AN: finally! I've battle the ending tooth and nail, but I eventually won. I came out sporting a sore hand, a slightly damaged mind, ascratched up paper, and sorta bent pen. ^^;; didn't think it was gonna fight back that hard. Must be a reincarnation of my brother. Anyway, being that it took longer than expected, I stretched it out and made this part as long as I possibly could. I warn you now, don't expect the next chapter anytime soon. It's break and I luckily have more time to think, but after battling with this chapter, I'm figuring out how to get to the ending from here. It'll most likely be only a chapter or two more.
And thank you for all of you who reviewed and for being understanding in my dilemma, which unfortunately doesn't seem to be ending till the middle of January.
On another note, instead of constantly putting up extra notes here when I can't update, I've made myself a group. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RSS_Fanfiction/ I haven't done anything yet, but please join, I'm using it to keep my readers updated on my progress for my fics. I'll be uploading my fics up there in a couple days.
Drowning In Sorrow
The door opened and closed. I didn't bother to look up until my name was called. I looked up and saw Touma. Mentally I gasped in shock. I knew what was going to happen, but there was nothing I could do about it. The only thing I could do was sit in the back of my mind and watch the scene take it's course.
He's talking to me now, and though I cannot hear him, I know exactly what he's telling me. Now he's leaning forward to kiss me, and I see myself pushing him away. The look of hurt on his face tells me that I've already said something to him and it makes me want to yell at myself for what I've done, not that I could fix it. It's already too late.
All too soon the view started moving away and I realized I was waking out of the room, leaving Touma behind, who just stood there staring at me, his eyes brimming with tears. All I feel know is hatred towards myself. I want to kick myself in the ass for being such a cruel jerk. Sure at the time everything seemed justified. I mean, how are you supposed to react when your closest friend comes up to you one day saying that they're in love with you and kisses you?
Everything slowly fades away and the next thing I see are clips of images and scenes that came after that day. I spent days, weeks even, trying to avoid him. I'd go out early and come home late. I only went into our room to get clean clothes or a book or something. Most of the time I was up in the attic, or on the roof. Nobody knew I was up there. They all thought I hated going up to the attic since I wouldn't help them clean it out last time. I even went as far as to cut off my link with all the others. If they wanted to talk to me or question me, they had to seek me out first.
I spent most of the days thinking and going over what happened. For the life of me, I just couldn't figure anything out. Everything I've ever learned told me that I was supposed to find myself a wife, get married, and have a son to carry on the family name. For a guy to like another guy, that was something that was heavily frowned upon in my family. I grew up not only thinking that it was wrong, but that it was bad, completely immoral and totally disgusting. That it was something that took away your pride and honor to your name. But then why would Touma do such a thing? Sure he didn't have much of an honor to his name to uphold thanks to his father, but his pride was something he held very important to him. No matter how long I spent thinking, I couldn't figure anything out.
By the end of the third week, I was still just as confused or even more so than before. The others have also tried to confront me, which in response I now dutifully ignore and avoid them as well. Now I practically stay in the attic all day. Early in the morning when no one is up, I'd go down to get myself some food and then head back up to the attic. This was the daily routine. That is, of course, up until the last day of the third week. By then, I think, I was driving myself insane. I've spent my time analyzing, reanalyzing, and even over analyzing known facts. And after three weeks, I'm still stuck where I was from the beginning. Of course, all of this thinking gave me a headache, so I did the only thing I could do. I went to sleep early.
I must've slept for only five hours cause when I looked at the clock, it said midnight. I looked around a bit, trying to figure out what it was that woke me up. That's when I heard Shin calling for me through the link. Thinking about it now, Shin probably figured it out to some extent. At least, he knew it was something that included both of us. I was surprised that the link let it through, but it must've been because the link is weak when we're sleeping. However, the urgency in his voice snapped me out of my shock. Instead of replying, I got up and went downstairs. At this time of night, everyone else is always asleep, making it easy to find Shin. I just had to look for light. It didn't take long to find him, but it was where he was that made me stop in my tracks and just stare for a moment. The door was closed and the light shone out from under it. Therefore, Shin had no idea that I was already standing outside. What made me stop though, was when I saw who's door I was standing outside of. All the possibilities running through my head made me sick to the stomach.
I took a deep breath, not sure what to expect behind the door, and walked inside. However, nothing could've prepared me for what I saw before me. Shin was kneeling next to Touma's bed. There were two piles of cloth next to him. One was clean, but the other pile, the slightly bigger pile, of cloths were soaked in blood. I quickly walked closer to the bed, and there lay Touma. It looked like there were a fresh pair of cloth wrapped around his wrists with Shin's hands around them as well, trying to put as much pressure there as he could. Even with all of this, you could see the pieces of cloth quickly turning red from the blood.
Placing a hand on Shin's shoulders, I gently pushed him to the side. I knelt where Shin was and looked at Touma for a second. Then my eyes flickered to his wrists. I reached out to take off the pieces of cloth from each wrist, then looked to see what kind of damage was done to him. As soon as I saw Touma's wrists, I was suddenly hit with the brutally harsh reality. Touma was dying.
My eyes snapped open and I was gasping for breath. My arms tightened around the sleeping archer that lay in front of me. As it was, if it wasn't for the fact that I had a sleeping Touma in my arms, I would've sat up as well. My head was spinning, my heart was racing, and I was trying to catch my breath. I've never had any dreams about that day before, so it was totally unexpected and shocking that it came back to haunt me now.
It was that day that I made a realization that I should've found within my three weeks of avoiding. I realized that my course of action was very childish, and it wasn't till that night that I realized that I valued our friendship a lot. That I'd rather forget what happened so that we could still be the friends that we used to be. I was very thankful that night, that you weren't thinking and ended up slicing your wrists and not straight down you forearm. However the cuts on your wrists were really deep and if Shin didn't wake me up when he did, I wouldn't have been able to heal you in time. You could've died.
Pulling myself away from that train of thought, I look up at the clock. It's three o'clock. Have we been sleeping for that long? Everyone's probably wondering why I've missed lunch. But then again, today's Sunday, so hopefully everyone went out by lunch time. Though I should probably get up anyway. Placing a kiss on top of Touma's head, I unwrap my arms from around his torso and slide out of bed.
"Seiji….?" he said in a soft voice, waking up slightly.
I kneel down on the ground next to him. "Go back to sleep Touma. We'll talk tonight." I say in a soft voice as well, as I gently pet his head like a parent would to a child. I watched and waited till he went back to sleep before I got up and headed to the bathroom.
A/N: okay! Now that that's done, I'd like some suggestions on how to continue. I want to finish this fic sometime soon, but my evil mind loves being a sado-masochistic bastard and loves to torture me by making me not able to finish fics and wants me to inadvertently make you all suffer by writing more but not getting them together. Although I *do* have an ending, sorta, it's just basically they get together. O.o not very specific, but I'll figure it out eventually.