A Diminutive Dilemma

"Barney! Put me down! Please?" Hank gulped as Barney clutched him in his fingers. "Pretty please? I'll give you lots of toys if you put me down!"

"Let me go! LET ME GO!" Logan was trying to escape Claudius' grasp. "Let me go kid or else!"

"Logan don't use your claws on him!" Hank shouted. "He's just a baby! Don't hurt him!"

"Don't hurt him?" Logan gasped as Claudius gave him a bear hug with his huge flippers. "What…about…me?"

"Thunderbird give us a hand here!" Hank ordered.

"And end up a teething ring like you guys?" John had managed to escape their grasp and was hiding behind a plant. "No way! Besides I can't just beat them up or anything! Even if they are bigger than I am it wouldn't feel right!"

"Well distract them!" Hank winced as some drool leaked onto his head. "Hurry!"

"And how do I do that?" John snapped.

"We don't care just do something!" Logan roared.

"Okay…YO! HEY! BABIES! OVER HERE!" He jumped up and down and waved his arms. Barney clutched Hank in one hand as he got up and toddled over to John. "OH THIS WAS A BRIGHT IDEA!" John ran away. "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!"

"Here they are!" Jean ran in with Shipwreck, Todd, Althea and Ororo. "I sensed their distress and…Oh no!"

"Thank god!" John ran and hid behind Jean's leg. "Keep those kids away from me!"

"From you?" Hank shouted. "WHAT ABOUT US? AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Barney! Put him down!" Althea ordered. "DON'T YOU DARE PUT HIM IN YOUR MOUTH YOUNG MAN! NO! SPIT HIM OUT RIGHT NOW!"

"Little C no!" Todd tried to take Logan away from him. "That's not a toy!"

"NO! MINE! MINE!" Claudius screamed holding onto Logan tighter.

"Can't…breathe!" Logan gasped.

"Toad don't pull on Wolverine!" Jean ordered. "It's just gonna make things worse!"

"Yeah back off before he pulls me apart!" Logan screamed.

"Oh this is most unsanitary…" Hank moaned as Barney took him out of his mouth covered in drool.

"I know just how you feel," Ororo groaned.

"Storm?" John blinked at her. "Why are you dressed up like Tinkerbell?"

"It's a long story," Ororo groaned as she flew down to him. "But right now we have to get Beast and Wolverine from those two before they mangle them!"

"They're just babies," Shipwreck told them. "They don't understand. Heck I'm an adult and I don't understand!"

"You don't understand a lot of things," Althea told him. "We're gonna have to coax them to drop 'em somehow. We need some toys."

"Oh yeah! Here's one!" Todd found Barney's whiffle bat on the floor. He picked it up. "Beaky? Beak-y! Look! Here's your bat! Here's your bat! Look! See the bat?"

"Look car keys!" Shipwreck knelt down to Claudius and waved them. "Car keys! Come and get the pretty car keys! Come on kid I know you like them! You've been stealing them from me every chance you get for the past week! Tell you what, if you give me what you have in your flippers, I'll give you my keys!"

Claudius looked at the keys then went back to cuddling Logan. "TRY SOMETHING ELSE!" Logan shouted.

Barney however was now inching his way to the bat. "Okay Barney…" Todd said in a sing song voice. "Just give me Beast and you can have your bat. The bat for Beast."

However Barney grabbed the bat in one hand and kept holding onto Hank in the other. "No let go of Beast first!" Todd tugged on the bat. At this Barney started to cry very loudly. "Okay! Okay you can have the bat!" He let go.

"ARE YOU NUTS?" Hank shouted as Barney gleefully swung the bat with his other hand. "Oh great he's gonna use me as a baseball I know it!"

"BALL!" Claudius liked this idea and threw Logan into the air.

"I'M NOT A BALL!" Logan screamed. "I'M NOT A BALL! AGGGGGGHHH!"

Fortunately Ororo flew up and grabbed Logan in mid air. "Saved by a…" Logan did a double take. "Fairy Princess?"

"Shut up and let me fly," Ororo flew him to the safety of Althea's shoulder.

Meanwhile Barney had set Hank down only to chase him around with the bat and try to whack him with it. "SOMEONE HELP ME!" Hank shouted. "OW!"

Jean used her telekinesis to yank Hank out of the way and bring him to her hand. "Thanks Jean," Hank moaned.

At the loss of their toys the babies wailed. "Oh great now what do we do?" Logan held his ears.

"I've got it," Althea pulled out some cookies from a side bag she had. "Here guys! Have some cookies!" That shut them up. They took and ate them happily.

"Why didn't you do that before?" Logan shouted. "Then we wouldn't have had to go through all that!"

"Well it's your own fault for taking off in the first place!" Jean snapped.

"Oh sure blame the victims," John said.

"Storm…" Hank blinked. "Am I hallucinating due to the blows I received or are you really dressed up like Tinkerbell?"

"Yes…" Ororo gritted her teeth. "Don't ask! I just want to say it's all TOAD'S FAULT!"

"Toad dressed you up like Tinkerbell?" Logan was puzzled.

"No that was my sisters," Althea said. "But that can wait. Where's Angel?"

"Don't know," Logan said. "We lost him after we got sucked in the air vent." He looked at Ororo. "If Trinity dressed you up as Tinkerbell how could it be Toad's fault?"

"Because Toad thought I was a bug! Can we get back to the matter at hand here?" Ororo snapped. "Hasn't Forge fixed that shrink ray yet?"

"I said I was sorry!" Todd snapped. "You know it wasn't like I had any hint that you were only two inches tall or anything!"

"Three inches!" Ororo roared as she flew into Todd's face. "Not two! Three! You still should have been able to tell the difference between me and a bug!"

"You snuck up behind me!" Todd snapped. "Maybe this will teach you not to go around zapping people!"

"You did do it on purpose didn't you?" Ororo shouted.

"I did not!" Todd snapped. "But if I did do it you can't say you didn't deserve it!"

"How can you say that?" Jean yelled.

"Well maybe it was his subconscious that told him," Fred remarked as he lumbered in with a huge ice cream cone. "He really didn't ever forgive you for zapping him when he first came to the Institute, remember?"

"How could we ever forget?" Ororo snapped. "You destroyed the place!"

"You attacked me!" Todd shouted at her.

"Ugh!" Ororo reeled from Todd's shouting. "AND YOU FORGOT TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH THIS MORNING!"

"You found 'em huh?" Fred asked.

"Actually Barney and Claudius found them," Shipwreck told him.

"And we barely survived…" Hank moaned as he tried to wipe off the drool from him. "How ironic. We go against Magneto, Apocalypse and Cobra with barely a scratch yet we're nearly done in by two towering toddlers."

"You always did look down on me like you was better than me or somethin'!" Todd snapped at Ororo. "Well who's looking down on who now, huh?" He stuck his tongue out and blew her a raspberry.

"You want me to fry your tongue again?" Ororo shouted. "I can do that!"

"Okay I think its time we step back and really listen to each other," Fred intervened. "Toad you shouldn't have tried to eat Storm. Storm, you shouldn't have tried to fry Toad."

"Oh this is just the highlight of my day," Logan said sarcastically. "So where's Small and Wings?"

"Polly's got Small," Shipwreck said. "But we have no clue where Angel is."

"Well let's go find them then," Hank said.

"Right now we need to have a session with Toad and Storm about their feelings," Fred told them.

"What are you talking about bub?" Logan asked.

"Some unresolved issues are up in the air," Fred pointed to Todd and Ororo. "We really need to settle them before they fester any further."

"Fester? You actually said the word fester without referring to the Addams Family?" Hank blinked. "Blob as much as I applaud you of trying to improve yourself and recognizing the deep rooted hostility here I think it's more important…"

"I SAID I WANNA HELP TOAD AND STORM!" Fred roared in his face.

"Better do what he says," Shipwreck advised. "When he gets like this the only thing you can do is humor him."

"Yeah we'd better all sit down and get comfortable," Althea sat on a couch. "This might take a while."

"You can't be serious?" Logan yelled. Fred calmly picked him up and moved over to a couch. "He's serious…We don't have time for this!"

"Oh I think you do?" Fred grinned as he held Logan up to his face. When Logan flashed out his claws, Fred simply held him further from his face. "You couldn't hurt me with those things before. You really think you can do so now?" He plopped Logan on a couch. "Okay everyone! Let's take some cleansing breaths to start shall we?"

"We can't do this now Fred!" Jean shouted.

"What are you scared?" Todd challenged. "Afraid of some ugly truths you might see inside?"

"Jean you go ahead and go back to the search party," Althea said. "We'll take it from here."

"And leave me alone with them?" Ororo shouted. "Jean do not step one foot outside this room!"

"Oh so you are scared of me!" Todd said.

"No I'm scared I might go to prison for killing you!" Ororo snapped. "Then again no jury would convict me!"

"Ha, ha…" Todd said dryly. "I'm willing to do this but you're too chicken!"

"Why you little…" Ororo growled.

"Buckaw…" Todd made chicken noises. "Buck-Buck-Buckaw!"

"Oh that is it!" Ororo snapped. "Fine! Bring it on! I can handle this!"

"Good cause I can't…" Hank moaned.

"Don't worry Mr. McCoy," Fred nodded. "I'll get to you as soon as I'm done with these two."

"I wonder if I can make it to the air vent again…" Logan groaned.

Next: We learn what happened to Mr. Small and Warren. And will Lockheed ever put the Professor down? Will Fred be able to bring Todd and Ororo together or will he make things worse? And what else can go wrong today? Find out next crazy time, same crazy place!