Disclaimer: Hey yo! I'm a pimp! I'm a punk! I'm a goth! I'm a homo! I own Hoobastank. I own the Matrix... but all I just said happens to be fake, like the Matrix itself....
Just to let you know, it is a Neo/Smith fic, but I didn't want to turn them to gayness because I never thought of them that way. Besides, what would you do if you're comforting instead of confronting yourself? Neo and Smith are the same person of course...
--JediKnightRika
Let it out
by JediKnightRika
This is ours, we made it with our everything
Something real, as real as it could ever be
0101010101010
The Matrix world shook. The One and the Virus landed blows at each other. Agent Smith verses Neo. The fight for the future. The fight of the worlds. The fight of their lives. Smith knew that this was too good to be true. Everything all ends here, in their each and every blow, with him knowing that the two will both die directly at the very end. So what was Smith thinking? He knows everything the Oracle remembers, since he copied her, and he knew every single word that the wife of the Architect spoke. So why? You want to know?
It is because he feels for Neo.
Neo is everything he felt: hope, hatred, envy, anger, calm, sadness, doubt, and even love.
Smith has plans for Neo to this night. After on final blow... before their deaths, Smith will let everything out for Neo. Smith knows that Neo already has a love, he has been watching every move this human made. But he is Neo and Neo is he, and it wouldn't hurt to give out everything that hurts and made him suffer to his one true enemy: himself, right?
01010101010101
You gave me all of yourself, I gave you all of me
Now set it free from yourself, for everyone to see
0101010101011010
Smith can see it. Neo was getting too weak, too tired to fight. It is an advantage, since Smith never feels tired in a fight, but he really is tired above them all. Smith never wanted to fight, even if it was his purpose... even if it was a purpose he chose for himself. He wanted to be free like everybody else... never wanting to break for trying to breathe. It wasn't the human smell he hates... it was the matrix smell. It was a smell that couldn't be smelt, that was fake all along. An odorless smell that poisoned him to believe the fact that he wasn't real. Even if he wanted to be real. And it wasn't that he hates the humans for their fragile bodies, he hates them for being everything he wanted to be. And that was just what he hates. He tries to be like them, but it was no use. He just couldn't.
As the hard fake rain pours above him, Smith dived down to Neo, sending the both equations down to the city and causing force to be held back. Fake force.
Smith stood while Neo was hurt down the ground. It was his advantage, but Smith now feel guilty and pity for the human. He wished that he was down there, lying in the mud, dying and in pain realizing that he is a soul, real enough to believe that he would be a soul that would go into "heaven"; wishing he was real.
Smith saw Neo gets up, spitting some blood down to the muddy water. Now would be the time to let everything out, but he feels that it wasn't the time just yet. There are too many of his copies staring, all nothing like him and would think that he was their traitor... so Smith continues to pretend.
010101010101010101010
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
0101010101010101010110
"Why Mr. Anderson?" Smith asks. Yet he knows the reason, Smith continues to pretend. "Why, why, why? Why do you do it? Why?" Smith knows, Smith pretends. "Why get up? Why keep fighting?" He's fighting for an opportunity to let it out. But what about you Mr. Anderson?
"Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more than your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know?" I hate you Mr. Anderson. "Is it freedom or truth? Perhaps peace?" I pity you Mr. Anderson. "Could it be for love?" I love you Mr. Anderson... Neo...
"Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect... trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose! And all of them are as artificial as the Matrix itself..." Like me. "...although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love." I'm sorry, that was not what I meant. I'm telling you the opposite... I wish that I could feel like you... I want to be like you... everything like you...
"You must be able to see it Mr. Anderson, you must know it by now! You can't win!" I can't win...neither of us can win... we're like the same person... "It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?" Smith spat those words, realizing that everything is what he spoken is the opposite. Now he hates himself.
"Because I choose to."
0101010101010101010101
I'm not afraid to let it out
Who cares if you don't like it...if you don't like it...
0101010101010101010101
Now, Smith thought as he froze in place, staring at the owner of that voice. Neo got up, still strong, still fighting. They both stared, making no noise at all. The smith copies were quiet and confused of why wouldn't the original one move. Neo stood still also, being cautious about everything— but he is also confused as well. Why wouldn't Smith fight?
Smith, instead of attacking, let his guard down and had his head face down. He then began to walk slowly, causing Neo to become confused and let his guard down as well. What is wrong with him? I'll tell you this, Smith is missing something.
Agent Smith has never been born as an infant. He was made a man. He never grew up with innocence or played with toys and dinosaurs or ran into his mother and father's bed at night if he had any nightmares. He never had parents like us. He never went to school and played "tag" with other kids. He never grew up to ride a school bus to school, he never had any friends, or played video games with some friends for the matter. He never graduated from kindergarten or elementary school and hangout in junior-high.
He never played football, basketball, or track for athletics in school, blew a band instrument, studied hard for exams, or even does homework. He's never worked harder in high-school than junior-high, learned to drive a car from his dad, go camping, fishing, swimming, watch movies at a theatre, go in his favorite band's concert, ask a girl out, or even kiss one. He's never graduated from college and get a good degree, for a good job. He didn't marry anyone, let alone have any kids. He never watched them grow up. He never lived to live in a life of something that made him real. It was something he wants, something worth dying for. And if only Neo knew how he felt...
0101010101001010101
Go ahead, you know just what you want to do
Don't deny, you feel it 'cause I feel it to
0101010101010101010
"Mr. Anderson..." Agent Smith whispered to Neo. "I-I..." How can he say? Smith paused for a moment. Neo gulped. Why? Why doing this? Hurry up Smith! Trinity and all of humanity are waiting for me. The machines are waiting for me! Kill me already! Die already! I have to end this war... I don't want it to continue! Too many people are dying dammit! What are you doing? What is it now? Why do you have to do this? Why, why, why?!!
Smith slowly reached Neo's left ear and whispered something that his copies couldn't hear... "Neo... there is something I need to tell you... I want to tell you... I don't want my copies to know. Can we discuss this in...another place?"
Neo gulped. What the hell is he talking about? "What do you mean?"
"I need to get out. We need another place to talk. I..." Smith tried to think. "Don't want to fight anymore."
Neo, still confused, nods a yes. Of course, he doesn't want to fight anymore either, so he clearly understands. But this was coming from his opposite, which wouldn't agree of anything Neo agrees. So he'd do it too.
Smith also nods and took a step back, lifting off in the air, motioning for Neo to follow. Neo then took off in the air, flying away from the city, to a place that they wouldn't be expected to go: the countryside.
01010101010101010010101
Take a look all around, you'll feel it in the air
From the sky to the ground, I feel it everywhere
010101010101010101010101
"What is wrong, Smith?" Neo asked as Smith closed a cabin door. Feeling all soaked and drained from the rain, Neo took off his cloak, since it was too heavy for him for the moment. Smith also took off his jacket and hung it in a nearby coat racket. It felt new to Smith, he's never taken off anything that was on him, except his earplug, but that was it.
Neo then decided to sit in a chair, since he was all tired. Something is wrong, this was not supposed to happen...
"Remember when I told you that I saw your death?" Smith asked, facing Neo. The human nods, still confused. "Well... I did saw it... but I decided to change time. All visions can't be true." Smith then sat on a nearby chair and faced his opposite, ready to tell him.
"I-I... can't really express... how I feel...You're everything I wanted to be. I... feel envy. Remember when I told Morpheus that I wanted out of this world? How I hated the smells? It wasn't a human smell... it was the Matrix smell. Remember when I told you about purpose? Remember when I asked you why? When I said love was boring? When you can't win? I can't win either... I know about your talk between yourself and the Oracle."
Neo looked at Smith straight in the blue eyes. His eyes were full of beauty... full of emotion. This program here is the perfect figure of a human... the strengths and weaknesses of a human being. Neo also envy Smith sometimes. This program is so strong, it is hard for any other human to survive what he'd been through. The blue eyes were amazing, Neo has never seen any blue eyes so crystal clear as this program's. It was his gift, Neo read Smith's eyes like a summary to what he was about to say...
"Smith..."
"I- I can't go on. Even if I won this fight. I've always wanted to be real... in a human being. I wanted to love like you loved Trinity. I wanted friends... not enemies... I want a family. I want to be a kid. I want to grow. I want to be a soul. I want to die. But if I do, I would just be... gone. And I don't want that. I want people to love me... not hate me. I want to be human and I hate this war. I never hated the smells... I wanted the smells. This is too much. I want to be real." Smith never realizes that he was beginning to cry and break up. Wow, a program that is an emotional wreck, never heard of that?
"I want to heal. I want to feel. I want to live, to breathe, leave... I want to bleed... to think, to be like you. Be like everyone. I want to grow up. I'm a kid but I'm not. It's too much... I want to die... but I'm afraid that there wouldn't be an afterlife! I'm scared Neo, I want to exist. I don't like the idea of not being real. I want to look at a real sun, feel real rain, touch real things! I want to open up! But I can't! I want to exist without a purpose! I hate the Matrix! I hate myself! I hate you! That is why I fight! I'm jealous! I break every time I try and fight! I want to sleep—"
"Smith!"
0101010101010101
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
(Who cares if you don't like it)
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I feel
I'm not afraid to let it out
0101010101010
They paused for a long time. Smith was breaking down, sobbing harshly, getting crazy. He is a mentally, physically, and emotionally disaster and Neo had seen too much. He wanted to cry too. It was too much. He never knew this program wanted this, no one ever told him this before. Before Smith would've continued, Neo jumped up from his chair and grabbed hold his opposite. Smith held onto him tightly, not wanting to let go. This is what smith always wanted to tell Neo, but was too afraid.
Smith laid his head down Neo's chest and sobbed harder than before, letting it all out. Neo understands, yes he understands, anyone deserved the kind of life a human possesses. The human life is like a treasured glass, treated with love for long, and die when broken. But Smith is like a plastic cup, being used over and over again, never breaking like the glass.
01010101010101010
...To let it out
(who cares if you don't like it)
(who cares if you don't like it)
(who cares if you don't like it)
(who cares if you don't like it)
101010101010101010
"Smith..." Neo spoke in a whisper after a long silence. Smith looked up to Neo with red teary eyes. "Y-yes...?"
"Don't cry. Your blue eyes will mess up if you do."
A long silence.
"Smith... I had no idea. No one would've thought—after all you said? You said you hated the humans... and now you're telling me that you envy them? I don't know if you're telling me the truth anymore... b-but..." Now Neo begins to cry. This is himself. His opposite. How could he agree to his opposite? "...I don't like the idea to having it all you have nothing. At first, I thought you had it all. No pain, no death, you could do anything. I wanted to be a program. You're perfect."
A long silence.
"Now, I guess you're too perfect."
0101010101010101010
This is ours, we made it with our everything
Something real, as real as it could ever be
You gave me all of yourself, I gave you all of me
Now set it free from yourself, for everyone to see
01010101010101010101
"Neo," Smith sobbed softly, soon hiccuping. Neo closed his eyes and placed his chin over the program's head. "I-I...it is inevitable... I can't be what you are..."
"Don't say that..." Neo sat Smith down on a couch. "We can find a way... if living in the real world is all you want, I'll give you that."
When Smith sat down, he lay down on his back and sniffed, looking at his enemy. Neo wiped his eyes and Smith's of the tears. "You can't promise that..." Smith spoke. "I can never get rid of my curse..."
01010101010101010101
I'm not afraid to let it out
I'm gonna show you how I'm free
I'm not afraid to let it out
(who cares if you dont like it)
101010101010101010101
I'm not afraid to let it out I'm gonna show you how I'm free I'm not afraid to let it out To let it out To let it out To let it out...
Neo smiled at his enemy. "Then I'll try," Neo replied. "I'll try."
Hoobastank
Let It Out
Read and review