There is a knocking at my door, it sounds frantic, damnit! this had better
be good, I just got home from work, for once I was too tired to go to the
bar, that last call took it right out of me. I can't stand to see kids
beaten and if Faith hadn't pulled me off of that sorry sack of slime I
would have killed him. The knocking intensifies so I roll off the couch
and plod my way across the floor. I am surprised to see it is Monroe, she
looks worried, oh sht this can't be good... she doesn't normally look
worried like this... I don't think that I am going to like what she is going
to say... maybe she will ask me to cover a night for her.. I hate nights in
the city.. I was so glad to get on the third watch because that meant I was
getting off the first one!
"Sasha?.. What the hell is going on? What are you doing here it is amost 1 in the morning."
"Bosco, it's Faith....."
All right now she has my complete and full attention. I am no longer half asleep, now I have adrenaline starting to course though my veins.
"What is it Sasha... What happened to Faith!!! Tell me!!!!"
"Bosco it's Fred... he had another heart attack... I just escorted Faith to Mercy.... Ohhh Bosco I don't think that this is going to turn out too good..."
Sweet merciful Mother.... Faith must be beside herself... I don't spend any more time thinking on that I am still in my jeans so I just blindly throw on a shirt grab my shoes hopping on one foot as I shove a shoe onto the other as I run for the door.. I grab my keys and run out the door with Sasha close behind me.
"Sasha I have to get to her... NOW!!!!."
"You don't have to tell me twice, Gustler is already in the back... he knows what is going on and he said that he would get back there so you could jump in the front..."
I didn't even hear the rest of that because I am already pounding down the stairs jumping the last 3 stairs at the end of every flight... I have to get there... I have to be there for Faith... she has always been there for me when I needed her... and when she needs me I have to be there for her... This is the only thing that courses though my mind as the adrenaline courses though my blood.... Sasha struggles to keep up with me as I bolt out the door.. I knew that she wouldn't be able to... Faith is the only one that I know who can keep up with me at full speed.. that woman can run! I see the RMP parked out front with Gustler sitting in the back... I reach the door and jump into the drivers seat... Swersky is going to have my ass on a silver plate for doing this but I don't care... I have to get to Faith and Sasha doesn't drive fast enough for me... Sasha finally gets to the passenger side door and climbs in.. she knows better than to argue with me when I am like this. Gustler voices his surprise at my driving out of uniform but one look from me silences him.. Thank god Sasha left the car running...I hit the lights and siren and I hit the gas... hard... I know I have to get there.. "I'm comin' Faith.. Hang in there I'm comin'....."
I reach Mercy in record time.. I think that I must have broken every rule threefold but I didn't care the only thing that I was thinking of is that I had to get to Faith.. I had to be there for her... I feel bad now because I didn't even stop to thank Sasha.. but I guess that she knew how I felt anyhow.. she knew that I was grateful to her for coming to get me when the only person that I cared about more than life itself needed me..
I run though the doors into emergency... I don't have to look very far because Faith is right in front of me.. and there is a Doctor in front of her... Powell I think his name is.. and he is talking to her... I reach her just in time to hear what he is saying to her.
"..... I am sorry Mrs.Yokas, but we just couldn't bring him back this time."
"Oh Jesus... Fred is dead... oh no!... Faith is..." but my thought pattern is interrupted by a wail... wait is more like a howl... and it is coming from Faith.. as the words sink in and she realizes that Fred is gone... and then I see her start to sink... I catch her just as her knees start to buckle and she starts heading for the floor. I pick her up with both arms and cradle her as Dr. Powell leads me towards the staff lounge... I sit on the couch there and lay Faith down letting her head rest on my lap.
"She can stay here until she wakes up, I will be back to check on her later"
"Thanks Doc, I will stay with her until she comes back to us..."
I sit there and look down at her tear stained face, she must have been in the middle of getting ready for bed because she is wearing a pair of track pants and a shirt and I can tell that she has nothing on underneath it.. she must have just thrown them on in a hurry. I stroke her hair as she lays in my lap, and I call to her...
"Faith.... Faith don't worry about anything Faith I am here with you..." no response "Faith come on baby... I am here wake up...."
She groans deeply... and I look at her as her face grimaces...
"Faith?, Wake up Faith.... Come on you can do it... open your eyes.. Faith I am here.... Open your eyes"
I look down at her and watch as those beautiful eyes of hers open, I have to fight to keep the tears out of mine as they open and I see that they are stricken with such pain... I look down at her and force a smile on my face...
"Hey"
She looks up at my face and realizes who I am and she tries to smile.. it must be hard for her to do that but I appreciate the gesture, that even though her pain she is trying not to share it with me. I hear the pain in her voice as she talks to me...
"Boz?" I nod just to confirm that I am the one that she is looking at..
"What are you doing here?... I left you at the house.... How did?...."
I reach down and stroke her hair again.. I can't help it.. it seems like the only thing that I can do for her as she starts crying again... I can't stand to see her cry.. it always makes me want to share her tears..
"Monroe came to get me as soon as she escorted you here, I got here just as you got the bad news, Faith I know everything.... Faith I am so sorry"
She looks up at me again with those eyes... no matter what she has ever said to me.. it is always her eyes that say the most.. I can see all the pain and the loss.. the complete sense of abandonment and the hell that she must be living in right now... I know this because I am living it with her... and I want to be there for her.... because I love her....
"So it wasn't a dream after all...." She looks around the room "How did I get here?"
I look down at her with as much love and sympathy as I can muster and open my mouth not sure that I will find a voice there or not....
"After they told you about Fred, you passed out.. I caught you just before you hit the floor"
I feel her body shake with her sobbing.. it is all that I can do to keep from crying myself...
"Oh god Boz how am I going to live? Fred is gone.... Oh my god what am I going to tell the kids? Oh God Boz what am I going to tell Em? She left the apartment as she let the paramedics in... I don't know where she is..."
I don't say anything.. I don't think that I have the voice to... all I can do is pull her into my embrace and try and comfort her as best I can... in a way it is a comfort to me as well... both of us. I did this for her when Fred had his first heart attack and now... all I can do is sit here and hold her. She said that Emily left... I think I know where she might have gone... it was the last place I found her when she got mad at her parents... she might have gone back there when this happened... she said that she always had good memories there... I bet she is there right now... "Don't worry about Em, I think I know where she went, you just lie here and I will go and get the kids"
Just as I said that Dr. Powell walked into the room. And now I know who he was.. I brought Faith here a couple of months back when she was hit in the head with a CD case that Pee Wee had thrown at her when he was trying to run from us, it hit her smack in the forehead and cut her pretty deeply.. Powell was the one who stitched her up... good Doctor too she doesn't even have a scar.. but that is all right it would only make her that much more prettier... I watched as he sat down in the char across from us, sympathy written all over his face..
"Mrs.Yokas, I see that you are awake, Once again I am sorry for your loss, we did everything possible for your husband but there was just too much damage and the blockage was too big."
Instinctively I tighten my arms around Faith... she needs the support and well so do I... it feels like she is clinging to me as if I am some sort of lifeline... not that I blame her she is probably feeling lost in her own personal hell....
"You can either make arrangements with the coroner for the body........"
"I can do that...." Well I have to I know Faith isn't going to be able to do this on her own... she is going to need me....especially now... I know her better than I know myself sometimes...I just can't let her do this on her own....I need to feel like I am doing something to help her...I feel her arms squeeze mine little tighter as I voice my offering... maybe she knows that I am here for her after all.
"Ahem, well then I will leave you be, once again Mrs.Yokas I am truly sorry for your loss
I watch as he gets up and leaves the room, then I look down at Faith who looks even more lost now then she did before.. if that is possible.... I don't know what to do... so I say the only thing that comes to mind..
"I am going to go get the kids, I assume that Charlie is at your mom's then?"
Charlie would be at her moms... Monroe had told me that she was coming from that direction so that would be my first assumption... she nods... I look down at her and I smile.. I have two smiles.. one for the public and friends and one for Faith... the one I have reserved for her and ONLY her is one of pure love... I just love her... it kills me to see that she is suffering so much.. I think that she can see that because she is looking me right in the eyes.. I swear she can say more with those endless eyes of hers....
"I will be back in an hour, after I find Em..."
Right after I say that I feel her arms tighten around me... she doesn't want me to go... I hear her voice clear as day as she burys her face in my lap....
. "No Boz,, please don't leave me yet.... I don't wan to be alone right now, I just lost my husband, I don't want to be alone right now......God Boz I don't know what to do........"
I feel her body shake with her sobs, I try and comfort her by rocking her gently thinking... oh God how could you be so cruel to her? How could you hurt one of your angels so? I take a Kleenex and dry her tears as fast as they come and I try to console her as best I can.. Finally she falls asleep with her head cradled in my arms... Mary comes into the room for a cup of coffee and sees us on the couch...
"Bosco is there anything that I can do for you guys?"
"Yeah Mary, Can you find me a pillow and a blanket for her.. please?"
"Oh poor lamb... she is finally asleep.. she has been though hell tonight... I know that she is going to appreciate you being here for her...."
Mary comes back with a warm blanket and a pillow for her head. I ease off the couch being careful not to disturb Faith as I lay her head on the pillow and tuck her in with the blanket. I look around the room and then I notice that I drove here in the RMP... oh Crap that means I didn't have my car with me... ohh well... ohh wait I minute Sasha said that she had escorted Faith here.. then that means that she would have the truck... gently search Faith's track pants and find the keys.. I am sure that under the circumstances she isn't going to care if I take the truck... besides it is about 10 miles back to my apartment and I have to get the kids... I don't think that she is going to care at all...
"I will be back as soon as I find Em.... Stay strong until then..." I know that she can't hear me... when she is emotionally exhausted like this a heard of elephants could march right past her head and she wouldn't wake up.... so I leave her sleeping like that on the couch as I leave I place a kiss on her forehead, her lips curl into a little smile.. I hope she felt that.. I hope she knows that I am here for her... But right now I have two kids.... No to very worried kids to pick up... I turn out the lights and leave her sleeping like an angel on the couch.
"Mary if you see Faith. tell her I went to get the kids.. and that I took her truck.. I don't think that she cares, but if she asks where I am could you please tell her that?"
"All right Bosco... and I will make sure that she stays undisturbed... She needs sleep."
"Thanks Mary" as I walk out the door. The truck isn't hard to find it is parked in a space reserved for an RMP figures Faith would park here. I get in the drivers side and I start the truck.. first stop get Em.. Second stop get Charlie and then make it back here.. I don't have to adjust anything, Faith and I always drive with the same adjustments.. I love that.... saves time.. I put the truck into gear and leave heading for Central Park and Emily...
"Sasha?.. What the hell is going on? What are you doing here it is amost 1 in the morning."
"Bosco, it's Faith....."
All right now she has my complete and full attention. I am no longer half asleep, now I have adrenaline starting to course though my veins.
"What is it Sasha... What happened to Faith!!! Tell me!!!!"
"Bosco it's Fred... he had another heart attack... I just escorted Faith to Mercy.... Ohhh Bosco I don't think that this is going to turn out too good..."
Sweet merciful Mother.... Faith must be beside herself... I don't spend any more time thinking on that I am still in my jeans so I just blindly throw on a shirt grab my shoes hopping on one foot as I shove a shoe onto the other as I run for the door.. I grab my keys and run out the door with Sasha close behind me.
"Sasha I have to get to her... NOW!!!!."
"You don't have to tell me twice, Gustler is already in the back... he knows what is going on and he said that he would get back there so you could jump in the front..."
I didn't even hear the rest of that because I am already pounding down the stairs jumping the last 3 stairs at the end of every flight... I have to get there... I have to be there for Faith... she has always been there for me when I needed her... and when she needs me I have to be there for her... This is the only thing that courses though my mind as the adrenaline courses though my blood.... Sasha struggles to keep up with me as I bolt out the door.. I knew that she wouldn't be able to... Faith is the only one that I know who can keep up with me at full speed.. that woman can run! I see the RMP parked out front with Gustler sitting in the back... I reach the door and jump into the drivers seat... Swersky is going to have my ass on a silver plate for doing this but I don't care... I have to get to Faith and Sasha doesn't drive fast enough for me... Sasha finally gets to the passenger side door and climbs in.. she knows better than to argue with me when I am like this. Gustler voices his surprise at my driving out of uniform but one look from me silences him.. Thank god Sasha left the car running...I hit the lights and siren and I hit the gas... hard... I know I have to get there.. "I'm comin' Faith.. Hang in there I'm comin'....."
I reach Mercy in record time.. I think that I must have broken every rule threefold but I didn't care the only thing that I was thinking of is that I had to get to Faith.. I had to be there for her... I feel bad now because I didn't even stop to thank Sasha.. but I guess that she knew how I felt anyhow.. she knew that I was grateful to her for coming to get me when the only person that I cared about more than life itself needed me..
I run though the doors into emergency... I don't have to look very far because Faith is right in front of me.. and there is a Doctor in front of her... Powell I think his name is.. and he is talking to her... I reach her just in time to hear what he is saying to her.
"..... I am sorry Mrs.Yokas, but we just couldn't bring him back this time."
"Oh Jesus... Fred is dead... oh no!... Faith is..." but my thought pattern is interrupted by a wail... wait is more like a howl... and it is coming from Faith.. as the words sink in and she realizes that Fred is gone... and then I see her start to sink... I catch her just as her knees start to buckle and she starts heading for the floor. I pick her up with both arms and cradle her as Dr. Powell leads me towards the staff lounge... I sit on the couch there and lay Faith down letting her head rest on my lap.
"She can stay here until she wakes up, I will be back to check on her later"
"Thanks Doc, I will stay with her until she comes back to us..."
I sit there and look down at her tear stained face, she must have been in the middle of getting ready for bed because she is wearing a pair of track pants and a shirt and I can tell that she has nothing on underneath it.. she must have just thrown them on in a hurry. I stroke her hair as she lays in my lap, and I call to her...
"Faith.... Faith don't worry about anything Faith I am here with you..." no response "Faith come on baby... I am here wake up...."
She groans deeply... and I look at her as her face grimaces...
"Faith?, Wake up Faith.... Come on you can do it... open your eyes.. Faith I am here.... Open your eyes"
I look down at her and watch as those beautiful eyes of hers open, I have to fight to keep the tears out of mine as they open and I see that they are stricken with such pain... I look down at her and force a smile on my face...
"Hey"
She looks up at my face and realizes who I am and she tries to smile.. it must be hard for her to do that but I appreciate the gesture, that even though her pain she is trying not to share it with me. I hear the pain in her voice as she talks to me...
"Boz?" I nod just to confirm that I am the one that she is looking at..
"What are you doing here?... I left you at the house.... How did?...."
I reach down and stroke her hair again.. I can't help it.. it seems like the only thing that I can do for her as she starts crying again... I can't stand to see her cry.. it always makes me want to share her tears..
"Monroe came to get me as soon as she escorted you here, I got here just as you got the bad news, Faith I know everything.... Faith I am so sorry"
She looks up at me again with those eyes... no matter what she has ever said to me.. it is always her eyes that say the most.. I can see all the pain and the loss.. the complete sense of abandonment and the hell that she must be living in right now... I know this because I am living it with her... and I want to be there for her.... because I love her....
"So it wasn't a dream after all...." She looks around the room "How did I get here?"
I look down at her with as much love and sympathy as I can muster and open my mouth not sure that I will find a voice there or not....
"After they told you about Fred, you passed out.. I caught you just before you hit the floor"
I feel her body shake with her sobbing.. it is all that I can do to keep from crying myself...
"Oh god Boz how am I going to live? Fred is gone.... Oh my god what am I going to tell the kids? Oh God Boz what am I going to tell Em? She left the apartment as she let the paramedics in... I don't know where she is..."
I don't say anything.. I don't think that I have the voice to... all I can do is pull her into my embrace and try and comfort her as best I can... in a way it is a comfort to me as well... both of us. I did this for her when Fred had his first heart attack and now... all I can do is sit here and hold her. She said that Emily left... I think I know where she might have gone... it was the last place I found her when she got mad at her parents... she might have gone back there when this happened... she said that she always had good memories there... I bet she is there right now... "Don't worry about Em, I think I know where she went, you just lie here and I will go and get the kids"
Just as I said that Dr. Powell walked into the room. And now I know who he was.. I brought Faith here a couple of months back when she was hit in the head with a CD case that Pee Wee had thrown at her when he was trying to run from us, it hit her smack in the forehead and cut her pretty deeply.. Powell was the one who stitched her up... good Doctor too she doesn't even have a scar.. but that is all right it would only make her that much more prettier... I watched as he sat down in the char across from us, sympathy written all over his face..
"Mrs.Yokas, I see that you are awake, Once again I am sorry for your loss, we did everything possible for your husband but there was just too much damage and the blockage was too big."
Instinctively I tighten my arms around Faith... she needs the support and well so do I... it feels like she is clinging to me as if I am some sort of lifeline... not that I blame her she is probably feeling lost in her own personal hell....
"You can either make arrangements with the coroner for the body........"
"I can do that...." Well I have to I know Faith isn't going to be able to do this on her own... she is going to need me....especially now... I know her better than I know myself sometimes...I just can't let her do this on her own....I need to feel like I am doing something to help her...I feel her arms squeeze mine little tighter as I voice my offering... maybe she knows that I am here for her after all.
"Ahem, well then I will leave you be, once again Mrs.Yokas I am truly sorry for your loss
I watch as he gets up and leaves the room, then I look down at Faith who looks even more lost now then she did before.. if that is possible.... I don't know what to do... so I say the only thing that comes to mind..
"I am going to go get the kids, I assume that Charlie is at your mom's then?"
Charlie would be at her moms... Monroe had told me that she was coming from that direction so that would be my first assumption... she nods... I look down at her and I smile.. I have two smiles.. one for the public and friends and one for Faith... the one I have reserved for her and ONLY her is one of pure love... I just love her... it kills me to see that she is suffering so much.. I think that she can see that because she is looking me right in the eyes.. I swear she can say more with those endless eyes of hers....
"I will be back in an hour, after I find Em..."
Right after I say that I feel her arms tighten around me... she doesn't want me to go... I hear her voice clear as day as she burys her face in my lap....
. "No Boz,, please don't leave me yet.... I don't wan to be alone right now, I just lost my husband, I don't want to be alone right now......God Boz I don't know what to do........"
I feel her body shake with her sobs, I try and comfort her by rocking her gently thinking... oh God how could you be so cruel to her? How could you hurt one of your angels so? I take a Kleenex and dry her tears as fast as they come and I try to console her as best I can.. Finally she falls asleep with her head cradled in my arms... Mary comes into the room for a cup of coffee and sees us on the couch...
"Bosco is there anything that I can do for you guys?"
"Yeah Mary, Can you find me a pillow and a blanket for her.. please?"
"Oh poor lamb... she is finally asleep.. she has been though hell tonight... I know that she is going to appreciate you being here for her...."
Mary comes back with a warm blanket and a pillow for her head. I ease off the couch being careful not to disturb Faith as I lay her head on the pillow and tuck her in with the blanket. I look around the room and then I notice that I drove here in the RMP... oh Crap that means I didn't have my car with me... ohh well... ohh wait I minute Sasha said that she had escorted Faith here.. then that means that she would have the truck... gently search Faith's track pants and find the keys.. I am sure that under the circumstances she isn't going to care if I take the truck... besides it is about 10 miles back to my apartment and I have to get the kids... I don't think that she is going to care at all...
"I will be back as soon as I find Em.... Stay strong until then..." I know that she can't hear me... when she is emotionally exhausted like this a heard of elephants could march right past her head and she wouldn't wake up.... so I leave her sleeping like that on the couch as I leave I place a kiss on her forehead, her lips curl into a little smile.. I hope she felt that.. I hope she knows that I am here for her... But right now I have two kids.... No to very worried kids to pick up... I turn out the lights and leave her sleeping like an angel on the couch.
"Mary if you see Faith. tell her I went to get the kids.. and that I took her truck.. I don't think that she cares, but if she asks where I am could you please tell her that?"
"All right Bosco... and I will make sure that she stays undisturbed... She needs sleep."
"Thanks Mary" as I walk out the door. The truck isn't hard to find it is parked in a space reserved for an RMP figures Faith would park here. I get in the drivers side and I start the truck.. first stop get Em.. Second stop get Charlie and then make it back here.. I don't have to adjust anything, Faith and I always drive with the same adjustments.. I love that.... saves time.. I put the truck into gear and leave heading for Central Park and Emily...