Mystic Snake:.....Err...WAAY sorry for the wait! I've had writer's block for a long while and then I've had computer problems for while. A thousand sorrys! In future I'll make sure that this doesnt happen again!
A random angry reviewer comes up and punches me in the stomach. I cough and fall to my knees....
Reviewer:Make sure of it!!
MS:N-noted....
Weskers Horrible Day
Chapter 4:I Wish I Were Home, Dammit!
Disclaimer:I do not Resident Evil in anyway shape or form.
As Wesker and Birkin walked down the street, happy that they have almost completed their mission without being killed, shot at, or catching anything from them creepy hobos are want to show you a 'puppy'....
"Wow, this sure was a fun night!" Birkin said.
"...You are so Simple minded..." Wesker replied.
"And proud of it!" Birkin said.
"How did we even meet..?!" Wesker said.
"I think it was in high-school..." Birkin said.
FLASH BACK
"I'm almost complete with my uber-dangerous virus that will make me rich!" A young Birkin said.
"I could'nt help but over hear you talking about an evil virus that will make you uber rich." Said a young Wesker.
".....Yeah...." Birkin said slowly.
"...Why don't you grab it and put it in your pocket and lets go grab a beer." Wesker said.
"Sure!!!" Birkin yelled.
Three hours laters Wesker and birkin are drunk in some bar, Birkin is giggling like a madman as he has a dart board hanging from his neck as Wesker thows darts at him....
Two hours later Wesker and Birkin are sitting at a table with a chinese guy with an eye-patch with a revlolver.
"Two Bullet!!! Two Bullet!!!" Eye-patch screamed.
"Dude, you got to do this he's gonna cut your ding-dong off with a rusty coffee can lid!" Wesker nervously said.
"O-okay..." Birkin spun the chamber and pulled the trigger... BANG!!!
Fast forward two hours later, Birkin has a patch on the side of his skull...
"Your my best fwend..." Brikin said drunkenly.
"Hey, Could you let me 'borrow' that virus from ya? I swear I'll give it back." Wesker said.
"Suuuure..." Birkin said clearly baked from morphine...
Birkin hands it over to Wesker who is chuckling...
"J-just make Sure to GiVE IT Back..."Birkin said drunkenly.
"Give what back?" Wesker said.
Birking started laughing, soon after Wesker joins his laughs. Birkin pass' out in a gutter and Wesker runs aways laughing evily...
END FLASH BACK!!!
"...You bitch!!!" Birkin screamed.
"Hey! Shutup! I only got 70 million for that virus!" Wesker screamed.
"70 Million?!"
"Yeah, but I.... kinda lost it all in investments..." Wesker said.
"What did you invest in?" Birkin asked, just about forgeting that this fudging moron ruined his life.
"A movie.... Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure..." Wesker said.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!! God, you suck..." Birkin said.
So they continued on, For about a block intil Birkin stopped at an allyway.
"Why did we stop?" Wesker asked.
"This is a short-cut!" Birkin Said.
"Is it safe...??" Wekser asked eyeing the dank, slimy walls, the boxs with used needles, A leg and arm sticking out of a trash can....
"Oh sure! I let Sherry play out here all the time!" birkin said.
"....Sherry's been kidnapped for Six years now..." Wesker Said.
".....FUDGE!!!" Birkin screamed.
......
"..."
"Well, no use crying over spilt milk!" Birkin said.
"OO.... Lets just hurry, I don't want this pizza to get cold..." Wesker said.
So on they go, unaware of the dangers and stupidity....
A few minutes later... Birkin and Wesker are seen skipping down the allyway singing...
"Oh, We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!" They both sang and skipped arm in arm..... In a straight kinda way of course... Uhh, speeding along, They come across a large open area with two other alyways.
"Do you know where your going...?" Wesker asked.
"Yeah, I saw it in this walkthrough..."Birkin said holding up a Resident Evil 3 walkthrough.
"You moron! We're not in RE3 Racoon City! We're in Resident Evil OutBreak Racoon City!" Wesker screamed.
"...That explains why a waitress shot that cop and screamed "NOOBS MuSt DIEEeeeEEEeE!!!"....." Birkin said.
"..............."
"So, let's just ask someone!" Birkin said.
".....WHO?!?!" Wesker yelled.
"That kind fellow over there." Birkin said pointing over to an old bum who was laying by some boxs, Tweaking on some LSD....
"...Fine..." Wesker said as he slowly walked up to the old man.
"...Uh, sir could you tell me where-"
"Get you own damn milk!!" The crazed bum shouted jumping on Wesker and started gnawing on his ankle.
"AHHH! Get it off! Get it off!" Wesker screamed hitting the bum upside the head with the pizza.
"Whooo! Bitch fight!!!" Birkin screamed jumping on the bum and punching the bum in the back of the head.
After a few more minutes and a few stabs from Wesker boot knife he pulled out, the bum finally let go.
The bum stood with the knife sticking out his chest.
"CUT!!" Someone shouted.
"Whaa...?" Wesker asked as a cloth that looked like the wall of the allyway was pulled away, revealing a director, camera, and a crew.
"What are the heck are you doing in the shot???" The Diector angerly asked.
"....I'm confused..." Birkin asked.
"Don't you know? Tihs is the shooting for Resident Evil 4, and that was a zombie that was going to attack Leon."
"...Zombie...?" Wesker asked looking at the bleeding 'bum'...
"Here, read." The Director said giving him an video game magazine with an article about RE4 and no Zombies. Wesker scimed through it.
".....I'm so quiting when I get home...." Wesker said throwing the magazine away.
"Hey, give me that! That had an article about Final Fantasy XII! The grapics are the bomb on that game!" Birkin said running to get the magazine....
"Let's get the hell out of here..." Wesker said.
So they continued on, making it out of the allyway. They look at the street name, 'Racoon's Butt'...
"Where do you live again?" asked Birkin.
"I live on 'Racoon's Bowels' street. Only two blocks away... Well atleast your shortcut worked!" Wesker said with a grin.
So they walked along, ignoring the drive-bys, the quickie-marts geting robbed, the children jumping into the back of a black van, saying, "Where goddamn candy?!" before pulling out a gat and shooting the would-be kidnapper....
"Hey, let's stop by that liquor store to get some more booze.... I'm kinda low..." Wesker said stopping at the door.
"But you had twelve cases last week...?" Birkin said.
".....I get lonely...." Wesker said....
".....Anyway... We're gonna some fake idea..." Birkin whispered.
"...We're in our mid Fourties...." Wesker said.
"Exactly.... Now your thinkin' if we think that age, we're basicly that age!" Birkin.
"......"
So they walked in, Birkin looking at the selection, while Wesker grabs three 24 cases of beer and three bottles of Jack Daniels....
"Never mind...." Birkin said.
So they pay for the booze and go out the store Wesker smiling happily, holding tightly on his beloved booze. Birkin follows, holding the pizza. So they continue on, just one block away from Weskers lair.
"Finally! we can sit down, watch some good movies, and get drunk!" Wesker said.
"...And eat some good ol' pizza..." Birkin added.
".....Right..... You think they make booze flavored pizzas...?" Wesker asked.
"...Check into AA you damn alcheholic...." Birkin said.
They finally got to the street of Racoons bowel... Now who didnt want to say that?!
Anyway, they walked down the side walk to the house on the end of the stip of houses.
But as always I wont let them off so lucky.... Hehehehehehe.......
As they walked they heard a voice shouting out.
"El' Zorro will stop you evil feinds!!!"
"Oh no..." They both said together.
It was El' Zorro!! Or to the people who didnt read my other chapters, It was Chris Redfeild Stoned out of his mind!!
"I am back from the ER!" He shouted.
"...."
"HAHA! Taste my power!" Chris screamed throwing a brick at Birkin, hitting in the face.
"Hey! No one hurts my freind and get away with it! I'm goin' Street Fighter on your ass!" Wesker shouted.
"Well, I'm going Soul Calibur on YOUR ass!" Chris shouted back pulling a big shiny sword.
"....Oh yeah? Looks like I'm gonna have to go bar crazy on your ass!" Wesker said opening up one of his boxs of beer and pulling out a bottle, he was about smash it on the side walk and use as a weapon, but stopped.
"...Uhh, could you wait and let me drink this quick, I don't want to break it open and get it all over my clean close, okay?" Wesker asked.
"Okay, go ahead..."Chris said.
Wesker opened up the bottle and gulp it all down, he looked over at Chris to say he wasnt looking.... So he tossed the empty bottle behind a house.
"Whoops, looks like I lost that bottle... Iguees I'm gonna have to get another one..." Wesker said picking up another bottle and gulping that one down.
"Come on, hurry up! I've got to go shout at a wall..." Chris said.
While Chris wasnt looking he threw that bottle away...
"Looks like I'm gonna have to get anoth-"
"JUST GUT HE MOTHERFUDGER!!!!" screamed Birkin as he got up.
"Okay, okay..." Wesker said smahing the bottle against the side walk and ran at Chris with the broken bottle.
"HAHA! We duel!" Chris shouted.
Five minutes later, Wesker has Chris by the head with the broken bottle at his throat.
Finally the S.T.A.R.S. and all the other good guys came running up.
"Wait! Don't kill him!" Jill screamed.
"One question:Why is he baked again?" Wesker asked.
They all turn to barry...
"I, uhh, thought that... uh you know it would help take away some of the pain..." Barry said.
"...Whatever call it even if you give me twenty bucks..." Wesker said.
"Deal"
So wesker let chris go as they gave him twenty bucks.
So Wesker walks back over to Birkin, who is on a cellphone... With AA...
"Uh huh... okay, Monday at four! See ya'll there!" Birkin said.
"Who was that?" Wesker asked.
".....My wife.... Say do you want to go to..... Disney Land on Monday, oh say at four pm...? My treat..." Birkin said.
"Sure!" Wesker said.
So finally... They get to Weskers lair!!! YAY!!! They walk inside his lair and go into the living room, and sit in front of the 62" tv screen, they place the pizza down on the table, they both open a beer and turn the tv on, the movie marathon justed then start.
"Ah, its finally over..." Birkin said.
THE END.........? Or is it....
THE NEXT MORING....
Wesker and Birkin are in the two bathrooms in Weskers house on the can, screaming the same thing....
"DIEARRA!!!!!!!!!!"
At the Ashford pizza place...
"Hehehehe... Noone gets away from my evil!!!" Alfred laughed evily.... Alexis is in the back honking her nose, she then makes a baloon dog.
"Oh, doggy!" Alfred said, grabing it....
THE END
MS:Well, thats it! Its over! Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Thank you all! without you all I could'nt finish this! See you all next time!!!
A random angry reviewer comes up and punches me in the stomach. I cough and fall to my knees....
Reviewer:Make sure of it!!
MS:N-noted....
Weskers Horrible Day
Chapter 4:I Wish I Were Home, Dammit!
Disclaimer:I do not Resident Evil in anyway shape or form.
As Wesker and Birkin walked down the street, happy that they have almost completed their mission without being killed, shot at, or catching anything from them creepy hobos are want to show you a 'puppy'....
"Wow, this sure was a fun night!" Birkin said.
"...You are so Simple minded..." Wesker replied.
"And proud of it!" Birkin said.
"How did we even meet..?!" Wesker said.
"I think it was in high-school..." Birkin said.
FLASH BACK
"I'm almost complete with my uber-dangerous virus that will make me rich!" A young Birkin said.
"I could'nt help but over hear you talking about an evil virus that will make you uber rich." Said a young Wesker.
".....Yeah...." Birkin said slowly.
"...Why don't you grab it and put it in your pocket and lets go grab a beer." Wesker said.
"Sure!!!" Birkin yelled.
Three hours laters Wesker and birkin are drunk in some bar, Birkin is giggling like a madman as he has a dart board hanging from his neck as Wesker thows darts at him....
Two hours later Wesker and Birkin are sitting at a table with a chinese guy with an eye-patch with a revlolver.
"Two Bullet!!! Two Bullet!!!" Eye-patch screamed.
"Dude, you got to do this he's gonna cut your ding-dong off with a rusty coffee can lid!" Wesker nervously said.
"O-okay..." Birkin spun the chamber and pulled the trigger... BANG!!!
Fast forward two hours later, Birkin has a patch on the side of his skull...
"Your my best fwend..." Brikin said drunkenly.
"Hey, Could you let me 'borrow' that virus from ya? I swear I'll give it back." Wesker said.
"Suuuure..." Birkin said clearly baked from morphine...
Birkin hands it over to Wesker who is chuckling...
"J-just make Sure to GiVE IT Back..."Birkin said drunkenly.
"Give what back?" Wesker said.
Birking started laughing, soon after Wesker joins his laughs. Birkin pass' out in a gutter and Wesker runs aways laughing evily...
END FLASH BACK!!!
"...You bitch!!!" Birkin screamed.
"Hey! Shutup! I only got 70 million for that virus!" Wesker screamed.
"70 Million?!"
"Yeah, but I.... kinda lost it all in investments..." Wesker said.
"What did you invest in?" Birkin asked, just about forgeting that this fudging moron ruined his life.
"A movie.... Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure..." Wesker said.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!! God, you suck..." Birkin said.
So they continued on, For about a block intil Birkin stopped at an allyway.
"Why did we stop?" Wesker asked.
"This is a short-cut!" Birkin Said.
"Is it safe...??" Wekser asked eyeing the dank, slimy walls, the boxs with used needles, A leg and arm sticking out of a trash can....
"Oh sure! I let Sherry play out here all the time!" birkin said.
"....Sherry's been kidnapped for Six years now..." Wesker Said.
".....FUDGE!!!" Birkin screamed.
......
"..."
"Well, no use crying over spilt milk!" Birkin said.
"OO.... Lets just hurry, I don't want this pizza to get cold..." Wesker said.
So on they go, unaware of the dangers and stupidity....
A few minutes later... Birkin and Wesker are seen skipping down the allyway singing...
"Oh, We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz!" They both sang and skipped arm in arm..... In a straight kinda way of course... Uhh, speeding along, They come across a large open area with two other alyways.
"Do you know where your going...?" Wesker asked.
"Yeah, I saw it in this walkthrough..."Birkin said holding up a Resident Evil 3 walkthrough.
"You moron! We're not in RE3 Racoon City! We're in Resident Evil OutBreak Racoon City!" Wesker screamed.
"...That explains why a waitress shot that cop and screamed "NOOBS MuSt DIEEeeeEEEeE!!!"....." Birkin said.
"..............."
"So, let's just ask someone!" Birkin said.
".....WHO?!?!" Wesker yelled.
"That kind fellow over there." Birkin said pointing over to an old bum who was laying by some boxs, Tweaking on some LSD....
"...Fine..." Wesker said as he slowly walked up to the old man.
"...Uh, sir could you tell me where-"
"Get you own damn milk!!" The crazed bum shouted jumping on Wesker and started gnawing on his ankle.
"AHHH! Get it off! Get it off!" Wesker screamed hitting the bum upside the head with the pizza.
"Whooo! Bitch fight!!!" Birkin screamed jumping on the bum and punching the bum in the back of the head.
After a few more minutes and a few stabs from Wesker boot knife he pulled out, the bum finally let go.
The bum stood with the knife sticking out his chest.
"CUT!!" Someone shouted.
"Whaa...?" Wesker asked as a cloth that looked like the wall of the allyway was pulled away, revealing a director, camera, and a crew.
"What are the heck are you doing in the shot???" The Diector angerly asked.
"....I'm confused..." Birkin asked.
"Don't you know? Tihs is the shooting for Resident Evil 4, and that was a zombie that was going to attack Leon."
"...Zombie...?" Wesker asked looking at the bleeding 'bum'...
"Here, read." The Director said giving him an video game magazine with an article about RE4 and no Zombies. Wesker scimed through it.
".....I'm so quiting when I get home...." Wesker said throwing the magazine away.
"Hey, give me that! That had an article about Final Fantasy XII! The grapics are the bomb on that game!" Birkin said running to get the magazine....
"Let's get the hell out of here..." Wesker said.
So they continued on, making it out of the allyway. They look at the street name, 'Racoon's Butt'...
"Where do you live again?" asked Birkin.
"I live on 'Racoon's Bowels' street. Only two blocks away... Well atleast your shortcut worked!" Wesker said with a grin.
So they walked along, ignoring the drive-bys, the quickie-marts geting robbed, the children jumping into the back of a black van, saying, "Where goddamn candy?!" before pulling out a gat and shooting the would-be kidnapper....
"Hey, let's stop by that liquor store to get some more booze.... I'm kinda low..." Wesker said stopping at the door.
"But you had twelve cases last week...?" Birkin said.
".....I get lonely...." Wesker said....
".....Anyway... We're gonna some fake idea..." Birkin whispered.
"...We're in our mid Fourties...." Wesker said.
"Exactly.... Now your thinkin' if we think that age, we're basicly that age!" Birkin.
"......"
So they walked in, Birkin looking at the selection, while Wesker grabs three 24 cases of beer and three bottles of Jack Daniels....
"Never mind...." Birkin said.
So they pay for the booze and go out the store Wesker smiling happily, holding tightly on his beloved booze. Birkin follows, holding the pizza. So they continue on, just one block away from Weskers lair.
"Finally! we can sit down, watch some good movies, and get drunk!" Wesker said.
"...And eat some good ol' pizza..." Birkin added.
".....Right..... You think they make booze flavored pizzas...?" Wesker asked.
"...Check into AA you damn alcheholic...." Birkin said.
They finally got to the street of Racoons bowel... Now who didnt want to say that?!
Anyway, they walked down the side walk to the house on the end of the stip of houses.
But as always I wont let them off so lucky.... Hehehehehehe.......
As they walked they heard a voice shouting out.
"El' Zorro will stop you evil feinds!!!"
"Oh no..." They both said together.
It was El' Zorro!! Or to the people who didnt read my other chapters, It was Chris Redfeild Stoned out of his mind!!
"I am back from the ER!" He shouted.
"...."
"HAHA! Taste my power!" Chris screamed throwing a brick at Birkin, hitting in the face.
"Hey! No one hurts my freind and get away with it! I'm goin' Street Fighter on your ass!" Wesker shouted.
"Well, I'm going Soul Calibur on YOUR ass!" Chris shouted back pulling a big shiny sword.
"....Oh yeah? Looks like I'm gonna have to go bar crazy on your ass!" Wesker said opening up one of his boxs of beer and pulling out a bottle, he was about smash it on the side walk and use as a weapon, but stopped.
"...Uhh, could you wait and let me drink this quick, I don't want to break it open and get it all over my clean close, okay?" Wesker asked.
"Okay, go ahead..."Chris said.
Wesker opened up the bottle and gulp it all down, he looked over at Chris to say he wasnt looking.... So he tossed the empty bottle behind a house.
"Whoops, looks like I lost that bottle... Iguees I'm gonna have to get another one..." Wesker said picking up another bottle and gulping that one down.
"Come on, hurry up! I've got to go shout at a wall..." Chris said.
While Chris wasnt looking he threw that bottle away...
"Looks like I'm gonna have to get anoth-"
"JUST GUT HE MOTHERFUDGER!!!!" screamed Birkin as he got up.
"Okay, okay..." Wesker said smahing the bottle against the side walk and ran at Chris with the broken bottle.
"HAHA! We duel!" Chris shouted.
Five minutes later, Wesker has Chris by the head with the broken bottle at his throat.
Finally the S.T.A.R.S. and all the other good guys came running up.
"Wait! Don't kill him!" Jill screamed.
"One question:Why is he baked again?" Wesker asked.
They all turn to barry...
"I, uhh, thought that... uh you know it would help take away some of the pain..." Barry said.
"...Whatever call it even if you give me twenty bucks..." Wesker said.
"Deal"
So wesker let chris go as they gave him twenty bucks.
So Wesker walks back over to Birkin, who is on a cellphone... With AA...
"Uh huh... okay, Monday at four! See ya'll there!" Birkin said.
"Who was that?" Wesker asked.
".....My wife.... Say do you want to go to..... Disney Land on Monday, oh say at four pm...? My treat..." Birkin said.
"Sure!" Wesker said.
So finally... They get to Weskers lair!!! YAY!!! They walk inside his lair and go into the living room, and sit in front of the 62" tv screen, they place the pizza down on the table, they both open a beer and turn the tv on, the movie marathon justed then start.
"Ah, its finally over..." Birkin said.
THE END.........? Or is it....
THE NEXT MORING....
Wesker and Birkin are in the two bathrooms in Weskers house on the can, screaming the same thing....
"DIEARRA!!!!!!!!!!"
At the Ashford pizza place...
"Hehehehe... Noone gets away from my evil!!!" Alfred laughed evily.... Alexis is in the back honking her nose, she then makes a baloon dog.
"Oh, doggy!" Alfred said, grabing it....
THE END
MS:Well, thats it! Its over! Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Thank you all! without you all I could'nt finish this! See you all next time!!!