Please note that I mean no offense to any blonds. I know quite a few
highly intelligent blonds, but I couldn't help putting a dumb blond in the
story. One must admit that Princess Gwyneth lacks the usual number of brain
cells. Of course, the location and some of the characters belong to Tamora
Pierce.
Fortunately, it wasn't necessary to think of a polite way to uninvite Princess Brunhilda. Her father sent a messenger pigeon summoning her home immediately because her brother, who was in line for the throne, had fallen deathly ill.
All Kadar had to do was offer his condolences and express his deep-deep being a relative term-regret that she was leaving so soon. Kadars friends congratulated him on a lucky save and he toyed with the idea of having his head advisor boiled in oil but decided against it for fear of ruining his reputation with his people.
The council had a long debate ( 76 hours and 27 minutes) before deciding to invite Princess Gwyneth of Scrana. Kadar locked himself in a temple, fasting and praying for hours in the hopes that the gods would be merciful and Gwyneth would be nothing like Brunhilda. Kadar's friends began making vague plans for a surprise bachelor party.
Two weeks later, the second princess arrived. Kadar was seated in the throne room in another unbearably fashionable suit (this one had hundreds of tiny bells attached to it and was terribly noisy) yawning and sweating as he waited for the herald to announce her arrival.
Princess Gwyneth entered with regal fanfare and this time, instead of offering his friend sympathy, Hachel raised his eyebrows in approval ( it was considered a terrible breach of etiquette to whistle at a princess).
Kadar looked at Gwyneth and decided to give the councilor who had suggested inviting her raise. She was a short, slender, and blond, with an amply endowed bosom. She was rather unpopular at court because she made everyone else look plain in comparison. Kadar hoped she was sensitive.
......
At dinner Kadar changed his mind entirely about hoping she was sensitive and become seriously concerned about the inbreeding of royalty. Princess Gwyneth was the most vapid minded individual he had ever met and, having lived a life at court, he had met quite a few vapid minded individuals. Kadar was amazed that a functional-or at least apparently functional-human being could be so dull witted.
She confused Kadar with the ruler of Gala. Then, after tasting the venison, complemented Kadar on his chef's preparation of chicken. Her parents must have coached her to compliment him because she couldn't stop. She seemed to think she would appeared witty if she giggled after every comment. So that their dinner conversation-if it could be called that- continued as follows:
Kadar: "How would you like to visit the royal zoo tomorrow?"
Gwyneth: "Tee-hee-hee, my, you're handsome, tee-hee-hee!"
Kadar: "I could show you all of the beautiful birds."
Gwyneth: "Tee-hee-hee, no that's all right, I've already tasted them." Here, she pointed daintily at her venison with her knife.
Kadar fervently hoped that she didn't have the brain cells required to notice the large stone under her mattress.
After the final course, Kadar wished Princess Gwyneth a good night-he actually hoped that she would have one, completely undisturbed by large rocks-and she giggled in response. Kadar went to the archery range and made a few hundred shots to calm down. Hachel joined him to offer mock sympathy. Hachel left a few minutes later, fearful that Kadar would carry out his royal threat of getting him married to the ancient, unmarried daughter of a particularly pompous lord.
....................................
Gwyneth joined Kadar for a late breakfast the next morning. Kadar swallowed sharply as she entered the room looking haggard and drawn. She hadn't slept well, she told him, and giggled.
"But it was such a lovely bed, I can't imagine why, tee-hee-hee." The princess concluded somewhere deep within her pea-sized brain that the chicken she had eaten must have disagreed with her.
Kadar sighed with relief as he realized that she hadn't discovered the stone. The Princess's delegation left that afternoon, murmuring about the harmful effects of foreign food.
Hope you enjoyed it. There won't be any updates for two weeks, but after that there will be a stretch of frequent updates.
Sign # 4 that you are a bookworm: You swear by Tortalian Gods.
Fortunately, it wasn't necessary to think of a polite way to uninvite Princess Brunhilda. Her father sent a messenger pigeon summoning her home immediately because her brother, who was in line for the throne, had fallen deathly ill.
All Kadar had to do was offer his condolences and express his deep-deep being a relative term-regret that she was leaving so soon. Kadars friends congratulated him on a lucky save and he toyed with the idea of having his head advisor boiled in oil but decided against it for fear of ruining his reputation with his people.
The council had a long debate ( 76 hours and 27 minutes) before deciding to invite Princess Gwyneth of Scrana. Kadar locked himself in a temple, fasting and praying for hours in the hopes that the gods would be merciful and Gwyneth would be nothing like Brunhilda. Kadar's friends began making vague plans for a surprise bachelor party.
Two weeks later, the second princess arrived. Kadar was seated in the throne room in another unbearably fashionable suit (this one had hundreds of tiny bells attached to it and was terribly noisy) yawning and sweating as he waited for the herald to announce her arrival.
Princess Gwyneth entered with regal fanfare and this time, instead of offering his friend sympathy, Hachel raised his eyebrows in approval ( it was considered a terrible breach of etiquette to whistle at a princess).
Kadar looked at Gwyneth and decided to give the councilor who had suggested inviting her raise. She was a short, slender, and blond, with an amply endowed bosom. She was rather unpopular at court because she made everyone else look plain in comparison. Kadar hoped she was sensitive.
......
At dinner Kadar changed his mind entirely about hoping she was sensitive and become seriously concerned about the inbreeding of royalty. Princess Gwyneth was the most vapid minded individual he had ever met and, having lived a life at court, he had met quite a few vapid minded individuals. Kadar was amazed that a functional-or at least apparently functional-human being could be so dull witted.
She confused Kadar with the ruler of Gala. Then, after tasting the venison, complemented Kadar on his chef's preparation of chicken. Her parents must have coached her to compliment him because she couldn't stop. She seemed to think she would appeared witty if she giggled after every comment. So that their dinner conversation-if it could be called that- continued as follows:
Kadar: "How would you like to visit the royal zoo tomorrow?"
Gwyneth: "Tee-hee-hee, my, you're handsome, tee-hee-hee!"
Kadar: "I could show you all of the beautiful birds."
Gwyneth: "Tee-hee-hee, no that's all right, I've already tasted them." Here, she pointed daintily at her venison with her knife.
Kadar fervently hoped that she didn't have the brain cells required to notice the large stone under her mattress.
After the final course, Kadar wished Princess Gwyneth a good night-he actually hoped that she would have one, completely undisturbed by large rocks-and she giggled in response. Kadar went to the archery range and made a few hundred shots to calm down. Hachel joined him to offer mock sympathy. Hachel left a few minutes later, fearful that Kadar would carry out his royal threat of getting him married to the ancient, unmarried daughter of a particularly pompous lord.
....................................
Gwyneth joined Kadar for a late breakfast the next morning. Kadar swallowed sharply as she entered the room looking haggard and drawn. She hadn't slept well, she told him, and giggled.
"But it was such a lovely bed, I can't imagine why, tee-hee-hee." The princess concluded somewhere deep within her pea-sized brain that the chicken she had eaten must have disagreed with her.
Kadar sighed with relief as he realized that she hadn't discovered the stone. The Princess's delegation left that afternoon, murmuring about the harmful effects of foreign food.
Hope you enjoyed it. There won't be any updates for two weeks, but after that there will be a stretch of frequent updates.
Sign # 4 that you are a bookworm: You swear by Tortalian Gods.