Adjustment – Part XIX
Wesley walked through the halls of Wolfram & Hart just as the early bloomers were starting to arrive to begin another day of work. He walked as he always did when he felt this way – the walk could be described… the emotion can't. He held his cup of tea in one hand and under and on the other were numerous files with heaps of paper carefully organized within each. He walked past Harmony's secretarial desk as he did every morning just to have his first smile of the day. Usually as he passed the empty desk at seven o'clock in the morning, which should contain Angel's, slightly irresponsible and always fashionable late, secretary a smile came to his lips.
This morning was different though. He passed the desk just the same but the effect didn't take place inside of him. He felt differently – Faith was here. He wasn't sure of many things when the subject matter was relevant to Faith; all except for one thing. He knew that presently, although he felt differently with her around, it wasn't a bad feeling. He was Faith's Watcher and deep down inside he knew, he loved her. He had watched her through so much… he had fallen short so many times when he could have caught her and helped her keep from slipping… but he admitted it, there were several shortcomings in his career with her. He knew her at a time in her life when she was her sickest. He remembered just thinking of her as, 'a sick, sick girl…' and there wasn't anything he knew of that could ever change that.
Wesley was aware of his courage when he was at Sunnydale. He wasn't a liar, he could admit that he wasn't scared of too much… But he would also admit, Faith had deeply and truly terrified him. Being at her mercy and having her take absolutely none on him was just an experience he would never forget – he would never look at another single human being the same way ever again.
Fate. It was something Faith had challenged him to question during a dark time in her life. Was all of this just a matter of Fate? As he watched the mangled, hurt, and it could even possibly be said, destroyed girl who had nothing but herself in this world, or at least that's how she felt. Faith could stir up emotions in him better than anyone could but he knew for sure, right now he was proud of her. She had been through more than most people could ever live through and as soon as he called on her… like a Watcher should to his Slayer, she responded and did as much as she could do to do his request. She had gone to Sunnydale and now she was back… the reason was still unclear, but it was obvious to him that she had an emptiness about her that she usually never had. There was a gap that seemed to stand around her like a moat that no one would ever dare cross.
Wesley sat behind his desk in his office leaving the door ajar as he usually did until around quarter to nine when people would begin to really bustle around, then he would succumb to the noise and close himself away from all of the people he had claimed he was there to help. He sipped at his tea and noted he hadn't put enough sugar in it. His expression must've shown his slight displeasure in quite a comical way. He settled down into his chair to prepare for what the day would bring. Around here it was never quite sure – government officials, rowdy office workers, unhappy clients, potential demonic clientele, and who knows, maybe even an apocalypse.
The phone rang in a way that seemed to mock him. He was sure it would bring bad news, or at least news that would make it so he'd have to leave his chair, but yet the phone sang it's call happily. He picked up the receiver and greeted,
"Hello, this is-… Ah, yes, hello… Oh, I didn't even know you were gone… is everything alright?... Not a problem… Cheers."
He hung up the phone and tried to begin on his paper work. He busied himself for a duration of time that he couldn't judge the length of before he looked up from his desk. His eyes wandered through his office doorway and out onto the hallway of office workers. He took another sip from his tea and he finally was given his first smile of the day which had been denied to him earlier. A soft smile spread about his features as he watched Faith walking through the medley of office workers, all completely different looking, different species, not to mention all going in different directions and at different speeds.
The first object of his humor was the clear contrast between everyone's attire against hers. The majority of workers were in suits or professional dresses with their carefully dried, combed, and styled hair: either in a neat and almost slicked back bun for the ladies, or the closely cut and gelled short cuts for the men. Faith walked directly through this sea of people making them stop in their tracks to accommodate her pace and direction. She appeared as though she had slept in the clothes she was wearing – a ribbed, white, men's underwear tank top and a pair of sweatpants that looked to have paint stains on them and were cut off by a scissor about half way up the shin. Her hair was messy and thrown to the side of her head with a stray clip leaving several strands directly in her face.
The second part that brought him humor was the makeup. All of the workers had spent much time to apply their makeup in a way to make it look like they hadn't put any on but in reality it had taken much more to appear that way. Faith had smeared, black eye makeup that must've been put on a day and a half before the way it looked. It strangely didn't make her look bad at all, Wesley had to note, it just made her look tired. Although initially it was something he had found humor in, he remembered the last time he had seen Faith looking so tired… not something he wished to live through again. It didn't so much worry him as much as sadden him that she might be close to that again.
Wesley realized he must've been working for quite some time seeing that Harmony was now stationed at her desk. Faith stopped briefly there…
"Excuse me," Harmony chimed in as Faith walked towards Angel's office door before talking with her first. "Excuse me, you can't go in there…"
"Yeah I can," Faith answered quickly.
"Do you have an appointment?"
"Wow, Angel's a stuck up business man now, isn't he?"
"You can't go in there without an appointment," Harmony stated again.
"I have one," Faith answered holding a completely straight face.
"Oh really?" Harmony asked, immediately changing her tone. "Well, I'm sorry, you know, sometimes a girl just gets too busy to write things down… Angel gets so mad! I mean, give a girl a break, these nails," she said holding them up for show, "they're high maintenance!"
Faith offered a smile then abruptly walked away from Harmony and into Angel's office. The chick was lucky she didn't just receive a stake to the heart. As she had been walking to go into the office she felt a vamp walking up behind her and she was just about to grab the stake she had on her just under her waist band of her sweat pants.
"And I thought Sunnydale was weird…" she muttered as she walked into Angel's office. He wasn't there, which she thought was odd, but she didn't think too much of it. It was too early for her to have much comprehensive thought – anyone but Angel's bimbo secretary would've called her extremely delayed bluff about having an appointment.
She walked over to Angel's desk and glanced down at the papers that were on it trying to busy her mind on something. Without a seconds hesitation she sat down behind his desk and propped her feet up on the desk. Looking out on the city of Los Angeles was a thrill in itself… it was wicked cool. She leaned back comfortably into the overstuffed leather chair and let herself drift off slightly. She hadn't gotten much sleep that night, obviously by the look of her, because even though she hadn't talked much on the subject with Angel, after he left, not to mention quite upset, there was little else on her mind for the rest of the night. It kind of worried her that the last she had seen of Angel he was that upset and now he wasn't here but she wasn't going to let herself stress about another thing on top of everything else. Obviously he hadn't been outwardly upset in front of her, but she saw right through his strong, broody personality and saw that he was… well, upset!
She hadn't told him everything… it would've taken forever, not to mention that she probably wouldn't have lived through talking through it all. She had only talked enough for Angel to know for sure what had happened before it became obvious that he wanted to leave. He hadn't come in prepared for what was in store for him and the way he was acting made it obvious that he would prefer to learn more information when he was better prepared to handle the details. But it was definitely those details that remained in her mind all night that stole her sleep away from her.
As she sat in the nice leather seat – a seat that reminded her of sitting in a hot muscle car waiting to rip away at over a hundred miles an hour. The sun was shining but she couldn't feel it – probably because of the special glass – but there must've been some artificial heat source that tried to imitate the sun's heat. She stared out the window at the city beneath and at the clouds that rolled by at will. She had been trying to push the details of Xander out of her head all night long, and feeling that since it was daytime with the sun out, she was somehow safe from the pain that the memories might cause, she allowed herself to fade into them as she stared only at the window. She wasn't about to let herself turn into Buffy over this – there was no reason she couldn't remember the awesome parts of it, just cause it 'was wrong'. That wasn't her style and she had lost enough – she wasn't about to put that last ounce of herself on the line.
*She ran her fingertips slowly up and down the crease in the middle of Xander's chest running from his throat down to, well… She was lying on top of him with her head rested partly on his chest and her hair running onto his shoulder. She lazily fondled his chest with her fingertips as a soft way to wake him up. They had spent the entire night together… it had been one of the first times Faith had let herself be completely and totally in love with him and show him all night long. It was during the unfortunately short time between when Faith was allowing him in and before he began to completely shut her out. Each had their own defense mechanisms, but that wasn't what she was concerned with in this daydream.
He showed her that he had woken up by gently running his fingertips up and down her upper arm, which was hooked behind his head lying between the bed and the back of his neck. His touch was so gentle and affected her so much that goose-bumps quickly spread on the surface of her arm, almost before she even realized he was touching her. He felt her smile against his skin then soon after felt her lips caress his skin with soft kisses on his neck. He smiled and grabbed her waist. She lifted her upper-body and looked down into his eyes sharing in his warm smile.
'I could just look at you forever,' he admitted wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her down closer to him.
'Forever?' she asked doubtingly.
'Forever…' he assured her with a smile. 'I wish I could have you that long.' With that she leaned down to him and kissed him deeply running her tongue along his – not in the way she did sometimes – but in a way that was soft and sensual, yielding herself completely to him. She finally lifted her lips away from his – just separating the two by mere centimeters.*
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Wesley looked up from his desk again, probably the fifth time in the last, say minute… He couldn't help but let out a boyish giggle as he saw Faith sit down at Angel's desk. She seemed to sit there quite comfortably. He would've gone in and told her Angel was out and had just called in and probably wouldn't be in till tomorrow or the next day, but the scene was too cute to pass up. Watching her was like watching a child playing in their father's office pretending to be like him, except in a far more… Faith, way.
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*How they had managed to actually get out of bed that morning was an amazing feat that both of them never thought they were going to be able to accomplish. When one of them actually got up enough enthusiasm to stand up, the other usually used their enthusiasm to kiss the other and therefore thwart any plans they had at moving. But in the end they both prevailed and managed to stumble into the kitchen while still fawning over each other. As they walked they walked together, it was quite a cute sight.
Fairly sure that no one was awake or moving about yet in the house they were comfortable showing their affection for each other outside of the bedroom. Xander had his arms wrapped around Faith's waist tightly as she walked with him holding his arm inside of both of hers. She had never done anything like that with anyone. The fact that she was even actually talking with someone after spending the night together… that was amazing in and of itself! But they were together. Like really together… it was the best feeling she had ever had before. She had someone and she belonged to someone. She had someone who loved her and wanted to take care of her. It was really never something she had before.
They walked into the kitchen and Xander began to pour a cup of coffee. Faith stood next to him with her head resting on his shoulder fairly sure the cup of coffee was going to be for her. It was in the cup that she usually grabbed and he was fixing it like she liked it. She watched him passively as she rested against him. After stirring the mixture together and putting the spoon back in the sink he picked up the mug. Becoming a little more unsure Faith watched him, assuming he would offer her the cup. Jokingly he brought the cup by her lips and then over to his where he sipped at it.
'Hey, that's mine,' she whined.
'No,' he defended playfully as he held the cup out of her reach. 'It's mine…'
Kennedy watched the playful event from the steps and couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her features as she watched the undeniable cuteness that these two had together. They had a deep connection with each other but they were also able to have the cute things too… it was pretty close to amazing for her.
'Fine,' Faith feigned, turning away like she wasn't interested anymore. Xander stepped closer to her to retrieve her good humor and an even bigger smile spread across his face as she quickly spun around and grabbed the cup out of his hands and was running across the kitchen drinking before he could even smile.
'No fair, slayer advantage!' he defended running after her.
'No such thing,' she claimed as she sipped at the coffee mockingly again. She maneuvered her way around the kitchen keeping a table or a chair between her and Xander so that she could have the maximum drinking time with the minimum running time. Both were laughing uncontrollably – it was amazing to Xander that Faith was still able to drink the coffee so quickly while she was laughing like that. Kennedy found it hard not to laugh from her perch where she was watching from, but she forced it with her hand over her mouth wanting to be able to watch them and not get caught.
Xander decided to use the same tactic Faith had and he returned to the counter appearing defeated and filling another cup of coffee. Faith approached him, still very cautiously, knowing there was no way he had just let her win. She walked up to him holding the cup (that was now sufficiently empty) as far behind her as she could pretending it was still something he might want to get from her. She touched his arm delicately with her body and let out a quick whimper as he spun around, grabbing her around her waist and pushing her playfully against the wall. She smiled back at him and held up the empty mug proudly. He leaned his face forward to look down into the mug and instead of looking in it he quickly pushed forward again and kissed her. She kissed him back through a wide smile.
He parted his lips from hers and motioned to back up a step to allow her off of the wall he had pushed her up against. She quickly grabbed his lower back with her hand and held him close to her. A sparkle seemed to rush through her entire body and he needed to kiss her again, and again, and again.
'Don't…' she pleaded as he tried to move away. He smiled brightly back at her,
'You know, we did just spend an entire night together…' he teased. 'You better be careful, some people might start to think you actually have a thing for me…' He motioned carefully for her to look behind her to where he was looking, which she did and she got a quick glance at Kennedy already heading back up the stairs thinking she avoided getting spotted. Faith turned back to Xander with a smile,
'We spent the *whole* night together?' she asked mischievously.
'Yes we did,' he answered proudly.
'That's funny… I already forgot,' she teased as she stepped back slightly leaving just small enough of a gap between them for him to realize how much he never wanted to stop touching her. 'You might just have to remind me again,' she added taking another small step back. He took a large step forward towards her and kissed her again running his hands down the sides of her waist and over her hips. Even he was surprised when Faith skillfully raised her legs under his hands and ended up straddling his waist with him holding her up. She leaned down to him now and kissed him passionately. He held her tightly up against him and squeezed her ass as she rocked herself against him rhythmically pushing her breasts slightly into his face as she did. His breath quickly accelerated and he asked,
'Here?'
'As long as it's now,' she answered in a tone that was almost desperate. As much as she could get him going, he could get her going just as much, which was almost more of an accomplishment.
'Now?' he asked teasingly.
'Yeah,' she whined. She couldn't believe he could still be joking around and even though she was only being held up by him she could barely keep her thoughts straight. She was close to panting as she moved against him slowly and kissed his lips. She teased his lips between hers and then pulled his lower one out with her teeth. Finally releasing it she soothed it by running her tongue over it gently then kissed it softly before again pulling at it.
She didn't even know what he was doing – she even ventured to think that he was just standing there and loving what she was doing but not doing anything himself. She wanted him so badly though that she couldn't move him along, scared she might just melt if she did anything but kiss him.
'Xander,' she panted, now close to complaining that he hadn't done anything to make her less antsy, but as his name left her lips he slid her baggy boxer shorts, or more correctly, his boxer shorts that she was wearing, to the side and slid into her slowly as he held her up with her back leaning against the wall. She almost screamed from pleasure but somehow curbed herself knowing the entire house would immediately be down there either to see if everything was alright or knowing exactly what was going on. It didn't bother her much either way – give the kids a few pointers maybe…
Xander almost lost himself right on contact that time – the feeling of her surprise but extreme pleasure and the fact that this position had been something he had only dreamed about. He was holding her as he loved her – it was definitely a major ego boost for him and she knew it and was getting off on it. He slid slowly in and out of her squeezing her closer to him with each stroke with his hands as he breathed hot air onto her breasts which were just under eye level. She was resting her head next to his and panted in his ear as she muttered sweet nothings as she was completely taken away by what he was doing to her.
The high emotional state both of them were in due to the night before and their fairly new comfort level with all of this, not to mention the thrill of the moment and the fact that anyone could walk in at any moment caused the euphoric love they were making to last for only a short while. As he neared the edge, which Faith was not far from herself, he lifted his face up to look into her shining eyes. Only her strength could be thanked for the following – feeling she was securely in place he lifted his hands away from her hips that were holding her up and placed his hands against the wall on either side of her head. She held herself on him by easily holding herself up by squeezing her thighs around his waist. Now leaning against her and with his hands planted firmly on the wall he stared into her gorgeous face and whispered,
'I love you so much,' then he leaned further forward and kissed her lovingly. She wrapped both arms around his head as she kissed him – it was like everything she had left went into kissing him. As he emptied inside of her she lowered her head and grabbed his earlobe between her teeth and gently nipped at it.
'Oh my god,' Xander gasped quietly.
'Goddess is more like it,' Faith teased as he lowered her back down to her feet. She held his shoulders for stability, taking a moment to regain her footing. She leaned forward and kissed him lovingly as she fixed the appearance of his pants for him, sliding them back where they belonged. As she left his lips she heard footsteps entering the kitchen and she glanced over his shoulder nonchalantly to see Giles and Buffy both entering the kitchen slowly, having noticed the two of them standing suspiciously in the corner.
'Good timing,' Xander praised with a whisper, knowing Faith had pulled his pants up just in time.
'I know,' she answered with a smile before kissing him again.
'Good morning,' Buffy greeted suspiciously.
'Tell me about it,' Faith answered with a smirk as she walked back over to the counter and fixed herself another cup of coffee.*
Faith came back to reality, if that's what people called Wolfram & Hart… she glanced down at the desk again looking for anything interesting that could possibly get her mind off of Xander. It was over – and as much as she tried to just think about the awesome sex they could have, it was so much more than that. She couldn't make herself do what Xander did – she couldn't just pretend it didn't mean anything, because for the first time in her life it actually did. Denying that would just nullify everything she felt and she knew if she did that she would never be able to think about anything being more than just fake.
She did however have a huge conflict battling constantly in her mind. She believed everything Xander said – she didn't lie to him and she'd like to think that he never lied to her. All the times he told her how he felt… if she thought it was all a lie she didn't think there was anyway she could keep on breathing. He may not know how completely she had needed him but she knew it. The way she felt going back to Sunnydale and everything; she felt like a rock that had just been weathered too much and was crumbling from the inside out. He got there just barely before the outside walls began to crack… it's probably why he was able to get in. The way he said he felt about her, the way he made her feel – if she couldn't believe in those words that pulled her out of that hole she was falling into then she might as well be at the bottom of the dark pit. But if she believed him, if everything he said was truth, then she couldn't pretend that when he said it was a lie, he was lying… the thought alone was like someone stabbing her in the heart with a blazing hot knife and twisting it until she screamed; and she wasn't a screamer.
When she screamed it was from everything she had inside of her just ready to explode inside of her. It was a sick, disgusting feeling that just pooled inside of her and dragged her towards a feeling of death. She remembered when she was younger she would scream all the time just to try and block out the world around her. But since she became a slayer the screaming had lessened. She wasn't sure if it was because things had actually gotten better, or more likely that it was the fact that she thought now that she was a Slayer she should be strong enough to deal with everything without needing a release like that. After all there were other ways to find releases now…
With Xander, all of the screams that were pent up inside of her and wouldn't shut up finally silenced, or at least quieted. When he'd touch her it just settled everything to a distant place inside and it eased all of her tensions. She trusted him and he actually trusted her too.
Trust… that was food for thought! As of right now she could count the people in the world who she trusted on one hand… with about four fingers missing. Oh well, she sighed, trying to convince herself it didn't hurt her as much as it did. Angel liked to stand alone… now he got to even figuratively. But while on the subject, where the hell was he?
She shrugged it off and decided to think about the term 'trust'. It was far less complicated of a subject than Angel was. She was bored and desperate to find something else to occupy her mind with so she slid her chair back a few inches and slid the desk drawer open. There were stacks of paper neatly placed in the drawer. She pulled out a sheet of paper and practically choked at the letterhead. 'Angel, CEO; Wolfram & Hart.'
"What a dork," she muttered with a giggle. She rummaged through the other drawer and found a pen. The laughing went on as she saw the same phrase engraved into the pen. Continuing to smile at herself she wrote on the page playfully, 'Faith rocks my world,' in huge, graffiti lettering. Doing so reminded her of her school years… it was about all she learned in school that she remembered. She hated thinking about school because without fail it always reminded her of her mother… As much as she tried to not think about it as she stared at the elaborately decorated sheet of paper she faded into another daydream.
*The two of them were sent to their room, so to speak by Giles and Buffy because of the suspicion the two had raised about what had occurred in the kitchen before their arrival. When Buffy came up with the punishment, Dawn was sure to chime in that she didn't think that was a very effective punishment…
'I've always wanted to be sent to my room!' Faith joked excitedly as they entered her bedroom. She jumped onto the bed energetically, 'I really don't think it's ever happened to me before…'
'Really? I practically lived in my room… usually it was by choice, but, whenever I'd go out of it I'd only get sent back,' Xander joked back.
'I mean, I would always see parents on t.v. sending their kid to their room and I kind of wanted to be sent to my room, just cause, you know?'
'Your mom wasn't into that?' Xander asked surprised – he thought all parents got off on punishing their kids.
'Guess it might've helped if I had a room, but…' she continued to joke, 'I always said it, if anyone loves to argue and fight, it's me, but even more than I loved it, my mom completely lived for it. The bitch could out scream and curse anyone,' she added with a forced laugh. 'She could fucking smack me around, too. I'd usually leave before she could figure out something to punish me with, I guess…'
Xander lost the playful look on his face and became concerned with Faith and her past as he often did. His respect for what she had tolerated could only be as substantial as it was because he understood that world. His family was far from the Brady's – granted he never tried to compare it with Faith's life, but between the drinking and screaming, he could understand the feelings a kid growing up would have. Having one place that should be your relief from the evils of the world, one place that was your sanctuary from it all, and having that peaceful place be filled with angry drunks and screaming and hitting and cursing… he understood the feeling someone gets when that's what their sanctuary is like.
She looked up from her pack of cigarettes that she had been rummaging through. Funny, he thought, how she starts to talk about her mother and suddenly she needs a nicotine fix yet she firmly claims she doesn't care about her and it was no big deal. He understood why she acted like it didn't matter, but being the only person who did see it and knew that it mattered, it put even more weight on his shoulders because he knew it even more than she did.
'I'm sorry,' Xander said almost in a whisper.
'Don't get like this,' she answered crawling over to him on the bed, which he was sitting on the edge of. She put her hands on both sides of his face and made him look straight at her, 'it doesn't matter, there's nothing to get all bothered over…'
'There is though,' he answered pulling one of her hands down off of his face. 'There's a lot to get 'bothered over', Faith.'
'Look at me,' she demanded firmly as she swung her leg around him and positioned herself on his lap facing him with her knees on the bed on the outside of both of his legs. She put both hands back on his face and lowered her own face so it was right against his with their foreheads almost touching and their noses just barely grazing each other. 'It only matters if you make it matter…'
'Faith,' he answered in a frustrated tone dropping his hands away from her and leaving them at his sides. This was a topic they came across more often then either of them wanted to, but Xander understood it came up so often because it was such a big problem for Faith and one that she didn't even want to tap into.
'Oh stop,' she scolded pushing his face so he had to look straight at her again. She grabbed his hands and pulled them up, 'hold me,' she demanded playfully – a slight smile playing on the corners of her mouth, which was trying so hard to stay stern. He dropped his hands back down to the bed as soon as she let them go. 'Put them around me,' she scolded as she grabbed them up again and pushed them around her. 'Stop it!' she scolded again as he dropped his hands limply by his sides yet again. Xander's expression was that of blankness and slight irritation that she was so closed to even the idea that this was bothering her. 'You don't want me anymore?' she asked only slightly kidding. Unfortunately it made more sense to her that he was bored of her playing around and just wanted her to go away. She motioned to get up but he quickly picked up his previously limp arms and grabbed her waist.
'I never said that.' He held her on top of his lap and looked up at her.
'You don't have to say it,' she muttered almost childishly now dropping her hands at her sides.
'Faith…' He moved his head to the side searching for her eyes. He finally was able to gain eye contact with her after only a few moments of fighting for her gaze.
'Why do you have to make such a big deal out of this every time?' she asked quietly. Her tone made it obvious that she had been thinking over the subject in her head and when it came to her childhood, and more directly, her mother, thinking was all that was needed to make her a little distressed.
'Because it upsets me,' he answered candidly, matching her tone as he put his hands around her waist as she had been trying to get him to before.
'It's not a big deal,' she answered trying to shrug it off again.
'It's a very big deal to me. To know that you hated your childhood; to know that you weren't even happy when you were younger… that kills me to hear that. It kills me to hear that the best compliment you give your mother is that she could hit you better than anyone! Just to think how unhappy you were…'
'You want to know something?' she asked touching her forehead to his.
'Yeah,' he answered looking deeply into her dark eyes.
'You make me happy.'
The sincerity of her tone and the glisten that went through her eyes and face was enough to bring tears to both of their eyes. She was even embarrassed by being so upfront with him and seeing the way he looked at her that she looked down and held her lower lip in her teeth anxiously. He brought his hand up to her chin and gently pushed her face up so she would look at him. He leaned into her and kissed her lips tenderly while securely holding her face. She leaned forward against him as they kissed pushing him back enough to make him fall into a horizontal position on the bed with her straddling him.
She kissed him amorously for several long minutes before he held her hip and rolled her over so he now hovered above her. She bent her knee and held him close to her with her leg against his side. He kissed her gently and then whispered to her,
'I love you… you know that, right?' She nodded softly and answered,
'I love you too." He lowered himself all the way down to her and kissed her lovingly as soon as she finished speaking those words.*
"Faith? Faith… Yo, Faith," Gunn called cautiously, concerned by her obliviousness. He was always told a Slayer had extremely heightened senses, but here he was calling her where any normal person would've heard him walk into the room! She finally jumped in response,
"Yeah… sorry, hi."
"Are you alright?" he asked walking towards her more quickly seeing tears streaming her cheeks.
"I'm fine," she answered nonchalantly assuming everything was fine.
"Then why are you crying?" he asked directly. She was filled with confusion but quickly recovered herself and answered,
"Oh, umm… my eyes have been watering all day… I must be allergic to something in here," she said as she wiped her face with her hand. Gunn decided it would probably be safer to just let it go.
"Have you seen Angel around?"
"No… I was just waiting for him to show up."
"Well, if he comes in, tell him I'm looking for him."
"Alright," she answered forcing a smile. He smiled in return,
"I'll see you later… maybe we can go grab some lunch or something."
"Sure."
"Okay," he answered then walked out of the office.
She turned the chair so she was looking towards the window again rebuking herself unmercifully in her head for crying! What was this shit? She didn't cry over – hold up, she didn't cry period! She'd had enough of this crap… she kicked the desk with her foot before propping it back up on top of it to sit comfortably in the chair.
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"Yo, Wes," Gunn greeted walking into his office, "what's up?"
"Hello," Wesley greeted looking up from his papers again.
"Is everything alright with her?" he asked motioning towards Angel's office.
"As far as I know…"
"You know where Angel is?"
"He's out of town taking care of some things… he should be back in a few days."
"I didn't know he was leaving. It's not like him to just run out like that…"
"It sounded like something that might have to do with…" he trailed off as he spoke looking clearly over at Faith across the hallway. Gunn connected quickly with what he was saying and added,
"Yeah, umm… you might want to go spend some time in there. She seemed like… well, I don't know her as well as you do, but, she seemed like some Wesley time might be in order… get my drift?"
"Yes, quite," he answered looking over towards Faith in the office. She was now sitting in the chair and swiveling it back and forth playfully. With a tap on the desk Gunn left the office and hurried about his usual work. He had a few hearings later that afternoon, all lined up confidently in a row, and a few new clients to speak with just before lunch. And now for lunch he had a nice girl to take out who he could talk old-school with. She'd be able to share battle stories and fighting strategies with him – it was what he really missed.
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"Having fun?" Wesley asked as he walked into Angel's office. Faith looked over from the desk,
"You know me," she assured him.
"I really do doubt that," he answered with a smile taking a seat across the desk from her. She shrugged,
"I'm not as interesting as I might like people to think."
"Being a Slayer I somehow doubt that also."
"Yeah, but it's not exactly something you can throw at someone over dinner. You know when you run out of stupid things to talk about. 'Hey, FYI, I'm a Vampire Slayer. How bout you, slay any demons lately?' Doesn't really flow in conversation…" Wesley couldn't help but laugh at her sense of humor.
"I can see that not fitting into your conversations…"
"See that's why I always used to just tell B, there's no sense in trying to get to know a guy, just have 'em and get gone, you know. No sense in trying to date and get to know each other… all we have is slaying and if we tried to talk about other shit they're just going to think we're bimbo's anyhow cause we don't know about other shit. So why bother with the pleasantry bullshit? Want, take, have, move on and forget about it… it's the way we should be."
"I can certainly see Buffy having opposition to that frame of mind. She seems to really enjoy getting to know someone before-"
"Don't let B fool you, she's as horny as the next person."
"Yes, quite," Wesley answered slightly shocked by the information just placed in front of him.
"Sorry, I'll shut up now."
"No, it's fine… I just didn't realize you were talking of dating in particular when you were talking about… well, talking. That's a few too many 'talking's for one phrase, don't you think?"
"I followed you," she answered with a smile.
"Sorry if I didn't follow you on the dating thing," he apologized not realizing how he was pushing the subject that Faith hadn't even realized she had brought up all by herself. "Not a topic I've ever heard you talk about," Wesley added noting that indeed it was a topic often avoided by her and here she was giving him an opportunity for… perhaps bonding.
"Not something I'm really interested in," she answered shortly.
"I believe the ancient history of demonic activity in England was a particular subject in which you weren't interested in," he joked, "men never seemed to quite be in that category when mentioned around you." Faith had to laugh remembering Wesley trying to cram that shit into her head at one point or another.
"I'm starting to think the whole lot of you guys are just garbage," she joked.
"Well that's certainly a different tone than I remember."
"You mean from the promiscuous teenager? Don't get me wrong, I'm still way addicted to dic-" she stopped herself barely in time to spare him another crude phrase and smiled innocently, "sex, I mean sex… if that makes it any better sounding."
"Yes, it certainly does," he answered firmly trying to not let his mind be clouded any further. He wanted to talk to her and it was comforting that she wished to talk so informally with him, but it was just something that would take a bit of adjustment. She had always rambled on and on about her untraditional behaviors with men whenever he'd help her train and such, but he had assumed it was just a topic she endorsed purely for his discomfort and displeasure. His suspicions hadn't been completely wrong, but he hadn't taken into account that it was a topic which she loved to talk about also.
"Sorry."
"It's quite alright," he answered with a forgiving nod.
"Wes… can I tell you something?" Her tone was telling that she was thinking about their past together as well. She couldn't believe Wesley would even be in the same room with her, not to mention all alone.
"If it's not an apology, then certainly."
"And what if it is?"
"Then I must decline."
"Is it because you don't accept it?"
"Certainly not," he answered honestly. "It's because your actions will speak louder than any words you could ever come up with. And I must admit, right now I'm very proud of you…"
"Okay, can we not do that?"
"What?" he asked very confused. He had actually tried to have the Proud Watcher tone and-
"Don't get all Proud Watcher on me, Wes. I'm just on the brink of fucking up again and I don't need to think of you being disappointed if-"
"What are you talking about, Faith?" His tone changed immediately as did his expression.
"Nothing… my heads just swimming – kind of blown out, you know?" She covered quickly, although not that well. Wesley offered a slight nod to ease her anxiety, an emotion that was quickly becoming obvious by her façade.
"Well, I've got some work to get to so I'll let you-" he began standing from his chair and motioning to leave.
"Wes," she finally said in a questioning tone as he rose from his chair.
"Yeah," he asked looking back at her.
"Random question, that's all…" He urged her on with a smile, "do you think that, umm… anyone could tolerate me… you know, on like a long term kind of bases?" It took a moment for Wesley to pick apart what she had asked him – her tone and broken phrases making it more difficult.
"What exactly do you mean?"
"Just in general… I told you it was random. Just, you know, do you think it's possible for someone to put up with me?"
"I certainly don't see why not!" he answered emphatically. "I think there are countless people who… Faith, why do you think that?" he asked realizing he was practically stumbling over his words he was so taken aback by her insecurity.
"I don't know," she quickly answered, "I just don't really have that much to offer… I mean, Wes, I'm an escaped con who was in for life for manslaughter. It's not exactly the bio someone looks for when looking for someone to settle down with," she added trying to add as much levity to her tone as she could muster.
"Why-"
"I was just wondering… told you it was random."
"Right," he answered with a pensive nod. "Alright, I'll be in my office if you need anything."
"Thanks."
*'I just don't know how you deal with me…' she said standing by the window flicking the cigarette ashes outside.
'You are a huge pain in the ass, sometimes,' Xander joked walking away from the window and sitting back on the edge of the bed.
'Thanks,' she answered sharply. The straight face she had actually managed to hold finally broke and a wide smile spread across her face.
'I'm serious,' Xander added still holding his straight face. 'You're just impossible…' She laughed at him and finished with her cigarette she tossed it out the window.
'If I'm anything, I'm a complete mess,' she added walking towards him motioning towards her clothes. She still hadn't changed out of the pajama's she had slept in – a pair of his boxers rolled around the waist to make them fit and a small, white, ribbed, underwear tank. She walked over to the chair with all of their clothes strewn on top of it and unrolled the boxers letting them fall to the floor as she looked for a pair of pants to wear.
Xander's jaw instantaneously dropped seeing her standing there in a small shirt and black panties. Yeah, he'd been with her a while and he should be over the shock factor of seeing her half naked, especially when he'd seen her completely naked, but this wasn't shock, it was complete worship!
'Hey,' he called over to her. She turned to look at him still unsuccessful at finding pants, 'come here.' She walked over to him and stood in front of him with a smile on her face. He flashed a devilish grin at her then lifted her shirt up just enough for him to kiss her stomach.
'What are you doing?' she asked playfully. He continued to kiss her stomach slowly moving down until he reached the fabric of her panties, then moved upward. He raised her shirt slowly as he slowly kissed higher and higher until it reached just under her breasts. He stopped and looked up at her. She smiled and lowered her head and kissed his lips tenderly. He kissed her back as softly as either of them could and slid his hands just as delicately over her hips and onto her ass.
He suddenly grabbed her firmly and pulled her closer to him and looked into her dazzling eyes. She smiled devilishly down at him and grabbed her lower lip in between her teeth in a way that challenged, 'I dare you', which he gladly accepted. He quickly pulled her on top of him on the bed then rolled her over so he hovered proudly above her. He was so cute she couldn't help but giggle at him. He grabbed her wrists and pushed them over her head onto the bed then immediately loosened his grip on them. He was playful, he wasn't vicious. She happily complied with a sweet smile on her lips.
'Passive much?' he asked with surprise.
'Only for you,' she answered honestly. She would lie there for him all day long. He looked down at her looking deeply into her eyes and she added, 'you know, I'd let you do anything to me.'
'Why is that?' he asked picking up one hand and running a finger over her left eyebrow to smooth it down.
'I know you wouldn't hurt me,' she answered plainly not needing to think about it at all.
'So you trust me," he stated with a wide smile spreading over his face.
'Oh, so that's what the feeling is,' she answered matching his smile. 'I wouldn't know.'
'Now you do.' He was so happy he was surprised he wasn't giggling. She trusted him – that was an accomplishment to be proud of and he intended to be! Trust – that was a big deal in general, but when it came to Faith it was monumental.
'It feels good,' she answered openly. He smoothed down her eyebrow again just liking the way it felt and seeing that she did too. As he did she raised one of her hands to his cheek and pulled him softly down for another kiss.
The both shed the clothing they were still wearing and indulged each other in all of the things both of them had discovered 'feels good'.
Even though they had both built each others stamina – Faith from experience and indulgence and Xander from familiarity and fortitude. Faith had lost a lot of her staying power during her long intermission and Xander was happy to rise to the occasion, no pun intended…*
Faith snapped out of yet another day dream pulled away by the sound of someone loudly clearing their throat. She looked up and saw Eve approaching her.
"What do you want now?" she asked sitting back confidently in the chair and propping her feet back up on the desk.
"I was just given word that someone was in Angel's office and, well, I knew it certainly wasn't Angel, so…"
"Why was it, certainly not Angel," Faith mocked.
"He didn't tell you?" Eve asked seemingly innocently but it was all part of the way she figured out how to push Faith's buttons.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"He left… he's not going to be back… I hope you weren't in here waiting for him." Faith was ready to rip that smile right off her face.
"Where'd he go, if you're so smart?" Eve leaned her head slightly to the side and looked out of the office door over to Wesley's office and then returned to looking over at Faith.
"I'm not as smart as most of the people here…" she said with a planned smile. "But, sweetie, he left last night… I thought you would be the first to know when he left. I thought you two were close that way… actually, why didn't you go with him?"
"Can you shut up?" Faith finally spat cutting off her stream of questions that were now more than blatantly just trying to piss her off.
"I just figured he would take you with him… you know, especially for an overnight trip."
"Can I ask you a question? Actually, two…" Faith took her silence as an admission and continued, "you've read my file haven't you?"
"Yes," Eve answered proudly. "It was actually very detailed – from childhood to present day…"
"Okay," Faith agreed not letting her get the upper hand even though she knew things that even Xander didn't… uhh, why did he have to pop into her head all of the time? "Second question," she said now standing up from Angel's chair and walking around the desk so she stood in front of Eve, "do you like your face?" She asked the question steadily but her body language and stance made the threat just as blatant as Eve's previous comments. Eve took a step backward away from Faith trying to remain composed,
Without another word but not without a few more spiteful glares, Eve turned and exited the office. Faith stood there in front of the desk for another minute staring at the empty door way. *The feeling seemed to expand and everything around her blurred into a scene that looked like the head quarters up north. It felt like Buffy was the one who had just walked out of the room. She stood there still well aware she was inside of Wolfram & Hart, but she let herself slightly believe she wasn't as she felt Xander walking up behind her and put his hands on her waist.
'Don't let her get to you…' the soft and kind words of advice were followed by a soft kiss on her shoulder and then he wrapped his arms around her waist.*
Faith shook off the semi-day dream and walked out of the office and into Wesley's. He was on the phone and she motioned to him that he should hang it up.
"Ma'am, something's come up… could I call you back momentarily… ma'am… please can I…" the woman was the wife of one of their client that loved to talk the employee's of Wolfram & Hart's ears off. And if you refused to give her your time, her husband very well would literally talk your ear off… "Ma'am, I understand your situation and I'll do everything in my power to-"
Faith grabbed the receiver out of Wesley's hand and slammed it down into the cradle.
"What are you doing?" Wesley yelled more out of fear than anger.
"Where's Angel?"
"I…"
"Wesley, treat me like I'm dumb whenever you want, but don't you dare try and treat me like I'm fucking stupid."
"Faith, calm down, please… there's no reason to get upset over-"
"Did he go to Slayer Headquarters?" she interjected.
"Yes," Wes answered, knowing lying to Faith would only exacerbate the situation further. She immediately turned away from him with a clearly distressed/ furious look on her face. "Faith, it's no reason to get angry…"
"Whatever," she answered heading towards the door.
"Faith, I told you what I know. Now you have to fill me in on what you know – why's he there?"
"Since when do I play fair, Wes?" she asked with a disconcerting blankness.
"Faith, he told me he'd be back by tonight… he also asked me to ask you to please stick around…"
"So everyone assumes I'm always going to split, huh?"
"Faith, no… I just…"
"Save it, Wes," she answered. She walked out of the office and out of his sight range from his desk. He glanced up at the clock and was amazed that in a few hours such a drastic change in her personality had occurred. Even when she was stable, the girl had mood swings! Wesley was so confused though – what was it that was going on that was making Angel acted borderline irrational, running to Slayer Headquarters in the middle of the night and not telling anyone and Faith, who was swinging from exhausted and worn out to furious and lively.
-----------
Kennedy walked in through the garage with Willow close behind her. Both of them had just come back from running some errands in town and she had a chance to stop and get some pictures developed. She had flipped through the pack of pictures in the car and decided that a couple of the doubles should go straight into Xander's hands. She walked through the hallway heading for Faith's room – it hadn't gone un-noticed by her that that was where he was spending most of his time. She glanced into the kitchen checking if he was in there and then she glanced into the livingroom finding her mark.
Without a word she walked into the room and dropped a small stack of pictures into his lap. He looked up at her with a confused look then back down at the pictures. The one standing a the top of the stack was a picture of Faith and him on this same couch he was now sitting on. Faith was lying on her back with her head rested on the arm rest with her eyes closed gently and he was lying on top of her between her legs. His head was resting on her chest as he lied stomach down with his arms wrapped around her body. After glancing down at the picture he quickly picked his eyes back up to Kennedy,
"What the hell are these?" She shrugged and answered,
"Just thought you might want them…" She turned away and walked out of the room.
- - - - - - -
After going through the pictures Xander quickly stood up and walked back to their bedroom. He sat down on the bed and no matter what he did he couldn't stop looking at all of the pictures. What was amazing is he never saw Kennedy ever take any pictures. All of them seemed to capture moments of the two of them together that made him crumble. He even found himself wiping small drops of tears off of the pictures not wanting to damage them in any way. He felt like he could just look at them for the rest of his life. There was nothing else going through his head right now – all he could do is look at them and be dragged into the memory they captivated. He wiped another tear from the photo then used his sleeve to try and wipe away the fingerprints.
"Xander."
He spun around quickly on the bed and looked over at Angel's large figure standing in the doorway.
"Angel…"
Wesley walked through the halls of Wolfram & Hart just as the early bloomers were starting to arrive to begin another day of work. He walked as he always did when he felt this way – the walk could be described… the emotion can't. He held his cup of tea in one hand and under and on the other were numerous files with heaps of paper carefully organized within each. He walked past Harmony's secretarial desk as he did every morning just to have his first smile of the day. Usually as he passed the empty desk at seven o'clock in the morning, which should contain Angel's, slightly irresponsible and always fashionable late, secretary a smile came to his lips.
This morning was different though. He passed the desk just the same but the effect didn't take place inside of him. He felt differently – Faith was here. He wasn't sure of many things when the subject matter was relevant to Faith; all except for one thing. He knew that presently, although he felt differently with her around, it wasn't a bad feeling. He was Faith's Watcher and deep down inside he knew, he loved her. He had watched her through so much… he had fallen short so many times when he could have caught her and helped her keep from slipping… but he admitted it, there were several shortcomings in his career with her. He knew her at a time in her life when she was her sickest. He remembered just thinking of her as, 'a sick, sick girl…' and there wasn't anything he knew of that could ever change that.
Wesley was aware of his courage when he was at Sunnydale. He wasn't a liar, he could admit that he wasn't scared of too much… But he would also admit, Faith had deeply and truly terrified him. Being at her mercy and having her take absolutely none on him was just an experience he would never forget – he would never look at another single human being the same way ever again.
Fate. It was something Faith had challenged him to question during a dark time in her life. Was all of this just a matter of Fate? As he watched the mangled, hurt, and it could even possibly be said, destroyed girl who had nothing but herself in this world, or at least that's how she felt. Faith could stir up emotions in him better than anyone could but he knew for sure, right now he was proud of her. She had been through more than most people could ever live through and as soon as he called on her… like a Watcher should to his Slayer, she responded and did as much as she could do to do his request. She had gone to Sunnydale and now she was back… the reason was still unclear, but it was obvious to him that she had an emptiness about her that she usually never had. There was a gap that seemed to stand around her like a moat that no one would ever dare cross.
Wesley sat behind his desk in his office leaving the door ajar as he usually did until around quarter to nine when people would begin to really bustle around, then he would succumb to the noise and close himself away from all of the people he had claimed he was there to help. He sipped at his tea and noted he hadn't put enough sugar in it. His expression must've shown his slight displeasure in quite a comical way. He settled down into his chair to prepare for what the day would bring. Around here it was never quite sure – government officials, rowdy office workers, unhappy clients, potential demonic clientele, and who knows, maybe even an apocalypse.
The phone rang in a way that seemed to mock him. He was sure it would bring bad news, or at least news that would make it so he'd have to leave his chair, but yet the phone sang it's call happily. He picked up the receiver and greeted,
"Hello, this is-… Ah, yes, hello… Oh, I didn't even know you were gone… is everything alright?... Not a problem… Cheers."
He hung up the phone and tried to begin on his paper work. He busied himself for a duration of time that he couldn't judge the length of before he looked up from his desk. His eyes wandered through his office doorway and out onto the hallway of office workers. He took another sip from his tea and he finally was given his first smile of the day which had been denied to him earlier. A soft smile spread about his features as he watched Faith walking through the medley of office workers, all completely different looking, different species, not to mention all going in different directions and at different speeds.
The first object of his humor was the clear contrast between everyone's attire against hers. The majority of workers were in suits or professional dresses with their carefully dried, combed, and styled hair: either in a neat and almost slicked back bun for the ladies, or the closely cut and gelled short cuts for the men. Faith walked directly through this sea of people making them stop in their tracks to accommodate her pace and direction. She appeared as though she had slept in the clothes she was wearing – a ribbed, white, men's underwear tank top and a pair of sweatpants that looked to have paint stains on them and were cut off by a scissor about half way up the shin. Her hair was messy and thrown to the side of her head with a stray clip leaving several strands directly in her face.
The second part that brought him humor was the makeup. All of the workers had spent much time to apply their makeup in a way to make it look like they hadn't put any on but in reality it had taken much more to appear that way. Faith had smeared, black eye makeup that must've been put on a day and a half before the way it looked. It strangely didn't make her look bad at all, Wesley had to note, it just made her look tired. Although initially it was something he had found humor in, he remembered the last time he had seen Faith looking so tired… not something he wished to live through again. It didn't so much worry him as much as sadden him that she might be close to that again.
Wesley realized he must've been working for quite some time seeing that Harmony was now stationed at her desk. Faith stopped briefly there…
"Excuse me," Harmony chimed in as Faith walked towards Angel's office door before talking with her first. "Excuse me, you can't go in there…"
"Yeah I can," Faith answered quickly.
"Do you have an appointment?"
"Wow, Angel's a stuck up business man now, isn't he?"
"You can't go in there without an appointment," Harmony stated again.
"I have one," Faith answered holding a completely straight face.
"Oh really?" Harmony asked, immediately changing her tone. "Well, I'm sorry, you know, sometimes a girl just gets too busy to write things down… Angel gets so mad! I mean, give a girl a break, these nails," she said holding them up for show, "they're high maintenance!"
Faith offered a smile then abruptly walked away from Harmony and into Angel's office. The chick was lucky she didn't just receive a stake to the heart. As she had been walking to go into the office she felt a vamp walking up behind her and she was just about to grab the stake she had on her just under her waist band of her sweat pants.
"And I thought Sunnydale was weird…" she muttered as she walked into Angel's office. He wasn't there, which she thought was odd, but she didn't think too much of it. It was too early for her to have much comprehensive thought – anyone but Angel's bimbo secretary would've called her extremely delayed bluff about having an appointment.
She walked over to Angel's desk and glanced down at the papers that were on it trying to busy her mind on something. Without a seconds hesitation she sat down behind his desk and propped her feet up on the desk. Looking out on the city of Los Angeles was a thrill in itself… it was wicked cool. She leaned back comfortably into the overstuffed leather chair and let herself drift off slightly. She hadn't gotten much sleep that night, obviously by the look of her, because even though she hadn't talked much on the subject with Angel, after he left, not to mention quite upset, there was little else on her mind for the rest of the night. It kind of worried her that the last she had seen of Angel he was that upset and now he wasn't here but she wasn't going to let herself stress about another thing on top of everything else. Obviously he hadn't been outwardly upset in front of her, but she saw right through his strong, broody personality and saw that he was… well, upset!
She hadn't told him everything… it would've taken forever, not to mention that she probably wouldn't have lived through talking through it all. She had only talked enough for Angel to know for sure what had happened before it became obvious that he wanted to leave. He hadn't come in prepared for what was in store for him and the way he was acting made it obvious that he would prefer to learn more information when he was better prepared to handle the details. But it was definitely those details that remained in her mind all night that stole her sleep away from her.
As she sat in the nice leather seat – a seat that reminded her of sitting in a hot muscle car waiting to rip away at over a hundred miles an hour. The sun was shining but she couldn't feel it – probably because of the special glass – but there must've been some artificial heat source that tried to imitate the sun's heat. She stared out the window at the city beneath and at the clouds that rolled by at will. She had been trying to push the details of Xander out of her head all night long, and feeling that since it was daytime with the sun out, she was somehow safe from the pain that the memories might cause, she allowed herself to fade into them as she stared only at the window. She wasn't about to let herself turn into Buffy over this – there was no reason she couldn't remember the awesome parts of it, just cause it 'was wrong'. That wasn't her style and she had lost enough – she wasn't about to put that last ounce of herself on the line.
*She ran her fingertips slowly up and down the crease in the middle of Xander's chest running from his throat down to, well… She was lying on top of him with her head rested partly on his chest and her hair running onto his shoulder. She lazily fondled his chest with her fingertips as a soft way to wake him up. They had spent the entire night together… it had been one of the first times Faith had let herself be completely and totally in love with him and show him all night long. It was during the unfortunately short time between when Faith was allowing him in and before he began to completely shut her out. Each had their own defense mechanisms, but that wasn't what she was concerned with in this daydream.
He showed her that he had woken up by gently running his fingertips up and down her upper arm, which was hooked behind his head lying between the bed and the back of his neck. His touch was so gentle and affected her so much that goose-bumps quickly spread on the surface of her arm, almost before she even realized he was touching her. He felt her smile against his skin then soon after felt her lips caress his skin with soft kisses on his neck. He smiled and grabbed her waist. She lifted her upper-body and looked down into his eyes sharing in his warm smile.
'I could just look at you forever,' he admitted wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her down closer to him.
'Forever?' she asked doubtingly.
'Forever…' he assured her with a smile. 'I wish I could have you that long.' With that she leaned down to him and kissed him deeply running her tongue along his – not in the way she did sometimes – but in a way that was soft and sensual, yielding herself completely to him. She finally lifted her lips away from his – just separating the two by mere centimeters.*
-----
Wesley looked up from his desk again, probably the fifth time in the last, say minute… He couldn't help but let out a boyish giggle as he saw Faith sit down at Angel's desk. She seemed to sit there quite comfortably. He would've gone in and told her Angel was out and had just called in and probably wouldn't be in till tomorrow or the next day, but the scene was too cute to pass up. Watching her was like watching a child playing in their father's office pretending to be like him, except in a far more… Faith, way.
-----
*How they had managed to actually get out of bed that morning was an amazing feat that both of them never thought they were going to be able to accomplish. When one of them actually got up enough enthusiasm to stand up, the other usually used their enthusiasm to kiss the other and therefore thwart any plans they had at moving. But in the end they both prevailed and managed to stumble into the kitchen while still fawning over each other. As they walked they walked together, it was quite a cute sight.
Fairly sure that no one was awake or moving about yet in the house they were comfortable showing their affection for each other outside of the bedroom. Xander had his arms wrapped around Faith's waist tightly as she walked with him holding his arm inside of both of hers. She had never done anything like that with anyone. The fact that she was even actually talking with someone after spending the night together… that was amazing in and of itself! But they were together. Like really together… it was the best feeling she had ever had before. She had someone and she belonged to someone. She had someone who loved her and wanted to take care of her. It was really never something she had before.
They walked into the kitchen and Xander began to pour a cup of coffee. Faith stood next to him with her head resting on his shoulder fairly sure the cup of coffee was going to be for her. It was in the cup that she usually grabbed and he was fixing it like she liked it. She watched him passively as she rested against him. After stirring the mixture together and putting the spoon back in the sink he picked up the mug. Becoming a little more unsure Faith watched him, assuming he would offer her the cup. Jokingly he brought the cup by her lips and then over to his where he sipped at it.
'Hey, that's mine,' she whined.
'No,' he defended playfully as he held the cup out of her reach. 'It's mine…'
Kennedy watched the playful event from the steps and couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her features as she watched the undeniable cuteness that these two had together. They had a deep connection with each other but they were also able to have the cute things too… it was pretty close to amazing for her.
'Fine,' Faith feigned, turning away like she wasn't interested anymore. Xander stepped closer to her to retrieve her good humor and an even bigger smile spread across his face as she quickly spun around and grabbed the cup out of his hands and was running across the kitchen drinking before he could even smile.
'No fair, slayer advantage!' he defended running after her.
'No such thing,' she claimed as she sipped at the coffee mockingly again. She maneuvered her way around the kitchen keeping a table or a chair between her and Xander so that she could have the maximum drinking time with the minimum running time. Both were laughing uncontrollably – it was amazing to Xander that Faith was still able to drink the coffee so quickly while she was laughing like that. Kennedy found it hard not to laugh from her perch where she was watching from, but she forced it with her hand over her mouth wanting to be able to watch them and not get caught.
Xander decided to use the same tactic Faith had and he returned to the counter appearing defeated and filling another cup of coffee. Faith approached him, still very cautiously, knowing there was no way he had just let her win. She walked up to him holding the cup (that was now sufficiently empty) as far behind her as she could pretending it was still something he might want to get from her. She touched his arm delicately with her body and let out a quick whimper as he spun around, grabbing her around her waist and pushing her playfully against the wall. She smiled back at him and held up the empty mug proudly. He leaned his face forward to look down into the mug and instead of looking in it he quickly pushed forward again and kissed her. She kissed him back through a wide smile.
He parted his lips from hers and motioned to back up a step to allow her off of the wall he had pushed her up against. She quickly grabbed his lower back with her hand and held him close to her. A sparkle seemed to rush through her entire body and he needed to kiss her again, and again, and again.
'Don't…' she pleaded as he tried to move away. He smiled brightly back at her,
'You know, we did just spend an entire night together…' he teased. 'You better be careful, some people might start to think you actually have a thing for me…' He motioned carefully for her to look behind her to where he was looking, which she did and she got a quick glance at Kennedy already heading back up the stairs thinking she avoided getting spotted. Faith turned back to Xander with a smile,
'We spent the *whole* night together?' she asked mischievously.
'Yes we did,' he answered proudly.
'That's funny… I already forgot,' she teased as she stepped back slightly leaving just small enough of a gap between them for him to realize how much he never wanted to stop touching her. 'You might just have to remind me again,' she added taking another small step back. He took a large step forward towards her and kissed her again running his hands down the sides of her waist and over her hips. Even he was surprised when Faith skillfully raised her legs under his hands and ended up straddling his waist with him holding her up. She leaned down to him now and kissed him passionately. He held her tightly up against him and squeezed her ass as she rocked herself against him rhythmically pushing her breasts slightly into his face as she did. His breath quickly accelerated and he asked,
'Here?'
'As long as it's now,' she answered in a tone that was almost desperate. As much as she could get him going, he could get her going just as much, which was almost more of an accomplishment.
'Now?' he asked teasingly.
'Yeah,' she whined. She couldn't believe he could still be joking around and even though she was only being held up by him she could barely keep her thoughts straight. She was close to panting as she moved against him slowly and kissed his lips. She teased his lips between hers and then pulled his lower one out with her teeth. Finally releasing it she soothed it by running her tongue over it gently then kissed it softly before again pulling at it.
She didn't even know what he was doing – she even ventured to think that he was just standing there and loving what she was doing but not doing anything himself. She wanted him so badly though that she couldn't move him along, scared she might just melt if she did anything but kiss him.
'Xander,' she panted, now close to complaining that he hadn't done anything to make her less antsy, but as his name left her lips he slid her baggy boxer shorts, or more correctly, his boxer shorts that she was wearing, to the side and slid into her slowly as he held her up with her back leaning against the wall. She almost screamed from pleasure but somehow curbed herself knowing the entire house would immediately be down there either to see if everything was alright or knowing exactly what was going on. It didn't bother her much either way – give the kids a few pointers maybe…
Xander almost lost himself right on contact that time – the feeling of her surprise but extreme pleasure and the fact that this position had been something he had only dreamed about. He was holding her as he loved her – it was definitely a major ego boost for him and she knew it and was getting off on it. He slid slowly in and out of her squeezing her closer to him with each stroke with his hands as he breathed hot air onto her breasts which were just under eye level. She was resting her head next to his and panted in his ear as she muttered sweet nothings as she was completely taken away by what he was doing to her.
The high emotional state both of them were in due to the night before and their fairly new comfort level with all of this, not to mention the thrill of the moment and the fact that anyone could walk in at any moment caused the euphoric love they were making to last for only a short while. As he neared the edge, which Faith was not far from herself, he lifted his face up to look into her shining eyes. Only her strength could be thanked for the following – feeling she was securely in place he lifted his hands away from her hips that were holding her up and placed his hands against the wall on either side of her head. She held herself on him by easily holding herself up by squeezing her thighs around his waist. Now leaning against her and with his hands planted firmly on the wall he stared into her gorgeous face and whispered,
'I love you so much,' then he leaned further forward and kissed her lovingly. She wrapped both arms around his head as she kissed him – it was like everything she had left went into kissing him. As he emptied inside of her she lowered her head and grabbed his earlobe between her teeth and gently nipped at it.
'Oh my god,' Xander gasped quietly.
'Goddess is more like it,' Faith teased as he lowered her back down to her feet. She held his shoulders for stability, taking a moment to regain her footing. She leaned forward and kissed him lovingly as she fixed the appearance of his pants for him, sliding them back where they belonged. As she left his lips she heard footsteps entering the kitchen and she glanced over his shoulder nonchalantly to see Giles and Buffy both entering the kitchen slowly, having noticed the two of them standing suspiciously in the corner.
'Good timing,' Xander praised with a whisper, knowing Faith had pulled his pants up just in time.
'I know,' she answered with a smile before kissing him again.
'Good morning,' Buffy greeted suspiciously.
'Tell me about it,' Faith answered with a smirk as she walked back over to the counter and fixed herself another cup of coffee.*
Faith came back to reality, if that's what people called Wolfram & Hart… she glanced down at the desk again looking for anything interesting that could possibly get her mind off of Xander. It was over – and as much as she tried to just think about the awesome sex they could have, it was so much more than that. She couldn't make herself do what Xander did – she couldn't just pretend it didn't mean anything, because for the first time in her life it actually did. Denying that would just nullify everything she felt and she knew if she did that she would never be able to think about anything being more than just fake.
She did however have a huge conflict battling constantly in her mind. She believed everything Xander said – she didn't lie to him and she'd like to think that he never lied to her. All the times he told her how he felt… if she thought it was all a lie she didn't think there was anyway she could keep on breathing. He may not know how completely she had needed him but she knew it. The way she felt going back to Sunnydale and everything; she felt like a rock that had just been weathered too much and was crumbling from the inside out. He got there just barely before the outside walls began to crack… it's probably why he was able to get in. The way he said he felt about her, the way he made her feel – if she couldn't believe in those words that pulled her out of that hole she was falling into then she might as well be at the bottom of the dark pit. But if she believed him, if everything he said was truth, then she couldn't pretend that when he said it was a lie, he was lying… the thought alone was like someone stabbing her in the heart with a blazing hot knife and twisting it until she screamed; and she wasn't a screamer.
When she screamed it was from everything she had inside of her just ready to explode inside of her. It was a sick, disgusting feeling that just pooled inside of her and dragged her towards a feeling of death. She remembered when she was younger she would scream all the time just to try and block out the world around her. But since she became a slayer the screaming had lessened. She wasn't sure if it was because things had actually gotten better, or more likely that it was the fact that she thought now that she was a Slayer she should be strong enough to deal with everything without needing a release like that. After all there were other ways to find releases now…
With Xander, all of the screams that were pent up inside of her and wouldn't shut up finally silenced, or at least quieted. When he'd touch her it just settled everything to a distant place inside and it eased all of her tensions. She trusted him and he actually trusted her too.
Trust… that was food for thought! As of right now she could count the people in the world who she trusted on one hand… with about four fingers missing. Oh well, she sighed, trying to convince herself it didn't hurt her as much as it did. Angel liked to stand alone… now he got to even figuratively. But while on the subject, where the hell was he?
She shrugged it off and decided to think about the term 'trust'. It was far less complicated of a subject than Angel was. She was bored and desperate to find something else to occupy her mind with so she slid her chair back a few inches and slid the desk drawer open. There were stacks of paper neatly placed in the drawer. She pulled out a sheet of paper and practically choked at the letterhead. 'Angel, CEO; Wolfram & Hart.'
"What a dork," she muttered with a giggle. She rummaged through the other drawer and found a pen. The laughing went on as she saw the same phrase engraved into the pen. Continuing to smile at herself she wrote on the page playfully, 'Faith rocks my world,' in huge, graffiti lettering. Doing so reminded her of her school years… it was about all she learned in school that she remembered. She hated thinking about school because without fail it always reminded her of her mother… As much as she tried to not think about it as she stared at the elaborately decorated sheet of paper she faded into another daydream.
*The two of them were sent to their room, so to speak by Giles and Buffy because of the suspicion the two had raised about what had occurred in the kitchen before their arrival. When Buffy came up with the punishment, Dawn was sure to chime in that she didn't think that was a very effective punishment…
'I've always wanted to be sent to my room!' Faith joked excitedly as they entered her bedroom. She jumped onto the bed energetically, 'I really don't think it's ever happened to me before…'
'Really? I practically lived in my room… usually it was by choice, but, whenever I'd go out of it I'd only get sent back,' Xander joked back.
'I mean, I would always see parents on t.v. sending their kid to their room and I kind of wanted to be sent to my room, just cause, you know?'
'Your mom wasn't into that?' Xander asked surprised – he thought all parents got off on punishing their kids.
'Guess it might've helped if I had a room, but…' she continued to joke, 'I always said it, if anyone loves to argue and fight, it's me, but even more than I loved it, my mom completely lived for it. The bitch could out scream and curse anyone,' she added with a forced laugh. 'She could fucking smack me around, too. I'd usually leave before she could figure out something to punish me with, I guess…'
Xander lost the playful look on his face and became concerned with Faith and her past as he often did. His respect for what she had tolerated could only be as substantial as it was because he understood that world. His family was far from the Brady's – granted he never tried to compare it with Faith's life, but between the drinking and screaming, he could understand the feelings a kid growing up would have. Having one place that should be your relief from the evils of the world, one place that was your sanctuary from it all, and having that peaceful place be filled with angry drunks and screaming and hitting and cursing… he understood the feeling someone gets when that's what their sanctuary is like.
She looked up from her pack of cigarettes that she had been rummaging through. Funny, he thought, how she starts to talk about her mother and suddenly she needs a nicotine fix yet she firmly claims she doesn't care about her and it was no big deal. He understood why she acted like it didn't matter, but being the only person who did see it and knew that it mattered, it put even more weight on his shoulders because he knew it even more than she did.
'I'm sorry,' Xander said almost in a whisper.
'Don't get like this,' she answered crawling over to him on the bed, which he was sitting on the edge of. She put her hands on both sides of his face and made him look straight at her, 'it doesn't matter, there's nothing to get all bothered over…'
'There is though,' he answered pulling one of her hands down off of his face. 'There's a lot to get 'bothered over', Faith.'
'Look at me,' she demanded firmly as she swung her leg around him and positioned herself on his lap facing him with her knees on the bed on the outside of both of his legs. She put both hands back on his face and lowered her own face so it was right against his with their foreheads almost touching and their noses just barely grazing each other. 'It only matters if you make it matter…'
'Faith,' he answered in a frustrated tone dropping his hands away from her and leaving them at his sides. This was a topic they came across more often then either of them wanted to, but Xander understood it came up so often because it was such a big problem for Faith and one that she didn't even want to tap into.
'Oh stop,' she scolded pushing his face so he had to look straight at her again. She grabbed his hands and pulled them up, 'hold me,' she demanded playfully – a slight smile playing on the corners of her mouth, which was trying so hard to stay stern. He dropped his hands back down to the bed as soon as she let them go. 'Put them around me,' she scolded as she grabbed them up again and pushed them around her. 'Stop it!' she scolded again as he dropped his hands limply by his sides yet again. Xander's expression was that of blankness and slight irritation that she was so closed to even the idea that this was bothering her. 'You don't want me anymore?' she asked only slightly kidding. Unfortunately it made more sense to her that he was bored of her playing around and just wanted her to go away. She motioned to get up but he quickly picked up his previously limp arms and grabbed her waist.
'I never said that.' He held her on top of his lap and looked up at her.
'You don't have to say it,' she muttered almost childishly now dropping her hands at her sides.
'Faith…' He moved his head to the side searching for her eyes. He finally was able to gain eye contact with her after only a few moments of fighting for her gaze.
'Why do you have to make such a big deal out of this every time?' she asked quietly. Her tone made it obvious that she had been thinking over the subject in her head and when it came to her childhood, and more directly, her mother, thinking was all that was needed to make her a little distressed.
'Because it upsets me,' he answered candidly, matching her tone as he put his hands around her waist as she had been trying to get him to before.
'It's not a big deal,' she answered trying to shrug it off again.
'It's a very big deal to me. To know that you hated your childhood; to know that you weren't even happy when you were younger… that kills me to hear that. It kills me to hear that the best compliment you give your mother is that she could hit you better than anyone! Just to think how unhappy you were…'
'You want to know something?' she asked touching her forehead to his.
'Yeah,' he answered looking deeply into her dark eyes.
'You make me happy.'
The sincerity of her tone and the glisten that went through her eyes and face was enough to bring tears to both of their eyes. She was even embarrassed by being so upfront with him and seeing the way he looked at her that she looked down and held her lower lip in her teeth anxiously. He brought his hand up to her chin and gently pushed her face up so she would look at him. He leaned into her and kissed her lips tenderly while securely holding her face. She leaned forward against him as they kissed pushing him back enough to make him fall into a horizontal position on the bed with her straddling him.
She kissed him amorously for several long minutes before he held her hip and rolled her over so he now hovered above her. She bent her knee and held him close to her with her leg against his side. He kissed her gently and then whispered to her,
'I love you… you know that, right?' She nodded softly and answered,
'I love you too." He lowered himself all the way down to her and kissed her lovingly as soon as she finished speaking those words.*
"Faith? Faith… Yo, Faith," Gunn called cautiously, concerned by her obliviousness. He was always told a Slayer had extremely heightened senses, but here he was calling her where any normal person would've heard him walk into the room! She finally jumped in response,
"Yeah… sorry, hi."
"Are you alright?" he asked walking towards her more quickly seeing tears streaming her cheeks.
"I'm fine," she answered nonchalantly assuming everything was fine.
"Then why are you crying?" he asked directly. She was filled with confusion but quickly recovered herself and answered,
"Oh, umm… my eyes have been watering all day… I must be allergic to something in here," she said as she wiped her face with her hand. Gunn decided it would probably be safer to just let it go.
"Have you seen Angel around?"
"No… I was just waiting for him to show up."
"Well, if he comes in, tell him I'm looking for him."
"Alright," she answered forcing a smile. He smiled in return,
"I'll see you later… maybe we can go grab some lunch or something."
"Sure."
"Okay," he answered then walked out of the office.
She turned the chair so she was looking towards the window again rebuking herself unmercifully in her head for crying! What was this shit? She didn't cry over – hold up, she didn't cry period! She'd had enough of this crap… she kicked the desk with her foot before propping it back up on top of it to sit comfortably in the chair.
------
"Yo, Wes," Gunn greeted walking into his office, "what's up?"
"Hello," Wesley greeted looking up from his papers again.
"Is everything alright with her?" he asked motioning towards Angel's office.
"As far as I know…"
"You know where Angel is?"
"He's out of town taking care of some things… he should be back in a few days."
"I didn't know he was leaving. It's not like him to just run out like that…"
"It sounded like something that might have to do with…" he trailed off as he spoke looking clearly over at Faith across the hallway. Gunn connected quickly with what he was saying and added,
"Yeah, umm… you might want to go spend some time in there. She seemed like… well, I don't know her as well as you do, but, she seemed like some Wesley time might be in order… get my drift?"
"Yes, quite," he answered looking over towards Faith in the office. She was now sitting in the chair and swiveling it back and forth playfully. With a tap on the desk Gunn left the office and hurried about his usual work. He had a few hearings later that afternoon, all lined up confidently in a row, and a few new clients to speak with just before lunch. And now for lunch he had a nice girl to take out who he could talk old-school with. She'd be able to share battle stories and fighting strategies with him – it was what he really missed.
------
"Having fun?" Wesley asked as he walked into Angel's office. Faith looked over from the desk,
"You know me," she assured him.
"I really do doubt that," he answered with a smile taking a seat across the desk from her. She shrugged,
"I'm not as interesting as I might like people to think."
"Being a Slayer I somehow doubt that also."
"Yeah, but it's not exactly something you can throw at someone over dinner. You know when you run out of stupid things to talk about. 'Hey, FYI, I'm a Vampire Slayer. How bout you, slay any demons lately?' Doesn't really flow in conversation…" Wesley couldn't help but laugh at her sense of humor.
"I can see that not fitting into your conversations…"
"See that's why I always used to just tell B, there's no sense in trying to get to know a guy, just have 'em and get gone, you know. No sense in trying to date and get to know each other… all we have is slaying and if we tried to talk about other shit they're just going to think we're bimbo's anyhow cause we don't know about other shit. So why bother with the pleasantry bullshit? Want, take, have, move on and forget about it… it's the way we should be."
"I can certainly see Buffy having opposition to that frame of mind. She seems to really enjoy getting to know someone before-"
"Don't let B fool you, she's as horny as the next person."
"Yes, quite," Wesley answered slightly shocked by the information just placed in front of him.
"Sorry, I'll shut up now."
"No, it's fine… I just didn't realize you were talking of dating in particular when you were talking about… well, talking. That's a few too many 'talking's for one phrase, don't you think?"
"I followed you," she answered with a smile.
"Sorry if I didn't follow you on the dating thing," he apologized not realizing how he was pushing the subject that Faith hadn't even realized she had brought up all by herself. "Not a topic I've ever heard you talk about," Wesley added noting that indeed it was a topic often avoided by her and here she was giving him an opportunity for… perhaps bonding.
"Not something I'm really interested in," she answered shortly.
"I believe the ancient history of demonic activity in England was a particular subject in which you weren't interested in," he joked, "men never seemed to quite be in that category when mentioned around you." Faith had to laugh remembering Wesley trying to cram that shit into her head at one point or another.
"I'm starting to think the whole lot of you guys are just garbage," she joked.
"Well that's certainly a different tone than I remember."
"You mean from the promiscuous teenager? Don't get me wrong, I'm still way addicted to dic-" she stopped herself barely in time to spare him another crude phrase and smiled innocently, "sex, I mean sex… if that makes it any better sounding."
"Yes, it certainly does," he answered firmly trying to not let his mind be clouded any further. He wanted to talk to her and it was comforting that she wished to talk so informally with him, but it was just something that would take a bit of adjustment. She had always rambled on and on about her untraditional behaviors with men whenever he'd help her train and such, but he had assumed it was just a topic she endorsed purely for his discomfort and displeasure. His suspicions hadn't been completely wrong, but he hadn't taken into account that it was a topic which she loved to talk about also.
"Sorry."
"It's quite alright," he answered with a forgiving nod.
"Wes… can I tell you something?" Her tone was telling that she was thinking about their past together as well. She couldn't believe Wesley would even be in the same room with her, not to mention all alone.
"If it's not an apology, then certainly."
"And what if it is?"
"Then I must decline."
"Is it because you don't accept it?"
"Certainly not," he answered honestly. "It's because your actions will speak louder than any words you could ever come up with. And I must admit, right now I'm very proud of you…"
"Okay, can we not do that?"
"What?" he asked very confused. He had actually tried to have the Proud Watcher tone and-
"Don't get all Proud Watcher on me, Wes. I'm just on the brink of fucking up again and I don't need to think of you being disappointed if-"
"What are you talking about, Faith?" His tone changed immediately as did his expression.
"Nothing… my heads just swimming – kind of blown out, you know?" She covered quickly, although not that well. Wesley offered a slight nod to ease her anxiety, an emotion that was quickly becoming obvious by her façade.
"Well, I've got some work to get to so I'll let you-" he began standing from his chair and motioning to leave.
"Wes," she finally said in a questioning tone as he rose from his chair.
"Yeah," he asked looking back at her.
"Random question, that's all…" He urged her on with a smile, "do you think that, umm… anyone could tolerate me… you know, on like a long term kind of bases?" It took a moment for Wesley to pick apart what she had asked him – her tone and broken phrases making it more difficult.
"What exactly do you mean?"
"Just in general… I told you it was random. Just, you know, do you think it's possible for someone to put up with me?"
"I certainly don't see why not!" he answered emphatically. "I think there are countless people who… Faith, why do you think that?" he asked realizing he was practically stumbling over his words he was so taken aback by her insecurity.
"I don't know," she quickly answered, "I just don't really have that much to offer… I mean, Wes, I'm an escaped con who was in for life for manslaughter. It's not exactly the bio someone looks for when looking for someone to settle down with," she added trying to add as much levity to her tone as she could muster.
"Why-"
"I was just wondering… told you it was random."
"Right," he answered with a pensive nod. "Alright, I'll be in my office if you need anything."
"Thanks."
*'I just don't know how you deal with me…' she said standing by the window flicking the cigarette ashes outside.
'You are a huge pain in the ass, sometimes,' Xander joked walking away from the window and sitting back on the edge of the bed.
'Thanks,' she answered sharply. The straight face she had actually managed to hold finally broke and a wide smile spread across her face.
'I'm serious,' Xander added still holding his straight face. 'You're just impossible…' She laughed at him and finished with her cigarette she tossed it out the window.
'If I'm anything, I'm a complete mess,' she added walking towards him motioning towards her clothes. She still hadn't changed out of the pajama's she had slept in – a pair of his boxers rolled around the waist to make them fit and a small, white, ribbed, underwear tank. She walked over to the chair with all of their clothes strewn on top of it and unrolled the boxers letting them fall to the floor as she looked for a pair of pants to wear.
Xander's jaw instantaneously dropped seeing her standing there in a small shirt and black panties. Yeah, he'd been with her a while and he should be over the shock factor of seeing her half naked, especially when he'd seen her completely naked, but this wasn't shock, it was complete worship!
'Hey,' he called over to her. She turned to look at him still unsuccessful at finding pants, 'come here.' She walked over to him and stood in front of him with a smile on her face. He flashed a devilish grin at her then lifted her shirt up just enough for him to kiss her stomach.
'What are you doing?' she asked playfully. He continued to kiss her stomach slowly moving down until he reached the fabric of her panties, then moved upward. He raised her shirt slowly as he slowly kissed higher and higher until it reached just under her breasts. He stopped and looked up at her. She smiled and lowered her head and kissed his lips tenderly. He kissed her back as softly as either of them could and slid his hands just as delicately over her hips and onto her ass.
He suddenly grabbed her firmly and pulled her closer to him and looked into her dazzling eyes. She smiled devilishly down at him and grabbed her lower lip in between her teeth in a way that challenged, 'I dare you', which he gladly accepted. He quickly pulled her on top of him on the bed then rolled her over so he hovered proudly above her. He was so cute she couldn't help but giggle at him. He grabbed her wrists and pushed them over her head onto the bed then immediately loosened his grip on them. He was playful, he wasn't vicious. She happily complied with a sweet smile on her lips.
'Passive much?' he asked with surprise.
'Only for you,' she answered honestly. She would lie there for him all day long. He looked down at her looking deeply into her eyes and she added, 'you know, I'd let you do anything to me.'
'Why is that?' he asked picking up one hand and running a finger over her left eyebrow to smooth it down.
'I know you wouldn't hurt me,' she answered plainly not needing to think about it at all.
'So you trust me," he stated with a wide smile spreading over his face.
'Oh, so that's what the feeling is,' she answered matching his smile. 'I wouldn't know.'
'Now you do.' He was so happy he was surprised he wasn't giggling. She trusted him – that was an accomplishment to be proud of and he intended to be! Trust – that was a big deal in general, but when it came to Faith it was monumental.
'It feels good,' she answered openly. He smoothed down her eyebrow again just liking the way it felt and seeing that she did too. As he did she raised one of her hands to his cheek and pulled him softly down for another kiss.
The both shed the clothing they were still wearing and indulged each other in all of the things both of them had discovered 'feels good'.
Even though they had both built each others stamina – Faith from experience and indulgence and Xander from familiarity and fortitude. Faith had lost a lot of her staying power during her long intermission and Xander was happy to rise to the occasion, no pun intended…*
Faith snapped out of yet another day dream pulled away by the sound of someone loudly clearing their throat. She looked up and saw Eve approaching her.
"What do you want now?" she asked sitting back confidently in the chair and propping her feet back up on the desk.
"I was just given word that someone was in Angel's office and, well, I knew it certainly wasn't Angel, so…"
"Why was it, certainly not Angel," Faith mocked.
"He didn't tell you?" Eve asked seemingly innocently but it was all part of the way she figured out how to push Faith's buttons.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"He left… he's not going to be back… I hope you weren't in here waiting for him." Faith was ready to rip that smile right off her face.
"Where'd he go, if you're so smart?" Eve leaned her head slightly to the side and looked out of the office door over to Wesley's office and then returned to looking over at Faith.
"I'm not as smart as most of the people here…" she said with a planned smile. "But, sweetie, he left last night… I thought you would be the first to know when he left. I thought you two were close that way… actually, why didn't you go with him?"
"Can you shut up?" Faith finally spat cutting off her stream of questions that were now more than blatantly just trying to piss her off.
"I just figured he would take you with him… you know, especially for an overnight trip."
"Can I ask you a question? Actually, two…" Faith took her silence as an admission and continued, "you've read my file haven't you?"
"Yes," Eve answered proudly. "It was actually very detailed – from childhood to present day…"
"Okay," Faith agreed not letting her get the upper hand even though she knew things that even Xander didn't… uhh, why did he have to pop into her head all of the time? "Second question," she said now standing up from Angel's chair and walking around the desk so she stood in front of Eve, "do you like your face?" She asked the question steadily but her body language and stance made the threat just as blatant as Eve's previous comments. Eve took a step backward away from Faith trying to remain composed,
Without another word but not without a few more spiteful glares, Eve turned and exited the office. Faith stood there in front of the desk for another minute staring at the empty door way. *The feeling seemed to expand and everything around her blurred into a scene that looked like the head quarters up north. It felt like Buffy was the one who had just walked out of the room. She stood there still well aware she was inside of Wolfram & Hart, but she let herself slightly believe she wasn't as she felt Xander walking up behind her and put his hands on her waist.
'Don't let her get to you…' the soft and kind words of advice were followed by a soft kiss on her shoulder and then he wrapped his arms around her waist.*
Faith shook off the semi-day dream and walked out of the office and into Wesley's. He was on the phone and she motioned to him that he should hang it up.
"Ma'am, something's come up… could I call you back momentarily… ma'am… please can I…" the woman was the wife of one of their client that loved to talk the employee's of Wolfram & Hart's ears off. And if you refused to give her your time, her husband very well would literally talk your ear off… "Ma'am, I understand your situation and I'll do everything in my power to-"
Faith grabbed the receiver out of Wesley's hand and slammed it down into the cradle.
"What are you doing?" Wesley yelled more out of fear than anger.
"Where's Angel?"
"I…"
"Wesley, treat me like I'm dumb whenever you want, but don't you dare try and treat me like I'm fucking stupid."
"Faith, calm down, please… there's no reason to get upset over-"
"Did he go to Slayer Headquarters?" she interjected.
"Yes," Wes answered, knowing lying to Faith would only exacerbate the situation further. She immediately turned away from him with a clearly distressed/ furious look on her face. "Faith, it's no reason to get angry…"
"Whatever," she answered heading towards the door.
"Faith, I told you what I know. Now you have to fill me in on what you know – why's he there?"
"Since when do I play fair, Wes?" she asked with a disconcerting blankness.
"Faith, he told me he'd be back by tonight… he also asked me to ask you to please stick around…"
"So everyone assumes I'm always going to split, huh?"
"Faith, no… I just…"
"Save it, Wes," she answered. She walked out of the office and out of his sight range from his desk. He glanced up at the clock and was amazed that in a few hours such a drastic change in her personality had occurred. Even when she was stable, the girl had mood swings! Wesley was so confused though – what was it that was going on that was making Angel acted borderline irrational, running to Slayer Headquarters in the middle of the night and not telling anyone and Faith, who was swinging from exhausted and worn out to furious and lively.
-----------
Kennedy walked in through the garage with Willow close behind her. Both of them had just come back from running some errands in town and she had a chance to stop and get some pictures developed. She had flipped through the pack of pictures in the car and decided that a couple of the doubles should go straight into Xander's hands. She walked through the hallway heading for Faith's room – it hadn't gone un-noticed by her that that was where he was spending most of his time. She glanced into the kitchen checking if he was in there and then she glanced into the livingroom finding her mark.
Without a word she walked into the room and dropped a small stack of pictures into his lap. He looked up at her with a confused look then back down at the pictures. The one standing a the top of the stack was a picture of Faith and him on this same couch he was now sitting on. Faith was lying on her back with her head rested on the arm rest with her eyes closed gently and he was lying on top of her between her legs. His head was resting on her chest as he lied stomach down with his arms wrapped around her body. After glancing down at the picture he quickly picked his eyes back up to Kennedy,
"What the hell are these?" She shrugged and answered,
"Just thought you might want them…" She turned away and walked out of the room.
- - - - - - -
After going through the pictures Xander quickly stood up and walked back to their bedroom. He sat down on the bed and no matter what he did he couldn't stop looking at all of the pictures. What was amazing is he never saw Kennedy ever take any pictures. All of them seemed to capture moments of the two of them together that made him crumble. He even found himself wiping small drops of tears off of the pictures not wanting to damage them in any way. He felt like he could just look at them for the rest of his life. There was nothing else going through his head right now – all he could do is look at them and be dragged into the memory they captivated. He wiped another tear from the photo then used his sleeve to try and wipe away the fingerprints.
"Xander."
He spun around quickly on the bed and looked over at Angel's large figure standing in the doorway.
"Angel…"