A/N: There might be people saying that the way Rory feels about the rape isn't how it really feels. I've never been raped, I have been sexually assaulted though and this is how I felt about it.



Jess sat down on his bed.

"I don't believe you used me. There was something between us whenever we fucked. I can still feel it when I think about you. I don't know what it is, if it's love or lust or anything...but you can't tell me it was nothing. You can't."

Rory nodded and sat down next to him.

"I know. I thought it was just using you. But you touched something in me. You made me believe in changing back again."

She looked up at him again.

"I want to Jess. I want to make everything okay and be who I was before I got raped and..."

"Raped?"

She quickly covered her mouth, looking up at him in horror.

"I..."

Suddenly he just took her in his arms, stroking her hair while she covered her face in his shirt. She felt like crying, and she knew Jess would understand. So when tears filled her eyes, for once she didn't suppress them. She allowed herself to break down, knowing that he wouldn't take advantage of it, knowing that he would understand and be there for her.

Jess's t-shirt was soaking wet by the time Rory had calmed down. She was still sobbing a little, but the hysteric crying, accompanied by the uncontrollable shaking of her body, had faded.

He didn't know what to say. She had never shown any weakness and he wasn't sure what the best way to comfort her was. So he just held her, trying to give her comfort in the best way he could; with his body.

Rory clinged to him, not wanting him to ever leave. She had been alone for so long that she couldn't remember ever being something else than lonely. For the first time since she had been raped she felt like she could be herself in front of a guy. She knew that with Jess she could let her guard down, not having to worry about what consequences it would have or fearing that he might hurt her.

The silence between them wasn't awkward, but rather one of comradeship. They trusted eachother and both knew that whatever connection they shared, it was one of unexplainable value. They were destined to help eachother. Nobody would have expected it, but the town prince and the fucked up rebel from New York could be better persons. As long as they were together.

Rory dried her eyes and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I mean...I wasn't just saying that to get your sympathy...it just..."

"hurts"

he finished her sentence. She nodded.

"I used to be a good girl Jess. I was like Laurie...great friends, great parents, basically a great life. And to top it all off...a perfect boyfriend"

Her eyes got clouded as she relived that night again. The pain. The hurt she had felt, not so much physically as well as mentally. That he had betrayed her trust. Stolen her virginity. She remembered feeling the guilt, asking herself if maybe it was her fault. Blaming herself for not screaming louder, kicking harder, yelling "no" more times. Part of her had kept blaming herself, poisoning her mind until she felt so depressed that all she wanted was for it to stop. She had started drinking, using drugs, everythign she could think off to stop that little voice in her head that kept screaming "Your fault! Your fault!"

"but he wasn't that perfect"

Jess still had his arms wrapped around her slim waist. His hands rubbed circles on her lower back to make her relax.

"thinking about it made me sick. I just wanted to forget..."

She looked up at him again, tears again shimmering in her eyes.

"so that's why you started using drugs...that's why you changed"

It seemed like a question but it wasn't. He understood what it must have been life, as far as one who hasn't experienced that possibly could understand.

Rory let go of her breath, not realizing she had been holding it. She snuggled closer to him, making him feel that she was trembling all over, something that always happened when she thought about it.

"Have you talked about it? To your mother?"

No. When I could I didn't wanted to, and when I wanted to I couldn't anymore. We drifted too far apart"

"When she sent you here...why did you want to hurt Laurie?"

Rory shrugged and blushed lightly.

"She was me. How I should have been. How I was. If I couldn't be that then why should she...you know...? And I wanted back to New York...back to the drugs so I wouldn't have to think anymore..."

"Why me? Why did you want to drag me with you?"

Jess knew he was asking too many questions, but he was afraid that maybe she wouldn't ever want to talk about it again after this, and he needed to know.

Rory looked up at him again.

"At first...cause you were hot...the cause I felt like you could save me and I didn't wanted to be saved..."

"And now?"

"Cause I love you"