THE DEATH EATERS BUY A CAR!!!!!!!
It was a fine Saturday morning, and the Death Eaters were all assembled at Voldie's house to hear what he had in store for them today.
"Well, my faithful Death Eaters," he began, "today is the day you have all been looking forward to for a very long time!"
"What are we going to do?" Lucius asked.
"We're going to………………….BUY A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!" Voldie yelled, excited. "I knew you all were getting sick of that bike."
"Too true," Snape mumbled. He had been forced into the basket every time they went anywhere, while they had been waiting for their "Death Mobile" to be fixed after Peter had wrecked it into a tree. After a month of this torture, the mechanic said the car was beyond repair.
And so it was that the Death Eaters and Voldemort himself were to be found visiting their local car dealership one stormy Thursday (what's up with the time jump?) afternoon. They all walked around, looking at the various cars, until a salesman came up to help them.
"May I help you?" He asked, looking nervous. In his mind he was thinking that this was going to probably be the last sale he'd ever get to make in his life. If you don't think walking up to 10 fully grown men in black robes with masks on is scary, you're way braver than this guy.
"We are looking for a new car, big enough for all of us, and intimidating looking, but not like a van. More like an SUV." Voldemort said.
"All right then, we'll just need to head this way," the dealer said, leading them to the SUV area. He showed them several of the bigger SUV's; they seemed most interested in the Dodge Durango.
"Well, the Durango's are one of the most popular SUV's we've sold lately; they get pretty decent gas mileage, and are one of the cheapest in their class." The dealer said. "I'm sure you all would be very happy in one of these, and when you throw in our 7 year, 100,000 mile warranty, there's not a better deal anywhere!"
"Excellent," Voldie said.
"Hey, I like this car over here!" Avery said. "I'll bet its fast!" He conitinued, pointing to a Corvette.
"CRUCIO!" Voldemort yelled.
The car dealer flinched. He was getting more worried by the minute. "So,would you like to take it for a test drive?" He asked.
"Why yes, thank you." Voldemort said.
"Can I drive?" Peter asked.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" The rest of the Death Eaters and Voldemort yelled in unison.
Once they finally got in the Durango and out onto the highway, it started to rain. Hard. The windshield wipers had practically no affect. Snape, who was driving, could hardly see. It was really windy too, and he struggled just to get the Durango back to the dealership.
"I think we'll take it." Voldie said to the salesman.
"WHAT?" The salesman asked, he couldn't hear over the wind and rain.
"I THINK WE'LL TAKE IT!" Voldie yelled again.
"Let's go inside!!!!!!" The dealer said, motioning with his hands for them to follow. Once inside, they talked.
"I think we'll take it." Voldemort said for the 3rd time, irritated.
"Alright then. That'll be $14,500. The Durango only had about 15,000 miles on it, as you may have noticed, and it's a 1999 model, so it's still got a lot of life left. I think you're making a smart move."
"Why thank you." Voldie said. That's right, the dealer thought to himself, anything to make them happy.
"Ok, so are you paying by cash or check?" The dealer asked.
"Cash." Voldie said.
"Alright then, with taxes and all, we'll be needing fifteen thousand, nine hundred and eighty two dollars."
"Ok, so what'll that be in galleons?" Voldemort asked, pulling out the remaining money from the Tupperware party.
"Uh, sir, we don't accept foreign currency" The dealer said, nervous.
"Well, that's fine," Voldie said. (Whew thought the dealer.) "Because this money came right here from England!" (Uh oh, I'm screwed now!)
"Right, so it'll be fine then. I'll take only 1600 galleons, alright?" I'll work over time to pay for this car myself if I have to, he thought, just let me live!
"Fine then." Voldie said, handing over the $$$. Then all the Death Eaters got in their brand new car! On they way home, though, the car was struck by lightning, and burst into flame. Although the Death Eater's and Voldemort made it out okay, the car had to be taken to the mechanic. Even though it looked worse than the car Peter wrecked.
"Are you sure he'll be able to fix this?" Avery asked, "Because he wasn't able to fix the car Peter wrecked."
"CRUCIO!!!!!!" Voldemort cried.
The end?!?!?!?!?