When I came back to the land of the living... if you want to call it that... I
thought that it was all just a dream.. that I was going to wake up and
there would be my Fred waiting to see if I was all right, if he could do
anything for me to ease what had to be the worst nightmare possible. But
no here I was lying on the couch in the staff lounge. Wait I wasn't lying
on a couch.. I had my head between two legs.... I don't want to open my eyes
but I hear the sounds of the hospital around me so I know that it is true.
I know that I lost my husband, my friend, my high school sweetheart.
I must have groaned aloud to myself because the next thing I know there is a voice that calls to me...
"Faith?"
"Yes god? If you have come to take me please don't... not right now I have to raise my kids without their father, the father that YOU just took from us!"
"Faith? Wake up Faith....Come on you can do it.. open your eyes..."
I know that voice.. I couldn't mistake it in a million years even in a crowd that voice can always get to me.... But no! it couldn't be.. I didn't call him... he doesn't know what happened.....I think I am just dreaming it.. I must be there is no way that he could possibly know what happened.
"Faith I am here... open your eyes..."
The light stings my eyes as I slowly decide to open them. Yup this is reality... I am in the staff lounge.. there staring down at me is Bosco, he smiles as I open my eyes
"Hey"
I look back at him and I try to smile
"Boz, what are you doing here? I left you at the house... how did......"
Bosco started stroking my hair and I didn't realize that I had started crying again, the next thing I know there are his arms taking me in to his warm embrace and he is trying to console me.
"Monroe came to get me as soon as she escorted you here, I got here just as you got the bad news, Faith I know everything.... Faith I am so sorry"
"So it wasn't a dream after all.... How did I get here?"
"After they told you about Fred, you passed out.. I caught you just before you hit the floor"
"Oh god Boz how am I going to live? Fred is gone.... Oh my god what am I going to tell the kids? Oh God Boz what am I going to tell Em? She left the apartment as she let the paramedics in... I don't know where she is..."
And there he was consoling me again. Bosco held me in his arms until I stopped shaking with tears. I don't know what I am going to do... I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to the man who was my husband for 15 years. The man who fathered my children, especially after we were just starting to talk again.
I don't know how long I lay in his arms for but Bosco never said a word, he just held me. I was grateful that he was there.. when I can think clearly I should thank Sasha for getting him, she knew that I would need someone to comfort me and Bosco is the perfect person, he has always been there for me when I needed him most, he saw me though Fred's first heart attack and now he is comforting me as I lie here in his arms sobbing and feeling so totally helpless.
"Don't worry about Em, I think I know where she went, you just lie here and I will go and get the kids"
Bosco thinking about the kids again... it seems that is all he ever thinks about when I cant seem to wrap my head around things.
Just then Dr.Powell walked into the lounge and took the seat across from me, it was then I recognized him, he had sutured me up a couple of months ago when I had been chasing a perp and he threw a CD case back at me and nailed me right in the head, nice work too I didn't even have a scar.
"Mrs.Yokas, I see that you are awake, Once again I am sorry for your loss, we did everything possible for your husband but there was just too much damage and the blockage was too big."
I feel Bosco's arms tighten around me, as if he knows that I am going to loose it again and he wants to give me all his strength.
"You can either make arrangements with the coroner for the body........"
Bosco piped up from behind me "I can do that for her"
"Ahem, well then I will leave you be, once again Mrs.Yokas I am truly sorry for your loss"
Empty words, that is all that it felt like to me, but Bosco's offer to help me take care of the arrangements was proof enough that there was someone here who would be able to help me though this time.
"I am going to go get the kids, I assume that Charlie is at your mom's then?"
I deftly nod still in a total state of shock. I am still worried about Em though... it isn't like her to just run off like this, but I am guessing that under the circumstances I wouldn't blame her at all.
Bosco looks down at me with that gentle smile on his lips, I think that I must be the only person who he gives that smile too because I seem to be the only person who knows he has it, and his eyes... those piercing blue eyes of his were so full of sympathy, I hd to fight for control before I lost it again....
"I will be back in an hour, after I find Em..."
I tighten my grip around his waist and bury my face into his lap. "No Boz please don't leave me yet.... I don't wan to be alone right now, I just lost my husband, I don't want to be alone right now......God Boz I don't know what to do........"
I close my eyes as he reaches down with a Kleenex to dry my tears, but it seems futile because there are more coming as soon as he clears them. The last thing I remember was falling to an exhausted sleep in his arms, only to enter a world without dreams, when I woke up he was gone.
I must have groaned aloud to myself because the next thing I know there is a voice that calls to me...
"Faith?"
"Yes god? If you have come to take me please don't... not right now I have to raise my kids without their father, the father that YOU just took from us!"
"Faith? Wake up Faith....Come on you can do it.. open your eyes..."
I know that voice.. I couldn't mistake it in a million years even in a crowd that voice can always get to me.... But no! it couldn't be.. I didn't call him... he doesn't know what happened.....I think I am just dreaming it.. I must be there is no way that he could possibly know what happened.
"Faith I am here... open your eyes..."
The light stings my eyes as I slowly decide to open them. Yup this is reality... I am in the staff lounge.. there staring down at me is Bosco, he smiles as I open my eyes
"Hey"
I look back at him and I try to smile
"Boz, what are you doing here? I left you at the house... how did......"
Bosco started stroking my hair and I didn't realize that I had started crying again, the next thing I know there are his arms taking me in to his warm embrace and he is trying to console me.
"Monroe came to get me as soon as she escorted you here, I got here just as you got the bad news, Faith I know everything.... Faith I am so sorry"
"So it wasn't a dream after all.... How did I get here?"
"After they told you about Fred, you passed out.. I caught you just before you hit the floor"
"Oh god Boz how am I going to live? Fred is gone.... Oh my god what am I going to tell the kids? Oh God Boz what am I going to tell Em? She left the apartment as she let the paramedics in... I don't know where she is..."
And there he was consoling me again. Bosco held me in his arms until I stopped shaking with tears. I don't know what I am going to do... I didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to the man who was my husband for 15 years. The man who fathered my children, especially after we were just starting to talk again.
I don't know how long I lay in his arms for but Bosco never said a word, he just held me. I was grateful that he was there.. when I can think clearly I should thank Sasha for getting him, she knew that I would need someone to comfort me and Bosco is the perfect person, he has always been there for me when I needed him most, he saw me though Fred's first heart attack and now he is comforting me as I lie here in his arms sobbing and feeling so totally helpless.
"Don't worry about Em, I think I know where she went, you just lie here and I will go and get the kids"
Bosco thinking about the kids again... it seems that is all he ever thinks about when I cant seem to wrap my head around things.
Just then Dr.Powell walked into the lounge and took the seat across from me, it was then I recognized him, he had sutured me up a couple of months ago when I had been chasing a perp and he threw a CD case back at me and nailed me right in the head, nice work too I didn't even have a scar.
"Mrs.Yokas, I see that you are awake, Once again I am sorry for your loss, we did everything possible for your husband but there was just too much damage and the blockage was too big."
I feel Bosco's arms tighten around me, as if he knows that I am going to loose it again and he wants to give me all his strength.
"You can either make arrangements with the coroner for the body........"
Bosco piped up from behind me "I can do that for her"
"Ahem, well then I will leave you be, once again Mrs.Yokas I am truly sorry for your loss"
Empty words, that is all that it felt like to me, but Bosco's offer to help me take care of the arrangements was proof enough that there was someone here who would be able to help me though this time.
"I am going to go get the kids, I assume that Charlie is at your mom's then?"
I deftly nod still in a total state of shock. I am still worried about Em though... it isn't like her to just run off like this, but I am guessing that under the circumstances I wouldn't blame her at all.
Bosco looks down at me with that gentle smile on his lips, I think that I must be the only person who he gives that smile too because I seem to be the only person who knows he has it, and his eyes... those piercing blue eyes of his were so full of sympathy, I hd to fight for control before I lost it again....
"I will be back in an hour, after I find Em..."
I tighten my grip around his waist and bury my face into his lap. "No Boz please don't leave me yet.... I don't wan to be alone right now, I just lost my husband, I don't want to be alone right now......God Boz I don't know what to do........"
I close my eyes as he reaches down with a Kleenex to dry my tears, but it seems futile because there are more coming as soon as he clears them. The last thing I remember was falling to an exhausted sleep in his arms, only to enter a world without dreams, when I woke up he was gone.