Chapter Four: KakarikoVillage + DeathMountainCrater + Zora'sDomain = Pain and Suffering
Grim, that is the only way to describe the situation of Link&company(x4). No more need be said, so we will ju......(fog horn)..oh very funny.
Our fair Hero's are exiting the Lost Woods/Zora's Domain warp tunnel when things get fishy!
Bluelink: Now we have to be careful Saria, dangerous creatures lurk about, waiting to pounce on us at every moment, just waiting to
Biped Fish: HI LINKY!
Bluelink: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Run Saria! Don't turn back whatever you do just run for your life!
Saria: It's just Ruto link.
Bluelink: Just Ruto? Oh good I thought something horrible was going to happen!!!!!!!!!!
Ruto: Oh linky you are so cute when your angry.
Bluelink: Ok 2 things, 1 never call me "linky" again and 2 never call me cute.
Saria: Actually you are kinda cute when you get angry, your face get's all red and you stomp about.
Bluelink: Saria you aren't helping.
Ruto: What is she doing here linky? Is she trying to steal you away from me?
Bluelink: How many times have we been over this, Saria is just my friend, and you are just chum.
Saria: Just a friend?
Ruto: Chum?
Bluelink: Yes chum, you feed it to bigger fish, carnivorous fish!
Ruto: Oh linky your so funny, there are no bigger carnivorous fish around here.
Bluelink: *under his breath* yeah but there is in Termina.
Ruto: What?
Saria: What?
Bluelink: *straighting up* I said yeah but there isn't a terminal. *thinking to self* oh yeah, smooth.
Ruto&Saria: What?
Saria: I think all the humidity is getting to your head Link, lets get you out of here.
Ruto: Oh no you don't, *grabing one of Links arms and pulling* it's all that fairy dust and wood sprites that he hangs around with you!
Saria: *grabing his other arm and pulling* Maybe it's just the stench of fish guts coming from your putrid mouth!
Ruto: Maybe it's just the childish tantrums you throw when you don't get your way!
Bluelink: Um, can we settle this without involving me?
Ruto&Saria: SHUTUP!
Saria: You say I'm childish but look at you, miss scaley slavedriver!
Ruto: You hush your mouth you greenhaired forest freak!
Saria: Fishface!
Ruto: Treehugger!
Saria: *GASPS* YOUR DAD IS FAT!
Ruto: *GASPS* WELL YOU DON'T HAVE AND DAD!
Saria: *GASPS* wELL ATLEAST MY FATHER FIGURE IS HAS MORE WISDOM THAN FAT!
Ruto: WHY YOU LITTLE!
Saria: BRING IT ON!
Ruto and Saria immeditaly get into a fight, Ruto rips Saria's hair out, she in turn bites off fins and scales, it's not a pretty sight, but Link does seem to be enjoying himself.
Bluelink: You get her Saria, show her whose boss!
Ruto: Stay outta this linky!
Bluelink: I thought we talked about this whole linky thing.
Ruto tries to push Saria off the ledge and down into the water below but Saria falls on her back putting her feet into Ruto's midsection and pushing her over herself over the ledge and into the water below.
Bluelink: Oh please oh please oh please!
Saria: HA! Take that sister!
Ruto magically appears behind them and then kicks Saria off the ledge.
Bluelink: Hey! How did you do that, you are supposed to be dead. THERE ARE ROCKS DOWN THERE!
Ruto: Oh linky you don't get it do you, I'm a sage, sages can't die, no matter what you do to us we never die.
Bluelink: Oh really?! *Draws sword and hacks Ruto's head clean off*
Ruto's head magically appears back on her neck with no wounds of any kind.
Ruto: Linky there was no reason for that senseless act of violence.
Saria: NO BUT THERE IS FOR THIS ONE! HIYA!
Saria who is now weilding Links Megaton Hammer(which is about twice her size atleast) smashes Ruto's legs, breaking them of course, she then proceeds with an upper cut which sends Ruto down into what should be her watery grave.
Saria: HA! Eat that fishgirl.
Bluelink: Oh thankyou thankyou thankyou! *falls down bowing to Saria kissing her boots, giving them quite the shine* *sparkle*
Ruto: Not so fast!
Ruto is now weilding the most dangerous weapon of all, nothing not even Ganondorf can withstand it's mighty power! It is!,,,,, The Zora King being held up by some unknown magical force, it would have to be some force though.
ZoraKing: How did I get here? I've never seen this place!
Ruto: That's because it would take 50 million years for you to get to the door daddy, and even then you would never fit. Bow before the sheer and awsome power that I have!
Saria: NEVER!
Bluelink: Um Saria you might want to reconsider. *link points above her head, she looks up to see the ZoraKing above her*
Saria: Yikes! Oh Ruto, I'm sorry, a thousand apologies *does a very quick curtsy(however it is spelled) and then drops and bows over and over so fast that she is almost doing pushups*
Ruto: And you linky?
Bluelink: Huh? Oh right me, um lookout behind you Ruto!
Ruto looks behind her then turns back
Ruto: Linky there is nothing *GASPS*!
She turns around to see Bluelink and carring a still bowing Saria and running for his life(quite so) for the Hyrule Field exit.
Ruto: GET BACK HERE! *magically throws the King at them*
Bluelink: AH! *leaps forward narrowly missing a certain and squishy death*
Ruto: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrr RETURN! *throws her hand back and the King starts flying in that direction* No wait NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *splat, squish, and anything else icky sounding* Eh my head it hurts.
ZoraKing: Hmm that's funny, I don't seem to remember moving that fast ever in my life! *shifts around* what could that peculiar feeling be.
Ruto: *muffeled* It's just me father, your sitting on me.
ZoraKing: Oh dear, my beloved Ruto, traped under my colosal persona! Hey while you are down there, could you scratch my lower back, it has been bugging me for ages.
Ruto: *crying* why me.
Let us quickly flee from that disturbing scene, I just know that is going to give me nightmares, anyway Bluelink and still bowing Saria head out across Hyrule field to reach Kakariko Village, however another of our Links, make that two, are already heading to Kakariko Village, with some difficulty however.
Purplelink: (who is riding the old donkey) Why do I always get the shaft?
Link: Because I'm the goodlooking one!
Purplelink: But we are exactly identical!
Link: Oh, then it's because I'm the smart one!
Purplelink: Again we are the same person.
Link: Oh, then it's because I'm the original one!
Purplelink: Now you are starting to make sense.
Navi: Will you two be quiet! I can't take it anymore one stupid thing after another is there no sane person out there!
Malon: Ahem, I'm here Navi.
Navi: Oh yeah.
Epona: Neigh.
OldDicrepidDonkey: (um,) donkey sounds.
Link: So, um what do we do now?
Purplelink: How about we go to the castle and see Zelda!
Link: Yeah that's a great idea!
Navi: Except for the fact that Zelda is at Vaati's Palace!
Link&Purplelink: Oh yeah.
Malon: I don't see how you put up with it Navi.
Navi: Special fairy patience.
Epona: Neigh.
ODD: Donkey sounds.
Link: So I suppose we should try to rescue her huh?
Navi: That's what we have been doing!
Link: Oh very well then.
Purplelink: Right so on to Kakariko!
Link: On to Kakariko!
Navi: Eh if ya can't beat em, On to Kakariko!
Malon: Join em, On to Kakariko!
They continued on until they reached the steps leading up to the Village.
Link: DISMOUNT!
Purplelink&Malon&Navi: HUH?
Link: Oh forget it just follow me.
He then proceeds to get off of Epona, leaving Malon still seated on her.
Malon: Ermmm Ahem!
Link: Oh right.
As he walks over Malon begins falling gracefully towards his arms, but he just grabs his bow and walks away.
*Thump*
Malon: LINK!
Link: Huh?
Navi: Oh yeah smoothe link, let the lady fall flat on her face.
Purplelink: Link you are such a clutz hahahahahaha ooooffffffff. *falls off of Donkey*
ODD: Donkey sounds.
Epona: Neigh.
Link: Oh sorry Malon *picks her up and stands her up* There ya go.
Purplelink: Come on we gotta get going. *starts heading up the stairs*
Navi: Yeah let's go. *follows him*
Link: Ok come on Malon, quit lagging behind.
Malon: I hate him.
All the band aside from Epona and ODD went up to Kakariko, and once they were out of ear shot, Epona looked this way and that, then stood up on her hind legs leaned back against wall and digged in her saddlebags pulling out a pipe and bubbles?
Epona: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that feels so good.
ODD: You said it youngin. *blows bubbles*
Epona: I don't know why I let them ride me, I mean Link with all his junk has got to weigh atleast 250 lbs. and Malon could stand to lose a few pounds too!
ODD: Hey well I had that same 250 on me ya know, and I'm about dead!
Epona: True gramps, but Malon is just trying to get rid of you anyway. It's genocide I tell ya!
ODD: She is? I knew it, she always did give me that look, you know the one!
Epona: You mean the I'm going to kill you look?
ODD: Yeah! that's it!
Epona: *sighs* Maybe she should kill you.
ODD: Eh? What's that! Speak up missy.
Epona looks around, then clonks him on the head killing him.
Epona: Was bound to happen sooner or later.
Someone walking out of Kakariko rounds the corner and hears Epona say what she just said.
Kakarian: Um, uh.
Epona get back down on all 4s: Neigh.
Kakarian: Ok, you did not just see a horse talking, you don't need anymore therapy, you are perfectly normal, you eh are hehe per hehehe fect heheheheeeheheheheh norm muHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Runs off screaming*
Epona: And they say horses have problems, Neigh.
The secret life of horses, who knew?! Anyway we better check up on our gang in the DeathMountainCrater.
Tingle: I spy with my little eye something
Redlink whispering to Darunida: You whack him with the rock, then I'll block him into the lava, hut one hut two break!
Darunia then runs over and boots Tingle over towards Redlink, who then leaping hicks Tingle(who is curled up into a ball now) right inbetween the two rocks in the crater.
Redlink: It's up its up...........
Darunia: And it's good!
*Crowds cheering*
Magical lights flash and and smoke comes up from the lava, and all of the sudden poof!
Tingle: Ahhhhhh, hey I'm not burning.
Redlink: Why is he still here?
Darunia: I'm not sure, I mean the only people who could survive that would be a sage or a fairy.
Tingle: YES! Really! Then at last Tingle has proof that he is a fairy!
Redlink: No you aren't.
Darunia: I fear that we must admit he is a sage, of um, something.
Tingle: No my silly rock eating friend, Tingle is a fairy, you said so yourself.
Darunia: Not exactly, you are choosing my words for your own personal gain.
Redlink: But he can't be a sage, what would he be the sage of?
Just then a big man in a robe appeared.
BMIR: Indeed he is a sage!
Redlink: You are kidding right?
Darunia: It would seem not.
BMIR: No he is a sage.
Redlink: And how would you know?
BMIR: Because stupid I am a sage.
Darunia: Then why haven't I seen you?
Redlink: Let's see what other big fat guys do I know, lets see there is Darunia
Darunia: Hey!
Redlink: KingZora
Tingle: And........
Redlink: Um, that does it.
BMIR: You are pretty thick aren't you?
Darunia: You have no idea.
BMIR: I guess I'll have to just tell you. It is I RAURU!
Redlink&Darunia&Tingle: Oh. So?
Rauru: I am the sage of light, therefore I know who is and isn't a sage.
Redlink: Really? Am I a sage?
Rauru: No.
Redlink: Awwww, I want a second opinion.
Rauru: Well you can't have one. Yes Tingle is a sage, so get used to it.
Redlink: Oh yeah, then what is he the sage of?
Tingle: Of fairies!
Darunia: Of short 35yearoldmen wearing tights?
Rauru: Nope, of Maps!
Redlink&Darunia: Maps? A sage of Maps?
Redlink: Do we really need a sage of maps?
Rauru: Yes, because you are an idiot.
Darunia: Yes you are.
Tingle: Don't worry MR. Fairy, Tingle thinks you are brave and strong, but also stupid.
Redlink: You are so comforting.
Rauru: Anyway you need him to get into the dungeons.
Redlink: You really hate me don't you.
Rauru: Yes actually, it's on my card. *shows him business card* see it says right there "I hate Link."
Redlink: This is cruel and unusal and you know it.
Rauru: Yep, have fun. *disappears*
Tingle: Don't you worry Mr. Fairy, Tingle knows what will cheer you up! I know a song that gets on everybodies nerves!
Redlink: WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmm that is most unfortunate for Redlink, but fortunate for Tingle, I suppose that is a good thing, but probably not.
Will Bluelink ever get to Kakariko Village alive?
Will Saria ever stop bowing?
Will Ruto ever make it out from under the biggest Zora in all of Hyrule?
Will Epona ever break her bubble addiction? Will she reveal to Link that she can talk?
Will that Random Kakarian ever be normal! Again probably not.
Will(that's alot of wills) Loui and the Moblins who were absent from this chapter make it into the next chapter?
Will Redlink,Darunia and the new sage Tingle ever find the Dungeon?
Will Tingle ever tire of annoying us all? I think you know the answer to that.
For these and other exciting questions tune in next time for
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: FOUR SWORDS, well sorta.
You thought I forgot about Zelda didn't you? Hahahaha, well actually I did until just now, here is what is going on in her neck of the woods.
Vaati: Here is your double deluxe latte!
Zelda: *sips it* This latte is COLD! Get me another *throws it at him*
Vaati: Yes my, hey wait a minute, why am I doing all this for you, you are my prisoner!
Zelda: Ah yes but if you want me to be your queen you will have to try harder than this.
Vaati: *thinks it over* Um ok, one more latte coming up. *dashs out in the usual fashion*
Zelda: Hmm, what could be taking them so long, I better call them just to make sure they are on their way.
*Dials*
OE: Helloooa?
Zelda: Where are you you poor excuse for a rescue?
OE: I'ma busy, peachs voicea just gota stolen, I'll haveta do thisa first.
Zelda: Oh alright fine perhaps I can find someone else to help thanks anyway Mario.
Mario: I'lla be there as soon as I cana.
Zelda: Hmmm, who else could I call?
Just then one of the huge windows in the place breaks open and a small space ship is outside hovering, a hatch opens and a powerful looking suit jumps out and lands on the ground looks around then runs up to Zelda.
PLS: I've come to rescue you Zelda! I heard you were in distress, and I'm here to save you!
Zelda: And you would be?
PLS: Don't you recognize me?
Zelda: Not particularly, what game are you from?
PLS: That's easy I'm from the Metroid series, I'm Houston!
Zelda: Hmmm Houston houston, nope not coming up with it.
Houston: What do you mean, I've fought along side Samus Aran!
Zelda: No you didn't.
Houston: Yes yes I did, it was in Super Metroid.
Zelda: No you, oh wait I remember.
Houston: Yes see I told you.
Zelda: No you weren't in the game, you were just in Nintendo Power's comic strip about Super Metroid, you aren't real.
Houston: I'm standing here aren't I, I'm talking to you aren't I? That makes me real!
Zelda: Yes phyically speaking, but you haven't been immortalized in a game, therefore you could die at any moment and not come back to life later.
Houston: I can?! *gasp* Then I've gotta get out of here! What if that big mean mage comes back, he could give me a fate worse than death!
Zelda: What's worse than death?
Houston: Being forgotten!
Zelda: Right anyway, I hate to break it to ya, but you already are forgotten.
Discouraged Houston walks away and gets back in his ship and leaves.
Zelda: Poor guy, wait and minute what am I doing? I COULD HAVE BEEN RESCUED! Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I'm really done this time, tune in next time for
Legend of Zelda: Four Swords, well sorta
Grim, that is the only way to describe the situation of Link&company(x4). No more need be said, so we will ju......(fog horn)..oh very funny.
Our fair Hero's are exiting the Lost Woods/Zora's Domain warp tunnel when things get fishy!
Bluelink: Now we have to be careful Saria, dangerous creatures lurk about, waiting to pounce on us at every moment, just waiting to
Biped Fish: HI LINKY!
Bluelink: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Run Saria! Don't turn back whatever you do just run for your life!
Saria: It's just Ruto link.
Bluelink: Just Ruto? Oh good I thought something horrible was going to happen!!!!!!!!!!
Ruto: Oh linky you are so cute when your angry.
Bluelink: Ok 2 things, 1 never call me "linky" again and 2 never call me cute.
Saria: Actually you are kinda cute when you get angry, your face get's all red and you stomp about.
Bluelink: Saria you aren't helping.
Ruto: What is she doing here linky? Is she trying to steal you away from me?
Bluelink: How many times have we been over this, Saria is just my friend, and you are just chum.
Saria: Just a friend?
Ruto: Chum?
Bluelink: Yes chum, you feed it to bigger fish, carnivorous fish!
Ruto: Oh linky your so funny, there are no bigger carnivorous fish around here.
Bluelink: *under his breath* yeah but there is in Termina.
Ruto: What?
Saria: What?
Bluelink: *straighting up* I said yeah but there isn't a terminal. *thinking to self* oh yeah, smooth.
Ruto&Saria: What?
Saria: I think all the humidity is getting to your head Link, lets get you out of here.
Ruto: Oh no you don't, *grabing one of Links arms and pulling* it's all that fairy dust and wood sprites that he hangs around with you!
Saria: *grabing his other arm and pulling* Maybe it's just the stench of fish guts coming from your putrid mouth!
Ruto: Maybe it's just the childish tantrums you throw when you don't get your way!
Bluelink: Um, can we settle this without involving me?
Ruto&Saria: SHUTUP!
Saria: You say I'm childish but look at you, miss scaley slavedriver!
Ruto: You hush your mouth you greenhaired forest freak!
Saria: Fishface!
Ruto: Treehugger!
Saria: *GASPS* YOUR DAD IS FAT!
Ruto: *GASPS* WELL YOU DON'T HAVE AND DAD!
Saria: *GASPS* wELL ATLEAST MY FATHER FIGURE IS HAS MORE WISDOM THAN FAT!
Ruto: WHY YOU LITTLE!
Saria: BRING IT ON!
Ruto and Saria immeditaly get into a fight, Ruto rips Saria's hair out, she in turn bites off fins and scales, it's not a pretty sight, but Link does seem to be enjoying himself.
Bluelink: You get her Saria, show her whose boss!
Ruto: Stay outta this linky!
Bluelink: I thought we talked about this whole linky thing.
Ruto tries to push Saria off the ledge and down into the water below but Saria falls on her back putting her feet into Ruto's midsection and pushing her over herself over the ledge and into the water below.
Bluelink: Oh please oh please oh please!
Saria: HA! Take that sister!
Ruto magically appears behind them and then kicks Saria off the ledge.
Bluelink: Hey! How did you do that, you are supposed to be dead. THERE ARE ROCKS DOWN THERE!
Ruto: Oh linky you don't get it do you, I'm a sage, sages can't die, no matter what you do to us we never die.
Bluelink: Oh really?! *Draws sword and hacks Ruto's head clean off*
Ruto's head magically appears back on her neck with no wounds of any kind.
Ruto: Linky there was no reason for that senseless act of violence.
Saria: NO BUT THERE IS FOR THIS ONE! HIYA!
Saria who is now weilding Links Megaton Hammer(which is about twice her size atleast) smashes Ruto's legs, breaking them of course, she then proceeds with an upper cut which sends Ruto down into what should be her watery grave.
Saria: HA! Eat that fishgirl.
Bluelink: Oh thankyou thankyou thankyou! *falls down bowing to Saria kissing her boots, giving them quite the shine* *sparkle*
Ruto: Not so fast!
Ruto is now weilding the most dangerous weapon of all, nothing not even Ganondorf can withstand it's mighty power! It is!,,,,, The Zora King being held up by some unknown magical force, it would have to be some force though.
ZoraKing: How did I get here? I've never seen this place!
Ruto: That's because it would take 50 million years for you to get to the door daddy, and even then you would never fit. Bow before the sheer and awsome power that I have!
Saria: NEVER!
Bluelink: Um Saria you might want to reconsider. *link points above her head, she looks up to see the ZoraKing above her*
Saria: Yikes! Oh Ruto, I'm sorry, a thousand apologies *does a very quick curtsy(however it is spelled) and then drops and bows over and over so fast that she is almost doing pushups*
Ruto: And you linky?
Bluelink: Huh? Oh right me, um lookout behind you Ruto!
Ruto looks behind her then turns back
Ruto: Linky there is nothing *GASPS*!
She turns around to see Bluelink and carring a still bowing Saria and running for his life(quite so) for the Hyrule Field exit.
Ruto: GET BACK HERE! *magically throws the King at them*
Bluelink: AH! *leaps forward narrowly missing a certain and squishy death*
Ruto: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrr RETURN! *throws her hand back and the King starts flying in that direction* No wait NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *splat, squish, and anything else icky sounding* Eh my head it hurts.
ZoraKing: Hmm that's funny, I don't seem to remember moving that fast ever in my life! *shifts around* what could that peculiar feeling be.
Ruto: *muffeled* It's just me father, your sitting on me.
ZoraKing: Oh dear, my beloved Ruto, traped under my colosal persona! Hey while you are down there, could you scratch my lower back, it has been bugging me for ages.
Ruto: *crying* why me.
Let us quickly flee from that disturbing scene, I just know that is going to give me nightmares, anyway Bluelink and still bowing Saria head out across Hyrule field to reach Kakariko Village, however another of our Links, make that two, are already heading to Kakariko Village, with some difficulty however.
Purplelink: (who is riding the old donkey) Why do I always get the shaft?
Link: Because I'm the goodlooking one!
Purplelink: But we are exactly identical!
Link: Oh, then it's because I'm the smart one!
Purplelink: Again we are the same person.
Link: Oh, then it's because I'm the original one!
Purplelink: Now you are starting to make sense.
Navi: Will you two be quiet! I can't take it anymore one stupid thing after another is there no sane person out there!
Malon: Ahem, I'm here Navi.
Navi: Oh yeah.
Epona: Neigh.
OldDicrepidDonkey: (um,) donkey sounds.
Link: So, um what do we do now?
Purplelink: How about we go to the castle and see Zelda!
Link: Yeah that's a great idea!
Navi: Except for the fact that Zelda is at Vaati's Palace!
Link&Purplelink: Oh yeah.
Malon: I don't see how you put up with it Navi.
Navi: Special fairy patience.
Epona: Neigh.
ODD: Donkey sounds.
Link: So I suppose we should try to rescue her huh?
Navi: That's what we have been doing!
Link: Oh very well then.
Purplelink: Right so on to Kakariko!
Link: On to Kakariko!
Navi: Eh if ya can't beat em, On to Kakariko!
Malon: Join em, On to Kakariko!
They continued on until they reached the steps leading up to the Village.
Link: DISMOUNT!
Purplelink&Malon&Navi: HUH?
Link: Oh forget it just follow me.
He then proceeds to get off of Epona, leaving Malon still seated on her.
Malon: Ermmm Ahem!
Link: Oh right.
As he walks over Malon begins falling gracefully towards his arms, but he just grabs his bow and walks away.
*Thump*
Malon: LINK!
Link: Huh?
Navi: Oh yeah smoothe link, let the lady fall flat on her face.
Purplelink: Link you are such a clutz hahahahahaha ooooffffffff. *falls off of Donkey*
ODD: Donkey sounds.
Epona: Neigh.
Link: Oh sorry Malon *picks her up and stands her up* There ya go.
Purplelink: Come on we gotta get going. *starts heading up the stairs*
Navi: Yeah let's go. *follows him*
Link: Ok come on Malon, quit lagging behind.
Malon: I hate him.
All the band aside from Epona and ODD went up to Kakariko, and once they were out of ear shot, Epona looked this way and that, then stood up on her hind legs leaned back against wall and digged in her saddlebags pulling out a pipe and bubbles?
Epona: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that feels so good.
ODD: You said it youngin. *blows bubbles*
Epona: I don't know why I let them ride me, I mean Link with all his junk has got to weigh atleast 250 lbs. and Malon could stand to lose a few pounds too!
ODD: Hey well I had that same 250 on me ya know, and I'm about dead!
Epona: True gramps, but Malon is just trying to get rid of you anyway. It's genocide I tell ya!
ODD: She is? I knew it, she always did give me that look, you know the one!
Epona: You mean the I'm going to kill you look?
ODD: Yeah! that's it!
Epona: *sighs* Maybe she should kill you.
ODD: Eh? What's that! Speak up missy.
Epona looks around, then clonks him on the head killing him.
Epona: Was bound to happen sooner or later.
Someone walking out of Kakariko rounds the corner and hears Epona say what she just said.
Kakarian: Um, uh.
Epona get back down on all 4s: Neigh.
Kakarian: Ok, you did not just see a horse talking, you don't need anymore therapy, you are perfectly normal, you eh are hehe per hehehe fect heheheheeeheheheheh norm muHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Runs off screaming*
Epona: And they say horses have problems, Neigh.
The secret life of horses, who knew?! Anyway we better check up on our gang in the DeathMountainCrater.
Tingle: I spy with my little eye something
Redlink whispering to Darunida: You whack him with the rock, then I'll block him into the lava, hut one hut two break!
Darunia then runs over and boots Tingle over towards Redlink, who then leaping hicks Tingle(who is curled up into a ball now) right inbetween the two rocks in the crater.
Redlink: It's up its up...........
Darunia: And it's good!
*Crowds cheering*
Magical lights flash and and smoke comes up from the lava, and all of the sudden poof!
Tingle: Ahhhhhh, hey I'm not burning.
Redlink: Why is he still here?
Darunia: I'm not sure, I mean the only people who could survive that would be a sage or a fairy.
Tingle: YES! Really! Then at last Tingle has proof that he is a fairy!
Redlink: No you aren't.
Darunia: I fear that we must admit he is a sage, of um, something.
Tingle: No my silly rock eating friend, Tingle is a fairy, you said so yourself.
Darunia: Not exactly, you are choosing my words for your own personal gain.
Redlink: But he can't be a sage, what would he be the sage of?
Just then a big man in a robe appeared.
BMIR: Indeed he is a sage!
Redlink: You are kidding right?
Darunia: It would seem not.
BMIR: No he is a sage.
Redlink: And how would you know?
BMIR: Because stupid I am a sage.
Darunia: Then why haven't I seen you?
Redlink: Let's see what other big fat guys do I know, lets see there is Darunia
Darunia: Hey!
Redlink: KingZora
Tingle: And........
Redlink: Um, that does it.
BMIR: You are pretty thick aren't you?
Darunia: You have no idea.
BMIR: I guess I'll have to just tell you. It is I RAURU!
Redlink&Darunia&Tingle: Oh. So?
Rauru: I am the sage of light, therefore I know who is and isn't a sage.
Redlink: Really? Am I a sage?
Rauru: No.
Redlink: Awwww, I want a second opinion.
Rauru: Well you can't have one. Yes Tingle is a sage, so get used to it.
Redlink: Oh yeah, then what is he the sage of?
Tingle: Of fairies!
Darunia: Of short 35yearoldmen wearing tights?
Rauru: Nope, of Maps!
Redlink&Darunia: Maps? A sage of Maps?
Redlink: Do we really need a sage of maps?
Rauru: Yes, because you are an idiot.
Darunia: Yes you are.
Tingle: Don't worry MR. Fairy, Tingle thinks you are brave and strong, but also stupid.
Redlink: You are so comforting.
Rauru: Anyway you need him to get into the dungeons.
Redlink: You really hate me don't you.
Rauru: Yes actually, it's on my card. *shows him business card* see it says right there "I hate Link."
Redlink: This is cruel and unusal and you know it.
Rauru: Yep, have fun. *disappears*
Tingle: Don't you worry Mr. Fairy, Tingle knows what will cheer you up! I know a song that gets on everybodies nerves!
Redlink: WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmm that is most unfortunate for Redlink, but fortunate for Tingle, I suppose that is a good thing, but probably not.
Will Bluelink ever get to Kakariko Village alive?
Will Saria ever stop bowing?
Will Ruto ever make it out from under the biggest Zora in all of Hyrule?
Will Epona ever break her bubble addiction? Will she reveal to Link that she can talk?
Will that Random Kakarian ever be normal! Again probably not.
Will(that's alot of wills) Loui and the Moblins who were absent from this chapter make it into the next chapter?
Will Redlink,Darunia and the new sage Tingle ever find the Dungeon?
Will Tingle ever tire of annoying us all? I think you know the answer to that.
For these and other exciting questions tune in next time for
THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: FOUR SWORDS, well sorta.
You thought I forgot about Zelda didn't you? Hahahaha, well actually I did until just now, here is what is going on in her neck of the woods.
Vaati: Here is your double deluxe latte!
Zelda: *sips it* This latte is COLD! Get me another *throws it at him*
Vaati: Yes my, hey wait a minute, why am I doing all this for you, you are my prisoner!
Zelda: Ah yes but if you want me to be your queen you will have to try harder than this.
Vaati: *thinks it over* Um ok, one more latte coming up. *dashs out in the usual fashion*
Zelda: Hmm, what could be taking them so long, I better call them just to make sure they are on their way.
*Dials*
OE: Helloooa?
Zelda: Where are you you poor excuse for a rescue?
OE: I'ma busy, peachs voicea just gota stolen, I'll haveta do thisa first.
Zelda: Oh alright fine perhaps I can find someone else to help thanks anyway Mario.
Mario: I'lla be there as soon as I cana.
Zelda: Hmmm, who else could I call?
Just then one of the huge windows in the place breaks open and a small space ship is outside hovering, a hatch opens and a powerful looking suit jumps out and lands on the ground looks around then runs up to Zelda.
PLS: I've come to rescue you Zelda! I heard you were in distress, and I'm here to save you!
Zelda: And you would be?
PLS: Don't you recognize me?
Zelda: Not particularly, what game are you from?
PLS: That's easy I'm from the Metroid series, I'm Houston!
Zelda: Hmmm Houston houston, nope not coming up with it.
Houston: What do you mean, I've fought along side Samus Aran!
Zelda: No you didn't.
Houston: Yes yes I did, it was in Super Metroid.
Zelda: No you, oh wait I remember.
Houston: Yes see I told you.
Zelda: No you weren't in the game, you were just in Nintendo Power's comic strip about Super Metroid, you aren't real.
Houston: I'm standing here aren't I, I'm talking to you aren't I? That makes me real!
Zelda: Yes phyically speaking, but you haven't been immortalized in a game, therefore you could die at any moment and not come back to life later.
Houston: I can?! *gasp* Then I've gotta get out of here! What if that big mean mage comes back, he could give me a fate worse than death!
Zelda: What's worse than death?
Houston: Being forgotten!
Zelda: Right anyway, I hate to break it to ya, but you already are forgotten.
Discouraged Houston walks away and gets back in his ship and leaves.
Zelda: Poor guy, wait and minute what am I doing? I COULD HAVE BEEN RESCUED! Wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I'm really done this time, tune in next time for
Legend of Zelda: Four Swords, well sorta