Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters except Balasi and the dude in
the bar. And I didn't make up the name Balasi. It's a real Greek name that
means "flat footed."
The Real Story of Troy
Paris was a loser. He was the ugliest guy in all of Greece. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get a date. Not even the most desperate single woman would go out with him, and the men wouldn't either. If he asked them, they would reply, "I'd rather die than go out with you!"
Because he had nowhere to go, he was hanging around in one of the bars, moping, when he heard a rumor. Balasi, one of the bar's regular customers, was saying excitedly to a crowd of half-drunken men, "I heard a rumor about this girl called Helen, the wife of King Menelaus of Athens. She's as ugly as Paris!" He pointed to the shadowy corner where Paris was sulking. "Whoa, she's as ugly as him?" one man asked. "Yeah, maybe even uglier," Balasi replied. "Wow, she must be the ugliest woman in all of Greece!" the man exclaimed. He ran over to his friend, who had just entered the bar, and said, "Hey man, Balasi heard about this girl who's the ugliest woman in all of Greece!" Paris pondered the situation. He was so hideous that no single women—or men- -would ever go out with him. Helen was just as ugly as she was. He had nothing to lose. Maybe he could go and meet this Helen... And so Paris went to Athens just to see Helen's ugliness for himself. He started hanging out with her and talking to her, and other stuff like that, and decided to abduct her. So he did. When Menelaus, her husband, found out, he said, "Fine, take her, she always burns my dinner anyway."
So Helen and Paris lived happily ever after in the city of Troy. But, of course, that story was really boring. So the storytellers decided to alter it a little and made Helen into the most beautiful woman on Earth and put in a bunch of crap about 3 jealous goddesses, some crazy soothsayer, and a decade-long war. Thus, the story you know today about Helen of Troy came about.
THE END.
(A/N: Thanks for reading, please review! Poem form of it might be coming in the distant future.)
The Real Story of Troy
Paris was a loser. He was the ugliest guy in all of Greece. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get a date. Not even the most desperate single woman would go out with him, and the men wouldn't either. If he asked them, they would reply, "I'd rather die than go out with you!"
Because he had nowhere to go, he was hanging around in one of the bars, moping, when he heard a rumor. Balasi, one of the bar's regular customers, was saying excitedly to a crowd of half-drunken men, "I heard a rumor about this girl called Helen, the wife of King Menelaus of Athens. She's as ugly as Paris!" He pointed to the shadowy corner where Paris was sulking. "Whoa, she's as ugly as him?" one man asked. "Yeah, maybe even uglier," Balasi replied. "Wow, she must be the ugliest woman in all of Greece!" the man exclaimed. He ran over to his friend, who had just entered the bar, and said, "Hey man, Balasi heard about this girl who's the ugliest woman in all of Greece!" Paris pondered the situation. He was so hideous that no single women—or men- -would ever go out with him. Helen was just as ugly as she was. He had nothing to lose. Maybe he could go and meet this Helen... And so Paris went to Athens just to see Helen's ugliness for himself. He started hanging out with her and talking to her, and other stuff like that, and decided to abduct her. So he did. When Menelaus, her husband, found out, he said, "Fine, take her, she always burns my dinner anyway."
So Helen and Paris lived happily ever after in the city of Troy. But, of course, that story was really boring. So the storytellers decided to alter it a little and made Helen into the most beautiful woman on Earth and put in a bunch of crap about 3 jealous goddesses, some crazy soothsayer, and a decade-long war. Thus, the story you know today about Helen of Troy came about.
THE END.
(A/N: Thanks for reading, please review! Poem form of it might be coming in the distant future.)