Disclaimer: Faramir the Exceptional, etc. are not mine. As always.
This chapter was another doozy to write, and though I'm not quite pleased with its finished product, I couldn't think of anything better. Please tell me what you think!!
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Chapter Six: Passing the Time in Speech
Faramir lost all track of time. All he knew was that the torch was going out. The very thought made him quiver in fright. [As if it isn't dark enough already.] He could think of nothing but the torch, and his eyes could do nothing but stare at the dying flames. Time slipped by, as the circle of light thrown by the torch grew smaller and smaller. Eventually, Faramir knew it wouldn't be long now, and the thought terrified him. His hands began to shake, and his lungs seemed unable to take in the amount of air he needed. Still, he managed to get up and kneel beside Eomer.
"Eomer, quickly! The torch!" He shook the man hard, perhaps more so than he had meant to, but it was effective at least. Eomer sprang up, and knelt down to examine the torch. It sputtered, and gave off almost no light now. Faramir knelt down beside him. "Isn't there anything we can do?" A hint of panic rose in his voice, but he forced it back down. The torch suddenly flickered, and went out. Faramir gave a sigh of relief as it came back just as quickly.
"I think that it would be best if we sat up against the wall, so that when the torch goes out we will at least be assured of our surroundings." Faramir obediently moved over to a smoother part of the rock wall, next to the collapsed pile of boulders. Eomer followed him more slowly, trying to protect the torch as he carried it from even the minor drafts of air caused by walking. However, as he walked, the torch abruptly gave out, and did not come back. Faramir could not see anything, not even Eomer, who had only been a few steps away. His surroundings were coated in darkness, darker than anything that he had ever experienced before.
Faramir began to panic. [This isn't happening – it will come back. It will come back.] Repeating the mantra to himself did not bring it back, however.
"Faramir!" Eomer's urgent voice broke through his thoughts, and he pulled himself back to the present. "I cannot see you! Say something, so that I can find you!"
Faramir did not quite know how to respond. "I am here. Walk in the same direction you had been before." His voice echoed off the cave walls, making it impossible for Eomer to track him.
"I turned around when the torch went out. It startled me. I still can't find you."
Standing up, Faramir locked his knees to keep them from shaking. He placed one hand on the wall, then reached the other out into the darkness, feeling for Eomer. "Reach for my hand," he said as clearly as he could. He heard a few tentative steps towards him, then felt Eomer bump into his hand.
"Sorry," Eomer mumbled, as he put his own hand into Faramir's. Faramir led him back to the wall, and then let go, and dropped to the floor.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," Faramir said, feeling absolutely miserable. "I just wish the torch had held out longer."
"I wish it had too."
Silence took over the cavern again, and Faramir began to panic more and more. He tried to control his breathing as best as he could, but it became more and more difficult for him to do so. The darkness made his fears multiply tenfold, and he was now certain that they were going to rot in this little cave. He kept his eyes closed tightly for what seemed to be a long time, trying to fool himself into thinking that it wasn't as dark as he knew it was. Finally he heard Eomer shift next to him, and he opened his eyes.
"Faramir!" Eomer sounded excited, but since he couldn't see the man sitting next to him, he couldn't tell for sure. "Look! Is that not light?"
Faramir lifted his eyes slowly, taking in the darkness. [It is still dark – nothing but blackness.] But as he scanned the area, praying that Eomer was correct, he did notice small cracks of light coming through the fallen rock wall. He slowly made his way over to the source of the light, and he realized that the light was coming from the other side of the cave. "The rocks do not go on for a mile at all! It must only be a few feet wide, in order to have fissures for the light to come through!"
Eomer crept over to Faramir's side, and Faramir could almost sense the man's excitement. "Then there's still a good chance of being found! And here we are thinking that there is no hope! We should have known better." He began laughing, almost hysterically in his joy.
Faramir just knelt there, next to the light, soaking it in, knowing that he was grinning like an idiot. But he didn't really care, so long as he could stay next to the light. [Besides, it is still dark enough so that Eomer couldn't see me anyway.] "Praise the Valar," he said. Not only was light coming through the holes, but also a tiny bit of fresh air as well, and Faramir gulped in what he could. It was barely enough to make him feel better, but his spirits were rising. He turned to look at Eomer, seeing no more than the dark shadow of his face, but this did not detract from his relief at even the small amount of light filtering through. "I think I'm going to just stay here, if you don't mind." He readjusted himself to sit with his back against the collapsed rocks, but his face was in the tiny draft.
"You'll hear no complaints from me," Eomer said happily, doing the same. "It probably just took our eyes a while to adjust to the low light in here. So it's actually a good thing that the torch went out – we would have been sitting there not knowing how close we are to rescue."
Faramir nodded, even though Eomer could barely see him doing so. "Yes, I suppose so," he said slowly, then went back to taking his deep breaths. Even though the new light and air helped, they did nothing to convince him that the rocks would not collapse on top of them. [Breathe. Just breathe.]
Eomer's voice interrupted his concentration. "Faramir, are you all right? You're breathing so heavily."
Faramir, ashamed of his fears, responded quickly. "I'm quite all right, thank you." He was glad that Eomer could not see his face, as he knew that it would give away his guilt. His voice gave away more than he had hoped it would, though, and Eomer's lack of a response convinced him that his companion knew that he was not all right.
"Faramir, if something is wrong, I'd like you to tell me," Eomer prompted gently.
"I'm fine, Eomer," Faramir responded, but again he knew that Eomer could tell he was lying. The novelty of air and light was lessening, and he was feeling worse and worse.
"If you say what's bothering you, I'll tell you a secret in return," Eomer said. "An important one," he added, and Faramir could tell he was smiling.
[Obviously he doesn't know what's bothering me at all. He must think that I'm worrying over whether or not Sigeberht has proper stabling, or some such nonsense.] "I'm sure that I'll survive without knowing it."
"Fine, if you think Eowyn will ever forgive you for not knowing..." Eomer's voice trailed off, trying to bait him.
Faramir couldn't help but laugh a little. "That is unfair," he replied.
"Please, Faramir, tell me what's wrong."
Faramir sighed. [I had hoped to avoid this. Goodness knows what he'll think of me now.] "Actually, it's that I've never been – comfortable – in caves, and other such places. They are too cramped and small. I lack for fresh air."
Eomer's happiness seemed to disappear. "I'm sorry, Faramir – you should have said something, and then we wouldn't be here."
"I didn't want to insult you." [Why do I always have such ridiculous excuses for everything?]
"You worry about that too much, I think. But at least you said something now – that way we know to avoid caves in the future." Eomer gave what appeared to be a hopeful smile (the lack of light made it hard to tell), and Faramir reluctantly returned it. "Faramir?" Eomer began again.
"I'm not answering anything until you tell me this 'secret' of yours." Since he had been coerced into saying something, he was determined to at least get his side of the bargain.
"This is part of the same question about you," Eomer replied. "I'm not finished yet." He continued on despite Faramir's sigh. "How could you be comfortable in Henneth Annun then, if you are – uncomfortable – in small places? After all, that is a cave as well, or so I have heard."
Faramir thought for a moment. "It isn't just the size. Henneth Annun has the Window on the West – there is a waterfall, and plenty of fresh air and light. There is never a silence there – silence makes everything seem smaller as well."
"I see." Eomer paused.
"I'm sorry if I –"
"Please – I was the one who asked. I'm sorry about that."
"I really don't mind." He sighed. [I wish things were going better.] "So – what is that piece of information that I cannot live without?"
"Do you know Eowyn's favourite colour?"
Faramir thought on this for a moment. [White, I suppose. She so often wears it. But I honestly don't know.] He felt rather foolish for not knowing, and even more so for admitting to her brother that he didn't. [I feel terrible for now knowing. How insensitive am I?] "White," he guessed, though he tried to keep the uncertainty out of his voice.
He heard Eomer shake his head. "No – it's actually green."
"Green?" he asked incredulously. [Certainly Eomer will approve of me now, knowing that I don't even know Eowyn's favourite colour,] he berated himself. [What kind of a respectable suitor am I?]
"Yes. Everyone thinks that it is white, but it is not. Since Eowyn is called 'the White Lady', however, it is only fitting that she wear white. Or so she believes. Personally, I don't think anyone really cares that much." Eomer paused here for a moment, seemingly in thought.
Taking the few moments to absorb this, Faramir felt absolutely horrible. [What a fool I am. She has always followed her duty.] "I see," he said slowly. Confusion spread through his mind, and he ventured a question. "So why is she called the White Lady, then?"
"I don't honestly know. Perhaps it is because she is so pale, though I must say that after the Shadow lifted she does not look so anymore. Or perhaps that when she wears white, she gleams in the sun." [That she does,] Faramir remembered fondly, as he pictured he standing on the walls of the Houses of Healing. "A bard here at Edoras first called her that. It seems that the name has stayed with her."
Faramir said no more, letting the silence take over. Thinking of Eowyn made him forget his own uneasiness, and he gladly welcomed the respite from his fears. He made a vow to himself to never give her another white thing ever again, despite whatever other people might do. [The White Lady she may be, but I will make her the Green Lady of Ithilien if it is what she wishes.]
A few minutes later, Eomer spoke again. "Faramir?"
"You seem to be quite the inquisitive one today," Faramir said, trying to lighten both their moods.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Go right ahead."
"Do you love Eowyn?" Eomer asked the question quietly, as though he feared what Faramir's reaction would be.
"Do I love Eowyn?" he repeated to himself, unsure of how to answer. Finally he responded. "To say yes would not be enough – not even to give a speech about how I feel would be enough – and I do not think that what I say will really matter. But if such a straight answer is what you want, then yes, I do, deeply."
"Faramir, I'll not lie to you. Eowyn is the most important person to me now. I want to see her happy, with the right person. It is so soon since –" Eomer stopped here, clearly too embarrassed to go forward.
"I believe – at least I pray – that she feels for me as I do for her. But as for whether she loves me, you would have to ask her, for assuredly I could not give an unbiased answer." Faramir's spirits sunk. [I knew this would come up eventually. He knows I am not good enough for her.] He bowed his head.
"Faramir, I barely know you. You are a good man, I know that, but I nevertheless I know nothing more than the plain facts about you. I can't help but be a little skeptical. Don't be offended, please, but I just feel as though you are a stranger, not only to me, but also to Eowyn. Not only you, but your people and customs are so different to us. She's going to live among complete strangers."
Faramir gave a little sigh of frustration. [Again people say that we are too different.] He had long grown tired of this argument, from those who thought he should marry a woman of Numenor, instead of a 'foreigner'. "Your people and customs are strange to me as well, but I do not see that as an impediment," he retorted. "In Ithilien, there will be people from Gondor, Dol Amroth, Lossarnach, Lebennin – from everywhere. There will even be Elves from Mirkwood, coming with Legolas. If she wanted to bring half your court to Ithilien I would welcome them all. Eowyn will not be out of place, like a flower uprooted from its garden and taken far away. And if ever she wished to return home –" he caught himself, "– to return here, I would never stop her. I will not keep her caged." The words just spilled out of his mouth, before he thought them over in his normal fashion. He kicked himself inwardly for his lack of tact. Eomer just stared at him. Or seemed to. "I'm sorry," he said quickly.
"No – there's no need," Eomer replied slowly, formulating his response with care. "I should apologize to you, I suppose. I did not mean to offend you. I will say no more." Then he indeed fell silent.
Faramir kicked himself again. [Now I have insulted him. How much worse can things become?] He decided to venture an explanation, since it seemed as though he could do no worse. "No, please, listen. You must understand – I have heard so many people tell me, or at least hint, that either she is too 'different' and would be out of place, or that I should not take her from her homeland, or anything else in between. I suppose that was my outburst against it, and I should not have said it, least of all to you. It was not my place. I beg pardon."
Eomer turned towards him, and Faramir could tell from his tone of voice that he was just as confused in his emotions as Faramir himself. "Why do you always apologize for everything? It was I who should not have said what I did. It was not my place. And as I said before, I will be plain with you. You should not express regret that you did the same. I prefer it when you are honest with me."
Faramir was at a loss for words, and did not reply. He merely closed his eyes, rested his head on his knees, and took deep breaths.
This chapter was another doozy to write, and though I'm not quite pleased with its finished product, I couldn't think of anything better. Please tell me what you think!!
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Chapter Six: Passing the Time in Speech
Faramir lost all track of time. All he knew was that the torch was going out. The very thought made him quiver in fright. [As if it isn't dark enough already.] He could think of nothing but the torch, and his eyes could do nothing but stare at the dying flames. Time slipped by, as the circle of light thrown by the torch grew smaller and smaller. Eventually, Faramir knew it wouldn't be long now, and the thought terrified him. His hands began to shake, and his lungs seemed unable to take in the amount of air he needed. Still, he managed to get up and kneel beside Eomer.
"Eomer, quickly! The torch!" He shook the man hard, perhaps more so than he had meant to, but it was effective at least. Eomer sprang up, and knelt down to examine the torch. It sputtered, and gave off almost no light now. Faramir knelt down beside him. "Isn't there anything we can do?" A hint of panic rose in his voice, but he forced it back down. The torch suddenly flickered, and went out. Faramir gave a sigh of relief as it came back just as quickly.
"I think that it would be best if we sat up against the wall, so that when the torch goes out we will at least be assured of our surroundings." Faramir obediently moved over to a smoother part of the rock wall, next to the collapsed pile of boulders. Eomer followed him more slowly, trying to protect the torch as he carried it from even the minor drafts of air caused by walking. However, as he walked, the torch abruptly gave out, and did not come back. Faramir could not see anything, not even Eomer, who had only been a few steps away. His surroundings were coated in darkness, darker than anything that he had ever experienced before.
Faramir began to panic. [This isn't happening – it will come back. It will come back.] Repeating the mantra to himself did not bring it back, however.
"Faramir!" Eomer's urgent voice broke through his thoughts, and he pulled himself back to the present. "I cannot see you! Say something, so that I can find you!"
Faramir did not quite know how to respond. "I am here. Walk in the same direction you had been before." His voice echoed off the cave walls, making it impossible for Eomer to track him.
"I turned around when the torch went out. It startled me. I still can't find you."
Standing up, Faramir locked his knees to keep them from shaking. He placed one hand on the wall, then reached the other out into the darkness, feeling for Eomer. "Reach for my hand," he said as clearly as he could. He heard a few tentative steps towards him, then felt Eomer bump into his hand.
"Sorry," Eomer mumbled, as he put his own hand into Faramir's. Faramir led him back to the wall, and then let go, and dropped to the floor.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," Faramir said, feeling absolutely miserable. "I just wish the torch had held out longer."
"I wish it had too."
Silence took over the cavern again, and Faramir began to panic more and more. He tried to control his breathing as best as he could, but it became more and more difficult for him to do so. The darkness made his fears multiply tenfold, and he was now certain that they were going to rot in this little cave. He kept his eyes closed tightly for what seemed to be a long time, trying to fool himself into thinking that it wasn't as dark as he knew it was. Finally he heard Eomer shift next to him, and he opened his eyes.
"Faramir!" Eomer sounded excited, but since he couldn't see the man sitting next to him, he couldn't tell for sure. "Look! Is that not light?"
Faramir lifted his eyes slowly, taking in the darkness. [It is still dark – nothing but blackness.] But as he scanned the area, praying that Eomer was correct, he did notice small cracks of light coming through the fallen rock wall. He slowly made his way over to the source of the light, and he realized that the light was coming from the other side of the cave. "The rocks do not go on for a mile at all! It must only be a few feet wide, in order to have fissures for the light to come through!"
Eomer crept over to Faramir's side, and Faramir could almost sense the man's excitement. "Then there's still a good chance of being found! And here we are thinking that there is no hope! We should have known better." He began laughing, almost hysterically in his joy.
Faramir just knelt there, next to the light, soaking it in, knowing that he was grinning like an idiot. But he didn't really care, so long as he could stay next to the light. [Besides, it is still dark enough so that Eomer couldn't see me anyway.] "Praise the Valar," he said. Not only was light coming through the holes, but also a tiny bit of fresh air as well, and Faramir gulped in what he could. It was barely enough to make him feel better, but his spirits were rising. He turned to look at Eomer, seeing no more than the dark shadow of his face, but this did not detract from his relief at even the small amount of light filtering through. "I think I'm going to just stay here, if you don't mind." He readjusted himself to sit with his back against the collapsed rocks, but his face was in the tiny draft.
"You'll hear no complaints from me," Eomer said happily, doing the same. "It probably just took our eyes a while to adjust to the low light in here. So it's actually a good thing that the torch went out – we would have been sitting there not knowing how close we are to rescue."
Faramir nodded, even though Eomer could barely see him doing so. "Yes, I suppose so," he said slowly, then went back to taking his deep breaths. Even though the new light and air helped, they did nothing to convince him that the rocks would not collapse on top of them. [Breathe. Just breathe.]
Eomer's voice interrupted his concentration. "Faramir, are you all right? You're breathing so heavily."
Faramir, ashamed of his fears, responded quickly. "I'm quite all right, thank you." He was glad that Eomer could not see his face, as he knew that it would give away his guilt. His voice gave away more than he had hoped it would, though, and Eomer's lack of a response convinced him that his companion knew that he was not all right.
"Faramir, if something is wrong, I'd like you to tell me," Eomer prompted gently.
"I'm fine, Eomer," Faramir responded, but again he knew that Eomer could tell he was lying. The novelty of air and light was lessening, and he was feeling worse and worse.
"If you say what's bothering you, I'll tell you a secret in return," Eomer said. "An important one," he added, and Faramir could tell he was smiling.
[Obviously he doesn't know what's bothering me at all. He must think that I'm worrying over whether or not Sigeberht has proper stabling, or some such nonsense.] "I'm sure that I'll survive without knowing it."
"Fine, if you think Eowyn will ever forgive you for not knowing..." Eomer's voice trailed off, trying to bait him.
Faramir couldn't help but laugh a little. "That is unfair," he replied.
"Please, Faramir, tell me what's wrong."
Faramir sighed. [I had hoped to avoid this. Goodness knows what he'll think of me now.] "Actually, it's that I've never been – comfortable – in caves, and other such places. They are too cramped and small. I lack for fresh air."
Eomer's happiness seemed to disappear. "I'm sorry, Faramir – you should have said something, and then we wouldn't be here."
"I didn't want to insult you." [Why do I always have such ridiculous excuses for everything?]
"You worry about that too much, I think. But at least you said something now – that way we know to avoid caves in the future." Eomer gave what appeared to be a hopeful smile (the lack of light made it hard to tell), and Faramir reluctantly returned it. "Faramir?" Eomer began again.
"I'm not answering anything until you tell me this 'secret' of yours." Since he had been coerced into saying something, he was determined to at least get his side of the bargain.
"This is part of the same question about you," Eomer replied. "I'm not finished yet." He continued on despite Faramir's sigh. "How could you be comfortable in Henneth Annun then, if you are – uncomfortable – in small places? After all, that is a cave as well, or so I have heard."
Faramir thought for a moment. "It isn't just the size. Henneth Annun has the Window on the West – there is a waterfall, and plenty of fresh air and light. There is never a silence there – silence makes everything seem smaller as well."
"I see." Eomer paused.
"I'm sorry if I –"
"Please – I was the one who asked. I'm sorry about that."
"I really don't mind." He sighed. [I wish things were going better.] "So – what is that piece of information that I cannot live without?"
"Do you know Eowyn's favourite colour?"
Faramir thought on this for a moment. [White, I suppose. She so often wears it. But I honestly don't know.] He felt rather foolish for not knowing, and even more so for admitting to her brother that he didn't. [I feel terrible for now knowing. How insensitive am I?] "White," he guessed, though he tried to keep the uncertainty out of his voice.
He heard Eomer shake his head. "No – it's actually green."
"Green?" he asked incredulously. [Certainly Eomer will approve of me now, knowing that I don't even know Eowyn's favourite colour,] he berated himself. [What kind of a respectable suitor am I?]
"Yes. Everyone thinks that it is white, but it is not. Since Eowyn is called 'the White Lady', however, it is only fitting that she wear white. Or so she believes. Personally, I don't think anyone really cares that much." Eomer paused here for a moment, seemingly in thought.
Taking the few moments to absorb this, Faramir felt absolutely horrible. [What a fool I am. She has always followed her duty.] "I see," he said slowly. Confusion spread through his mind, and he ventured a question. "So why is she called the White Lady, then?"
"I don't honestly know. Perhaps it is because she is so pale, though I must say that after the Shadow lifted she does not look so anymore. Or perhaps that when she wears white, she gleams in the sun." [That she does,] Faramir remembered fondly, as he pictured he standing on the walls of the Houses of Healing. "A bard here at Edoras first called her that. It seems that the name has stayed with her."
Faramir said no more, letting the silence take over. Thinking of Eowyn made him forget his own uneasiness, and he gladly welcomed the respite from his fears. He made a vow to himself to never give her another white thing ever again, despite whatever other people might do. [The White Lady she may be, but I will make her the Green Lady of Ithilien if it is what she wishes.]
A few minutes later, Eomer spoke again. "Faramir?"
"You seem to be quite the inquisitive one today," Faramir said, trying to lighten both their moods.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Go right ahead."
"Do you love Eowyn?" Eomer asked the question quietly, as though he feared what Faramir's reaction would be.
"Do I love Eowyn?" he repeated to himself, unsure of how to answer. Finally he responded. "To say yes would not be enough – not even to give a speech about how I feel would be enough – and I do not think that what I say will really matter. But if such a straight answer is what you want, then yes, I do, deeply."
"Faramir, I'll not lie to you. Eowyn is the most important person to me now. I want to see her happy, with the right person. It is so soon since –" Eomer stopped here, clearly too embarrassed to go forward.
"I believe – at least I pray – that she feels for me as I do for her. But as for whether she loves me, you would have to ask her, for assuredly I could not give an unbiased answer." Faramir's spirits sunk. [I knew this would come up eventually. He knows I am not good enough for her.] He bowed his head.
"Faramir, I barely know you. You are a good man, I know that, but I nevertheless I know nothing more than the plain facts about you. I can't help but be a little skeptical. Don't be offended, please, but I just feel as though you are a stranger, not only to me, but also to Eowyn. Not only you, but your people and customs are so different to us. She's going to live among complete strangers."
Faramir gave a little sigh of frustration. [Again people say that we are too different.] He had long grown tired of this argument, from those who thought he should marry a woman of Numenor, instead of a 'foreigner'. "Your people and customs are strange to me as well, but I do not see that as an impediment," he retorted. "In Ithilien, there will be people from Gondor, Dol Amroth, Lossarnach, Lebennin – from everywhere. There will even be Elves from Mirkwood, coming with Legolas. If she wanted to bring half your court to Ithilien I would welcome them all. Eowyn will not be out of place, like a flower uprooted from its garden and taken far away. And if ever she wished to return home –" he caught himself, "– to return here, I would never stop her. I will not keep her caged." The words just spilled out of his mouth, before he thought them over in his normal fashion. He kicked himself inwardly for his lack of tact. Eomer just stared at him. Or seemed to. "I'm sorry," he said quickly.
"No – there's no need," Eomer replied slowly, formulating his response with care. "I should apologize to you, I suppose. I did not mean to offend you. I will say no more." Then he indeed fell silent.
Faramir kicked himself again. [Now I have insulted him. How much worse can things become?] He decided to venture an explanation, since it seemed as though he could do no worse. "No, please, listen. You must understand – I have heard so many people tell me, or at least hint, that either she is too 'different' and would be out of place, or that I should not take her from her homeland, or anything else in between. I suppose that was my outburst against it, and I should not have said it, least of all to you. It was not my place. I beg pardon."
Eomer turned towards him, and Faramir could tell from his tone of voice that he was just as confused in his emotions as Faramir himself. "Why do you always apologize for everything? It was I who should not have said what I did. It was not my place. And as I said before, I will be plain with you. You should not express regret that you did the same. I prefer it when you are honest with me."
Faramir was at a loss for words, and did not reply. He merely closed his eyes, rested his head on his knees, and took deep breaths.