Disclaimer: I don't own anything from M*A*S*H*, no matter how much I would
love too, I don't so please don't sue me!
********
A few hours later, the three doctors were finished operating. They exited the OR in silence, and stood in the cool August night for a few minutes.
"BJ?" Potter calls to his cutter. "BJ? Hunnicut?!" He calls to him, breaking his concentration. "Are you alright son?"
"Yeah." He says, lying. "I'm fine. Excuse me." He says, and quickly makes it over to the bushes and falls to his hands and knees, and is violently ill. Potter and Charles go over to their fallen companion and stay with him while he empties the contents of his stomach onto the ground of Ouijongbu. Potter puts his hand on his shoulder but BJ roughly shakes it off. "Don't touch me. Get away." He says angrily as he stops heaving.
"BJ."
"I said get away from me." He says, standing up and wiping his mouth off on his sleeve, as he heads back to the Swamp.
"What do we do now?" Charles asks Potter.
"Let him cool off. Let it set in. I think we all need that." Potter says in a quiet voice. "I better go back in and sew him up."
"If you don't mind Colonel, I'd like to help." Charles says, sighing. Potter nods and they both go back into the OR. Margaret is sitting right next to his body, alone, crying silently, still in her scrubs. The Colonel places his hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump.
"Oh, Colonel." She starts, quickly composing herself, "I was just getting ready to stitch him up and." She says standing up, and uncovering the upper half of his body, trying not to cry in front of her superior and equal.
"Do you mind if we help?" Potter asks her. She shakes her head no, as she gets silk.
"Do you think BJ would want to do this?" Charles asks.
"I think he has had all he can take of operating on him." Potter says to them, and takes a suture and starts on his chest. Margaret takes his liver and Charles takes middle of his chest. In silence, they take their time stitching up their fallen friend. Once they finish, each of them step back and stare at their former chief surgeon.
"Damn." Potter says, looking down at their former surgeon.
"I see it, but I just can't believe it." Margaret says, looking at him, brushing a tear away from her eyes. Potter buts a reassuring arm around her. The three of them just stood there staring at his lifeless body.
"It is true." They hear a low voice saying, as they come into the room. That voice belongs to Radar.
"Unfortunately." Potter says, making room around the gurney for him to stand by Hawkeye. "Have you seen Hunnicut?"
"He is in the Swamp drinking Sir." Radar says, trying not to cry.
"Alone?"
"Yes sir."
"Winchester."
"I'm on my way." He says, looking down once more at Pierce and heading out of the OR.
"Hiya Chuckles." BJ says, as he walks through the door. He was already drunk, which just proved how much he had to have had in the hour he was in the swamp.
"Do you mind if I join you Hunnicut?"
"Sure, have a glass."
"Are you alright BJ?"
"Sure! I'm perfectly fine!" He says.
Charles shakes his head and keeps a close eye on his drunken bunkmate. "I don't think you are."
"Why wouldn't I be? I mean all that happened today was that there was a sniper on the compound, we worked on a lot of patients and I couldn't save my best friend. Why would possibly be wrong?"
"BJ. listen to yourself."
"What? I am perfectly fine! Look!" He says, downing another glass of the motor oil concoction and stands up. "I am on top of the world! I am just capital!" He stumbles to Hawkeye's side of the tent, and just stops.
"BJ." Charles says, standing up, "Beej."
"Don't call me that." He says, getting angry. "Don't you EVER call me that! You never called me that unless it was out of spite so why start huh? Why would you even say that? It's not you! It's what Hawkeye called me! DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT!" He says, throwing the glass against the door, smashing it into a million pieces. He then proceeds to pick up a chair, and walk over to the still. He takes on look at what his friend had made and destroys it in one quick motion. The still crumbles under the impact of the chair. He then proceeds to head out of the Swamp and over to the O- Club.
"I need a martini." BJ says to the Bartender.
"One martini coming up." He says, looking at the disheveled captain. "Are you doing alright Captain?"
"Fine." He says quickly downing the one drink, "Another please, and keep them coming till I say stop."
"BJ." The colonel comes from behind him.
"Oh hi Colonel!" He says spinning around. "Can I buy you a drink?"
"I think you've had enough son." He says, putting his hand up to the bartender to cease his drinks from coming. "I think you should head back to the Swamp and retire for the night.
"But the night's still young!"
"He's right BJ." Margaret says coming over to him.
"Ahh Margaret! Come sit down and I'll buy you a drink! Two scotch's, on the rocks." BJ says ordering as Margaret sits down next to him.
"BJ, would you like to go see him?"
"See who?"
"Hawkeye." Margaret says, as tears come to her eyes at her name.
"No thanks Margaret, I think I have seen him enough today. in fact, I have seen more of him than I would have liked too." He says, as they both down their scotch.
"Maybe you should." Margaret says.
"What part of NO do you not understand? I don't have to take this! I can get this abuse any other place I go!"
"What abuse? What are you talking about?" Margaret says, as she watches BJ storm out of the O-Club.
He walks over to Post-op stands right in front of the oil cans. He paces around the ground and finally his anger takes hold of him. He kicks the oil cans and then picks one of the empty ones up and throws it.
"BJ!" The Father calls to him running over to him. "BJ, stop!"
"Get away from me Father."
"BJ, you are angry and you have every right to be, but please, don't turn to violence. It isn't the answer."
"It sure as hell feels right to me!" He says kicking the oil can's again. "Just be glad that what I am kicking isn't human. You know something? They should have kept that sniper around for a while longer, because I sure as hell would have been able to take him out myself, rather than waiting around for the Army to do it."
"Do what BJ?"
"Kill him. I could have killed him just as easily and even quicker then the Army did!"
"And what would that have done?"
"It would have made me feel a hell of a lot better!" He says, kicking the can again.
"How? It wouldn't bring Hawkeye back. Nothing could bring him back."
"It just would!" He says, starting to break down. His anger was turning into grief right before the priest's eyes.
"Revenge isn't the answer."
"It wouldn't be revenge, it would be getting even." He says.
Margaret comes out of the O-Club to see what all the commotion is, and sees BJ pacing. "BJ."
"We lost a doctor and a damn good person because of some god dammed North Korean! Do you know how many communists Hawkeye has saved! Do you know?!"
"A lot."
"You're damn straight a lot! And that is who killed him! He's dead because he tried to save people! And you know where he would have been the second they started shooting that damned sniper?"
"He would have been at his side seeing what he could have done." Margaret says, slowly approaching him. "He would have been over with his bag helping him, like he did our first year here."
"You're damn straight he would be! He would have helped him no matter what that Korean did to him! He would have helped him!" BJ says, his voice starting to waver. "And he's dead now! He's dead and I couldn't save him! My God Margaret I couldn't save him!" He says to her as they both seem to not realize the Priest standing close by to the pair.
"No one could BJ! No one could!" She says to him, trying not to cry.
"I'm a doctor! I'm supposed to save people.." He says, sinking down to the ground,
"It's my job to save people! I didn't do my job!"
"You couldn't save him BJ. No one could have saved him. He knew it." She says, slowly going and sitting next to him. "He knew he was dying. He knew there was nothing you or I could do to save him." She finally starts to cry.
"But I couldn't save him!" He says, bringing his knees to his chest and starts to cry. Margaret puts her arms around him, and they both cry for their lost friend. "I couldn't save my best friend Margaret. I just couldn't! He knew I couldn't and tried to tell me but I didn't listen to him."
"I didn't either." She says. "He knew too."
"That's what makes it even worse Margaret! The fact that he knew he was dying! He knew it! I couldn't even ease his mind by telling him he would be alright!"
"You both tried your best." They hear the voice call to them. "You both did all you had to do." It was Colonel Potter, standing in front of the two with tears in his eyes.
"It wasn't enough." BJ says to him.
"It's all you could have done son." He says.
It wasn't enough." BJ says again, crying and holding onto Margaret. Just then an announcement over the PA system comes on.
"Attention All Personal, for those of you who haven't heard, at 10:06pm, Captain Pierce died from extensive gun shot wounds. This is no joke people, Hawkeye's gone. That is all."
"I didn't need to hear that." Margaret says, wiping her eyes.
"I think you two can use some shuteye." Potter says to his cutter and head nurse. "I think we all could use it."
Margaret nods and stands up, offering a hand for BJ to help him up. He takes it and stands up a bit wobbly after all the booze he has drank during the course of three hours.
"BJ, do you want to see him?"
He shakes his head no, "Let me have my false sense of reality for a while."
"Maybe tomorrow." Potter says. "Until then, try and get some sleep gang. It's been a long hull for all of us."
"Oh god." Margaret says quietly.
"What is it Major?" Potter asks.
"Bigelow, Able and Baker don't know." She says. "How am I going to tell them?"
"Don't you worry about that right now, Margaret. They don't come back till tomorrow evening. We'll figure something out." Potter says, shaking his head at the Major. She always was on top of things, and not one to show her feelings. She however is very compassionate, even though most of the times you just get "The Major." "Everyone just go attempt sleep." He says, as he starts walking back to his office. "Radar..."
"Sir?" He says, standing right beside him.
"I need you to put a call into Sidney. Tell him what happened. I think we are going to need him here for everybody." He says, sitting down and pouring a glass of scotch.
"Yes sir." He says, sadly.
"How are you holding up son?" He asks his young company clerk.
"I'm doing alright sir." He says, in a not very convincing tone. "I just am having trouble believing that he's gone." He says, wiping a tear away from his eye.
"Me too son, me too." He says downing the scotch and then taking another out another glass for Radar. "Care for a drink?"
"Thank you sir." He says, sitting down across from the CO. He takes the glass and quickly drinks it, and then starts coughing. He very rarely drank, but today he thought it was a good idea that he has just one. "Sir?"
"Yes?"
"Is Captain Hunnicut going to be alright?"
"I hope so Radar."
"Me too, because I've never seen him this angry before and it's kind of scary."
"He just lost the best friend he ever had after trying to save him. I think it will just take a while until he copes with it. Tomorrow's going to be even worse I fear. Why don't you get onto the horn." He says to Radar.
"Yes sir." He replies and patches a call through to Sidney. "He'll be here in the afternoon sir." Radar says, as he hands up the headset.
"Thank you Radar." Potter says, rubbing his face. "You better get some rest too."
"I don't think I can sleep tonight sir."
"That makes two of us." He says to his young company clerk. He knows this must be taking toll on him because he looked up to Hawkeye, but he was taking the loss very well. "Do you mind if I stay up with you and keep you company?"
"No sir." He says, smiling."
"I think I'm going to go over to the mess tent and grab a cup of coffee, do you care to join me?"
"Thank you sir." He says, following the old Colonel out the door.
The two of them stayed in the tent for an hour or two longer, sometimes talking, sometimes not, but mostly just enjoying the company. They finally turned in for a restless nights sleep.
Margaret and BJ had the worst time sleeping, in fact, they didn't sleep at all. Margaret sat awake thinking about all the jokes Hawkeye had played on him, and BJ just lied away and thought about Hawkeye in general. It was a rough night for everybody, and it was only going to get worse before it got better.
*****
TBC. Please R&R, but please be kind. I haven't been writing fic's that long.
Thanks a lot!
*STARY*
********
A few hours later, the three doctors were finished operating. They exited the OR in silence, and stood in the cool August night for a few minutes.
"BJ?" Potter calls to his cutter. "BJ? Hunnicut?!" He calls to him, breaking his concentration. "Are you alright son?"
"Yeah." He says, lying. "I'm fine. Excuse me." He says, and quickly makes it over to the bushes and falls to his hands and knees, and is violently ill. Potter and Charles go over to their fallen companion and stay with him while he empties the contents of his stomach onto the ground of Ouijongbu. Potter puts his hand on his shoulder but BJ roughly shakes it off. "Don't touch me. Get away." He says angrily as he stops heaving.
"BJ."
"I said get away from me." He says, standing up and wiping his mouth off on his sleeve, as he heads back to the Swamp.
"What do we do now?" Charles asks Potter.
"Let him cool off. Let it set in. I think we all need that." Potter says in a quiet voice. "I better go back in and sew him up."
"If you don't mind Colonel, I'd like to help." Charles says, sighing. Potter nods and they both go back into the OR. Margaret is sitting right next to his body, alone, crying silently, still in her scrubs. The Colonel places his hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump.
"Oh, Colonel." She starts, quickly composing herself, "I was just getting ready to stitch him up and." She says standing up, and uncovering the upper half of his body, trying not to cry in front of her superior and equal.
"Do you mind if we help?" Potter asks her. She shakes her head no, as she gets silk.
"Do you think BJ would want to do this?" Charles asks.
"I think he has had all he can take of operating on him." Potter says to them, and takes a suture and starts on his chest. Margaret takes his liver and Charles takes middle of his chest. In silence, they take their time stitching up their fallen friend. Once they finish, each of them step back and stare at their former chief surgeon.
"Damn." Potter says, looking down at their former surgeon.
"I see it, but I just can't believe it." Margaret says, looking at him, brushing a tear away from her eyes. Potter buts a reassuring arm around her. The three of them just stood there staring at his lifeless body.
"It is true." They hear a low voice saying, as they come into the room. That voice belongs to Radar.
"Unfortunately." Potter says, making room around the gurney for him to stand by Hawkeye. "Have you seen Hunnicut?"
"He is in the Swamp drinking Sir." Radar says, trying not to cry.
"Alone?"
"Yes sir."
"Winchester."
"I'm on my way." He says, looking down once more at Pierce and heading out of the OR.
"Hiya Chuckles." BJ says, as he walks through the door. He was already drunk, which just proved how much he had to have had in the hour he was in the swamp.
"Do you mind if I join you Hunnicut?"
"Sure, have a glass."
"Are you alright BJ?"
"Sure! I'm perfectly fine!" He says.
Charles shakes his head and keeps a close eye on his drunken bunkmate. "I don't think you are."
"Why wouldn't I be? I mean all that happened today was that there was a sniper on the compound, we worked on a lot of patients and I couldn't save my best friend. Why would possibly be wrong?"
"BJ. listen to yourself."
"What? I am perfectly fine! Look!" He says, downing another glass of the motor oil concoction and stands up. "I am on top of the world! I am just capital!" He stumbles to Hawkeye's side of the tent, and just stops.
"BJ." Charles says, standing up, "Beej."
"Don't call me that." He says, getting angry. "Don't you EVER call me that! You never called me that unless it was out of spite so why start huh? Why would you even say that? It's not you! It's what Hawkeye called me! DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT!" He says, throwing the glass against the door, smashing it into a million pieces. He then proceeds to pick up a chair, and walk over to the still. He takes on look at what his friend had made and destroys it in one quick motion. The still crumbles under the impact of the chair. He then proceeds to head out of the Swamp and over to the O- Club.
"I need a martini." BJ says to the Bartender.
"One martini coming up." He says, looking at the disheveled captain. "Are you doing alright Captain?"
"Fine." He says quickly downing the one drink, "Another please, and keep them coming till I say stop."
"BJ." The colonel comes from behind him.
"Oh hi Colonel!" He says spinning around. "Can I buy you a drink?"
"I think you've had enough son." He says, putting his hand up to the bartender to cease his drinks from coming. "I think you should head back to the Swamp and retire for the night.
"But the night's still young!"
"He's right BJ." Margaret says coming over to him.
"Ahh Margaret! Come sit down and I'll buy you a drink! Two scotch's, on the rocks." BJ says ordering as Margaret sits down next to him.
"BJ, would you like to go see him?"
"See who?"
"Hawkeye." Margaret says, as tears come to her eyes at her name.
"No thanks Margaret, I think I have seen him enough today. in fact, I have seen more of him than I would have liked too." He says, as they both down their scotch.
"Maybe you should." Margaret says.
"What part of NO do you not understand? I don't have to take this! I can get this abuse any other place I go!"
"What abuse? What are you talking about?" Margaret says, as she watches BJ storm out of the O-Club.
He walks over to Post-op stands right in front of the oil cans. He paces around the ground and finally his anger takes hold of him. He kicks the oil cans and then picks one of the empty ones up and throws it.
"BJ!" The Father calls to him running over to him. "BJ, stop!"
"Get away from me Father."
"BJ, you are angry and you have every right to be, but please, don't turn to violence. It isn't the answer."
"It sure as hell feels right to me!" He says kicking the oil can's again. "Just be glad that what I am kicking isn't human. You know something? They should have kept that sniper around for a while longer, because I sure as hell would have been able to take him out myself, rather than waiting around for the Army to do it."
"Do what BJ?"
"Kill him. I could have killed him just as easily and even quicker then the Army did!"
"And what would that have done?"
"It would have made me feel a hell of a lot better!" He says, kicking the can again.
"How? It wouldn't bring Hawkeye back. Nothing could bring him back."
"It just would!" He says, starting to break down. His anger was turning into grief right before the priest's eyes.
"Revenge isn't the answer."
"It wouldn't be revenge, it would be getting even." He says.
Margaret comes out of the O-Club to see what all the commotion is, and sees BJ pacing. "BJ."
"We lost a doctor and a damn good person because of some god dammed North Korean! Do you know how many communists Hawkeye has saved! Do you know?!"
"A lot."
"You're damn straight a lot! And that is who killed him! He's dead because he tried to save people! And you know where he would have been the second they started shooting that damned sniper?"
"He would have been at his side seeing what he could have done." Margaret says, slowly approaching him. "He would have been over with his bag helping him, like he did our first year here."
"You're damn straight he would be! He would have helped him no matter what that Korean did to him! He would have helped him!" BJ says, his voice starting to waver. "And he's dead now! He's dead and I couldn't save him! My God Margaret I couldn't save him!" He says to her as they both seem to not realize the Priest standing close by to the pair.
"No one could BJ! No one could!" She says to him, trying not to cry.
"I'm a doctor! I'm supposed to save people.." He says, sinking down to the ground,
"It's my job to save people! I didn't do my job!"
"You couldn't save him BJ. No one could have saved him. He knew it." She says, slowly going and sitting next to him. "He knew he was dying. He knew there was nothing you or I could do to save him." She finally starts to cry.
"But I couldn't save him!" He says, bringing his knees to his chest and starts to cry. Margaret puts her arms around him, and they both cry for their lost friend. "I couldn't save my best friend Margaret. I just couldn't! He knew I couldn't and tried to tell me but I didn't listen to him."
"I didn't either." She says. "He knew too."
"That's what makes it even worse Margaret! The fact that he knew he was dying! He knew it! I couldn't even ease his mind by telling him he would be alright!"
"You both tried your best." They hear the voice call to them. "You both did all you had to do." It was Colonel Potter, standing in front of the two with tears in his eyes.
"It wasn't enough." BJ says to him.
"It's all you could have done son." He says.
It wasn't enough." BJ says again, crying and holding onto Margaret. Just then an announcement over the PA system comes on.
"Attention All Personal, for those of you who haven't heard, at 10:06pm, Captain Pierce died from extensive gun shot wounds. This is no joke people, Hawkeye's gone. That is all."
"I didn't need to hear that." Margaret says, wiping her eyes.
"I think you two can use some shuteye." Potter says to his cutter and head nurse. "I think we all could use it."
Margaret nods and stands up, offering a hand for BJ to help him up. He takes it and stands up a bit wobbly after all the booze he has drank during the course of three hours.
"BJ, do you want to see him?"
He shakes his head no, "Let me have my false sense of reality for a while."
"Maybe tomorrow." Potter says. "Until then, try and get some sleep gang. It's been a long hull for all of us."
"Oh god." Margaret says quietly.
"What is it Major?" Potter asks.
"Bigelow, Able and Baker don't know." She says. "How am I going to tell them?"
"Don't you worry about that right now, Margaret. They don't come back till tomorrow evening. We'll figure something out." Potter says, shaking his head at the Major. She always was on top of things, and not one to show her feelings. She however is very compassionate, even though most of the times you just get "The Major." "Everyone just go attempt sleep." He says, as he starts walking back to his office. "Radar..."
"Sir?" He says, standing right beside him.
"I need you to put a call into Sidney. Tell him what happened. I think we are going to need him here for everybody." He says, sitting down and pouring a glass of scotch.
"Yes sir." He says, sadly.
"How are you holding up son?" He asks his young company clerk.
"I'm doing alright sir." He says, in a not very convincing tone. "I just am having trouble believing that he's gone." He says, wiping a tear away from his eye.
"Me too son, me too." He says downing the scotch and then taking another out another glass for Radar. "Care for a drink?"
"Thank you sir." He says, sitting down across from the CO. He takes the glass and quickly drinks it, and then starts coughing. He very rarely drank, but today he thought it was a good idea that he has just one. "Sir?"
"Yes?"
"Is Captain Hunnicut going to be alright?"
"I hope so Radar."
"Me too, because I've never seen him this angry before and it's kind of scary."
"He just lost the best friend he ever had after trying to save him. I think it will just take a while until he copes with it. Tomorrow's going to be even worse I fear. Why don't you get onto the horn." He says to Radar.
"Yes sir." He replies and patches a call through to Sidney. "He'll be here in the afternoon sir." Radar says, as he hands up the headset.
"Thank you Radar." Potter says, rubbing his face. "You better get some rest too."
"I don't think I can sleep tonight sir."
"That makes two of us." He says to his young company clerk. He knows this must be taking toll on him because he looked up to Hawkeye, but he was taking the loss very well. "Do you mind if I stay up with you and keep you company?"
"No sir." He says, smiling."
"I think I'm going to go over to the mess tent and grab a cup of coffee, do you care to join me?"
"Thank you sir." He says, following the old Colonel out the door.
The two of them stayed in the tent for an hour or two longer, sometimes talking, sometimes not, but mostly just enjoying the company. They finally turned in for a restless nights sleep.
Margaret and BJ had the worst time sleeping, in fact, they didn't sleep at all. Margaret sat awake thinking about all the jokes Hawkeye had played on him, and BJ just lied away and thought about Hawkeye in general. It was a rough night for everybody, and it was only going to get worse before it got better.
*****
TBC. Please R&R, but please be kind. I haven't been writing fic's that long.
Thanks a lot!
*STARY*