Vacillate


Written by Vampyrosa


Disclaimer: This work is fan fiction and was not meant to infringe on anyone's right or ownership. Inuyasha and it respective counterparts are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. By no means am I making any money off of this. Thank you. However the concepts are from the dark twisted depths of my tortured soul. Enjoy.

Chapter two

A King among the useless-

It was 5:00 pm on the humid August day. A man, or what many thought was a mere mortal stood gazing out of the vast city of Tokyo in that steel pinnacle. A multi-billionaire Tycoon and one the most prestigious persona of that age looked over his vast empire. It did not give him the slightest joy. Money, power, and fame were not things he desired. After all he was entitled to such privileges since his birth. These things were frivolous and only matter to the stinking populace of the human race.

He turned away and sat in the rigid desk chair. These years seem to keep dragging on, like an endless wheel. As of late, one idea above all else was clear in his mind. However, it was firmly out of the question. Suicide or the Great Sleep was never an option. Not for this Taiyoukai lord, formerly known as Sesshoumaru. Even in these years of peace, he still could not ignore his responsibility- To govern and protect his lands.

There was a time long ago where it was the greatest perks of being a Lord. To witness the grandeur of the land and rule with satisfaction was above all else his fondest moment. Time as it were was in cohort with change. The two miscreant powers were the constant flow of chaos. His beautiful land, raped repeatedly with war, technological advancement and the spread of Ningen was a constant reminder of his lost. When did it happen? Where did he go wrong?

In the end it was inevitable. How foolish his race was, to be so haughty in their pride and power. It was no wonder they had all but vanished. The humans ruled this age now; the time of Demons and Magic was over. He found it sadly ironic how his claws and poison was nothing compared to the squishy grey matter hidden in the thick skulls of humans. How their imagination created such wonders and such devastation. So it all came down to one thing, to fight or be overcome. With pride and dignity as his, he would not allow himself to fall victim to change.

So in time it came to be that he blended and master his way through the now human world. It was a world of mind numbing bright lights, endless stream of gibberish sound and ill stench of humans. He was Lord of Nothing and yet owned everything. Never in all his life had he felt so powerless in this age of peace and prosperity.

Sesshoumaru leaned his head back. The memories of the past tormented him. How he longed for those years. To once again smell the spilt blood of one's enemy. He wished to hear nature's calming song and to walk with dignity in the wild once more. He missed his fallen family; his estrange wife, his kind hearted son and his adoptive daughter Rin. He even missed his half-brother and the miserable retainer. He missed the time when he was not a legend.

He could feel the ache grow behind his eyes and pulse in side his ears. Sesshoumaru knew he needed to stop doing this to himself. He was living too much in the past. He pulled the container from his pocket and let four pills fall into his palm. He swallowed them, without so much as a grimace.

The demon let the cool release flow through him as he looked out the window to his domain. He needed something to revive his delight in life. Anything besides these damn blue capsules, he thought bitterly.

"I just want to live."

It was 5:07 pm on that hot August day when Chaos heard his call.

Caterwauling-

Souta was in the courtyard playing basketball when he heard the cat. He was troubled at the cat's odd mewing. It's loud urgent, "Meow!" rang loudly in the air. Finally tired of the racket, he followed the sound to the well house. Buyo was perched on the rail, still wailing away.

He didn't need to look in to know something was wrong. He grabbed a flash light off the hook near the door. He shined the light down to see his sister lying in a pool of blood. "K-Kagome!"

"Inu… Inuyasha…?" She gurgled more then said.

"Hold on sis!" Souta ran out to the house and dialed the emergency number. The rest that happen was a blur. He hung up the phone, and then he dialed his mom's work number. He wasn't sure what he said or what he was told but he ended up going to the well house with a blanket and rope ladder. Souta sat next to his sister and tried his best to soothe her. Carefully he covered her with the blanket. He wept softly when he noticed the blanket was beginning to get soaked with clotted blood.

"Kagome, Souta!" He heard his grandfather shout. At first his yell was more then a squeak. It was hard talking with the lump in his throat. He tried again and this time, he was a little louder, "I'm over here!"

Following his grandfather were the ambulance crew and two police officers. Reluctantly he let the paramedics put his sister on a stretcher and pull her up. He numbly talked to the Officers, but even in his state he knew not to talk about his sister's dangerous half life.

"Do you know what happen?"

"No."

"How did you know your sister was hurt?"

"The cat. It was meowing."

"Your sister is very hurt, are you sure you didn't see anything?"

"No."

"It's okay, you can tell us."

"I don't know!" Souta snapped. He pushed past them and ran to his grand father.

Officer Muno and Officer Yukuto starred as the boy rushed away from them. "What do you think?" Officer Muno, the one that remain silent during the questioning only hummed. "It looks like the Naru case, doesn't it?" Officer Yukuto said. "It's the same MO. She's about the same age as the other girls. Also she matches the other criteria with dark hair, dark blue grey eyes, and living at a scared site."

Again his partner made the same no-comment noise.

"The only thing odd is that he left her alive," Yukuto rubbed his chin inquisitively. "Inside a well, no less."

Muno took another drag off his cigarette and then put it out on the cobblestone. His piercing blue eyes scanned over the small crowd. He blew the stream of smoke out much like a snake. He tossed his ebony hair behind his shoulder as he walked up at the newest member.

"Mrs. Higurashi, am I correct?" He said smoothly with concern. "Your daughter is being sent to Koumyou Hospital. However, considering the extreme nature of her injuries we would like to have a talk with you. Here's my number, please call as soon as you're up to it." The woman nodded hesistantly. For some reason or another, she felt uneasy around that man.

He watched her as she talked to her son in a low voice and hugged him reassuringly. He turned to his partner, "I want a close watch on this girl. If it is Naru, he's not going to stop until she's dead." Yukuto nodded his head. He also called head quarters to send a team to set up a crime scene. Muno walked over to the crime scene to analyze the situation before they sent the photographers.

He pulled the flash light and checked the perimeter. The place was clean; spotless. If there was any evidence, it was trampled down by everyone's footsteps. He checked the rail closely and found a strange wiry white hair. It was too long to be dog fur. He placed it inside a plastic bag. He checked inside the well. There were numerous foot prints but they all belonged to the girl's school loafers.

He stood and mused as he lit another cigarette. No signs of a struggle. No evidence that she was or the suspect placed her there. It was as if she phenomenally appeared down there. He also pondered the fact the wounds looks as if she had rolled down a rocky mountain side, rather then been beaten. He shined a light on the blood clots on the ground. There was no projectile spray or tails to indicate what direction she came from. He looked on the side of the well walls and could not see any signs of blood.

After all his years as a patrolman, he could not shake the uneasy feeling he got from being inside the shrine. Once out of the temple he nodded to the crew to set up the crime scene.

The Ride-

Mrs. Higurashi rode in the ambulance, holding her daughter's hand. She wanted to cry at how badly injured her daughter was. "I-Inu Yasha…" Kagome whimpered.

"It's going to be alright." She tried to soothe.

"Inuyasha… be careful… Inuyasha…" Kagome wept softly.

"Kagome, shh, it's alright, every thing is going to be alright." Her mother said.

"Momma?" She said faintly and cracked an eye open; the crusted blood making it hard to do so. "Tell Inuyasha I love him… tell him I'm sorry…" Kagome closed her eyes and didn't open them for another three months.

The paramedic gave her a curious glance, "Why is she calling for a 'Dog demon'" His partner kicked him roughly in the shin. In a low voice so that he wouldn't disturb the two in the back, "Yankee, you take things too literally. There are some guys that give themselves names like that to be tough. Don't talk, just do your stuff, alright?"

The 'Yankee' paramedic nodded his head. His internship here in Japan was great but obviously he still had a lot to learn.

The battle for justice-

Mrs. Higurashi stood outside the police station. She wiped a stray tear away as she waited for Grand father to pick her up. The way she was treated, she wondered briefly if they thought she was some common criminal. Her lawyer Mr. Onimujo handed her a handkerchief before he left. With all these needless questionings, they had to add to her ordeal.

It was so ridiculous. She had to hire a lawyer to save her grandchild. At first it alarmed her that her little girl was involved in an "intimate" relationship, but that soon faded away with the happy joy of being a grandmother. The joy was short lived when she heard they were going to give Kagome the rape kit. In that so called kit, it was legal procedure to terminate the victim's pregnancy. Her poor daughter had slipped into a coma and had no way to object or give her side of the story.

So Mrs. Higurashi had taken it on herself to do the right thing. She had to stall until Kagome could wake up to make her choice. After all, how would she be able to talk to her daughter again? She knew how Kagome felt about abortions. Then the matter of Inuyasha, how could she look at her soon to be son-in-law with dignity? Her certainty was strong enough that Kagome and Inuyasha would want it so. So she went against the grain and fought the legal system.

Officer Muno came out and patted Mrs. Higurashi consoling on the back. "I'm very sorry what happen back there. They had no right treating you as such." She nodded her head. Her first impression of the man was a misconception. He was actually a considerate fellow.

"I want to thank you," She said. "The evidence you provided has save my grandchild's life." The white strand of hair was all that was needed to disprove the claim that Kagome was another Naru victim. The blaring fact the hair did not belong to Naru but to Kagome's boyfriend would help end the case they were trying to construct on Kagome. It seemed so hard for them to admit they were wrong and they push head long for an investigation.

"There's no need for that Mrs. Higurashi, I only wish I could do more. Please take care and I hope your daughter will wake soon." He said as he went back inside. She watched him leave and was suddenly reminded of her late husband. Calm blue eyes and black hair.

The car pulled up and she got inside. It was a long day but she fought and won. She would rest easy tonight.

Renewal of the lambasted-

It was winter when she awoke. From her bed she could see snow flakes falling. She turned her head to look at the sleeping person beside her in a chair. Tentatively she tapped their shoulder.

"Excuse me, but where am I?" She asked.

The young man sitting next to her jumped in surprise, "Huh?" He blinked then smiled. "Kagome, you're in the hospital, remember?" He said and held her hands. So, her name was Kagome, but who was he?

She smiled and tilted her head, "I'm sorry but I forgot your name."

The young man laughed, "That's the fifth time this week. It's me Hojo, we go to the same senior high school. I'm your friend." He said softly. Predictably he answered her question before she could ask. "Kagome you're suffering from amnesia. A few months ago you got hurt real bad. I'm not sure what the whole story is, but they say that the ordeal is making you forget things."

Kagome nodded her head. She felt sad and empty. So what he said must have been true. She could not remember much of any thing. She closed her eyes and saw a flash of white, red and specks of gold. They were gone before she could recall any thing.

"Be right back!" He said. She heard him talk to a nurse that Kagome was awake. She smiled and peered in on her. "I'll go call your mom, okay?" She said and briskly walked away. Hojo returned to his seat next to her.

"Hojo," she said slowly. Tasting the word, letting it roll around her tongue. In a way she wanted to digest it to gain more understanding. But the word was hallow like a bubble and did not bring her any memories. She looked up at his face, slightly fatigued with worry and hope. "Please tell me all you know about me."

They spent a good half hour talking about what he knew of her. She was faintly shocked he knew so much, and their history went as far back as grade school. The way he held her hands made her wonder if there was something going on between them. If there was, she had to sadly admit, it was no longer there.

The pain…

Kagome laid a hand on her stomach where the ache was. She wanted to throw up suddenly. Hojo shot up and was near panicking. "I'll go get the nurse!" He ran out. Kagome glared at his back. She wasn't dying! She just had an upset stomach.

Deep down, Kagome knew better. She looked at herself, at the unnoticeable bump. Fear laced with concern filled her mind.

"Kagome?" A middle aged woman and a little boy stood in the doorway.

"Yes?" She answered timidly. The woman rushed over and gave her a fierce hug. The little boy still stood in the doorway, smiling.

"Souta, come over here and visit with your sister." The woman said. The boy did as he was told.

"Hi sis, how are you feeling?" He asked. He handed her a bouquet of roses and daisies.

"I'm feeling okay, a little confused, but I'm okay." She said softly.

At the moment Hojo returned with a nurse in toll. The nurse took her temperature and checked her vitals before trying to soothe the young man. "Ms. Higurashi is quite fine. These things are normal during the first term of pregnancy. She just has a little indigestion." Kagome went wide eyed. The nurse gave her a glass of water and two pink tablets, then left.

Hojo and Kagome did not look at each other. "You're… pregnant?" Mrs. Higurashi noted the pain in his voice. She calmly got up and asked to talk to Hojo outside.

Once in the safety of the hallway she spoke to the shell shocked boy. "I'm sorry Hojo-kun, I should have mentioned it before but I was afraid." She said quietly. "Kagome has been through so much, has lost so much, please do not think ill of her. I know it was wrong of me but I could not bare the thought of you abandoning her as the others did." She moved a vagrant strand of hair behind his ear. "I noticed that she improved with each of your visits. You alone brought her back with your kindness and care. With this new ailment, she still needs you more then ever."

Hojo nodded his head. "I would never desert her just because of that." He paused, "Where is he? The one she used to cry out for?"

The older woman looked down. It had been three months now and still no sign of him. She could no longer dismiss her worry. "I do not know. He would be here now. He cared and loved Kagome very much but I fear something has happen."

"Did it have something to do with her accident?" He asked.

"I have a feeling that might be the case." She answered.

Hojo ran a hand through his hair and let a puff of air out. "A mystery…" He looked into the room. Kagome still carried the look of shock. "I guess I'm not the only one who just found out."

"Yes, I know," Mrs. Higurashi sighed. "I must talk to her. There is still time for her to make her decision."

"I suppose you want to be alone for that, but I would like a moment to speak with her." He said with his usual charm. Kagome's mother nodded her head to sanction his request.

He walked over to her and gave her a hug. Softly he spoke into her ear. "Kagome whatever you decide, no matter what, I'll always be your friend." He gave her a gentle squeeze and left.

Kagome turned to her mother. The air was tense with apprehension and intensity. Mrs. Higurashi gave Souta some money to get them something to drink. When he was out the door, she turned her attention to her daughter. "If you have some questions, I'll try and answer them the best I can, sweetheart."

Kagome nodded numbly. "What happen to me? When did I get pregnant and is… Hojo the dad?"

Mrs. Higurashi shifted in her seat nervously, "I'm not sure but you are in your third month. Hojo is not the father; Inuyasha is."

There was no flash of recognition at the name and the mother knew without a doubt the amnesia was indeed severe. "So… where is this… Inuyasha…?"

"I do not know," her mother answered honestly. A flicker of panic pass in Kagome's eyes. She continued, "I do know that he loved you very much Kagome."

"If he did love me he would be here," Kagome said in despair.

"He did, without a doubt," Her mother said sternly and before she could say anything more, Kagome finished.

"He's dead, isn't he?" The tone carried finality. Kagome closed her eyes and thought of her nightly terror. The blurred image of red, white and specks of gold calling out to her… it was followed with endless silence. It was the only thing she could remember.

"Kagome if that may be the case," Her mother said, "You must decide if you want to keep the baby, or take an alternate course. Whatever you decide, we'll still love you." The air was calm and quiet. In the last hour, Kagome was practically clueless about who she was. In the last ten minutes she learned she was a mother. It had a bittersweet ring to it. Kagome laid a hand on her abdomen. She knew no one would respect her and may even look down at her if she kept the baby. Yet, this child was the only thing left, the only link to the man called Inuyasha who loved her.

A picture flashed in her mind. It was her in the future, holding a baby, and singing old lullabies. The vision took her further still and she was in a field of flowers and a little child coming towards her, calling to her. She could almost hear the child call her mommy.

"I want to keep my baby," Kagome said. "I do not know who I am but I know who I want to be." Her mother cried and hugged her tightly.

"I'm so happy!" She said and rocked her little girl. In her mind, Kagome would always be her little girl. "I'm going to be a Grandma!"

"Cool, so I'm going to be an uncle huh?" Souta said on his way in. He handed out the sodas. The two women pulled him too into the hug.

A winter in the soul-

Sesshoumaru walked a lone on his vast estate. The street sounds were indeed loud even in this place. He had grown used to it with time. His boots crunched nicely over the fresh falling snow. He wore mostly black now and contrasted greatly with his surroundings. His mind was else where- Somewhere lost in the past.

~~~

Rin was almost thirteen. She wore a thick fur lined wrap as she played in the snow. As of late, he had noticed the sadness grow in her. She was no longer a child. He wasn't sure if she ever was. She had long since been hardened with war and living with a Demon. The fire in her eyes had dimmed.

"Look Sesshoumaru-sama, a bird!" She held the sculpted creature. He smiled kindly to the offered gift.

"It's very beautiful. You are quite talented Rin," He said after a fashion. Each day that passed he saw how the loneliness was eating away her happiness. Even now she tried to please him with her cheerful one sided banter. She loved him with all her heart. He knew that all too well, but now he wondered if that was enough for her.

The snow had stopped falling and a little sunlight filtered through the clouds. In the streams of light fell onto the white wilderness in

oval shapes. One such ray fell on her, highlighting her pristine form as she made more figurines. She was growing into a woman and a beautiful one at that. Soon in time she would want to love another. The idea troubled him.

Rin sighed softly as she made little figures of people. He walked to her and knelt next to her. He understood what she needed. She needed to be with her kind but he was selfish. It had only been five years ago that he revived her. In that time he had fought hard against the growing feeling of attachment. Now it was too late. He needed her and her smiles, her love and devotion.

His need was killing her though. He had to admit his love was not enough to keep her happy. Sesshoumaru stood up, wondering what he could do to bring her contentment. Rin followed him with a curious gaze.

"Sesshoumaru-sama…?"

"Walk with me," he said. Rin obediently followed. She held his hand as was her custom. They walked quietly for the first mile. The walk down hill was easy enough. They came upon a ridge and below a grand village were festering with life. It was a great trading place. He picked her up and leapt the rest of the way down. He set her on her feet and the two began to walk toward the parish.

Rin gasped at the sheer size of the place. Her hands tighten as they walked into the crowd. For the first time in months she was truly happy. He noted the bustling people all stopped as the two entered. They quickly dispersed as he made his way through to a particular building.

Once inside, he bought Rin the finest silk kimonos, slippers and any other accessories she desired. At first she had no idea what they were for. She grew quite angry at the ladies who tried to dress her. Sesshoumaru watched from the corner as she lost the battle and begrudgingly let them turn her into a little lady.

They had stopped at various stores before they left. Rin was more then happy with her new gifts. As they we're leaving, Rin happen to stop in front of a Dojo were many of the samurais were training. It wasn't them that caught her attention but one of the caretakers. There was a boy much the same age as she sweeping the cobblestones. He looked up and smiled at her.

"Hello," He said and went back to sweeping. Rin blush and half hid behind her guardian. "Hi," Rin squeaked. Ever since that day, Rin wanted to come back almost every month. He didn't desire it but the fear of not seeing her smiles, he complied. From that one encounter, Sesshoumaru knew he had some how lost his Rin.

She had secretly longed to be a Priestess like Kagome. He should have killed that boy for giving Rin ideas. It was a year later, she convinced him to let her stay in the village for the winter. With a great deal of pleading on her part, he allowed her to practice at a nearby shrine. He could vividly remember that conversation and the events that followed.

"Sesshoumaru-sama I can I ask you something?" Rin asked nervously.

He nodded his head as he eased the double headed dragon to the ground. They got off and Rin walked to an upright boulder. She sat down with grace and elegance. She cocked her head to the side, "Sesshoumaru-sama, I just wanted to let you know I love you very much."

"I know Rin," He said as he sat next to her. With one hand he smoothed her hair, so glossy and shiny in the mid day sun.

"But lately, I was thinking… I really want to become a Miko or a priestess."

He nodded, his heart coming to a halt. "Is that so?"

She nodded her head rapidly, her ponytail bopping eagerly, "Yes, I want to stay at Kyoto this winter. They are need of a priestess since the current one is ailing. She said she could make me her apprentice."

He was silent. His greatest fear was upon him. He wanted to say or do something to persuade her with a different choice. His thoughts fought over each other with an excuse for her not to do this. His mind was quieted as Rin held his hands, her eyes bright with a pleading glitter to them.

"Please father, it's only for the winter. Please?" Rin asked again.

She called him… father. That was the first time she had ever called him such a name. He looked at Rin, who was no longer a child but a young lady. Her bright intelligent eyes watched him. "I will have to think about it," He said and got up. Although he didn't want too, he looked back at her. Never had he seen such turmoil and anguish in her liquid brown eyes. It was quickly replaced with silent anger. Briskly she walked past him as she saddled herself on Ah-Un. They rode back in silence.

In all his years he had never been afraid. All that encountered him feared and respected him. How that a mere mortal girl had cowed him was beyond his reasoning. They did not say any thing when they return to his mountain dwelling. The air was tight with anxiety. He did not need to look at her to know she was quietly weeping on her futon. No words were spoken as they readied for the night. Even Jaken kept his trap shut. As she slept he watched her and made up his mind.

As the sun peeked over the horizon, Rin sleepy sat beside him to watch the glory of the new day. She leaned her head on his shoulder and said nothing. He looked down at her, "You have my permission to go," he said. He witness another sunrise as Rin smiled up at him. She hugged him fiercely and started to laugh with joy.

Sesshoumaru stood before the shine with Rin. Everyone hid in fear, all except for the boy, Jun who had befriended Rin. People were unusually quiet as the Demon said a farewell to his human daughter. Without a beat Rin latched onto him and cried softly. "I love you Sesshoumaru-sama! I'll always will." She pulled away and Sesshoumaru help wipe a tear away.

"You will always be in my heart." He whispered to her. She smiled at the acknowledgement.

"Please don't look so sad, it's only for a couple of months. Although I won't be there in person, my spirit will always be with you." She said. Snow began to fall on them. She tilted her head and gave him a toothy grin. "Think of me whenever it snows and I'll think of you."

Even as she passed from this plane, Sesshoumaru stood in the frozen garden and let the snow flakes fall in his hand. "Rin…"

To continued…

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