Disclaimer: The OC belongs to someone with much more money than me.

Author's note: I played with this chapter for a long time. Still doesn't feel right, but it's time to move on. I actually broke it up into two smaller ones. So you get two chapters tonight.

Thanks for the readin' and reviewin'. Y'all are so sweet. And thank you Liz for the hyper betaing. Have a good weekend everyone.

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Thursday Afternoon

Chapter Twelve

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It's a fairly windy night and Ryan's having trouble lighting his cigarette. His hands are shaking like some fucking pansy and that's not aiding his semi-addiction. He crouches down, cups his hand, and tries unsuccessfully to light the cigarette a fourth time.

Shit! Freakin' wind.

He stands up and drop-kicks the lighter, balls up the cigarette, throws it frustrated into the breeze. His hands are empty now, so he uses them to push his hair up on both sides of his head, the palms of his hands pressed tightly against his skull.

And he just stands there for a minute, in yet another gorgeous California night.

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Sandy peeks his head in Seth's room. The nurse is replacing the IV bag. Sandy has absolutely no idea what they are putting into Seth's body. He just trusts the hospital to do the right thing, the doctors to know what that is.

He has no choice but to do so.

Seth is sleeping peacefully. He's even managed to turn over to his side slightly. Sandy knows he can't use his cell phone in Seth's room, and the kid is out cold, so he quietly closes his son's door and ambles into the lounge to await Kirsten's call.

Collapsing in a chair, Sandy sits stunned and tries to come to grips with what happened in the parking lot. He hasn't seen Ryan look that vulnerable or confused since the very early days, back when Dawn was playing musical parenting.

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Ryan has managed to find a fairly secluded area, grassy hill, a few small picnic tables near the side of the building, most likely for workers. Considering this is a hospital, the grounds of HOAG are quiet. Shit, there are more sirens at night in Chino then there are at the damn hospital in Newport. He needs noise to processes the commotion in his head. He could run, but run where? Running was useless unless you had a specific destination.

There's a tree right next to him and he gives in to a sudden urge to kick it several times in succession.

Shit! That hurt.

Kicking the tree's not helping. Running is not going to help. The fucking cigarette could have helped.

Ryan sits down on the grass, pulls his knees to his chest, folds his arms on them, lays his head down, and tries to think.

He knows what he heard. He knows what he saw. Sandy and that guy were talking as if the guy was somehow his father. That couldn't be possible.

In the past, before Newport, his mom got pissed off at him every other day. No way could she keep something like this to herself. She would have hurled it at him like a missile on one of the nights she was drunk and scrounging for a victim. She would have screamed it at his father during one of her tirades, after his dad came home stoned and his mom claimed she had had enough of his dad's shit. God knows she was always yelling at his dad. Even if Ryan was too young and too stupid to pick up on any comments concerning his parentage, Trey would have, and he would have teased Ryan mercilessly with it.

Oh God, Trey. If Russell wasn't his dad, Trey was only half his brother.

What was left of his family melted away a little more each day.

Pretty soon Ryan would have to tell people he was hatched at sixteen. How can an entire childhood not matter?

Maybe he hadn't heard correctly. Maybe this wasn't happening. This only happened in soap operas or those stupid talk shows Dawn likes to watch.

The easy night breeze is sending a chill up Ryan's spine. He pulls his legs in closer, wraps his arms around his body tighter.

Jesus - he's going to start crying. Can't have that. Where's the tree?

He could beat the crap out of it.

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Kirsten is amazed at just how big a hospital can be. She's been outside for ten minutes with absolutely no sign of Ryan or the end of the damn hospital grounds. To hell with this, Ryan has youth in his favor. She's not going to catch him. She reaches for her phone. It seems too simple of an answer, but Ryan's different. When Seth is mad at her, she may as well take the battery out of her phone. But Ryan is a mystery. It might be worth a shot. The phone rings several times but no one answers. Kirsten flips it shut and looks across the parking lot. Ryan could be anywhere by now.

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Ryan's cell phone starts to ring. He ignores it, stands up, swats at the grass on his jeans, squeezes his fists, and struggles to hold on to his emotions.

One tear escapes. He angrily swipes at it with his forearm.

One tear doesn't count.

That's not crying.

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Kirsten's walks a few feet and decides to try the phone again. It's most likely useless, but it's better than returning to Seth's room empty-handed. It's better than giving up on Ryan.

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Ryan's cell phone rings again. He snatches it out of his pocket, ready to reduce it's fate to that of the lighter. Kirsten's number is displayed. He was ready to punt Sandy, but Kirsten? Hadn't expected that. Does she know about the guy in the car? Or did Sandy forget to tell her too? No way did she know this morning. She wasn't nervous around him.

Seth is sick and Kirsten's taking time to call him. Ryan can't disrespect her; he owes her more than that.

But what the hell, the call has served a purpose. Ryan's eyes are drying up, he has something to concentrate on, someone who might need him for something.

Only one tear, that's not crying.

Not even in Chino.

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Ed Carden is banging the steering wheel with his hand, over and over and over again.

It still doesn't hurt.

God, how could he be so stupid? Go to some stranger's home, invite yourself in, take advantage of a sick kid's plight to carry out an ill-conceived agenda? Has he left every last one of his morals in the mid-west, on the goddamn dresser, next to his wedding picture? Wasn't bad enough he created the situation, but then he left Sandy Cohen in the hospital parking lot to deal with the aftermath.

What a jerk. Ed's sure Ryan will be thrilled to be his son. Sleeping with a married woman, allowing her to be beat, getting her pregnant, not sticking around long enough to find out, coming back after seventeen years, crying in a stranger's office, conniving to trap a teenager in a car, driving away when reality becomes too messy.

Hell, who wouldn't want that as a dad?

Ed's hand is numb. He's ashamed to fly home to the two boys he already knows love him.

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Her heart skips a beat when Kirsten hears Ryan answer the phone. He doesn't say hello, but Kirsten can hear breathing, sense he is there, listening. She has one chance to make Ryan understand how very badly she just needs him to be with her.

"Ryan?" Nothing from the other end of the phone, but at least no click.

"Ryan? I'm outside. I want you to meet me and I want us to go together to see Seth. I want you to do that for me Ryan. Can you do that for me?" Kirsten's playing on Ryan's weakness and she knows it's wrong. But she's desperate to see him, confirm that he hasn't run, hasn't left them.

Still no response, but he's hanging on the line.

"Ryan," Kirsten continues. "I told you tonight that I should have called sooner, that I would never leave you out of the loop again. Well I'm calling. I'm keeping my promise."

Ryan clears his throat and answers, "I just want to see Seth...I don't want to see anybody else."

Kirsten intuitively understands he's not referring to her. "That's perfectly understandable Ryan. I'll meet you at the emergency entrance, we'll go in together, I'll keep everyone away. Do you trust me to do this Ryan?"

Ryan doesn't even trust himself not to run the opposite direction of the hospital, but he responds with a muted, "Yes."

Kirsten doesn't want to push him too far. She's getting lucky, she knows that. So instead of saying she loves him, and thank God he's not halfway to Chino she replies, "Thank you Ryan. Your trust means a lot to me. I'll see you in a few minutes." She hangs up; hoping like hell she can be worthy of the last thing Ryan has left to give away.

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To Be Continued......Actually right now! Click on Chapter 13.