His True Love

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Sixteen – Flowers = Impulse

 DONATELLO:

 I wanted to give Jen a few days for some private time knowing that after waking old memories she might not be up to having company and might prefer some quiet time. Due to my concern though about how she was handling the situation, I did end up calling her a few times to ensure she was all right and didn't need any thing.

I let her know that I was thinking about her, and that was no lie for I was thinking about her far more now then ever. I also assured her that if she needed me for any thing that she would call, other then that I gave her the space I felt she needed to have.

Finally I decided I had waited long enough and it was time to let her know my feelings, I figured what Leo had said made a lot of sense and I sure didn't want to lose her.

It still amazed me to no end how much I missed her even over the course of a few days absence I guessed that was only proof of how much Jen had come to mean to me in my life.

I arrived at her place early in the evening I wanted to be sure of having a chance of talking when both of us were awake and aware of what we were saying and thinking. I didn't want to wake her so we could have a serious talk.

Jen opened the balcony door to my gentle knocking, she unlocked it and I entered her living room.

" I'm glad to see you Don, I thought I might have frightened you off."

" Frighten me off?" I asked incredulously, " Why would you think that?"

Jen just shook her head and said " Never mind."

I took my hand from behind my back and offered her the package of flowers I had picked up for her they were wrapped in paper and tied with a ribbon.

Jen smiled as she took the gift from my hands, one finger reached into the paper to caress a rose petal she ducked her head blushing a little " Thank you I better go put these in water."

I followed her through the living room and into the kitchen moving silently behind her as she reached up into a corner cupboard I wrapped my arms around her waist in a gentle hug " You really think you frightened me away?" I asked gently.

" Some guys Don might have problems accepting the fact that I was married once before" Jen replied simply.

" So it isn't like you are still married. You are divorced and free to be with who you want to be with."

" Yeah well there is also the little fact about the secret that I have kept from you for so long. Whose to say what other secrets I might keep from you now or in the future" Jen remarked in an off hand fashion.

She pulled away from my hug and took the three steps or so across the kitchen floor to where the sink was to fill the vase with water before unwrapping the roses and arranging them in the vase along with the bits of fern and baby breath.

I wondered if she was in no mood for company even now.

" Jen we all have our own secrets from the past some of them we might wish to share and others have helped to shape us into who we are now. None of us have the right to demand a full account of someone else and what they have been through, that is something that should only be given freely." I looked at her there was something in her stance that told me she was not quite her usual self.

For the moment I assumed that her old memories were having trouble going back to where ever it was they had been dredged from and I was glad that I had taken the time to stop by.

" I just thought you needed a bit of time alone Jen" I explained.

She turned to face me " I have had more then enough time to deal with and adjust to the loss of my marriage, my child and who knows what all else. It was you I wasn't sure about Don." She announced.

I had a feeling she was irritated though I wasn't sure why, if she had accepted the past then what was bothering her?

Jen strode towards the table to set the vase in the center her posture was stiff and her movements slightly jerky and awkward looking.

" Jen just what is going on here? I told you I would come if you wanted me." I declared confused and puzzled at her behaviour.

Jen whirled around her hands on her hips " Sure Don come and just feel uncomfortable and awkward because you don't know what to say. I'm tired of those meaningless platitudes that every one gives when they found out I lost Nicole." She snapped her eyes were hard " Now you are probably going just blow me off because you don't know what to say and it is all so uncomfortable so it will be far easier to say we're not right for each other and go our separate ways." Jen took a deep breath and I saw her dark eyes filling with tears.

Now I understood she thought I didn't want to come over for fear of being uncomfortable with the new information about her, she most likely hadn't wanted to call me here but instead wanted to give me time to accept and come to grips with the situation. Now she felt that I was here to say goodbye to her and end our relationship once and for all.

I wondered how long or often she had been tormented with the guilt of having mentioned the whole mess in the first place probably regretting opening her mouth and revealing the secret she had told me.

Suddenly I felt like a first rate heel for not coming over and checking on her. I thought giving her, her space and respecting her privacy more important.

" Well I did come here to say something but that isn't it" I murmured gently.

" But the flowers, and you came earlier then normal. I figured you had a few days to think about what I said and now…" Jen shrugged and lapsed into silence. I could see she was fighting back the tears trying not to cry.

So I was right in my thinking, of course I was finding it easy to read Jen's emotions when I was around her, which probably helped a great deal.

" Jen don't go jumping to conclusions" I chided her gently as I went and took her into my arms " I came early because I missed you and I wanted to see you very much. In fact I realized on my way over here how much you have come to mean to me in these past few years."
I hugged her close and kissed her then stared into her watery eyes " I don't want to lose you Jen the roses I bought for you ought to tell you that."

" Roses and their meanings about the only one I do know is red is love." Jen replied.

" Yes. One red rose for you and more." I agreed.

" I take it you know the meaning of the other three then?" Jen asked.

" Of course that is why I picked those colours for you specifically Jen. The dark purple one is actually a dyed rose so it has no true meaning. I just like to think it represents me as it is the colour of my bandanna."

Jen laughed a bit and tugged on the tails of my bandanna with one hand " And the others are part of what you are feeling for me?" she hazard a quick guess.

I nodded agreement " I would have picked one to represent you but I couldn't seem to find one that I felt could equal you in any way."

She gave me a leery glance as if she expected me to be joking though I was being serious about it.

I had taken some time to check into the different flowers, especially roses and what their meanings were so when it came time to choose I could easily pick the ones that I wanted over ones that might not mean as much. Roses were pretty to look at and had a beautiful scent, I was aware of that as Mike often bought roses for Rama as a special treat for her, and I appreciated the fact that they had meanings as well.

" Yes Jennifer I needed time to absorb what you had told me about your life before coming to New York. I'm sorry you lost so much but condolences mean little when they are only trite words. I consider myself lucky to know you and have you in my life, what happened to you before matters to me because it matters to you" I smiled at her " It doesn't change my feelings for you."

" Really Don?" Jen inquired almost hopefully as if she didn't dare believe what I was saying.

" If you doubt it look at the three roses I bought for you to go with the purple one."

She looked at the vase at the yellow, the white and the red. " So just what are you trying to tell me Don?" Jen wondered.

" The yellow rose is joy or gladness it represents how happy I am that you came into my life. It also means friendship and we have started as friends, been friends for a very long time now, I hope that we can maintain that."

" Two years is a good time really." Jen admitted.

I could tell she was starting to relax as her doubts vanished with a little help.

" Yellow also means remember me and that I care. I do care about you a great deal and I hope that you remember me when I'm not around you just as I think of you." I whispered in her ear.

Jen smiled and leaned into my embrace " I think I like yellow roses."

" I'd be careful," I cautioned her, " for the yellow rose can also represent jealousy though it doesn't in this particular instance."

" Isn't the white rose supposed to mean innocence and purity?" Jen asked.

" Well these are representations of my feelings," I reminded her.

 " You ought to know that after being married and having a child I can't be classified as either of those things." Jen disputed.

" There are many forms of innocence and purity it doesn't necessarily have to be in that sense," I stated, " however the white rose is also for secrecy. It says I can keep a secret and I promise I will keep yours Jen."

Jen turned in my arms to kiss me " I can keep your secrets too." She vowed.

" You have all ready," I admitted honestly. " The white rose can also mean reverence and I do admire you Jen."

" Admire me? Come on Don I have done very little to earn your respect or awe for that matter." Jen scoffed a bit.

" No? How about the fact you accepted me for who I am? Or that in spite of the trouble you have faced you found the strength to go on instead of permitting yourself to wallow in depression." I gave her a few examples then let a mischievous grin cross my face " Of course there is the little fact that you are the only person I met who can teach me a thing or two about computers."

Jen laughed, " Ah ha so that is the truth of it huh Don?"

I chuckled and nuzzled her neck " There is one more thing the white rose says. I am worthy of you and I can only hope that you feel that way for me as I hope that you do."

" Wow all of that?" Jen said in a low astonished tone.

I nodded agreement.

" And the red rose means you love me" Jen claimed her eyes starting to glow.

" The red rose also has other meanings though love is the one it is most often connected to" I corrected her.

" Oh so you don't" Jen gave me a slightly crest fallen look.

" The red rose can mean respect and courage. I admire your courage and I do respect you for who you are."
Jen pursed her lips and looked at me as if waiting for something more.

I tried to hide a smile " Yes I do love you Jen. I have to know if you are sure about me, and what you feel for me. Being in our lives is not going be easy for you by any stretch of the imagination."
" I'm aware of that Don. You have told me enough and I have seen you after battle a few times. I just can't ignore what I have been feeling for you, for some time now, and I knew if I was going be honest with my feelings, I'd have to let you know what happened before as well."  Jen assured me and took my hand to lead me over to the love seat. " I didn't know if you felt that way for me Don or I felt that if you accept any feelings for me you would pull this noble routine and disappear on me." She admitted.

I grimaced in some ways I had been considering doing just that " Well I did think about it I felt it wouldn't be fair to ask you to give up that part of your life."

" Rather both of us are miserable alone instead?" Jen asked, " Look Don I admit it might not work between us but I would like to have the chance to find out."

" Two years is a long time to get to know one another but Jen there is still a great deal we have to consider and think about first." I stated.

" It is that way in almost every relationship Don, there are uncertainties on both sides, and there is give and take. I've been there before so I know what is to be expected" Jen refuted my words as if to say ' so what else is new?'

I gazed into her face " You really want to try with me?" I asked hardly daring to believe.

" Very much so Don. As I said the other night I want our relationship to go further. I admit I'm a little scared afraid it will fail like my last one, but I don't want to pass up the chance due to my fear."

I sensed her sincerity, her desire to make things work this time. I realized I wanted the same thing to try and to make things work no matter what it took to do so.

I took her hand in mine and gave them a tender squeeze as I looked deep into her eyes, I felt compelled to say something along the line of 'we could work some thing out.' Instead what came out was far different from what I had intended on saying.

" Jen would you be willing to marry me?" It was said almost all in one breath tumbling from my mouth before I could halt it. It was an impulse saying if I had ever spoken one, and I wasn't sure why it had to come just now.

Before I could retract my words or correct them in any way Jen had all ready replied with a yes!

Suddenly I had to wonder what I had gotten myself into I wasn't normally impulsive I left that to Raph. I wished that I could ninja kick myself because I felt I truly needed it because I couldn't go back now.

TBC