Adjustment - Part 8
Xander heard the vibrations of the diesel engine as he rinsed the conditioner out of his hair. He quickly rinsed himself off and got out drying himself with the towel. He rubbed his hair quickly with the towel giving it a look that pleased him, and one that Faith had previously commented on. He through on a pair of sweats and a white, ribbed tank and headed down the steps calmly.
"Faith," Giles greeted nonchalantly.
"Hey," she muttered quietly barely making eye contact with him.
"There's pizza in the fridge," Andrew offered.
"Thanks," she answered just as quietly trying to get to her bedroom with as little conversation as possible.
"There's Chinese from yesterday too." She nodded slightly and continued towards her room quickly becoming uncomfortable with the crowd forming in the hallway. Kennedy stood in the doorway to the kitchen looking over at Faith; her eyes were red and drained looking and she looked completely out of it. Her clenched teeth were something Kennedy couldn't understand – something had happened and she couldn't figure it out. She looked pissed off and upset but strangely subdued and drained.
"Hey," Kennedy said as Faith walked by her. She barely looked up at her and then all she got was a half nod of acknowledgement. Faith bee lined for her room closing the sliding door behind her. Xander walked down the stairs moments later and glanced up and down the hallway,
"I didn't imagine hearing the car, did I?"
"No, she's in her room," Andrew answered in a relieved tone.
"Thanks," Xander answered sliding a bottle of water off of the counter before heading for the bedroom. He slid the door open and closed it behind him and then knocked on her bedroom door. He didn't hear any response, "Faith?" he called as he pulled the door open and walked in. She was kneeling on the floor going through her duffle bag pulling out clothes to wear. "Faith?"
"Hey," she said submissively looking over at his feet.
"Have fun?" he asked pressingly. She didn't answer so he added, "you must've, it's close to eight…"
"Yeah, a real blast," she finally answered sarcastically standing up with a change of clothes in her hand. Still never looking up at him she added, "I'm going to grab a quick shower." The lack of eye contact now was more out of submission, or so it seemed, rather than the attitude she was fronting towards Giles.
"Look at me," Xander said moving in front of her.
"Xander, don't," she pleaded still holding her eyes downward and trying to walk around him. He grabbed her arm and she immediately shrunk away from the touch, "I need to take a shower…"
"I could fucking smell him on you as soon as I walked into the room, Faith, you're not hiding anything from me."
"Stop," she pleaded again trying to walk past him again. He backed up but stayed between her and the door.
"Feel less alone now, Faith? Huh?" he asked spitefully. He still felt like what he wanted most in the world was just to hold her as tight as he could but as he saw her and the way she was acting – almost ashamed – he felt anger arise within him. "Feel like less of a loser? That's interesting because in my book this makes you more of one…"
"Xander, please…" she begged shaking her head slightly trying to get past him again without looking up at him.
"No! Look at me!" he demanded holding her arms firmly causing her to drop her clothes on the floor. Neither of them really understood why she submitted to him, but she did. She raised her eyes cautiously to his knowing now there was no denying that she was crying.
"I don't get it," he said letting go of her and backing up a step in disgust, "you're one of the strongest fucking people in the world and you let someone do this to you… and what's sick, is you do it because you know it'll hurt later."
"I thought it would make it go away…"
"Oh, so you actually *thought* about it?" he asked condescendingly.
"I need a shower," she repeated trying to change the topic as she collected her clothes off of the floor.
"Yeah, that'll make it all go away," he said again in the same tone. "Do you always do that… shower, I mean, after some quicky with some guy you don't even know. Was that what it was with me?"
"You don't even fucking want me! Why the hell do you give a shit what I do?"
"I'm not the one crying, Faith."
"So you don't even care, do you? You think this is fucking funny!" she concluded through her tears as she dropped her clothes again and grabbed her head in frustration.
"Yeah, not knowing where you were for a day and a half was fucking hysterical!" He looked over at her ignoring his own anger and frustration momentarily; he saw just how upset she was and it was building every moment. "Faith, calm down," he said stepping back towards her. He bent down and helped her pick up her clothes as she fumbled with them trying to get them all in her arm again, now it being much more difficult due to her unsteadiness. She finally stood in frustration and scratched her neck anxiously. He stood up with her clothes in hand: a pair of white, baggy sweat pants, a blue tee-shirt, and a bra and panties. He composed himself and prepared to steady his tone as he handed her the clothes. She took them from him almost cautiously averting her eyes from his again staring down at the clothing.
"Hey," he said putting his hand on her arm, "you okay?"
"You know me…"
"No, I don't," he admitted.
"Yeah, you don't want to either," she answered anger in her tone for the first time masking the tension arising in her throat.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked as she went to walk away.
"Doing what?" she asked defensively.
"I'm trying to be nice and-"
"That was you trying to be nice?" she asked viciously.
"How do you expect me to fucking be, Faith? You just got back after fucking who the hell knows who, and-"
"Don't worry, you didn't miss much," she cut him off spitefully.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Apparently, I'm disappointing," she spat. Her vicious tone and expression couldn't fool him – he knew that was probably one of the main reasons she was so upset. It went without say that she was obviously upset.
"What?" he asked his tone suddenly shifting from the previous argumentative one to a questioning and defending tone.
"Turns out I'm disappointing and unimpressive at just about everything now a days," she said adding in Robin's comment about their time together.
"Stop it," he scolded.
"What? You didn't even want a second run, maybe it's time for me to take a hint."
"Hey," he said strongly holding her arms with his hands. He could feel her shaking and could see her clenching her jaw to keep herself from getting too visibly upset.
"Guess I can't do anything right anymore, huh?" she said finally admitting her insecurity.
"Anymore?" he asked sarcastically. She was amazed – he knew exactly when she couldn't take anymore in a fight and he knew exactly how to make it end, and on a good note at that! He waited a moment for her response and then broke into a grin. He leaned over and kissed her jaw knowing where she was holding most of her tension. She softened immediately from his caress,
"You really like seeing me cry, don't you?"
"Not something you see everyday," he answered as he softly wiped the tears from her cheek.
"Good."
---
"Everyone looks a little bit more alive," Buffy noted as she walked into the kitchen.
"Faith's home," Andrew answered happily.
"Oh." Buffy responded barely consciously.
"Buffy," Giles called firmly. She turned towards him in the doorway, "Angel's on the line," he said holding out the phone towards her, "and I need to speak with you once you're finished."
"Okay," she said taking the phone from him and walking towards the garage with it.
"Dead boy?" Xander asked as he walked into the room and Buffy walked out with the phone pressed up to her ear not wanting to miss a single beat – even though there really wasn't any heartbeat to hear…
"Yup," Kennedy answered with a laugh.
"I guess we all have our weaknesses," Willow added with a grin towards Kennedy.
"How's Faith?" Robin asked.
"Now she's okay…"
"Xand-man made it all better," Kennedy teased.
"Where is she now?" Giles asked.
"In the shower."
"Ooo," Kennedy teased again. Xander flashed her a look and she stopped but still held the same wide grin across her face. Giles smiled seeing how much levity had been added to the group and he could tell Kennedy was immediately put into a better mood knowing Faith was back safely – it was quite cute. He couldn't help but wonder whether it was strictly personality or whether there was some sort of Slayer connection. He smiled at the thought of a study since he was the first man alive to have dealt with two slayers, and now three.
---
"When's your flight?" Buffy asked trying to conceal her anger.
"I know it overlaps, but I need to fly in and see her… I can't really get a good feel over the phone."
"She's fine…"
"Buffy, she disappeared for a day and a half… I won't be gone long – the ticket flies me in Monday night and I leave before the sun comes up on Wednesday. I'll only be missing like two days."
"I just can't believe I'm going to fly in to L.A., see you for half a day and then have to wait around for you for three days while you play babysitter for Faith!"
"I'm not babysitting anyone, Buffy – I'm checking in on a close friend of mine-"
"Oh so you two are 'close' now?"
"Don't be a child!" he scolded. "I'm going to make sure she's doing alright because I'm aware of how difficult a time she's going through right now."
"Are you saying that I'm not aware?"
"No, but what I am saying is that you're being a little selfish…"
"Oh, so now I'm selfish."
"I don't want to get into this over the phone."
"Well we could argue in person but you're going to be leaving the minute I get there to come see Faith!"
"Good night, Buffy," he said sternly.
"Night," she said with a huff.
---
"Hey," Faith greeted as she walking into the living room. Robin, Andrew, Dawn, Kennedy, Willow, Wendy, and Xander were all sitting scattered around the room watching the television. Robin shared the couch with a cuddling Kennedy and Willow, and Dawn and Andrew sat on the floor, and Wendy and Xander sat in chairs they had pulled in from the kitchen. "What are you guys watching?"
"Wrong Turn," Andrew answered, "it's awesome!"
"It's really scary," Dawn added before jumping slightly at the next scene. Faith smiled and joined them on the floor.
"It's absolutely frightful," Wendy agreed.
"Nothing like a good horror flick," Faith answered.
"You can sit here, I'll grab another chair," Xander offered.
"I'm good," she assured him.
---
"You wanted to speak to me?" Buffy asked quietly as she entered Giles' office.
"You're finished speaking with Angel already?"
"Yup."
"Is everything alright?"
"Why would you think something is wrong?"
"You're not due to hang up for another three hours… did you two have an argument?"
"A little ity bity one," she admitted pinching her two fingers together to show him how small of an argument it was.
"About what, may I ask."
"Faith."
"Oh," Giles answered nodding his head in agreement. "What of Faith?"
"He's all worried about her and when I'm flying out there to spend time with him he's flying back here to see her."
"He doesn't really have much flexibility with the flights he gets because of his limitations with-"
"Sun… I get it. It still doesn't make me feel any better."
"He only began taking care of her when you asked him to all those years ago…"
"They were pretty buddy-buddy before that… well, at least I thought they were."
"Buffy, stop being a high school cheerleader and be the mature leader you have become – you saved the world and you're honestly going to get upset over a petty thing like you're significant other, shall we call him, going to see another girl whom you know he has no sexual interest in."
"But he likes her," she whined childishly. She realized he was right and took a deep breath, "I'm better now."
"Thank goodness," Giles answered, "I thought we'd lost you there for a moment."
"You'll watch them, right?" she asked squeezing in her last ounce of immaturity into the conversation.
"I think Xander will be watch-dog enough," Giles answered with a laugh. "Get some rest, it's getting late," he added looking at his watch. Buffy nodded and with a smile exited the room closing the door behind her.
---
The movie came to a close almost simultaneously with Buffy's entrance into the living room.
"Hit the lights," Dawn asked from a corner of the room where she was nestled for security. Buffy turned on the lights as the credits ran through.
"Woah," Kennedy commented.
"That was wicked intense," Faith agreed.
"Tell me about it," Robin added. The group continued a small talk about the movie trying to catch their breath after the adrenaline pumping movie.
"She got to use a cross bow and everything, B, you should've watched with us…" Faith said turning towards her.
"Yeah, maybe tomorrow…" Buffy answered knowing she was flying out to L.A. the next day, "I'm going to get some rest; I'll see you guys in the morning." With that she left the living room and went to bed for the night.
"I can't go to bed right away," Andrew said firmly as everyone began to get up and go to bed.
"We'll play some cards," Faith offered seeing a deck on the counter.
"I'm going to bed," Xander said, "I didn't really sleep well last night," he added with a quick glance towards Faith. She returned it with a sheepish grin and he turned and walked up the stairs. Everyone went to bed in various areas of the house except for Andrew, Kennedy, and Faith who remained in the living room playing a game of cards.
"So what game do you want to play?" Andrew asked excitedly.
"Whatever," Kennedy answered.
"Asshole," Faith said shuffling the cards.
"What?" Kennedy asked quickly.
"Asshole, I'll teach you guys," she said with a grin.
"You just like the name," Kennedy teased.
"Damn straight." The three played happily for another hour until Andrew could hardly keep his eyes open.
"Let's call it a night," Kennedy suggested. The other two agreed and Andrew was probably sleeping on the couch before they even reached the doorway to the room. Both walked into the kitchen and Faith poured herself a glass of water. "Night," she said and then walked up the steps. Faith drank the glass of water finally completely ridding her throat of that gross, dry feeling it had had for the majority of the day. She walked back towards her room but before she was even halfway through the kitchen, the thought of spending the night alone couldn't have been worse. She turned and headed back for the staircase.
Kennedy exited the bathroom after brushing her teeth and washing her face and she quickly pulled back around the corner as she saw Faith walking up the steps. She couldn't help but smile giddily to herself. She waited in the corner until the door to Xander's room clicked shut behind her and then she headed back towards her own room. She opened the door and looked over at Willow who was contently reading on the bed with the lamp on next to her. She walked over the bed and slid in next to her kissing her neck lovingly before sliding comfortably next to her and closing her eyes. Willow smiled happily and finally closed her book and shut off the lamp.
---
Faith walked quietly into his bedroom the room consumed in darkness. She could hear him breathing rhythmically and could make out the subtle rise and fall of his chest through the darkness. She walked slowly towards the bed a sharp feeling of anxiety rising within her chest. She coaxed it down with thoughts of how nice it would be to have his arms around her so she finally reached the bedside. Slowly she climbed into bed next to him her body meeting his as quickly as possible as if by magnetic force. He was sleeping on his back and she reached his side pressed up against it leaning on her side and resting her head on his chest. He groaned slightly as he awoke and quickly realized what was going on.
"Hey," he said in a sleepy voice.
"Hey," she answered happily lifting her head off his chest and propping herself up on her arm so she could look down into his face. Her other hand stayed on his bare chest as she looked down into his honest and telling eyes. "Is this okay?" she asked cautiously. He looked contently into her eyes for a few moments then lifted his hand to hers on his chest pulling it towards his face and then kissing her hand tenderly maintaining eye contact with her. The feeling of being caressed and looked at, at the same time was something she'd never experienced before. It made his small kiss on her hand seem like such a passionate touch that meant so much. As he released her hand she brought it to the side of his face holding his cheek lovingly before lowering herself down to him and meeting his lips with hers. She kissed him softly and cautiously not wanting anything to backfire since being next to him just felt so good but it seemed every time they were together it would go just too far for him to handle and he'd freak. She knew it was okay when she felt his hands find her waist and pull her closer. She inhaled quickly from the absolute pleasure that surged through her body as he touched her waist.
He pulled her firmly down on top of him kissing her lovingly but not in any way wildly. It was strangely subdued for how passionately each one of them felt – each cautious not to upset anything because each of them wanted it so bad but knew how easily the other could be upset. Xander couldn't remember the last time he had felt so good but still needing more. He kissed her again while his hands found the bottom of her shirt. He lifted his hands under her shirt holding her waist without the fabric between his hands and her soft skin. She whimpered as he closed his hands around her pulling her into him ending the kiss. He felt her hips rocking slightly against him and even though he knew it was hardly conscious on her part, he definitely *responded*.
She was lying on top of him pressed against him with only her head lifted above him her lips just barely parted from his as she calmed her breathing. She couldn't understand how he could get her so wound up in such a short amount of time and without doing anything except kiss her and touch her waist.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Now I am," she answered with a smile. She slid down his body slightly till her lips reached his neck where she kissed him appreciatively. He squeezed her waist slightly as he rubbed his hands up and down her side slightly.
"Faith," he mumbled as he felt himself getting a little too excited to remain as calm as he had been. "I don't want to-" he trailed off in his words as he felt her lightly tease the skin on his neck. He wanted her, there would be no doubt of that, but not so soon and not after what had just happened. Like he had said and would defend strongly, he didn't want it to just be sex, he wanted her to know it was because of more than that and that she was worth more than just that.
"I know," she answered lifting her face from his neck. She kissed his lips gently before sliding off of him and settling in right next to him. She smiled at him and then looked down at his now very obvious erection through his sweatpants returning her gaze to him, "sorry," she said apologetically. He laughed slightly before turning towards her and wrapping his arms around her. He ran his fingers down the side of her face and she nestled it comfortably onto his chest a feeling of security that she hadn't felt for as long as she could remember overcoming her conscious. She closed her eyes confidently feeling the rise and fall of his chest as a comforting feeling coaxing her into sleep.
---
Xander's eyes opened slowly and lazily began to focus on the world around him. His body intently listened and felt for the sounds of Faith's rhythmic breathing as she lay against him. He looked down on her contently – he knew he felt good looking down at her and all night long he felt nothing but the positive, but there was that constant nagging in the back of his brain about it all. As before he decided it would have to be pushed aside and dealt with at a later time. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes gently closed with the rise and fall of her chest even and strong.
He couldn't believe how gorgeous she was or the way it felt to be right next to her all night – a smile spread across his face as he pondered whether or not anyone had ever experienced that with her before. He shrugged it off convinced it was unlikely he was the first but he was happy none the less. As much as he would have liked to kiss her some more this morning he slid quietly off of the bed doing his best not to disturb her – it was no easy task with her light sleeping habits. He couldn't bring himself to disturb the absolute beauty that surrounded her as she slept. He managed and with one last caring glance down at her he exited the bedroom.
His world felt somehow lighter and maybe even a little bit brighter as he walked towards the garage with the keys to the truck. His mind was a sea of conflicting emotions and thoughts – the shores of his thoughts were both wild and calmed; his emotions both content and incensed. The sight of watching Faith sleep in his arms both provoked and ceased his feelings on Anya. The feeling of her breathing and the vague smell of sweet shampoo both curbed and intoxicated him. If he was sure of nothing else, it was that he was confused and full of questions.
---
The comforting warmth that had surrounded her for the entirety of the night dissipated slowly from his parting from her side and it became evident to her conscious as the inevitable reality sunk in. She stretched her arm out towards the direction he had been for the slight chance that it might come into contact with his warm skin but as she had already expected, it didn't. She opened her eyes finally towards the side of the bed he had slept as if by some chance he might still be there just out of her grasp. Seeing his absence and the long since settled chill on the sheets overwhelmed her with emotions that she had known all too well previously.
Barley consciously she clenched her jaw to deny any emotion of discontent to herself as her breath caught painfully in her throat. This was the bullshit she didn't care about, Miss indifferent to this shit, who the fuck cared? Her lifetime slogans of indifference repeated incessantly in her brain to calm the wave of distressing emotion that quickly grabbed her by the core and squeezed unmercifully. Because of her past experiences and defenses such a simple occurrence sent her into a complete state of denial of emotions and defense at the pain she was sure would follow.
---
"Morning," Xander greeted happily as he entered the kitchen from the garage with grocery bags in hand.
"It's eight in the morning, Xander, not really when I expected you to go food shopping," Buffy noted.
"I didn't do a full shopping, I just got some breakfast sandwiches… here," he said laying them out on the counter.
"Someone's chipper," Kennedy teased with a smile. He shot her a confused glance unsure of what she knew but then shrugged it off knowing he was in too good of a mood to really care.
"So what time is Angel flying in tonight?" Willow asked. Well, there went Xander's good mood…
"Angel's coming?" he asked trying to cover his displeasure. Willow nodded in response and he continued hoping it couldn't be true, "isn't Buffy flying to L.A. today?"
"Yes," Buffy said angrily.
"Oh," Xander said realizing the tension of the subject. Kennedy couldn't help but smirk at the childishness Buffy was fronting especially when she laid it in comparison with Ms. Perfect Leader Buffy.
"What are you laughing about?" Buffy snapped viciously.
"Woah," Kennedy said still laughing at her.
"You know your attitude is really uncalled for," Buffy spat.
"Mine is?" Kennedy asked. Buffy felt the fury rise within her – no one had ever really stood up to her in situations like this… except for Faith – that's why it really bothered her, but she couldn't even admit as much to herself let alone anyone else through her expressions.
"Who do you think you are?"
"A Slayer, just like you," Kennedy said bluntly.
"Both of you," Giles interceded. Both blatantly ignored him and continued with their bickering. Xander watched on nervously unsure of who to side with: Buffy had been his friend since before *everything* but he couldn't really agree with the way she was acting so he remained silent scanning the room for everyone else's reactions.
Faith walked into the kitchen but remained at the doorway leaning against it also watching the scene she had just walked into. She had a very familiar feeling of emptiness and unhappiness but always in the past she had expected the feeling – now she was angry with herself since she had been stupid enough to expect anything to be different. And Faith being angry, and even worse being angry with herself meant she was going to be quite a handful of attitude to deal with.
"We are *not* equal," Buffy answered furiously.
"She's right, you're not," Faith said finally stepping into the argument remaining at her nonchalant post against the doorframe.
"Oh, and you two are?" Kennedy asked unsure of who's side Faith was actually taking.
"Nope. Never were, never will be… get used to it kid," Faith answered in a tone that made it clear that she was making a jab at Buffy and their past together and some of the issues that Faith knew she hadn't been wrong about. She had done a lot of uncool shit in her time in Sunnydale, but she was the first to admit that now; but she was not going to just let the things Buffy did slide.
"That's bullshit," Kennedy said angrily towards Giles as if he could just fix the hierarchy of the whole thing right there on the spot.
"Bust your ass as hard as you want," Faith added, "it's not going to change anything…" With that she walked into the kitchen and picked up her coffee off of the counter and exited back towards her room. The entire crowd had been too busy in the argument that had been going on when Faith entered that no one had noticed that she hadn't come from the direction of her room but rather the upstairs rooms.
The crowd in the kitchen was surprised that Faith had come out and said that, it was long past due that someone said it to Buffy, but then they all realized Faith was definitely still Faith in there, and speaking her mind on things like that was in no way farfetched. Xander noticed that she had also had her mean streak shining when she came down and added to the conversation – the things she was saying were definitely deeper than any of them could understand except for the two of them. The sudden admittance of her meanness concerned him slightly – why was it that he was in such an incredible mood this morning and she had woken up feeling defensive and malicious. The things she had said to Buffy weren't in any way uncalled for but it was definitely a shift from the way she had been acting.
Wendy watched everything that occurred meticulously also keeping a close watch as to how Giles reacted. Buffy stood rigidly in the same spot as Faith simply walked out of the room. She had never seen such an interesting group of people – each of them were so similar but with such different defense mechanisms it was hard to draw any correlations at all between them.
"Looks like you two need to talk," Robin said with a slight raise of his eyebrows in surprise.
"We never talk," Buffy stated firmly both defiantly and admitting the problem. Xander understood where Buffy was coming from and knew that the situation had definitely declined in it's animosity so he turned away and walked towards Faith's room curious as to why the sudden shift in her attitude had occurred.
"I think it's time you start then," he answered knowing that situations like these only build in intensity and these were two of the most intense people he had ever known. The problem had obviously been given too much time to build already but he could tell now that maybe they were both ready to actually start talking about things.
"Faith's not a very talkative person," Buffy answered passing the blame.
"Maybe both of you can work on that," he answered again not allowing her to just pass it all off as though everything was entirely Faith's fault.
---
"Hey," Xander greeted happily as he walked into Faith's room confidently.
"Hey," she answered, her tone lacking anything near warmth. She continued tossing her clothes onto the bed into separate piles that were categorized in a way only she could understand.
"That's it?" he asked a little surprised by her coldness. He had noticed she had been in a mood but he didn't think it would be directed at him.
"You were expecting what?" she asked coldly glancing in his direction only quickly.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked walking up to her. He didn't get a response so he moved his hands to her waist trying to figure out some way to possible get her to recognize him since she was acting as though he was some unwanted stranger. She moved quickly away from his touch,
"Don't," she warned.
"What the hell! I'm the bipolar one?" he asked almost angrily.
"Whatever," she answered resuming her piling of clothing.
"You are so fucking scared," he declared shaking his head in an almost sympathetic tone.
"Of you?" she asked with a laugh.
"Of not being wanted," he answered with a slight laugh of disbelief, "you claim to not want just to deny the need to be wanted."
"If this it going to be an 'I took psych in high school' moment, count me out," she answered smugly.
"Oh, I'm sorry – your Angel's the only one that's allowed to play that game, right? Mr. I know how everyone feels… he's the only one that's allowed to try and understand you."
"If you even slightly knew anything about me, you wouldn't have…" she drifted off quickly and started again, "leave Angel out of this – you have no right to-"
"I wouldn't have what?" he asked not missing a second of what she said, "what could I have possibly done between the time when you went to sleep to the time you woke up to make you feel like you weren't everything?" His breath caught in his throat at his admittance of his affection for her so blatant and outward unsure of if it would make the situation better or exponentially worse.
"You fucking left!" she screamed in defense, her voice cracking at the close of her statement as the overwhelming feeling of all too well known pain overcame her again. It hit him like a blow to the head and the pit of his stomach sank inside of him,
"Faith… I-" he stammered realizing how she must feel right now and knowing he had been the cause of it. "I didn't even realize…"
"Of course you didn't," she said almost coaxing him for it, "you have to be really fucked up to think about shit like that… any normal person wouldn't-"
"I'm so sorry," he said a look on his face like he could cry. He watched her jaw line tighten as she denied the tears forming around her eyes and she nodded in acceptance. He walked up to her again and wrapped one arm around her waist and brought his other hand up to her face comfortingly looking deep into her eyes.
"Why am I so fucked up?" she asked tears in her tone audible before those in her eyes. He pulled her in close wanting to be able to make all her pain just disappear but having to deal with the fact that he couldn't. She clenched his shirt desperately burying her face in his chest as he embraced her strongly. He rested his head on top of hers after placing a soft kiss in her hair.
The way she felt and the way those emotions were making her act were such foreign territory that she hardly understood them. She was hypersensitive to everything but so pining to forgive that it sent her into a whirlwind of confusion. The only things that could still it was him and being in his embrace like that made everything slow down almost to halt with an almost childlike feeling of security and warmth.
Xander heard the vibrations of the diesel engine as he rinsed the conditioner out of his hair. He quickly rinsed himself off and got out drying himself with the towel. He rubbed his hair quickly with the towel giving it a look that pleased him, and one that Faith had previously commented on. He through on a pair of sweats and a white, ribbed tank and headed down the steps calmly.
"Faith," Giles greeted nonchalantly.
"Hey," she muttered quietly barely making eye contact with him.
"There's pizza in the fridge," Andrew offered.
"Thanks," she answered just as quietly trying to get to her bedroom with as little conversation as possible.
"There's Chinese from yesterday too." She nodded slightly and continued towards her room quickly becoming uncomfortable with the crowd forming in the hallway. Kennedy stood in the doorway to the kitchen looking over at Faith; her eyes were red and drained looking and she looked completely out of it. Her clenched teeth were something Kennedy couldn't understand – something had happened and she couldn't figure it out. She looked pissed off and upset but strangely subdued and drained.
"Hey," Kennedy said as Faith walked by her. She barely looked up at her and then all she got was a half nod of acknowledgement. Faith bee lined for her room closing the sliding door behind her. Xander walked down the stairs moments later and glanced up and down the hallway,
"I didn't imagine hearing the car, did I?"
"No, she's in her room," Andrew answered in a relieved tone.
"Thanks," Xander answered sliding a bottle of water off of the counter before heading for the bedroom. He slid the door open and closed it behind him and then knocked on her bedroom door. He didn't hear any response, "Faith?" he called as he pulled the door open and walked in. She was kneeling on the floor going through her duffle bag pulling out clothes to wear. "Faith?"
"Hey," she said submissively looking over at his feet.
"Have fun?" he asked pressingly. She didn't answer so he added, "you must've, it's close to eight…"
"Yeah, a real blast," she finally answered sarcastically standing up with a change of clothes in her hand. Still never looking up at him she added, "I'm going to grab a quick shower." The lack of eye contact now was more out of submission, or so it seemed, rather than the attitude she was fronting towards Giles.
"Look at me," Xander said moving in front of her.
"Xander, don't," she pleaded still holding her eyes downward and trying to walk around him. He grabbed her arm and she immediately shrunk away from the touch, "I need to take a shower…"
"I could fucking smell him on you as soon as I walked into the room, Faith, you're not hiding anything from me."
"Stop," she pleaded again trying to walk past him again. He backed up but stayed between her and the door.
"Feel less alone now, Faith? Huh?" he asked spitefully. He still felt like what he wanted most in the world was just to hold her as tight as he could but as he saw her and the way she was acting – almost ashamed – he felt anger arise within him. "Feel like less of a loser? That's interesting because in my book this makes you more of one…"
"Xander, please…" she begged shaking her head slightly trying to get past him again without looking up at him.
"No! Look at me!" he demanded holding her arms firmly causing her to drop her clothes on the floor. Neither of them really understood why she submitted to him, but she did. She raised her eyes cautiously to his knowing now there was no denying that she was crying.
"I don't get it," he said letting go of her and backing up a step in disgust, "you're one of the strongest fucking people in the world and you let someone do this to you… and what's sick, is you do it because you know it'll hurt later."
"I thought it would make it go away…"
"Oh, so you actually *thought* about it?" he asked condescendingly.
"I need a shower," she repeated trying to change the topic as she collected her clothes off of the floor.
"Yeah, that'll make it all go away," he said again in the same tone. "Do you always do that… shower, I mean, after some quicky with some guy you don't even know. Was that what it was with me?"
"You don't even fucking want me! Why the hell do you give a shit what I do?"
"I'm not the one crying, Faith."
"So you don't even care, do you? You think this is fucking funny!" she concluded through her tears as she dropped her clothes again and grabbed her head in frustration.
"Yeah, not knowing where you were for a day and a half was fucking hysterical!" He looked over at her ignoring his own anger and frustration momentarily; he saw just how upset she was and it was building every moment. "Faith, calm down," he said stepping back towards her. He bent down and helped her pick up her clothes as she fumbled with them trying to get them all in her arm again, now it being much more difficult due to her unsteadiness. She finally stood in frustration and scratched her neck anxiously. He stood up with her clothes in hand: a pair of white, baggy sweat pants, a blue tee-shirt, and a bra and panties. He composed himself and prepared to steady his tone as he handed her the clothes. She took them from him almost cautiously averting her eyes from his again staring down at the clothing.
"Hey," he said putting his hand on her arm, "you okay?"
"You know me…"
"No, I don't," he admitted.
"Yeah, you don't want to either," she answered anger in her tone for the first time masking the tension arising in her throat.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked as she went to walk away.
"Doing what?" she asked defensively.
"I'm trying to be nice and-"
"That was you trying to be nice?" she asked viciously.
"How do you expect me to fucking be, Faith? You just got back after fucking who the hell knows who, and-"
"Don't worry, you didn't miss much," she cut him off spitefully.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Apparently, I'm disappointing," she spat. Her vicious tone and expression couldn't fool him – he knew that was probably one of the main reasons she was so upset. It went without say that she was obviously upset.
"What?" he asked his tone suddenly shifting from the previous argumentative one to a questioning and defending tone.
"Turns out I'm disappointing and unimpressive at just about everything now a days," she said adding in Robin's comment about their time together.
"Stop it," he scolded.
"What? You didn't even want a second run, maybe it's time for me to take a hint."
"Hey," he said strongly holding her arms with his hands. He could feel her shaking and could see her clenching her jaw to keep herself from getting too visibly upset.
"Guess I can't do anything right anymore, huh?" she said finally admitting her insecurity.
"Anymore?" he asked sarcastically. She was amazed – he knew exactly when she couldn't take anymore in a fight and he knew exactly how to make it end, and on a good note at that! He waited a moment for her response and then broke into a grin. He leaned over and kissed her jaw knowing where she was holding most of her tension. She softened immediately from his caress,
"You really like seeing me cry, don't you?"
"Not something you see everyday," he answered as he softly wiped the tears from her cheek.
"Good."
---
"Everyone looks a little bit more alive," Buffy noted as she walked into the kitchen.
"Faith's home," Andrew answered happily.
"Oh." Buffy responded barely consciously.
"Buffy," Giles called firmly. She turned towards him in the doorway, "Angel's on the line," he said holding out the phone towards her, "and I need to speak with you once you're finished."
"Okay," she said taking the phone from him and walking towards the garage with it.
"Dead boy?" Xander asked as he walked into the room and Buffy walked out with the phone pressed up to her ear not wanting to miss a single beat – even though there really wasn't any heartbeat to hear…
"Yup," Kennedy answered with a laugh.
"I guess we all have our weaknesses," Willow added with a grin towards Kennedy.
"How's Faith?" Robin asked.
"Now she's okay…"
"Xand-man made it all better," Kennedy teased.
"Where is she now?" Giles asked.
"In the shower."
"Ooo," Kennedy teased again. Xander flashed her a look and she stopped but still held the same wide grin across her face. Giles smiled seeing how much levity had been added to the group and he could tell Kennedy was immediately put into a better mood knowing Faith was back safely – it was quite cute. He couldn't help but wonder whether it was strictly personality or whether there was some sort of Slayer connection. He smiled at the thought of a study since he was the first man alive to have dealt with two slayers, and now three.
---
"When's your flight?" Buffy asked trying to conceal her anger.
"I know it overlaps, but I need to fly in and see her… I can't really get a good feel over the phone."
"She's fine…"
"Buffy, she disappeared for a day and a half… I won't be gone long – the ticket flies me in Monday night and I leave before the sun comes up on Wednesday. I'll only be missing like two days."
"I just can't believe I'm going to fly in to L.A., see you for half a day and then have to wait around for you for three days while you play babysitter for Faith!"
"I'm not babysitting anyone, Buffy – I'm checking in on a close friend of mine-"
"Oh so you two are 'close' now?"
"Don't be a child!" he scolded. "I'm going to make sure she's doing alright because I'm aware of how difficult a time she's going through right now."
"Are you saying that I'm not aware?"
"No, but what I am saying is that you're being a little selfish…"
"Oh, so now I'm selfish."
"I don't want to get into this over the phone."
"Well we could argue in person but you're going to be leaving the minute I get there to come see Faith!"
"Good night, Buffy," he said sternly.
"Night," she said with a huff.
---
"Hey," Faith greeted as she walking into the living room. Robin, Andrew, Dawn, Kennedy, Willow, Wendy, and Xander were all sitting scattered around the room watching the television. Robin shared the couch with a cuddling Kennedy and Willow, and Dawn and Andrew sat on the floor, and Wendy and Xander sat in chairs they had pulled in from the kitchen. "What are you guys watching?"
"Wrong Turn," Andrew answered, "it's awesome!"
"It's really scary," Dawn added before jumping slightly at the next scene. Faith smiled and joined them on the floor.
"It's absolutely frightful," Wendy agreed.
"Nothing like a good horror flick," Faith answered.
"You can sit here, I'll grab another chair," Xander offered.
"I'm good," she assured him.
---
"You wanted to speak to me?" Buffy asked quietly as she entered Giles' office.
"You're finished speaking with Angel already?"
"Yup."
"Is everything alright?"
"Why would you think something is wrong?"
"You're not due to hang up for another three hours… did you two have an argument?"
"A little ity bity one," she admitted pinching her two fingers together to show him how small of an argument it was.
"About what, may I ask."
"Faith."
"Oh," Giles answered nodding his head in agreement. "What of Faith?"
"He's all worried about her and when I'm flying out there to spend time with him he's flying back here to see her."
"He doesn't really have much flexibility with the flights he gets because of his limitations with-"
"Sun… I get it. It still doesn't make me feel any better."
"He only began taking care of her when you asked him to all those years ago…"
"They were pretty buddy-buddy before that… well, at least I thought they were."
"Buffy, stop being a high school cheerleader and be the mature leader you have become – you saved the world and you're honestly going to get upset over a petty thing like you're significant other, shall we call him, going to see another girl whom you know he has no sexual interest in."
"But he likes her," she whined childishly. She realized he was right and took a deep breath, "I'm better now."
"Thank goodness," Giles answered, "I thought we'd lost you there for a moment."
"You'll watch them, right?" she asked squeezing in her last ounce of immaturity into the conversation.
"I think Xander will be watch-dog enough," Giles answered with a laugh. "Get some rest, it's getting late," he added looking at his watch. Buffy nodded and with a smile exited the room closing the door behind her.
---
The movie came to a close almost simultaneously with Buffy's entrance into the living room.
"Hit the lights," Dawn asked from a corner of the room where she was nestled for security. Buffy turned on the lights as the credits ran through.
"Woah," Kennedy commented.
"That was wicked intense," Faith agreed.
"Tell me about it," Robin added. The group continued a small talk about the movie trying to catch their breath after the adrenaline pumping movie.
"She got to use a cross bow and everything, B, you should've watched with us…" Faith said turning towards her.
"Yeah, maybe tomorrow…" Buffy answered knowing she was flying out to L.A. the next day, "I'm going to get some rest; I'll see you guys in the morning." With that she left the living room and went to bed for the night.
"I can't go to bed right away," Andrew said firmly as everyone began to get up and go to bed.
"We'll play some cards," Faith offered seeing a deck on the counter.
"I'm going to bed," Xander said, "I didn't really sleep well last night," he added with a quick glance towards Faith. She returned it with a sheepish grin and he turned and walked up the stairs. Everyone went to bed in various areas of the house except for Andrew, Kennedy, and Faith who remained in the living room playing a game of cards.
"So what game do you want to play?" Andrew asked excitedly.
"Whatever," Kennedy answered.
"Asshole," Faith said shuffling the cards.
"What?" Kennedy asked quickly.
"Asshole, I'll teach you guys," she said with a grin.
"You just like the name," Kennedy teased.
"Damn straight." The three played happily for another hour until Andrew could hardly keep his eyes open.
"Let's call it a night," Kennedy suggested. The other two agreed and Andrew was probably sleeping on the couch before they even reached the doorway to the room. Both walked into the kitchen and Faith poured herself a glass of water. "Night," she said and then walked up the steps. Faith drank the glass of water finally completely ridding her throat of that gross, dry feeling it had had for the majority of the day. She walked back towards her room but before she was even halfway through the kitchen, the thought of spending the night alone couldn't have been worse. She turned and headed back for the staircase.
Kennedy exited the bathroom after brushing her teeth and washing her face and she quickly pulled back around the corner as she saw Faith walking up the steps. She couldn't help but smile giddily to herself. She waited in the corner until the door to Xander's room clicked shut behind her and then she headed back towards her own room. She opened the door and looked over at Willow who was contently reading on the bed with the lamp on next to her. She walked over the bed and slid in next to her kissing her neck lovingly before sliding comfortably next to her and closing her eyes. Willow smiled happily and finally closed her book and shut off the lamp.
---
Faith walked quietly into his bedroom the room consumed in darkness. She could hear him breathing rhythmically and could make out the subtle rise and fall of his chest through the darkness. She walked slowly towards the bed a sharp feeling of anxiety rising within her chest. She coaxed it down with thoughts of how nice it would be to have his arms around her so she finally reached the bedside. Slowly she climbed into bed next to him her body meeting his as quickly as possible as if by magnetic force. He was sleeping on his back and she reached his side pressed up against it leaning on her side and resting her head on his chest. He groaned slightly as he awoke and quickly realized what was going on.
"Hey," he said in a sleepy voice.
"Hey," she answered happily lifting her head off his chest and propping herself up on her arm so she could look down into his face. Her other hand stayed on his bare chest as she looked down into his honest and telling eyes. "Is this okay?" she asked cautiously. He looked contently into her eyes for a few moments then lifted his hand to hers on his chest pulling it towards his face and then kissing her hand tenderly maintaining eye contact with her. The feeling of being caressed and looked at, at the same time was something she'd never experienced before. It made his small kiss on her hand seem like such a passionate touch that meant so much. As he released her hand she brought it to the side of his face holding his cheek lovingly before lowering herself down to him and meeting his lips with hers. She kissed him softly and cautiously not wanting anything to backfire since being next to him just felt so good but it seemed every time they were together it would go just too far for him to handle and he'd freak. She knew it was okay when she felt his hands find her waist and pull her closer. She inhaled quickly from the absolute pleasure that surged through her body as he touched her waist.
He pulled her firmly down on top of him kissing her lovingly but not in any way wildly. It was strangely subdued for how passionately each one of them felt – each cautious not to upset anything because each of them wanted it so bad but knew how easily the other could be upset. Xander couldn't remember the last time he had felt so good but still needing more. He kissed her again while his hands found the bottom of her shirt. He lifted his hands under her shirt holding her waist without the fabric between his hands and her soft skin. She whimpered as he closed his hands around her pulling her into him ending the kiss. He felt her hips rocking slightly against him and even though he knew it was hardly conscious on her part, he definitely *responded*.
She was lying on top of him pressed against him with only her head lifted above him her lips just barely parted from his as she calmed her breathing. She couldn't understand how he could get her so wound up in such a short amount of time and without doing anything except kiss her and touch her waist.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Now I am," she answered with a smile. She slid down his body slightly till her lips reached his neck where she kissed him appreciatively. He squeezed her waist slightly as he rubbed his hands up and down her side slightly.
"Faith," he mumbled as he felt himself getting a little too excited to remain as calm as he had been. "I don't want to-" he trailed off in his words as he felt her lightly tease the skin on his neck. He wanted her, there would be no doubt of that, but not so soon and not after what had just happened. Like he had said and would defend strongly, he didn't want it to just be sex, he wanted her to know it was because of more than that and that she was worth more than just that.
"I know," she answered lifting her face from his neck. She kissed his lips gently before sliding off of him and settling in right next to him. She smiled at him and then looked down at his now very obvious erection through his sweatpants returning her gaze to him, "sorry," she said apologetically. He laughed slightly before turning towards her and wrapping his arms around her. He ran his fingers down the side of her face and she nestled it comfortably onto his chest a feeling of security that she hadn't felt for as long as she could remember overcoming her conscious. She closed her eyes confidently feeling the rise and fall of his chest as a comforting feeling coaxing her into sleep.
---
Xander's eyes opened slowly and lazily began to focus on the world around him. His body intently listened and felt for the sounds of Faith's rhythmic breathing as she lay against him. He looked down on her contently – he knew he felt good looking down at her and all night long he felt nothing but the positive, but there was that constant nagging in the back of his brain about it all. As before he decided it would have to be pushed aside and dealt with at a later time. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyes gently closed with the rise and fall of her chest even and strong.
He couldn't believe how gorgeous she was or the way it felt to be right next to her all night – a smile spread across his face as he pondered whether or not anyone had ever experienced that with her before. He shrugged it off convinced it was unlikely he was the first but he was happy none the less. As much as he would have liked to kiss her some more this morning he slid quietly off of the bed doing his best not to disturb her – it was no easy task with her light sleeping habits. He couldn't bring himself to disturb the absolute beauty that surrounded her as she slept. He managed and with one last caring glance down at her he exited the bedroom.
His world felt somehow lighter and maybe even a little bit brighter as he walked towards the garage with the keys to the truck. His mind was a sea of conflicting emotions and thoughts – the shores of his thoughts were both wild and calmed; his emotions both content and incensed. The sight of watching Faith sleep in his arms both provoked and ceased his feelings on Anya. The feeling of her breathing and the vague smell of sweet shampoo both curbed and intoxicated him. If he was sure of nothing else, it was that he was confused and full of questions.
---
The comforting warmth that had surrounded her for the entirety of the night dissipated slowly from his parting from her side and it became evident to her conscious as the inevitable reality sunk in. She stretched her arm out towards the direction he had been for the slight chance that it might come into contact with his warm skin but as she had already expected, it didn't. She opened her eyes finally towards the side of the bed he had slept as if by some chance he might still be there just out of her grasp. Seeing his absence and the long since settled chill on the sheets overwhelmed her with emotions that she had known all too well previously.
Barley consciously she clenched her jaw to deny any emotion of discontent to herself as her breath caught painfully in her throat. This was the bullshit she didn't care about, Miss indifferent to this shit, who the fuck cared? Her lifetime slogans of indifference repeated incessantly in her brain to calm the wave of distressing emotion that quickly grabbed her by the core and squeezed unmercifully. Because of her past experiences and defenses such a simple occurrence sent her into a complete state of denial of emotions and defense at the pain she was sure would follow.
---
"Morning," Xander greeted happily as he entered the kitchen from the garage with grocery bags in hand.
"It's eight in the morning, Xander, not really when I expected you to go food shopping," Buffy noted.
"I didn't do a full shopping, I just got some breakfast sandwiches… here," he said laying them out on the counter.
"Someone's chipper," Kennedy teased with a smile. He shot her a confused glance unsure of what she knew but then shrugged it off knowing he was in too good of a mood to really care.
"So what time is Angel flying in tonight?" Willow asked. Well, there went Xander's good mood…
"Angel's coming?" he asked trying to cover his displeasure. Willow nodded in response and he continued hoping it couldn't be true, "isn't Buffy flying to L.A. today?"
"Yes," Buffy said angrily.
"Oh," Xander said realizing the tension of the subject. Kennedy couldn't help but smirk at the childishness Buffy was fronting especially when she laid it in comparison with Ms. Perfect Leader Buffy.
"What are you laughing about?" Buffy snapped viciously.
"Woah," Kennedy said still laughing at her.
"You know your attitude is really uncalled for," Buffy spat.
"Mine is?" Kennedy asked. Buffy felt the fury rise within her – no one had ever really stood up to her in situations like this… except for Faith – that's why it really bothered her, but she couldn't even admit as much to herself let alone anyone else through her expressions.
"Who do you think you are?"
"A Slayer, just like you," Kennedy said bluntly.
"Both of you," Giles interceded. Both blatantly ignored him and continued with their bickering. Xander watched on nervously unsure of who to side with: Buffy had been his friend since before *everything* but he couldn't really agree with the way she was acting so he remained silent scanning the room for everyone else's reactions.
Faith walked into the kitchen but remained at the doorway leaning against it also watching the scene she had just walked into. She had a very familiar feeling of emptiness and unhappiness but always in the past she had expected the feeling – now she was angry with herself since she had been stupid enough to expect anything to be different. And Faith being angry, and even worse being angry with herself meant she was going to be quite a handful of attitude to deal with.
"We are *not* equal," Buffy answered furiously.
"She's right, you're not," Faith said finally stepping into the argument remaining at her nonchalant post against the doorframe.
"Oh, and you two are?" Kennedy asked unsure of who's side Faith was actually taking.
"Nope. Never were, never will be… get used to it kid," Faith answered in a tone that made it clear that she was making a jab at Buffy and their past together and some of the issues that Faith knew she hadn't been wrong about. She had done a lot of uncool shit in her time in Sunnydale, but she was the first to admit that now; but she was not going to just let the things Buffy did slide.
"That's bullshit," Kennedy said angrily towards Giles as if he could just fix the hierarchy of the whole thing right there on the spot.
"Bust your ass as hard as you want," Faith added, "it's not going to change anything…" With that she walked into the kitchen and picked up her coffee off of the counter and exited back towards her room. The entire crowd had been too busy in the argument that had been going on when Faith entered that no one had noticed that she hadn't come from the direction of her room but rather the upstairs rooms.
The crowd in the kitchen was surprised that Faith had come out and said that, it was long past due that someone said it to Buffy, but then they all realized Faith was definitely still Faith in there, and speaking her mind on things like that was in no way farfetched. Xander noticed that she had also had her mean streak shining when she came down and added to the conversation – the things she was saying were definitely deeper than any of them could understand except for the two of them. The sudden admittance of her meanness concerned him slightly – why was it that he was in such an incredible mood this morning and she had woken up feeling defensive and malicious. The things she had said to Buffy weren't in any way uncalled for but it was definitely a shift from the way she had been acting.
Wendy watched everything that occurred meticulously also keeping a close watch as to how Giles reacted. Buffy stood rigidly in the same spot as Faith simply walked out of the room. She had never seen such an interesting group of people – each of them were so similar but with such different defense mechanisms it was hard to draw any correlations at all between them.
"Looks like you two need to talk," Robin said with a slight raise of his eyebrows in surprise.
"We never talk," Buffy stated firmly both defiantly and admitting the problem. Xander understood where Buffy was coming from and knew that the situation had definitely declined in it's animosity so he turned away and walked towards Faith's room curious as to why the sudden shift in her attitude had occurred.
"I think it's time you start then," he answered knowing that situations like these only build in intensity and these were two of the most intense people he had ever known. The problem had obviously been given too much time to build already but he could tell now that maybe they were both ready to actually start talking about things.
"Faith's not a very talkative person," Buffy answered passing the blame.
"Maybe both of you can work on that," he answered again not allowing her to just pass it all off as though everything was entirely Faith's fault.
---
"Hey," Xander greeted happily as he walked into Faith's room confidently.
"Hey," she answered, her tone lacking anything near warmth. She continued tossing her clothes onto the bed into separate piles that were categorized in a way only she could understand.
"That's it?" he asked a little surprised by her coldness. He had noticed she had been in a mood but he didn't think it would be directed at him.
"You were expecting what?" she asked coldly glancing in his direction only quickly.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked walking up to her. He didn't get a response so he moved his hands to her waist trying to figure out some way to possible get her to recognize him since she was acting as though he was some unwanted stranger. She moved quickly away from his touch,
"Don't," she warned.
"What the hell! I'm the bipolar one?" he asked almost angrily.
"Whatever," she answered resuming her piling of clothing.
"You are so fucking scared," he declared shaking his head in an almost sympathetic tone.
"Of you?" she asked with a laugh.
"Of not being wanted," he answered with a slight laugh of disbelief, "you claim to not want just to deny the need to be wanted."
"If this it going to be an 'I took psych in high school' moment, count me out," she answered smugly.
"Oh, I'm sorry – your Angel's the only one that's allowed to play that game, right? Mr. I know how everyone feels… he's the only one that's allowed to try and understand you."
"If you even slightly knew anything about me, you wouldn't have…" she drifted off quickly and started again, "leave Angel out of this – you have no right to-"
"I wouldn't have what?" he asked not missing a second of what she said, "what could I have possibly done between the time when you went to sleep to the time you woke up to make you feel like you weren't everything?" His breath caught in his throat at his admittance of his affection for her so blatant and outward unsure of if it would make the situation better or exponentially worse.
"You fucking left!" she screamed in defense, her voice cracking at the close of her statement as the overwhelming feeling of all too well known pain overcame her again. It hit him like a blow to the head and the pit of his stomach sank inside of him,
"Faith… I-" he stammered realizing how she must feel right now and knowing he had been the cause of it. "I didn't even realize…"
"Of course you didn't," she said almost coaxing him for it, "you have to be really fucked up to think about shit like that… any normal person wouldn't-"
"I'm so sorry," he said a look on his face like he could cry. He watched her jaw line tighten as she denied the tears forming around her eyes and she nodded in acceptance. He walked up to her again and wrapped one arm around her waist and brought his other hand up to her face comfortingly looking deep into her eyes.
"Why am I so fucked up?" she asked tears in her tone audible before those in her eyes. He pulled her in close wanting to be able to make all her pain just disappear but having to deal with the fact that he couldn't. She clenched his shirt desperately burying her face in his chest as he embraced her strongly. He rested his head on top of hers after placing a soft kiss in her hair.
The way she felt and the way those emotions were making her act were such foreign territory that she hardly understood them. She was hypersensitive to everything but so pining to forgive that it sent her into a whirlwind of confusion. The only things that could still it was him and being in his embrace like that made everything slow down almost to halt with an almost childlike feeling of security and warmth.