I know I have taken forever, but it's finally finished. I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my fic. I enjoyed writing this immensely. even though it started off with just trying to deal with life situations that were somewhat similar. Now I can work on trying to finish my other stories. I hope you enjoy this.
And now I present to you the final chapter of Guilt.
Forgiveness
The content look on Touma's face as he stargazed brought
a smile onto my face. It was good to see that through all the pain he's been
though, he can still find ways to be in peace. Even if it only lasts for a few
moments, it's always better than never having a peaceful moment. Looking
closer, I can still see a hint of sadness in his eyes, and it makes the guilt
eat at me even more. It is mostly my fault that he had to suffer so much pain.
And I'm the one, as my dream so kindly reminded me, who drove Touma to the
brink of suicide.
I slowly avert my eyes to the sandwiches in my hand. I put one down and open
the other one. Taking a small bite, I wonder how Touma can still like someone
like me. Even as friends. I've caused him so much pain. I wasn't a friend to
him when he needed me most. If I were him, I'd never want to see or speak to
me ever again. But he still does. And for that I'm very grateful.
Seeing him now, and remembering what we have been through. I've finally
realized what I've wanted all along. And I would spend as long as it takes,
the rest of my life in necessary, to make up for everything I did. For all the
pain I caused. Even though he's probably already forgiven me, I can't forgive
myself till I start making things right again.
A hand on my shoulder pulled me away from my thoughts. I turn to see Touma
giving me a strange look. It was like a quizzical look with... well, something
else in it.
"Touma... I..." I started, but was instantly cut off.
"Thank you." he said with a weak smile.
Caught off guard, I could only lower my head slightly, my hair falling to
cover my face, as I mutter a soft 'You're welcome' in return.
"Not just for yesterday." he continued. "For everything. For being such a good
friend. For being there when I needed you. For still wanting to hang around me
after what happened last year." he looked down, muttering the last part
softly, yet loud enough to be heard.
At first, I had wanted to protest. After all, he shouldn't be thanking me for
things I didn't do when it seemed the most important. But I stayed quiet and
let him finish what he was saying. Yet by the end, I just couldn't take it
anymore.
"Don't say things like that." I whisper just as softly as his last statement,
as my right hand moves under his chin to raise his head back up. I look at him
for a moment before leaning forward and giving him a short kiss. As I pull
away, I continue speaking.
"I love you Touma. It's taken me a long time and a lot of suffering, but I
realize that I do love you. But don't say those things, thanking me like you
need my forgiveness. If anything, I should be thanking you." I say. He opens
his mouth to cut me off, and protest, but I quickly silence him with a finger
against his lips.
"Let me finish." Receiving an nod from him, I continue. "After everything I
had done to you. You still want to be near me. Be my friend. After I rejected
you. Saying those mean things to you. After I ignored and avoided you. After I
had driven you to.. to suicide. You still want to be around me. To talk to me.
You still want to be my friend after I was such a jerk to you." I slowly and
hesitantly reached forward with both hands to grasp his right hand.
"Touma, I... I should be the one asking for forgiveness. I feel really bad
about what I've put you through. But if you can forgive me, I think I might be
able to slowly start to forgive myself." I take a deep breath before
whispering, "I'm sorry." And for the second time in my short life, I started
crying.
The next thing I noticed were arms wrapped around my chest and a head resting
against the crook of my neck. I stiffened for a moment before I realized what
was going on. I slowly wrapped my arms around Touma and pulled him closer to
me.
"I'm so sorry." I whisper again before tilting my head to the side to rest on
top of his and silently enjoyed the moment.
A few moments later, Touma pulled away slightly and looked at me with eyes
that showed both joy and sadness.
"Seiji, I never really blamed you for anything. But..." he quickly added
before I could say anything. "But I forgave you a long time ago. After I told
you how I felt, really. You need to forgive yourself and move on. You've
realized your mistake, but you have the opportunity to make up for it. Not
many people have that chance. Just let it go and let 'US' be happy together.
That's all I want."
I was silent for a moment. Thinking about what Touma just said. Trying to
digest it all into my stubborn mind. Not to mention I was still somewhat
shocked about everything already said earlier.
Slowly, I nodded. "I cannot completely forgive myself yet. But I will try." I
say softly as I tighten my hold on him and pull him even closer to me. "For
you, I will try."
And we spent the rest of the night like that. In each other's arms, talking
softly and enjoying the other's presence. It's amazing how things have changed
so much in less than a year. But in the end, even though all that pain and
suffering, it was for the better.
END
