Sarah felt ill that evening; she decided to lie in her room rather than eat
dinner. She was glad, actually, to avoid the encounter. Family ties were
always slightly askew in the Williams household, but recently the barriers
that separated them had solidified. It felt almost surreal to see them, as
if she was looking at familiar strangers. Some moments with Toby, of
course, were still the same. But being part of the family was becoming
increasingly difficult.
It was better to be alone, in any case. Psychologists, well-meaning friends and hopeful family had done nothing to help her with her "problem". It was easier to avoid them than to see their concerned glances and careful questions. It was easier to watch the shadows on her ceiling. As they shifted, she could let her mind drift...
As they shifted, she could forget that when she slept she might dream again...
The bus stop was busy, full of Uni students on their way to boyfriends' houses, to the mall, to the park, to a club on Friday night... Sarah leaned against a pole, waiting for her bus. Straight home, no outings or get-togethers for her. Who would want to be near a weirdo, anyway? Who would want to spend time with a girl who lived in a dream?
Or is it they who live in a dream, seeing life through their own filters?
Closing her eyes, Sarah felt another headache coming on. They had been increasing in strength and frequency lately. But they were changing, slightly... It didn't hurt that much anymore. It was all turning numb.
Still, something inside her was reaching out. Whether it was for pain or pleasure, knowledge or ignorance...
...Somewhere or somebody...
She couldn't say. Pulling her bag onto her back, she stepped forward once...
... An odd feeling of detachment washed over her hands. They changed, gained a warm colour and seemed to float through the air...
Fists clenched, she glanced again. Her hands were their normal, pale, selves. Moving towards the bus, the icy, numb sensation ran through her arm, invading her blood...
...Long sleeves, and a chain around her wrist. When she tried to shake it off, it tugged back...
Pulling her towards the bus, the crowd rushed Sarah up the step and into the vehicle. Getting her fare out, she could almost see heavy sleeves draped over her short-armed cotton shirt. What's wrong with my head? A tingling sensation was beginning in the centre of her eyes, at the bridge of her nose. Like her arms just beforehand, it was icy... numb... strange and yet familiar...
...A hand rested on her shoulder, warm and comforting...
'Get outta the way!' 'Oh, sorry' She mumbled, and sat down alone near the front seat. A boy about her age glared at her. 'Watch where ya goin'.' 'I said sorry.' Closing her eyes, Sarah leant back on the poorly padded bus seat...
...It felt softer than she'd expected. Warm, comfortable, and incredibly un-seat-like. A soft chuckle made her turn slightly, to see who'd made fun of her. She felt stronger than a few minutes before, and if it was that guy, he was going to pay...
A familiar face smirked at her. Gasping, Sarah jumped up and reached for her bag...
...An old woman had sat down next to Sarah, and was looking at her oddly.
'Are you all right, young lady?'
Blinking, Sarah looked at what she had sprung up from... the bus seat.
'Uh, yeah... I'm just tired, exams, you know...'
Shakily, she stood and waited in the aisle for her stop. Looking back on the day as she lay in bed Sarah remembered the day slowly, as if she was remembering a dream. The only time she had really felt awake that day - in fact that month - was when she had drifted off into those odd daydreams. The rest of it had been surreal to say the least...
...And to say the most, it had been...
Confusing. There were no words to explain it. Sarah folded herself into a ball. Who was that voice in her head? It wasn't her, it couldn't be her. Those thoughts were more like suggestions from an outside source... they couldn't come from her own mind.
Shakily, she stretched. She had been shaky the whole day. Even Toby had left her alone.
Am I ill? Am I really that pale and weak in the eyes of others?
It had been a while since she'd looked in the mirror. Forcing herself upright, she stared at the strange visage before her eyes. Wan and drawn, her face was shadowed around the eyes. Long hair hung lank and stringy, dull and unhealthy. She had the look of a waif, a body whose spirit had long abandoned all hope...
Another face began to superimpose itself over hers. Softer and warmer, framed by well-combed hair and a graceful aura. There was a slightly challenging, dangerous look about the eyes although they were smiling brilliantly. It took Sarah a minute to recognise the nose, the chin, and the forehead...
...That's what I'd look like, if...
Reaching a hand out, Sarah saw the image copy her, dry pale bone reaching to solid flesh. She thought it must have been a hallucination, she had felt so odd that day that anything was possible. Even so, the reflected hand seemed realer than her own. They were almost touching, and Sarah felt sad that she would encounter cold glass instead of soft fingers. If only to meet this healthier self...
...Sarah stretched out her hand, and felt lost as she connected with the cold glass. Dropping her hand, she turned to drop back onto her bed...
...And saw a large and empty room. Snapping her head back, she saw that her mirror had gone. Just noticing that no dizziness or headache had followed her quick movements, she paused to see a small figure in the doorway.
The figure was gnarled and short, and obviously startled to find Sarah standing in a previously empty room. It recovered quickly enough, however, and grabbed her skirt by a fistful to tug her out through the doorway. 'What're you doin' in there? It's been ordered empty, you know.' Looking down at the creature, Sarah noticed something familiar about its clothing and manner. 'I'm sorry, I haven't been here long,' she explained. 'I didn't have any idea...' 'Haven't been here long? That's a good one. I first saw you... must've been... five years ago now, I think. Don't go actin' the fool for me, missy.' Herding Sarah along the corridor, the creature chuckled happily. 'O'course, you can act all the fool you like for who you'll be meeting next. He's not been 'imself lately, I doubt 'e'll notice.'
A left turn, a right turn, and Sarah still felt fine. Reaching down to grab her skirt back as the creature slowed on a corner, she saw her hands...
...Solid flesh...
...Soft fingers...
Warm, live hands. Her hands, yes. The same hands she had seen every day for the past four or five years...
...But aren't my hands pale and worn? I've lost weight recently, they're not that rounded, but bony and...
'They look strange...' A kind look stole across the short...
...Goblin.. . ...Woman's face. Touching Sarah's hands lightly, she winked knowingly up at her. 'That'll be the rest you had recently, put all the life back into you.' 'It did?' Sarah knew that the words made sense, that there was a good explanation, but she was feeling vague and tired. Not so much as before, but still enough to maintain the foggy mess that her mind had become.
Up a stairway, along a seemingly endless passage, Sarah followed the bustling back of her guide. Around an indoor fountain, through...
...The Goblin City...
...A town that seemed familiar. It was almost exactly like one from the dreams...
'Well, here we are. I'd best let you go in alone... he's been a bit stroppy recently.' Sarah felt slightly apprehensive at meeting a 'Him' who was 'Stroppy'. 'Are you sure this is a good idea?' 'I'm sure it's an idea. Good or bad, well, who can tell?' With a shrug, the strange figure hurried off, leaving Sarah to face rather large doors. Reaching out a tentative hand, she leant her weight against the handle, and pushed...
Reaching out a tentative hand, she leant her weight against the handle, and pushed...
...'Sarah!'
The door swung open, and Sarah blinked at the sudden light. Toby stood, alarmed, holding onto the other handle. 'Sarah! Wake up!' He hissed, glancing around occasionally as if he was worried... 'Toby? Where am I?' Looking around herself, Sarah realised that she was standing on the front porch of her house, feet muddied and hair tangled. The confusion and fear in Toby's eyes mirrored her own.
With cups of coffee and hot chocolate in their respective hands, Sarah and Toby sat together on her bed. 'So when you've spaced out these last few weeks... you've been dreaming?' Shaking her head softly, Sarah set aside her cup. 'Not dreaming... it's almost real, too real to be a dream. They all seem to fit in with what I'm doing at the time.' Toby looked carefully at her, and sipped his drink thoughtfully. For all that he was still in grade school, he had an amazing amount of insight when it came to Sarah. Taking a breath, she continued. 'If I sit down, or turn around a corner, the next thing I know I'm sitting somewhere else, or entering an odd room. As soon as I panic, or start to affect my surroundings, I seem to fall back.' 'Where did you go? Did you recognise the place?' The look on her face said it all. 'Well... don't you want to go there? You always used to talk about how you wished you could...'
'Toby, it isn't that simple. This is affecting my mind, my life, and others around me. What if one day I do... something... to someone? This is what they lock people in asylums for!'
'Sarah, Shh! I'm just as scared as you are...'
'But?'
'But... it's been getting worse, right?'
Toby leaned forward to catch Sarah's eyes before she ducked her head away.
'And... and it could keep getting worse. You'll have to cope with it anyway, and if it's really...' seeing her flinch, he paused to rephrase. 'if it's really where you think it is, then it can't be all bad, right? I mean, you know your way around, and you might even meet...'
He broke off as she bent forwards, long hair obscuring her face.
'I'm sorry Sarah, I didn't mean to upset you...'
Wincing, Sarah wrapped her arms around her stomach. 'It's not... ah! Ouch...' An aching pain had crept into her gut, stabbing slowly. There was a yearning, a pulling, in the centre of the pain...
'Please... let me go...'
In the centre of the pain...
'Please...'
It was better to be alone, in any case. Psychologists, well-meaning friends and hopeful family had done nothing to help her with her "problem". It was easier to avoid them than to see their concerned glances and careful questions. It was easier to watch the shadows on her ceiling. As they shifted, she could let her mind drift...
As they shifted, she could forget that when she slept she might dream again...
The bus stop was busy, full of Uni students on their way to boyfriends' houses, to the mall, to the park, to a club on Friday night... Sarah leaned against a pole, waiting for her bus. Straight home, no outings or get-togethers for her. Who would want to be near a weirdo, anyway? Who would want to spend time with a girl who lived in a dream?
Or is it they who live in a dream, seeing life through their own filters?
Closing her eyes, Sarah felt another headache coming on. They had been increasing in strength and frequency lately. But they were changing, slightly... It didn't hurt that much anymore. It was all turning numb.
Still, something inside her was reaching out. Whether it was for pain or pleasure, knowledge or ignorance...
...Somewhere or somebody...
She couldn't say. Pulling her bag onto her back, she stepped forward once...
... An odd feeling of detachment washed over her hands. They changed, gained a warm colour and seemed to float through the air...
Fists clenched, she glanced again. Her hands were their normal, pale, selves. Moving towards the bus, the icy, numb sensation ran through her arm, invading her blood...
...Long sleeves, and a chain around her wrist. When she tried to shake it off, it tugged back...
Pulling her towards the bus, the crowd rushed Sarah up the step and into the vehicle. Getting her fare out, she could almost see heavy sleeves draped over her short-armed cotton shirt. What's wrong with my head? A tingling sensation was beginning in the centre of her eyes, at the bridge of her nose. Like her arms just beforehand, it was icy... numb... strange and yet familiar...
...A hand rested on her shoulder, warm and comforting...
'Get outta the way!' 'Oh, sorry' She mumbled, and sat down alone near the front seat. A boy about her age glared at her. 'Watch where ya goin'.' 'I said sorry.' Closing her eyes, Sarah leant back on the poorly padded bus seat...
...It felt softer than she'd expected. Warm, comfortable, and incredibly un-seat-like. A soft chuckle made her turn slightly, to see who'd made fun of her. She felt stronger than a few minutes before, and if it was that guy, he was going to pay...
A familiar face smirked at her. Gasping, Sarah jumped up and reached for her bag...
...An old woman had sat down next to Sarah, and was looking at her oddly.
'Are you all right, young lady?'
Blinking, Sarah looked at what she had sprung up from... the bus seat.
'Uh, yeah... I'm just tired, exams, you know...'
Shakily, she stood and waited in the aisle for her stop. Looking back on the day as she lay in bed Sarah remembered the day slowly, as if she was remembering a dream. The only time she had really felt awake that day - in fact that month - was when she had drifted off into those odd daydreams. The rest of it had been surreal to say the least...
...And to say the most, it had been...
Confusing. There were no words to explain it. Sarah folded herself into a ball. Who was that voice in her head? It wasn't her, it couldn't be her. Those thoughts were more like suggestions from an outside source... they couldn't come from her own mind.
Shakily, she stretched. She had been shaky the whole day. Even Toby had left her alone.
Am I ill? Am I really that pale and weak in the eyes of others?
It had been a while since she'd looked in the mirror. Forcing herself upright, she stared at the strange visage before her eyes. Wan and drawn, her face was shadowed around the eyes. Long hair hung lank and stringy, dull and unhealthy. She had the look of a waif, a body whose spirit had long abandoned all hope...
Another face began to superimpose itself over hers. Softer and warmer, framed by well-combed hair and a graceful aura. There was a slightly challenging, dangerous look about the eyes although they were smiling brilliantly. It took Sarah a minute to recognise the nose, the chin, and the forehead...
...That's what I'd look like, if...
Reaching a hand out, Sarah saw the image copy her, dry pale bone reaching to solid flesh. She thought it must have been a hallucination, she had felt so odd that day that anything was possible. Even so, the reflected hand seemed realer than her own. They were almost touching, and Sarah felt sad that she would encounter cold glass instead of soft fingers. If only to meet this healthier self...
...Sarah stretched out her hand, and felt lost as she connected with the cold glass. Dropping her hand, she turned to drop back onto her bed...
...And saw a large and empty room. Snapping her head back, she saw that her mirror had gone. Just noticing that no dizziness or headache had followed her quick movements, she paused to see a small figure in the doorway.
The figure was gnarled and short, and obviously startled to find Sarah standing in a previously empty room. It recovered quickly enough, however, and grabbed her skirt by a fistful to tug her out through the doorway. 'What're you doin' in there? It's been ordered empty, you know.' Looking down at the creature, Sarah noticed something familiar about its clothing and manner. 'I'm sorry, I haven't been here long,' she explained. 'I didn't have any idea...' 'Haven't been here long? That's a good one. I first saw you... must've been... five years ago now, I think. Don't go actin' the fool for me, missy.' Herding Sarah along the corridor, the creature chuckled happily. 'O'course, you can act all the fool you like for who you'll be meeting next. He's not been 'imself lately, I doubt 'e'll notice.'
A left turn, a right turn, and Sarah still felt fine. Reaching down to grab her skirt back as the creature slowed on a corner, she saw her hands...
...Solid flesh...
...Soft fingers...
Warm, live hands. Her hands, yes. The same hands she had seen every day for the past four or five years...
...But aren't my hands pale and worn? I've lost weight recently, they're not that rounded, but bony and...
'They look strange...' A kind look stole across the short...
...Goblin.. . ...Woman's face. Touching Sarah's hands lightly, she winked knowingly up at her. 'That'll be the rest you had recently, put all the life back into you.' 'It did?' Sarah knew that the words made sense, that there was a good explanation, but she was feeling vague and tired. Not so much as before, but still enough to maintain the foggy mess that her mind had become.
Up a stairway, along a seemingly endless passage, Sarah followed the bustling back of her guide. Around an indoor fountain, through...
...The Goblin City...
...A town that seemed familiar. It was almost exactly like one from the dreams...
'Well, here we are. I'd best let you go in alone... he's been a bit stroppy recently.' Sarah felt slightly apprehensive at meeting a 'Him' who was 'Stroppy'. 'Are you sure this is a good idea?' 'I'm sure it's an idea. Good or bad, well, who can tell?' With a shrug, the strange figure hurried off, leaving Sarah to face rather large doors. Reaching out a tentative hand, she leant her weight against the handle, and pushed...
Reaching out a tentative hand, she leant her weight against the handle, and pushed...
...'Sarah!'
The door swung open, and Sarah blinked at the sudden light. Toby stood, alarmed, holding onto the other handle. 'Sarah! Wake up!' He hissed, glancing around occasionally as if he was worried... 'Toby? Where am I?' Looking around herself, Sarah realised that she was standing on the front porch of her house, feet muddied and hair tangled. The confusion and fear in Toby's eyes mirrored her own.
With cups of coffee and hot chocolate in their respective hands, Sarah and Toby sat together on her bed. 'So when you've spaced out these last few weeks... you've been dreaming?' Shaking her head softly, Sarah set aside her cup. 'Not dreaming... it's almost real, too real to be a dream. They all seem to fit in with what I'm doing at the time.' Toby looked carefully at her, and sipped his drink thoughtfully. For all that he was still in grade school, he had an amazing amount of insight when it came to Sarah. Taking a breath, she continued. 'If I sit down, or turn around a corner, the next thing I know I'm sitting somewhere else, or entering an odd room. As soon as I panic, or start to affect my surroundings, I seem to fall back.' 'Where did you go? Did you recognise the place?' The look on her face said it all. 'Well... don't you want to go there? You always used to talk about how you wished you could...'
'Toby, it isn't that simple. This is affecting my mind, my life, and others around me. What if one day I do... something... to someone? This is what they lock people in asylums for!'
'Sarah, Shh! I'm just as scared as you are...'
'But?'
'But... it's been getting worse, right?'
Toby leaned forward to catch Sarah's eyes before she ducked her head away.
'And... and it could keep getting worse. You'll have to cope with it anyway, and if it's really...' seeing her flinch, he paused to rephrase. 'if it's really where you think it is, then it can't be all bad, right? I mean, you know your way around, and you might even meet...'
He broke off as she bent forwards, long hair obscuring her face.
'I'm sorry Sarah, I didn't mean to upset you...'
Wincing, Sarah wrapped her arms around her stomach. 'It's not... ah! Ouch...' An aching pain had crept into her gut, stabbing slowly. There was a yearning, a pulling, in the centre of the pain...
'Please... let me go...'
In the centre of the pain...
'Please...'