His True Love

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Author's Note: Not a lot of talking in this chapter but please note Raph's inner voice will be written out like this to differentiate it from the rest of his thoughts.

Lenni: Be patient a couple more chapters and then Rama will start playing a bigger role in this story.

To Dnacingfae and Lenni: For my upcoming Rama anniversary story I wrote up a small author insertion bit you two appear in it as well as a few other author's who have reviewed often. Please let me know whether you mind or not, if you don't want me to then your name will not be used. Just let me know in review is fine Thanks. Ramica.

Chapter Seventeen – Inner Turmoil

RAPHAEL:

Try as I could I wasn't able to get Sara out of my mind I eventually donned my disguise and headed topside heading towards Central Park and some of the less traveled trails where I could walk and hopefully clear all the junk that had moved into my head.

There was nothing between Sara and I so I didn't know why everyone kept insisting that there was. Hell it was easy to see Don was gone for Jen but you didn't see me starin' all sappy and moony eyed over Sara. There was a good reason for that there was nothing between us now.

A little inner voice seemed to whisper to me then Yeah but you'd like there to be wouldn't ya?

What difference would it make? What would it really matter in the long run? We were I guess friends and that was okay enough. I did like some aspects of Sara even I could admit to that.

I had to like the fact that she had spirit, and a strong desire to not back down or give up when things got a little tough or rocky on her. I also liked the fact she had never shown any fear of me not from the first, nor was she easily intimidated.

Unlike Leo Sara wasn't the type to get into a yelling match or power trip she seemed to use a bit of reason, and then would stand back giving me room to come to my own decision about circumstances. Though in a true yellin' match she wasn't afraid to stand her ground and speak her piece.

There was no lectures, no guilt trips, which was fine by me because I got enough of that in my life thanks to Leo and or Splinter, though usually it was far more Leo then Splinter. Truth be known I didn't mind Splinter when he did it but Leo just rubbed me the wrong way when he got started.

Come on you'd really like to have a chance with her. The voice stated the obvious.

Sure a chance maybe, but what good would it do me? I mean Sara had a pretty good idea of where she was heading in life and how she was going get there. I all ready had a fairly good idea of how willing she was to stick to her guns.

Knowing her she probably had some big plan of marrying some rich doctor who could give her everything.

Won't know for sure unless you ask.

Yeah right! I was supposed to lay it on the line to be rejected. Even if Sara did it nicely I didn't think I could bear it. I didn't take rejection well. Why should I open myself up to be hurt? I had enough rejection to deal with in my life I didn't have to go looking for it.

Besides Sara her self had as much as told me that I couldn't have her.

Sure she had done it in a joking fashion, when she spoke of me not being able to afford her and things like that but I was pretty sure that alone proved what I'd be in for when or if I dared tell her.

Far as I knew she was out of my range no matter how I looked at it. It would be a waste of my time and hers.

Then there would be all the awkwardness and embarrassment that could only follow such rejection. So why the hell would I even want to bother with all that?

I groaned I just didn't, couldn't dare to think or hope to have her in my life. She had places to go, things to do, people to see and a whole life to live. Probably big plans for her future, that didn't include hanging around in the sewers with a bunch of mutants.

I was a nothing a nobody. A shadow of the night seen out of the corner of the eye but when you look full on not even there. I didn't come from the bad side of the streets I came from under them, which was even worse.

Hell, I might deserve someone in my life and it irritated me to no end that I might be the only one of my brothers to be always alone. I was jealous of Don and what he had with Jen dammit!

Problem was I knew if my looks didn't scare off any sane person my attitude would.

I wasn't about to change just to get a woman in my life either. Hell if they couldn't accept me for who I was and how I acted then who the heck needed them?

I sighed I might not need all woman but one would be nice and Sara in many ways seemed far more suited to me then any other guest we had in our home over the years. I just didn't know if I wanted or even dared to risk putting my life on the line bearing every thing, making myself vulnerable.

I realized a long time ago that it was a dog eat dog world and one thing I had learned early on, that I was often reminded of quite frequently was it didn't pay to be weak or appear vulnerable for that was when the wolves that lay in wait would attack.

The weak died plain and simple. Even in nature that was the way of things the weak died and the strong survived.

The harder and tougher you were the better chance you had of making it through life, to admit to such feelings could only open the door to a lot of trouble and regret.

You ain't nothing but a coward! The inner voice mocked me.

I wished I could silence it like I silenced so much else in my life but I found that inner voice harder to silence or ignore then Leo when he was in mid lecture.

COWARD! Like hell I never ran from a fight. I hated it whenever Leo ordered a strategic retreat. Turn tail and run was not in my vocabulary. I preferred to have the odds to be against me it presented a challenge.

Besides if I was going die in battle and that was the most likely way for me to go, then what better way to die then battling against overwhelming odds and taking down as many of them as I could?

Nothing could beat a worthy challenge and a good knock down winner takes all fight for survival. It was way better then a six pack and a game on TV any day of the week.

If it is a worthy fight and a challenge you want why not see if you can gain Sara's love the voice piped up then I swore it laughed at me Oh wait! I forgot you don't like her.

I paused listening to the silence of the trees, the wind rustling the leaves a bit above me. No I did like her, liked her quite a bit actually. I felt for her possibly even was starting to love her. That was a scary yet exhilarating realization to come to.

You don't have a lot of time Raph. It is only a few more weeks until the court case and she might leave after that. The voice reminded me gently.

LEAVE!?

That thought hit me hard, so hard I found myself suddenly leaning against a tree gasping for air and shaking slightly.

Sara couldn't leave not without knowing how I felt for her, not that I cared to open myself to being weak or being rejected but I knew that my time might be short and if I was to make her mine I couldn't afford to waste it. Once she was out of our home she could very well decide to cut all ties with us. We had others who had disappeared never to contact us again after returning topside.

I didn't know a damn thing about romance, or even about relationships with the fairer sex.

Right now yeah the odds were drastically against me but once she left the odds would go from drastic to a snowballs chance in hell of making it.

Not only that Sara might very well be the only woman who was willing to put up with me.

No guts, no glory there was a challenge like no other before me, and the thrill of the chase. If I won I could very well win everything. If I lost I would be no worse off then I was right now though my pride and my ego might need a little mending and I'd be impossible to live with for a few days. The family was used to that they could deal with it again.

Suddenly the thought of her rejecting me just didn't seem as bad as it had at first, in fact it seemed the lesser of two evils at the moment.

I didn't stop to think about all the reasons why I could be turned down. I didn't stop to get bogged down in the worries of if I wasn't right for her or any of that other B.S.

I wasn't exactly sure what I would say to Sara but I knew I had to say it and do it now before I turned turtle and hid in my shell for the rest of my life. I knew at the very least I could be honest and I figured after her time of hooking that she had probably dealt with a lot of weird humans in her life perhaps a mutant aggressive turtle wouldn't look so bad to her.

I returned to the lair to find Sara watching a movie on the living room couch no one else seemed to be around and that suited me just fine. If I was going embarrass myself I would rather do it without family around.

She glanced my way as I shrugged out of my coat " You look like your bursting at the seams with something Raph." She commented casually.

I looked at her and found a smile coming to my face unbidden " Sara you know what I said earlier?"

" About what?" She inquired her brow furrowed.

" In the dojo our talk" I snapped a bit feeling frustrated. Don't tell me she had forgotten it all ready?

" Oh you mean our talk about how I shouldn't wait for the bus any more?" Sara asked sweetly.

" I've done some thinking," I admitted.

She got up off the couch and walked towards me one hand reaching up to scratch at her nose with a single finger while the other fingers almost covered the grin on her face. When she lowered her hand there was no sign of the grin anywhere.

" Did it do you any good?" Sara wondered.

No sarcastic retort or biting remark, which I knew she was fully capable of, just a simple question.

" I found out I do care for you" I admitted a bit hesitantly feeling a little flustered it wasn't an easy thing to say or admit to. But I had said it!

Sara strolled over to me and rested one hand against my plastron as she smiled up at me. I thought I had never seen anything quite as beautiful as her smile at that moment.

" It's a start. But you can't let your feelings get in the way of what I do Raph."

I blinked in surprise I had been half expecting her to say she cared about me or something a long that line. I personally had to know what I was up against did I really stand a chance with her or not?

" Sara do you feel any thing for me?" I demanded both dreading and anticipating the answer. I feared the negative reply and I hoped against all hope and reason for a positive response. Even an indifferent response I might be able to work with.

Sara laughed and I found my heart plummeting within me sure that she was going tell me what an idiot I was for considering such a thing. I found myself suddenly holding my breath.

" I feel a great deal for you Raphael," she breathed out softly her breath warm against my skin. " Ever since that attack that night when you let me go back to work even though you probably knew it wasn't the best choice to make you did it for me because I asked." Sara shrugged and glanced away before returning her gaze to mine " Like I said before when you were ready to stop denying what you felt we might be able to get somewhere."

I let out my breath form the sounds of it I stood a better then average chance at this moment.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her. Sara returned the kiss eagerly enough her arms sliding around my neck as she deepened the kiss and pressed her body close to mine.

The heat of her body pressed close, the feel of her warm skin and the passion and intensity of that kiss told me all I really needed to know.

For that one brief moment in time I was pretty damned sure I found a piece of heaven on Earth.

" Uncle Raphael, Uncle Raphael!" Ramiela's high excited yell and exuberant shout interrupted our kiss.

I looked up glowering darkly at my niece and her timing in disturbing us. I wasn't amused in the least and couldn't help growling at her " What ever it is forget it!"

" But…" Ramiela began.

" I'm busy bugger off" I snapped at her.

Ramiela scowled at me then pouted a bit before stomping off towards her bedroom.

I returned to the interrupted kiss trying to pick up where we left off but Sara suddenly didn't seem into it as she had been before.

" What the mood broken?" I asked irked even further at Ramiela.

" Sort of I guess. You could have at least asked her what she wanted Raph" Sara stated.

" She is a kid." I emphasized.

" Yes, and she loves you very much. Perhaps it was something important to her that she wanted to tell you" Sara pointed out delicately.

" Ramiela doesn't know the meaning of important she is seven years old" I told Sara frustrated and wondering what Sara was trying to get at.

" You are her favourite Uncle and a child's view of what is important might be different from ours but it only takes a moment of your time to make her feel that what is important to her is important to you too." Sara took my hand and squeezed it gently as she stepped out of my embrace " Caring about others means considering their feelings as well as your own. I think we need to talk far more then do other things."

DAMN! Personally I would have preferred other things over talking but it didn't look like I had much of a choice.

I had to wonder what was all so fired important that Ramiela couldn't have waited to tell me later.

TBC