't it feel wrong? He looked down at the carpet and decided to avoid Heero's eyes. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to be weak. He didn't want to betray Hilde.
"So...listen, here are those papers. Quatre left them for you this morning before he went to pick up our tickets with his travel agent."
Duo took the papers without looking up and placed them on the chair next to his and stood to look into Heero's eyes.
"Duo don't say anything, please. I'm sorry for having come. I shouldn't have but I can't forget you. Though, by coming, I'm not helping myself, am I?" he said with a chuckle and put his cigarette out in the ashtray on the table next to Duo's chair.
"You were never too bright when it came to things like this," Duo said and brought his lips up to Heero's. "One last time," he thought, "for old time's sake."
I feel like this wasn't the best I could've done but considering it was much worse and any improvement might make it worse I'll keep it as is. Hope it wasn't too bad .;; Please review..