Conversations in Rome
Spoilers: This chapter immediately follows Why We Fight (Angel season 5) If you haven't seen it and you don't want to be spoiled, don't read!!
Disclaimer: I own them, yeah right, Buffy is in Rome, oh yeah I own them.
Summary: Same as the other chapters, Angel talks to Buffy, or doesn't, about his day.
I've been standing in front of the windows for hours. I watched the sun set and night has fallen. I've got a long time until sunrise. It's good. I need the time to think about the atrocity that I committed. The one I had almost forgotten about. The atrocity I allowed to happen for my country. Who the hell am I kidding? I'm not even American. I'm Irish. I damned one man forever, and killed untold numbers of women and children in doing so, for what? Patriotism, the American dream and a lot of other shit that sounded good at the time.
The telephone rings. I scrub my hand through my hair and consider not answering it. I pick it up on the fourth ring.
"What?"
There was a pause on the line. Maybe it was the particular timbre of breath, maybe I just remember making her cry so many times that I know what it sounds like even across an ocean. "Buffy," My voice softens instantly. I can't help but caress her name. It feels right on my tongue, it always has.
"Sorry if this is a bad time, Angel." Her voice finally comes over the line. It's choked with tears.
"No, no, it's fine. What's wrong?" Something's happened to Dawn, or Giles or Rome is the new hot spot for apocalypses. I start making plans to send a team down there to help her. I start making notes for the trip. The last time I made a trip across an ocean it was in that damned submarine.
"It's just-a dream I had. Sort of like the ones I used to have. It was really freaksome. There were a lot of things in it I didn't understand. Nosferatu staked you. I don't think it was prophecy because hey Nosferatu just a movie vamp, but it gave me the wiggins anyway."
"I'm fine Buffy. Besides, Nosferatu is all about the hissing and the drama. I could take him."
She chuckles a little and sniffs. "Of course you could. I just had a feeling."
"What sort of feeling?" I ask.
She pauses. It feels like a lifetime stretches before me. "That you needed me."
I struggle with the urge to weep, to break down and confess everything to her. I take a couple of deep breaths and try to quell the nausea in my stomach. "I always need you." Dammit, why did I say that?
There's another pause on the line. "Angel, what's wrong?"
I shake my head, even though she can't see me. "It's been one of those days."
"Want to tell me about it?" She says.
"Not really. Tell me what you did today." It's a plea. I take comfort in her voice. It makes me feel like a part of her if I can share in her day. It makes it feel like she's not thousands of miles and an ocean away. It makes me forget the horror that I've endured today. It reminds me why we fight.
"Dawn went on her first real date tonight. The boy picked her up and everything. It's that Italian guy that I think is too old, but he was polite. He did the dutiful meet the sister thing, brought her flowers, opened her door for her. Some guys still get it right."
I can hear the longing in her voice and I am reminded why shanshu is so important. "Do you like Rome?" I ask instead of any of the questions I really want to know, like do you go out on dates? Do guys send you flowers?
"Yeah, I do. It's almost like being in a different era. Everything is so old here. It makes me feel, young I guess. I miss Mexican food though. I mean the pasta is great but there's only so much spaghetti you can eat, you know? Pretty soon it all starts tasting like Chef Boyardee."
I chuckle a bit. I want to tell her come back to LA. I'll buy you as much Mexican food as you want. I have to remember, she's baking and I'm-I'm doing something. I'm dealing with my past, whether I want to or not. I'm figuring out where I belong. I guess I'm baking too.
"I need to try and get a few more hours of sleep here. You sound tired too, Angel. Get some sleep. Take care of yourself, for me." The last part is but a whisper. I hear it though.
"I will. And have good dreams, Buffy, for me." I say. She's the only one likely to have good dreams tonight. If I close my eyes I'm going to see Fred, Gunn and Wes trussed up like chickens because of something I did, someone I made, me, not Angelus. I'm going to see a vampire with only half soul that doesn't exist in Angelus' world or in mine. I should have realized that at the time because I felt it. I felt a part of my soul die when I turned Lawson. A little bit of that humanity that is so far out of my reach just slipped away.
I stand in front of necro tempered glass and watch the sun rise. There's a temptation to throw my office chair through the window and stand in the gaping hole created and burn to ash. I can't. I pick up the phone to call a restaurant and arrange overnight delivery. My next call is to FTD, the international florist. There's a girl in Rome who needs Mexican food and flowers.
Spoilers: This chapter immediately follows Why We Fight (Angel season 5) If you haven't seen it and you don't want to be spoiled, don't read!!
Disclaimer: I own them, yeah right, Buffy is in Rome, oh yeah I own them.
Summary: Same as the other chapters, Angel talks to Buffy, or doesn't, about his day.
I've been standing in front of the windows for hours. I watched the sun set and night has fallen. I've got a long time until sunrise. It's good. I need the time to think about the atrocity that I committed. The one I had almost forgotten about. The atrocity I allowed to happen for my country. Who the hell am I kidding? I'm not even American. I'm Irish. I damned one man forever, and killed untold numbers of women and children in doing so, for what? Patriotism, the American dream and a lot of other shit that sounded good at the time.
The telephone rings. I scrub my hand through my hair and consider not answering it. I pick it up on the fourth ring.
"What?"
There was a pause on the line. Maybe it was the particular timbre of breath, maybe I just remember making her cry so many times that I know what it sounds like even across an ocean. "Buffy," My voice softens instantly. I can't help but caress her name. It feels right on my tongue, it always has.
"Sorry if this is a bad time, Angel." Her voice finally comes over the line. It's choked with tears.
"No, no, it's fine. What's wrong?" Something's happened to Dawn, or Giles or Rome is the new hot spot for apocalypses. I start making plans to send a team down there to help her. I start making notes for the trip. The last time I made a trip across an ocean it was in that damned submarine.
"It's just-a dream I had. Sort of like the ones I used to have. It was really freaksome. There were a lot of things in it I didn't understand. Nosferatu staked you. I don't think it was prophecy because hey Nosferatu just a movie vamp, but it gave me the wiggins anyway."
"I'm fine Buffy. Besides, Nosferatu is all about the hissing and the drama. I could take him."
She chuckles a little and sniffs. "Of course you could. I just had a feeling."
"What sort of feeling?" I ask.
She pauses. It feels like a lifetime stretches before me. "That you needed me."
I struggle with the urge to weep, to break down and confess everything to her. I take a couple of deep breaths and try to quell the nausea in my stomach. "I always need you." Dammit, why did I say that?
There's another pause on the line. "Angel, what's wrong?"
I shake my head, even though she can't see me. "It's been one of those days."
"Want to tell me about it?" She says.
"Not really. Tell me what you did today." It's a plea. I take comfort in her voice. It makes me feel like a part of her if I can share in her day. It makes it feel like she's not thousands of miles and an ocean away. It makes me forget the horror that I've endured today. It reminds me why we fight.
"Dawn went on her first real date tonight. The boy picked her up and everything. It's that Italian guy that I think is too old, but he was polite. He did the dutiful meet the sister thing, brought her flowers, opened her door for her. Some guys still get it right."
I can hear the longing in her voice and I am reminded why shanshu is so important. "Do you like Rome?" I ask instead of any of the questions I really want to know, like do you go out on dates? Do guys send you flowers?
"Yeah, I do. It's almost like being in a different era. Everything is so old here. It makes me feel, young I guess. I miss Mexican food though. I mean the pasta is great but there's only so much spaghetti you can eat, you know? Pretty soon it all starts tasting like Chef Boyardee."
I chuckle a bit. I want to tell her come back to LA. I'll buy you as much Mexican food as you want. I have to remember, she's baking and I'm-I'm doing something. I'm dealing with my past, whether I want to or not. I'm figuring out where I belong. I guess I'm baking too.
"I need to try and get a few more hours of sleep here. You sound tired too, Angel. Get some sleep. Take care of yourself, for me." The last part is but a whisper. I hear it though.
"I will. And have good dreams, Buffy, for me." I say. She's the only one likely to have good dreams tonight. If I close my eyes I'm going to see Fred, Gunn and Wes trussed up like chickens because of something I did, someone I made, me, not Angelus. I'm going to see a vampire with only half soul that doesn't exist in Angelus' world or in mine. I should have realized that at the time because I felt it. I felt a part of my soul die when I turned Lawson. A little bit of that humanity that is so far out of my reach just slipped away.
I stand in front of necro tempered glass and watch the sun rise. There's a temptation to throw my office chair through the window and stand in the gaping hole created and burn to ash. I can't. I pick up the phone to call a restaurant and arrange overnight delivery. My next call is to FTD, the international florist. There's a girl in Rome who needs Mexican food and flowers.