Search for the Shinzaho: Take Two
Chapter 8: Nakago's Past
Author's Notes: A biiiig warning here. First, there's sex in this chapter. Second, there are major spoilers here for Nakago's past. All the information is taken from the translation of Nakago's novel. The translation was done by Tetris no Miko, and I truly hope she doesn't mind that I used her translation to write about Nakago in my fic. If you'd like to read any of the translations of the Fushigi Yuugi novels, go to my author's page for the link.
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When Jiyuna arrived at the pao, the guards were standing outside, looking uncomfortable.
"Jiyuna-sama! We thought you had…" the one trailed off as Nakago came up behind her.
"You thought she had what?" he asked them, a dark look in his eyes.
"Uh, we thought she had, uh, gone looking for you, and you didn't want to be disturbed," the other guard finished.
"Did you find that spider?" she asked them, firmly enjoying their squirming with Nakago around.
"Yes, we did," the one said. "And you were right, it was quite large."
Jiyuna nearly laughed. Who knew there'd actually be a spider under that bed? She went past them into the tent, followed by Nakago.
She sat on the edge of the bed, snickering to herself. Nakago lit the torches in the fading light, took off his armor and cape. Now clad in his pants and shirt, he turned and stared at Jiyuna.
"What?" She sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry I left, but what the hell was I supposed to do? I can't sit and do nothing all day, I'm a worker."
He continued to look at her. I should kill her for disobeying me, he thought. But it seems a shame to waste a beautiful creature like that.
Jiyuna was becoming uncomfortable under his unblinking stare, shifted on the bed. She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted as Soi came sailing through the opening, smiling sexily at Nakago.
"Nakago-sama," she said, barely casting a glance at Jiyuna. "It's been days. You need your chi raised."
"My chi is fine, Soi, and I believe I told you that I didn't want disturbed when I was with Jiyuna."
She scoffed. "But, that girl is nothing! She's not even pretty, for Seiryuu's sake!"
Jiyuna's eyes narrowed. Why that little whore, she thought angrily.
"Soi," Nakago rounded on her, eyes shooting cold fire. "I don't want you here, now leave, this instant."
Soi looked ready to argue again, but the look in his eyes told her not to. Instead, she turned to Jiyuna. "I'll still be here after you're dead and gone," she muttered.
"Hey Soi," Jiyuna said. "How do you feel about snakes?"
The woman's eyes went wide. "Y-you bitch!" she hissed, starting across the floor to her. She was nearly there when Nakago's hand wound around her arm, pulling her painfully back.
"Go. Away," he said slowly, giving her a shove toward the door. Soi stumbled and caught herself, looked at the two, and fled from the tent, sobbing.
"That was unwise," Nakago said to Jiyuna.
The young woman shrugged. "No more than she deserved. That scene she pulled earlier was way out of line."
"Why are you so content?" Nakago asked. "You're being kept here against your will, yet you're strangely all right with it."
"I'm not all right with it," she shot back, anger filling her face and voice. "I don't want to be here, but since I am here, and I'm not leaving, I may as well make the best of it."
"Hn," Nakago said. Those words made him smile. "I suppose you're right." He approached her, slowly, deliberately. Jiyuna wasn't sure what was going on, but she suddenly couldn't move.
"W-what are you doing?" she asked, her voice shaking.
"Taking what I've wanted since I realized I hadn't killed you," he answered her. He shoved her back on the bed, leaned toward her.
Jiyuna was frozen. If he kissed her, it'd be all over, she knew. There'd be no fighting it, but total surrender. She couldn't let him kiss her. She tried to push him away, but he was so strong, and wouldn't move. "Shogun, don't," she said.
He paused, less than an inch from her face. "Why?"
She didn't have an answer, Suzaku help her, she didn't have an answer! A whimper escaped her throat, a helpless sound. He was looking at her with those cold blue eyes, and his face was so serious, she had to see if he was made of stone. Jiyuna reached a trembling hand up to touch his cheek. Something flickered in his eyes, and his cool composure seemed ready to crack. "I don't know," she whispered.
Nakago's eyes sharpened, and then he crushed his mouth to hers.
Jiyuna didn't know where the dizziness came from, but she was helpless to stop it and could only ride it out. Nakago's lips were surprising soft, if not desperate. Before she could stop herself, she wound her arms around his neck, drew him closer, and took the kiss deeper.
He was amazed that she was urging him on. This girl should have hated him with all her body and soul, and yet, here she was, twining her hands in his hair. She tasted so amazingly exotic, it nearly killed him. He fisted his hands in that long, silky hair and pulled her toward him.
She didn't know how it happened, but Jiyuna was suddenly sitting up, on Nakago's lap, tugging at the buttons on his shirt. She wanted to feel that pale skin, those hard muscles, the beating of the heart she knew was there. His lips burned a hot trail down her neck, and when she felt the scrape of teeth against her flesh, she could only moan.
His shirt was gone, she'd slid it off his shoulders and threw it on the floor of the tent. She ran her hands over his broad shoulders, down his back, and back up again.
He'd never felt this way, not with any woman, not even with Soi. It was terrifying. The heart he'd never used felt like it would pound out of his chest. Jiyuna completely unbalanced him, and frankly, he was scared shitless of it.
He was trembling. Jiyuna could feel the quick jerks of his muscles under her hands, pulled back a moment to stare at him. She wanted to ask him why he was shaking, but the question died on her lips as he parted her robe and allowed his hands to skim over her breasts.
She arched back, her breathing hissing between her lips. Those hands tugged, pinched, and caressed their way over her, down to her abdomen, and beyond. Leaning up, Jiyuna fastened her lips on his neck, where she could feel his pulse. It was pounding harder than she thought a heart was capable of beating, and it seemed to actually skip a beat or two as she sucked and nibbled the hot skin.
Nakago's hands gripped her arms, eased her back onto the bed again. This time, his lips burned a hot trail down her neck, to her breasts. Jiyuna moaned, and somewhere in the back of her mind, a small voice was screaming, what are you doing?!?! She ignored it and pulled his head back to up to claim his lips once more, working on the fastening to his pants as she did so. The cloth fell away, and they were both naked.
Pressing her into the mattress beneath them, Nakago lifted his head and stared at her. She stared back, her breathing unsteady, her face flush with arousal.
"Now," she whispered to him. "Now."
It was all the urging he needed, and he leaned down and caught her bottom lip between his teeth as he took her. Jiyuna didn't want gentle, she wanted fast, passionate lovemaking. Something that would make them feel alive, and wanted. Nakago knew he couldn't have been gentle if he'd had to. As they approached the acme, he let a low, guttural sound escape his lips, and collapsed on top of her.
They lay like that for several moments, until their breathing had returned to almost normal. Nakago rolled off Jiyuna, stared at the ceiling.
She snuggled closer to Nakago, feeling her eyelids grow heavy with sleep. The sweat on their skin was cooling with the breeze that blew in from the opening of the tent. Nakago wound his arms around her, uncomfortable with how good it actually felt to hold someone.
He knew there was no future between them. His plans didn't allow it, and Jiyuna had already been claimed by Konan's emperor. He'd seen how they sat atop his horse a few days ago. The emperor had an arm around her waist, a gesture that had plainly said, "mine." Nakago wondered, a smirk coming to his face, how the emperor would react with the knowledge that he'd had his beloved first.
Nakago stared at the girl in his arms with something akin to wonder on usually stoic face. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to enjoy this woman he could never have.
He'd killed her parents, and tried to kill her, without a second thought. Yet, there wasn't hatred in her eyes when she looked at him, nor malice in her voice she spoke.
It was so very wrong, he decided. He half-expected to wake up in a few moments, knowing it was all a horrible dream. Horrible, not because of what they'd done, but because he wouldn't have really felt the things this beautiful woman made him feel.
Nakago sighed. He should have never tasted heaven, knowing he'd just be tossed back to hell.
Still, he reached out a strangely trembling hand to smooth red-hair back from her face, at least he'd been allowed a taste, even if he'd be longing for it the rest of his life.
The touch of his hand made Jiyuna sigh and move closer, resting her head on his chest. Dammit, Nakago thought. The crazy ideas flying through his head shouldn't have even existed. He should have been able to block them out like he did all others. Her continued presence made it impossible, though.
So, he decided, the solution was simple. Allow the Suzaku seishi to rescue her, and she'd be gone, out of his life where she didn't fit to begin with.
But what about the shinzaho? He had the second already. He'd sent Tomo ahead to Sailo country to find it, and his cunning and intelligent seishi hadn't disappointed him.
He had one, they had the other. Even if Jiyuna was left to go back to them, there was still that
problem. And conflict, no matter how
much he enjoyed it, would be difficult.
Could he really try to kill her again?
Could he really keep Soi from killing her if she had the chance? Did he really want to?
Nakago was thinking too much. He looked down again, at Jiyuna sleeping soundly on his chest, the rest of her body tucked against him, and felt something strange tugging at his insides. He didn't think he could do it, and that was a problem. He'd never felt guilt at killing anyone… except…
"Okaasan," he whispered. Shaking his head violently, he frowned. Where had that come from? Shoving it to the back of his mind, he shifted down, steeped himself in the scents of peppermint and jasmine that seemed to radiate from her pores, and drifted off into the first dreamless sleep he'd had in ages.
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It was still dark when she awoke, though it was eerily quiet outside. She guessed it must have been sometime before dawn, those hours where everything was asleep, including the insects that usually chirped and twittered in the night.
She stared up at Nakago, looking so much like a god in his deep sleep. The blonde hair was swept away from his peaceful face, the strong, muscled arms that lay around her were limp. She marveled at how relaxed he was in sleep, not on-edge and tense as he was in his waking hours.
Suddenly wanting to be out of the misleadingly gentle hold, she carefully extricated herself from his arms, sat up.
Oh, gods… what had she done? Jiyuna reached down and lifted her discarded robe from the floor, wrapped it around her, and stood up. Her legs threatened to give way, and she stood still for a moment, until she was sure they'd support her, and walked to the door of the pao. Sticking her head outside, she saw the guards had disappeared sometime in the night. She stepped out into the coolness, let the wind blow her hair back.
She'd just slept with Nakago, the sworn enemy of her friends, of her new family. Hotohori entered her mind, and she nearly began to cry. What would he do, she wondered, when he learned of this betrayal? Would he be angry? Hurt? Would he send her away, vowing to never speak to her again?
It was unforgivable, what she'd done. She betrayed her beloved by sleeping with another man, an evil man, a man who had tried to kill her, would probably do so again.
What the hell was wrong with her?
"Fuck," she whispered, almost inaudibly. "You're an idiot, Jiyuna," she said to herself. "A true idiot."
The cool air was beginning to make her cold, so she went back into the tent, avoiding looking at the man who still slept. She sat down in the chair by his table, crossed her arms over her chest.
There was definitely an attraction to Nakago that she'd never felt for anyone else. The way she felt toward Hotohori was love. With Nakago, it seemed so much more animal, so much more primal. Explosive, yes, but love? No, there was no love there. She could never love a man like him, a man who couldn't love in return.
So it was simply a reaction, she decided. A reaction to being stuck with him for days, a reaction to the tension.
Yes, she was an idiot.
Lifting her head, she looked again at the man who lay sleeping, the sheets pooled at his waist, well-built chest rising and falling with his breath.
He'd know it, she thought. He'd know it was a mistake from the start, one that would never happen again. One that should never had happened in the first place.
Wouldn't he?
Nakago stirred, rolling over in the bed to face her. He must have felt her absence because his eyes flew open and he sat up. When he saw her, sitting on his chair, robe pulled protectively around her, he knew. He knew she regretted it.
So why didn't he?
"You're awake," he said, coming to a sitting position on the edge of the bed, the sheets covering him.
Jiyuna nodded, unable to speak. What would she say, anyway? "Hey, it's been nice but you're an evil bastard," didn't seem appropriate at the time.
They stared at each other in silence until Jiyuna stood from the chair, paced the room.
"I've decided to allow the Suzaku seishi to rescue you tonight," he told her.
Jiyuna stopped in her pacing, stared at him. "Nani?"
"You're of no use to me, now, since I have the other shinzaho. I'll allow you to leave here, with them, until I see fit to take the shinzaho Suzaku no Miko has."
"You're allowing me to be rescued?"
He stood from the bed, pulled his pants on. "Everything that has happened has been according to my plan."
"Including sleeping with me?"
A smirk appeared on his lips. He strode over to her, rested a hand on her cheek. "That was a pleasant deviation from the original plan," he said.
Jiyuna slapped his hand away. "Oh, of course it was. After all, when I first arrived here, you told me that I would be entertainment. Have I entertained you enough, Shogun?"
The smiled died on his lips. Of course not, he wanted to say. I'm unsure I could ever get enough of you. But he remained cold. "I'd say it has been sufficient," he told her, his voice a deadly whisper. "Now go, rejoin your beloved emperor and explain to him what happened here tonight."
"I could tell him you raped me," she said, the strength from her voice gone. "He'll kill you for it."
Nakago closed the space between the two, locked his hands behind her back to pull her forward against him. "You won't tell him that, because it isn't true. Your one flaw, dear Jiyuna, is your honesty." He leaned down and kissed her hard. "Go before I change my mind and kill you now." As he released her, he shoved her toward the door.
Jiyuna stopped, one foot out of the pao, and turned back to him. "I hope my face haunts you, Nakago, like your mother's does."
Then she was gone. Nakago stood in the middle of the pao, rage showing clearly on his face. How dare she? How dare she say anything about his mother? She didn't even know what happened.
He clenched his fists together, took calming breaths. No, she was gone now. Jiyuna was gone, and with it went the memory of her lips on his, her hands sliding over his back, her soft moans…
Jiyuna stalked through the camp, irate with herself. It was just like her to have to get that last jab in, and it would probably end up costing her life later. Still, he was the one made her realize that it had been his plan all along to get her into his bed.
She let out a frustrated growl. Oh, she had wanted him, she knew that, and it made her even more upset that he'd simply cast her out after he had his fill.
Then there was Hotohori, and all the other seishi. How would they react to knowing she had slept with the man they'd been fighting against all along? She knew she'd be alone after this. She'd go to a village, any village, as long as it wasn't her home village, and live in solitude for the rest of her life. It was all she could do.
As she went past a tent, she heard a soft, lilting voice from the shadows call out to her.
"So, you're the one that Nakago-sama has been keeping."
She paused, turning toward the voice. "I am, but he's let me go."
"Yes, I know," the voice replied. "But you're so very under-educated, Jiyuna."
Squinting into the shadows, Jiyuna stood her ground. "Who are you?"
"I am Tomo, one of the Seiryuu seishi. You've not had the pleasure of meeting me yet." A man stepped toward her, and she simply stared at him.
He was tall, very tall, with hair longer than her own. His thin body was clad in a black tunic and trousers, with his face entirely painted. He wore a headdress of feathers, which ran the length of his shiny silver hair.
"So, you're the one to got the Sailo shinzaho for him," she said.
Tomo nodded once. "My dear, there's something you must see. Please, come in."
Instinct told her to run while she could. It could have been trapped planned by Nakago to not let her free after all. Her death could have been waiting in that tent, yet her curiosity was simply too much. She had to know.
She entered the tent slowly, crimson eyes darting around as she did so, searching for any signs of a trap. The tent proved to be highly decorated, much more so than Nakago's. An elaborate bed was in one corner, with a dressing table along the opposite wall. There was also a wardrobe near the bed, doors open, showing several outfits within.
The light was warm and soft, and Jiyuna felt herself relaxing somewhat.
Tomo entered behind her and pulled the flap closed.
"What do I have to see?" she asked him.
"Allow me to explain things first. My powers are that of illusion. I am able to put anyone in an illusion for as long as I need to, and they believe it, right down to tasting food. However, I am also a very good listener, and I heard the conversation between you and Nakago-sama as he told you leave." He stood in the middle of the room, faced her. "You want to know about his mother? I can show you."
"Show me?" Jiyuna was clearly confused. How could he show her that?
"Hai," Tomo answered. He held out his hand and Jiyuna saw a small clam in the center of his palm. "This is Shin," the taller man stated. "He will show you what happened to Nakago-sama when he was a child."
"How do I know this isn't some trick? Why would you want to do this for me?"
Tomo's amber eyes narrowed. "There are things that people must understand come a time. This is the time for you to understand why Nakago-sama is the way he is. What you do with the information is up to you, but I have a feeling about you, that you do not exploit people's darkest secrets. Well, if you're ready?"
Jiyuna nodded. Shin opened in Tomo's palm, and she was suddenly no longer in the pao. She was standing in what seemed to be a small village, with shabby huts scattered around. It was night, but there was an awful rumbling noise coming through the ground. She looked up, and saw an army coming swiftly toward the village.
"Run! Kutou soldiers are here!" she heard a man cry out.
Spinning around, Jiyuna saw the door to the shabbiest hut open and a young mother and son come out of the house. Jiyuna knew it was Nakago right away. The way the hair lay across his forehead, the pure blue eyes. But it was not the Nakago she knew. This was a child, and a gentle one at that.
Jiyuna followed the young Nakago's gaze, saw a girl about his age running toward them, several soldiers following behind. "Ayuru!" the girl called. "Ayuru!"
"Taria!" The child tried to run, but his mother held him back.
"You wait here," his mother said, then began to sprint across the gap that separated her from the young girl. Miraculously, she reached her before the soldiers did, scooped her up in her arms, and started back toward Nakago.
The young boy began to run toward her. "Mother!" he called.
The moment he reached her and the little girl, the soldiers caught up. The stood behind the young woman, sword points at her back.
"Okaasan! Taria!" he yelled.
He came to an abrupt stop, staring at the soldiers, at his mother and Taria. The woman had pushed the little girl away from her, and was now on the ground, naked, with soldiers swarming on top of her. Jiyuna walked close to Nakago – no, he was Ayuru in this world – stared down at him, and gasped.
His blue Seiryuu symbol was pulsing a vivid blue on the whiteness of his forehead. He opened his mother and screamed the word "mother" so loud, Jiyuna took a step back. Then, his whole body began to shake, and a blue glow emanated from him. The glow seemed to explode, and went soaring straight at the soldiers who were raping his mother. The soldiers were thrown back, killed instantly, and, unfortunately, so was his mother.
The young Ayuru then collapsed on the ground.
Jiyuna felt herself being lifted, and the scenery suddenly changed. She looked around, seeing that it must have been the palace of Kutou's emperor. In fact, it was the emperor's bedchamber… and there… in the emperor's bed, was… Ayuru? Jiyuna thought she was going to be sick. First, the poor boy murders his own mother without knowing how, and now he's being molested by the emperor?
The scene faded quickly, and suddenly, she was outside, seeing Ayuru standing before several people.
"Taria, you're alive!" he screamed.
Jiyuna looked over and saw that Taria was alive, but her heart sank as she realized that soon, she wouldn't be. The girl was forced to knees as another soldier pulled out his sword.
Ayuru was screaming at Taria, who was screaming right back.
"I want to see his symbol!" the emperor yelled.
The soldier holding the sword raised it.
"I can't do it!" Ayuru screamed.
"Ayuru, it's all right, it's all right!" Taria yelled back.
Then something seemed to pass between the two, even as the sword came down, they were staring at each other, and Taria had a sad smile on her face. As the sword struck the little girl, Ayuru bellowed her name, and explosion rocked the land. The soldier's were torn apart, but Taria was lying between them as though sleeping. Ayuru stepped forward, and Jiyuna saw the transformation on his face plain as day. The gentle, kind heart died. And the face became statuesque, emotionless. Ayuru picked up the sword, and walked to the emperor.
"Your Majesty."
The emperor simply looked at him for a several moments, fumbling for words.
"I'm a Seiryuu seishi, for his majesty, and for Kutou, I have a duty to fulfill. Call me "Nakago," your Majesty." Jiyuna didn't miss the cold smile on Ayuru's face.
She was brought back to Tomo's pao, and she dropped to her knees on the floor. "How awful," she moaned. "How terrible. I don't think I would have been able to live after all that."
Tomo was standing above her, a frown on his face. He'd forgotten how horrible it had really been. "Now you know what happened to Nakago-sama, and why he is the way he is."
"Why did you show me this, Tomo?" Jiyuna asked.
"Because, I know he would never tell you," he answered. "Now, you must go. I can feel the Suzaku seishi at the edge of the camp."
Jiyuna stood, nodded her head at Tomo, and whispered, "Domo," to him before running from the pao and toward the trees that lined the camp. The images from Shin imbedded themselves in her head, and she kept seeing that eleven year old boy, screaming for his mother, while the power he could not control exploded from within him.