Is it worth it?
"You know what I want?" The words played repeatedly in his mind. He could only guess what Saunders really wanted, but in the end, he was able to concluded one thing that would make things better. They left it up to him to decide. He had Chappelle killed earlier on Saunders command, why would it be any different now?
He thought about what he had to loss. Was it that big of a loss? He had nothing left to live for, and what little others would consider was it worth it? Everything repeated itself repeatedly. Nothing ever changes. He has to sacrifice everything he wants and loves for his job, for his dream, and in the end, he is alone. He could make up the stories about himself to tell others so that they thought he was content to being where he was, but he never really was. He always wanted more and was willing to sacrifice more just to make it in the world, to reach the point dreamed of, but what if you have sacrificed everything to reach the point, and yet it is still far off. What is one to do then? They always want more than he had to give, and he always tried to give them what they wanted.
Maybe dying would not be all that bad. He would finally be able to quit the cycle. Someone once compared life to a game and they ended up concluding the only way to break the cycle of life was to quit and the only way to do that was to die by suicide. He was tired of the cycle, tired of the wanting, tired of the lonely nights, tired of the world he was never a member in. It would be easier this way; he would die doing his job. Would that be so bad?
How bad could it be to be known as the hero that sacrificed himself to save the world from a mad man? It would be better than the other legacy of the cold-hearted killer.
The words to a poem ran repeatedly in his mind some of the lines eluding his tired mind,
Fascism you can vote for
Isn't that sweet
And we are all going to die some day
Cuz that's the American way
And I've drunk to much and said to little
Say a prayer and save face
I'm sorry and I could go on and on
And it is time to move on
Remeber you're a wreck
And accident forget the freak you're just nature
Keep the gun oiled and keep the temple clean
Cuz in the end everything we do is everything we've done
He had killed countless people, and yet some would say he was a good man. Isn't the death of a person the same in the end? Everyone bleeds the same red oxygenated blood. Does it matter in the end if the person did what society had thought to be wrong? Back in the times before the human race became "civilized" cannibalism ran rapid through Europe and Asia and it was accepted as a practice, though society today frowns upon it, but the point is that one time it was accepted and later decided to be unacceptable, things change, and yet they stay the same. Who are the governments to say what is right and wrong, or who is the "good guy" or who the "bad guy" is? One persons freedom fighter is another's terrorist.
In the end that was all he was a terrorist with a government backing, that was the difference between him and the others. He had a government that cheered him on and they did not. Saunders tactics are not so far off from what has occurred in the past, but because it was happening on U.S. soil, it is wrong. Why is it a double standard?
He knew what he had to do. It was simple after all of what he had thought that day. In the end, we all end up in the same place, worm food. So why not go out with your own choice. He stood up from his desk and walked down to the holding cell they had Saunders in.