SETTING: The (dun, dun, dun!!!!) Osbourne's house (AUTHOR'S NOTE: How dysfunctional can a family get? LOL. The Osbourne's rule!)

CAST:

Ozzy Osbourne Craig Manning

Sharon Osbourne Sammy Thomas

Jack Osbourne Gabriel Thomas (AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know, Jack's younger but it goes with the story!)

Kelly Osbourne Julia Thomas-Manning

[CRAIG enters the scene and then walks down the stairs]

CRAIG: (with a British accent, Ozzy's hair and tattoos and glasses) SAMMY!

SAMMY: (with a British accent, Sharon's hair and wardrobe—and Mini!) WHAT CRAIG?

CRAIG: (walks into living room) W-w-where are the kids?

SAMMY: Around here somewhere, Craig.

JULIA: (screaming at the top of her lungs at GABRIEL) You're such an arse, Gabe!

GABRIEL: (screaming back) Me? What about you, Julia.

JULIA: (walks into the Osbourne's living room where Sammy's sitting on the couch) *bleep* you, Gabe!

[CRAIG shuffles to the kitchen, mumbling to himself]

CRAIG: Sammy, do we have any burritos?

SAMMY: They should be in the freezer.

[JULIA and GABRIEL are still yelling at each other; there were a couple of *bleeps* here in there.]

[Plays Osbourne music]

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"The Osbourne's, Marco!" Craig said, he was laughing. "You think my family's going to be like the Osbourne's?"

Marco nodded. "I picture you guys very dysfunctional," he said.

Jimmy was laughing. "His family story was more realistic than ours."

"Yeah," Spinner said. "That's an actual family."

"I think we watch way too much TV," Craig said.

"So do I," Jimmy said.

They sat quietly in Jimmy's living room before Spinner burst out laughing.

"What?" Craig asked.

"I'm trying to picture you as Ozzy Osbourne." He shook his head. "And it's hilarious!"

Marco and Jimmy pictured it, too, and burst out laughing. Craig sat there and let them laugh at him. "That's it," he finally said. "I'm leaving."

"Whatever," Spinner replied.

The others were laughing too hard to say anything. "I'm out of here," he said. He stood up and walked out of Jimmy's house. He wondered if his family really was going to be like the Osbourne's.

He shook his head. He walked back home. Even outside he could still hear his friend's laughing and telling other "Craig's future family" stories.