His True Love

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Fourteen – Brotherly Talk

DONATELLO:

 I tried to keep my mind focused on the task at hand but found it was extremely difficult to do so, normally I had no problem becoming absorbed in my work and many projects and I could very rarely be dragged from it or cause me much of a distraction.

Today was different though no matter what I tried to work on thoughts of Jen started to intrude and before long I was sitting and day dreaming more then I was concentrating on what needed to get done.

I still had a great deal to consider with her revelation of the night before, and every time I thought about her saying she loved me caused me to want to jump for joy, and doing something other then just sit quietly.

I wasn't truly upset that she had been previously married but it had been a bit of a shock to me as I had never seen any mementos in her home of her child and ex-husband of course with how painful it was for her to talk about her marriage, I suppose, that at the moment, the last thing wanted was a constant reminder of her loss.

I was sure she did have them but the grief and the pain of loss and the downfall of what should have been a happy marriage were not things to be displayed for all to see and question.

I set down the screwdriver with a sigh I was getting nowhere at the moment and glared at the jumble of wires before me as if they were solely to blame for my distractions. I sighed and set back in my chair to finally allow my mind to go over every thing, as it seemed bent on doing just that any way.

I ached for Jen knowing what she had shared with me had not been easy for her to reveal I could see the pain it had caused her and she had seemed unnaturally quiet afterwards, saying very little. I had taken her home, made her some tea and offered her what comfort I could.

 Before I left I got her to promise me to call if she needed anything at all during the night, waking up painful memories before bed was not always the wisest thing to do. Though I was sure that the tea would help her to achieve a good night of sleep.

Now I understood her attraction to the children in our family, they were bittersweet reminders of the child she had lost. I thought about what Jen had told me of her marriage and realized, that if her daughter Nicole had lived she would be around Ramiela's age today, a little younger but by a year or so at the most.

Course if Nicole had lived it was quite possible that Jen and I would never have met.

That made me wonder about some of those age old questions that seemed to have no true answer.

Things like if the events in our life are predestined or just happen to us, if we attract certain problems into our lives by the choices that we make, or if things just happened for the sake of happening alone.

It was hard to know the right answer to those sorts of questions especially as science didn't worry about answering them to any degree. While spiritual groups all had their own ideas about such matters and no two people could agree or prove their theories to any degree of satisfaction.

So it was a waste of time to contemplate such things and my mind was too willing to turn back to Jen any way.

The very fact that she seemed to be searching for a way to over come her grief and pain by stepping into a new relationship had to be quite the challenge for her to deal with. But I knew that some part of her had to be letting her know it was time to move on and get on with life.

How ever the fact that she wanted to be with me was the most shocking thing to me. It was healthy to move past grief and make the choice to continue but I wondered if choosing me was right for her.

Our lifestyle was not really suited for people. A life of hiding, war and sometimes scraping by, the winter months were terrible down here and I highly doubted that it was the best solution for someone who was emerging from the life experience that Jen had suffered.

In short I doubted that I was right for her.

I felt suddenly almost claustrophobic as I glanced around my lab and I felt the over whelming urge to get some air instead of staying confined in this place any longer. I slipped silently out of my lab and headed for the streets and the rooftops.

From my lofty perch high above the city streets and out of the way of any prying eyes I was able to gain a bit more of the control that had slipped from me so recently.

I had panicked and I knew it. A panic caused by the thought that perhaps my relationship with Jen was entirely wrong.

I don't know how long I was up there with my mind running endless circles around the fact that Jen and I were in a relationship that might not benefit either one of us.

I sensed a familiar presence drawing close, the person not wishing to hide himself from me.

I turned and saw Leo just coming on to the roof from the fire escape " Were you looking for me?"

" You weren't in your lab and I know you don't normally take off for long during the day. It isn't your style" He grinned a little, " I was wondering if you want some one to talk to."

I knew what he wasn't saying ' I was concerned, I was worried, I had to make sure you were all right.'

My mind was absolutely chaotic at the moment and I knew there would be no way to deceive Leo on that count.

As I hadn't been able to solve the dilemma on my own I welcomed his offer to talk.

" I was thinking about Jen," I admitted simply.

Trusting that he could read between the lines as it were and pick up with ease that which I left unsaid.

If it had been either Mike or Raph they would not miss out on the chance to tease me about it. Raph wouldn't bother to listen; he was a doer not a thinker. Mike would listen but he couldn't pass up an opportunity to give me a bad time either.

At least with Leo I had a sympathetic ear.

Leo moved silently almost gliding to where I stood " I have to admit that I wasn't too happy with you when you brought her home Don."

I smiled " I sort of got that feeling Leo."

" After everything we had just gone through with Melody, overseeing the move and every thing else on top of it I just wasn't looking forward to perhaps having to do that so soon after we had gotten settled," Leo confessed.

" I realize that Leo. I don't have a problem with it." I gave a rueful shake of my head " It isn't all ways easy to find a place that is suited to our specific needs and now with the family growing it is even harder to come by." It was true when you thought about all the necessities we needed for our home.

" Jen isn't a threat to us though Leo" I insisted.

Leo placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder " I know that now Don. Sometimes I get stuck seeing things too much my way and it takes some gentle persuasion" here Leo paused giving a wry grin " to see it in a new light."

" That is part of your duties though isn't it? Taking responsibility to all of us. It is part of what makes you a good leader." I declared emphatically.

" True" Leo nodded his head, " It also makes me very difficult to live with, or so Karena keeps telling me" he chuckled a bit " Sometimes she sounds far too much like Splinter."

" Just be thankful she doesn't look like him" I commented wryly.

Leo laughed at that but quickly sobered " How do you really feel for her Don?"

" I care about her Leo. I can't seem to stop thinking about her." Then I found myself blurting out " She told me she loved me."

Leo arched an eye ridge but that was all he permitted to show " Do you feel the same for her Don?"

Something about Leo's calm reflective air made him easy to talk to especially when he acted more like a caring brother, as he was doing now, then the leader that he had been trained to be.

" Yes I love her Leo but at the same time I have to wonder if it is right" I admitted reluctantly.

" Meaning?" Leo prodded gently.

" Meaning that if we love each other, and our relationship goes further I could be trapping her into a world where she will have to sacrifice to be with me." I declared hating the words even as I spoke them because I knew them to be true.

I didn't think it was fair to ask Jen to give up any more then she all ready had. She had lost too much all ready.

" We all have sacrifices to make Don. It is said to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice."

" Now you are talking like Splinter." I accused.

Leo grinned my way and quoted a saying I had heard Splinter speak numerous times before through out our youth " The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy, what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."

Leo watched me in silence for a moment or two then sighed " Look Don it isn't easy finding people who might be willing to share a life with us. Personally I never thought it would be possible until Karena proved me wrong" Leo looked out at the skyline " But if it is their choice and it is made freely, do we then have the right to wallow in misery instead of taking the opportunity they present?"

I turned back in time to see his dark blue eyes looking into my own and I knew he was seeking an answer to the question but I wasn't quite sure that I knew what the answer was in my own heart just yet.

" There were many girls before Karena they all seemed to think they could make a life with me and I figured it would be wrong. I especially felt that way after Shay left" Leo shook his head sadly " for a mother to leave her own child to return to topside was enough to tell me that it could never work out Don" Leo took a deep breath.

" Luckily Karena has proven me wrong and we have managed. If you and Jen truly care for each other I'm sure you will find a way to make it work."

I nodded.

Leo clapped his hand on my shoulder " At the very least you deserve a chance at it Don and you shouldn't throw it away because you fear what might happen."

" You could be right Leo I don't know what the odds are of finding someone quite like Jen for me again but I know they aren't in my favour."

" Then let me give you some advice take the risk Don. Tell her how you really feel for her. See what choices you are both willing to make and then put your mind at rest that the best decision was made."

I clasped Leo's arm with my hand I knew he was telling me that he was ready to accept her and I'd be the largest baka ever if I let her get away from me. That I should at least tell her how I felt if nothing else.

" Thanks Leo I think I will do that" I agreed and I knew that I did have to find a way to do so for in that moment my mind seemed totally at peace.

I felt very strongly, right then, that Jen and I were meant to be together.

TBC