A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but I really had to focus on my tests...and I was a bit stuck...

A/N: I'm afraid I won't be able to update for a while cause tomorrow my wrist will be operated.

A/N: Enjoy and don't forget to review! I want at least 5 reviews...also for OTRA cause else I won't update :P

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Why did I ever want to screw up? Why did I want the town to hate me? It's not so funny anymore now it's actually happened. Rory. It's all her fault. Thanks to her everybody looks at me with disgust and pity in their eyes. Everytime people see me they start whispering to eachother...telling eachother exactly how bad Jess Mariano fucked up. Like I don't know.

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I lost Laurie.

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Not that that is a big loss...but I'm girlfriendless. And I hurt her. Something I never wanted to do. Laurie was sweet. Yeah she was boring and annoying, but she never did anything to hurt me. She didn't deserve this.

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I took so much drugs I'm not sure I can live without it anymore.

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Yup. Big problem there. Sure I knew drugs were addictive before I started it but I never expected it to be like this. I mean...I was Jess Mariano. Town prince. I could do anything. Well...guess not. Guess I lost the game this time.

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I lost Rory.

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I know I shouldn't. Miss her that is. I know she is the one that fucked me up. She is the one that made me lose it all. But I know that if she was here with me now things wouldn't seem so bad. It was a weird kind of love I had fallen into. Suicidal. I missed her when she wasn't around, and at the same time I hated her when she was. I was continually torn between ripping her head of and fucking her brains out. So to speak.

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Last of all...I seem to have lost my mind.

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Is it just me or is everybody talking about me? Do I care? Do I want them to care? Why am I so upset that Luke is upset? Why do I want to tell everybody that this wasn't me...that it was Rory who did all this to me. When I was the one that wanted it. I was the one that begged her to give me more. Begged her to go on, cause I needed saving.

Saving.

Huh.

Ironic.

I thought Rory was saving me when all she did was play me for the fool that I was. All she did was take advantage of me to get a one way ticket back to New York. Well it worked. The whole town was furious when they found out. They went to the Gilmore Residence and practically threatened to lynch Rory. That or send her back to the hellpit she came from.

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So naturally she chose New York.

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And dammit I miss her. I miss having her around me...making me laugh...cry...making me feel. Something. Anything. Just not this goddamn emptiness I've been feeling for so long. And I want her back. I want her to stay. To take care of me even if it means fucking me up even more.

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The people in Stars Hollow thought I needed saving. They thought I wanted out. They are so happy...thinking they did the right thing and removing the black sheep from our town so they can live their happy perfect life.

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They think I'm happy too now she's gone.

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When all I can think about is...

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Why did they have to find out?!

A/N: REVIEW!!! I'll be eternally grateful and it makes me want to write more...so if you'll review I'll try to type with one finger :D