Maki Murakami owns Gravitation, not I!
Everclear owns the song Overwhelming, not I!
Raynedark own this fic, not I! blink blinkFirst time with a song fic, be gentle!
"It can come form out of no where
Hit you when you're safe and warm."
Shuichi burst into Eiri's home. "I'm home!" he yelled. Looming in the dark doorway of his study stood Yuki, he was glaring daggers. "Don't yell you little brat. Hasn't anyone told you not to barge in?"
"I'm sor-"
"Don't start apologizing either, jeez." He twisted a finger in his ear as if to clear it from obnoxious noise. The strawberry blonde boy started to cry. The blonde one rolled his eyes and went to put tea on. After a few minutes of sobbing and silence Yuki spoke, cold and deep, "Don't just stand there and gather dust. At least make yourself useful, you never cleaned up from your breakfast. It seems to be gathering flies. Twerp." He jerked a thumb back as he set the kettle on the stove.
Shuichi did not move. "Careful, I can here your gears turning!" laughed Yuki. He was surprised to find that that statement didn't upset his little lover. He was still standing but didn't appear to be sobbing any longer. His fists were balled and his head was bowed.
"What's your issue?" the writer asked crossing the room to sit on the couch and regard the rock star before him. Before he could sit Shuichi raised his head. Narrow eyes were flint-like. Yuki laughed a bit, "Are you playing Mr. Angry?"
"I'm not playing," Shuichi whispered. "I'm not playing," he repeated at a normal voice level. "I AM NOT PLAYING!" he screamed.
"Take it easy my star, your time is gonna come
Your time is gonna come."
Yuki looked startled, Shuichi had never been so serious. Quickly Eiri picked up his composure and asked, "What was that?" Shuichi said nothing, just stood straight and tall and breathed raspily. His eyes were still hard and unyielding. It was too unusual.
Well Yuki could play that unusual game too. He crossed the room and put on a repentant mask. "What did I do? What can I do?" he cooed as he came closer and reached his hand out to caress that angry face. As soon as his hand was near enough, Shuichi batted it away. "No! You're the one playing now. I don't want your faux sympathy. You're just getting a big kick out of me being so pissed. Well it isn't some cute ploy. I don't want this shit anymore!"
"Yeah, you got those crazy blue eyes.
Yeah you got those crazy blues.
All those pretty smiles,
I can see them laughing at you.
Your time is gonna come, your time is gonna come."
Yuki dropped the mask. He too went into his sparring mode and adorned a similar pair of flint eyes and an untouchable demeanor to match. Shrugging he said, "You know this is how I am, so why do you keep coming back?"
"I know that you're also insecure and need me."
"I don't need you." Shuichi looked hurt behind those eyes for a mere second, but it was enough to pick up on. "Liar," he hissed. "Liar. If you don't need me than you can't have me!"
"I don't wanna be your punching bag,
Your complacent little princess all tragic and sad.
I'm not gonna let you overwhelm me anymore."
"I'm sick of it! I don't need to be insulted at every second. I'm not as tough as you think you are!" he shouted as he stuffed his things into a suitcase. Yuki stood in the doorway, cool and calm and writhing on the inside.
He watched the boy furiously pack and spit cruel words at him that were really no more cruel than what he was always saying.
When Shuichi had the drawers emptied he took a looked over the room and plucked things from a desk and shoved them into his backpack. He stalked over to Yuki in the door way and glared right into his eyes. Yuki looked right back, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. "I'm done! I'm leaving you bastard." Yuki swallowed. He was serious.
Shuichi smirked, "Better get those holes in your costume fixed or someone besides me may see the real boy." He flung his bag over his shoulder and picked up the suitcase. He strode to the door, opened it, looked back emotionless, turned, and then slammed the door.
The kettle was screaming on the stove.
"Yeah, you say you got this bad thing, you say you've got it bad
You have broken every heart of every friend you've ever had.
Yeah, the time is gonna come when all your friends just go away."
As Shuichi pounded the pavement he almost regretted what he was doing and he knew he would be feeling the pain later. He had to shake it off though, he was making a point and this would not backfire on him.
Still, he couldn't help feeling pity for the broken man Eiri Yuki really was. He thought back to when he went to New York.
Eiri had been just about to shoot himself. He had told Shuichi that it was their picture on his lighter that had stalled him and the actual person that saved him. He had told Shuichi that he really did love and need him. Shuichi, hadn't forgotten, but he also hadn't expected things to stay exactly the same.
Before New York, Eiri had hurt him so many times. He had truly truly hurt Shuichi by going and that had done damage to their band and hurt the people there. Yuki cause so much pain just because of pain of his own. Maybe now that he could be completely alone for a little while he would realize that.
"Sometimes I wonder why I stick around, sometimes I wish I could leave.
You say you'll love me forever, then you spit on me.
Your time is gonna come,
I swear your time is gonna come."
"You really think this is gonna work Shu?" Hiro asked tipping back in the chair and sipping hot coffee. Shuichi was gazing at his friend's apartment carpeting. He didn't even hear the question. "Shu," Hiro called, "Shuichi!"
He snapped out of his dream world. "You can't be regretting this already."
"I don't know. I don't know… Why do I even put up with him? Wouldn't I be better of without him? He so, so-"
"Handsome? Loving? Endearing?" Hiro clasped his hands together and started dreamily at the popcorn ceiling. Shuichi sighed and sniffed. "Hey, I was just going for a laugh. If you really want to know why you stay with him is because you know him and you know he needs you and loves you. He said it right?" The vocalist nodded. "Then he's going to realize he needs you. You just can't break down first."
Hiro stood and paced over toward his friend. Crouching before him and looking into tearing eyes he said, "That's what I'm here for. I'm gonna keep you going through all of this no matter what it takes. Ok?" His best friend nodded and wiped his eyes. Contented, Hiro stood and ruffled the other boy's hair, "I'm going to go get your bed ready."
"He'll realize it right?"
"Of course he will," he gave the thumbs up and went to make a bed.
"I don't want to be your whipping boy.
Yes, your happy little loser, someone you can ignore.
I'm not gonna let you overwhelm me anymore.
I'm not gonna let you hurt me anymore.
I'm not gonna let you hit me anymore.
No, I will not let you kick me anymore.
I will not let you overwhelm me anymore."
His heart was throbbing and felt as if it were slowly stopping within him. As much as Yuki needed him he needed Yuki right back. But he could do this. He wouldn't cry. He had Hiro, and he had everyone else at work. He had his music and his video shootings and interviews and concerts and everything else.
He wasn't going to let this whole thing get to him. It was only temporary. Just for a while. A week maybe because his love was so hard headed. It might take that long to figure it all out. Maybe another few days for him to get the balls up to admit he was wrong.
Either way this thing played out there were going to be new terms in the relationship. He was going to get the respect he deserved. He was going to get the proper love and treatment. No way was he going to be abused any longer. No way was Yuki coming out of this on top!
"I win this time dammit!" Shuichi shouted and jumped up from his chair.
"What was that?" Called Hiro from the other room. Sitting back down, a bit red in the face and twisting inside, he responded. "It was nothing."
"It can come from out of nowhere."
Three weeks. "Three god damn weeks!" Shuichi shouted and rested his head on the table. People around the studio looked at him. He covered his head with his arms and then heard a metallic clicked and a slight cold pressure on his arm. "If you don't get up, I'm gonna blow your head off."
Shuichi didn't respond. "Come on. You've stuck to it strong this far. What's a little more?" Asked Hiro plucking a string on his guitar and then tuning it. The hammer cocked on K's gun. "Up," he commanded. Heaving a sigh, he pushed himself upright, face cool from the table.
Sakano pushed his glasses up and reviewed a paper. "The concert is in a half hour. You need to be ready by then. Get that amazing energy back and sing your heart out. This new single really has potential to beat Nittle Grasper on the charts." He started to spin wildly and the paper flew into the air. Eventually the strange man his a wall and slumped into a chair himself.
The intercom in the dressing room buzzed. "Shindou Shuichi, there is someone to see you," said a sultry female voice. His heart leapt. Eyes blazing he ran off out of the room before anyone could state something about safety and rabid fans.
In an instant he was at the front desk. There were people everywhere. In another instant he was in a trench coat, bowler hat and had dark sunglasses on that were much to big for his face. "You said someone was here to see me?" He chirped at the woman. She looked up and then pointed to a corner of the room.
There was Yuki.
"I don't want to be your simple saving grace,
Just another little victim with a happy face.
Someday, someday soon, somebody's gonna come,
I hope they do this to you."
He walked over coolly to his lost love. Yuki said nothing, and Shuichi was certainly not going to be first to speak. He leaned against the wall and looked into deep blue eyes. They were tired, but they hid it well. They were screaming with pain, but something strong was muffling the noise.
Shuichi crossed his arms expectantly. "I have a concert in a half hour. I can't afford to be your piece of eye candy."
Yuki coughed, "When did you grow a set?"
"You should know." Yuki looked on slightly confused, but said nothing. Taking a deep breath disguised as a sigh he stated, "I'm surprised you haven't come crawling home. It's been a while. You don't know if I've been seeing someone else or not."
Gathering his all Shuichi calmly struck back. "What would I care if you've done a few bimbos in my absence?"
"What if it wasn't just that? What if I really love someone?"
"Fat chance!" Shuichi laughed hoping it didn't sound as panicked as he felt inside. To back it up he added, "I don't care who else your abusing, it's not me. In fact," he paused and swallowed, "I hope they bite back." He didn't look at Yuki. Instead he turned and walked back down the hall he'd come from without another word.
"I'm not gonna let you overwhelm me."
"Who was it?" asked Hiro.
"Just Yuki," Shuichi stated without emotion. He sat in his chair and grabbed his cup of water.
"Did he apologize?" Shuichi shook his head and slammed the cup down wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Y'know, maybe he is just a spiteful bastard and I am better off without him. Now come on, I don't care anymore and we have a sold out house to please." He assumed a massive grin and walked over to the door.
Hiro and Fugisaki exchanged worried glances and shrugs, then followed.
"I will not let you hurt me anymore
No, I will not let you hit me anymore."
"Hey everyone were the hot band Bad Luck here for you tonight!" He shouted into the mic and pointed out over the crowd. "How's everyone doing!?" The crowed roared and screeched. "Alright!" Shuichi gathered up his aura and motioned for the music to start. He wasn't going to let that fool affect him.
The music to The Rage Beat pulsed around him and he came in on his cue. His mind was in another place though, trying to reassure himself that nothing mattered and all he had to do was sing. He repeated the mantra in his mind as the rest of his body went through the dancing and pacing and singing it seemed programmed to do.
As the music faded and the song ended he saw a blonde in the front row staring at him. There was an empty seat next to him.
"I will not let you twist me anymore."
"You don't care, remember!" his mind screamed as he locked onto the image of Eiri Yuki and that empty seat next to him. He hadn't found someone. He couldn't have. It was only three weeks. He couldn't be over Shuichi so fast. Not at all.
The next song came up around him. He tore his eyes from the unsmiling face and dangerous eyes. No one else but him could understand. No one. He started singing again as his mind danced circles of rage, sadness and torment.
He kept looking back at the empty seat. Always empty. No one was there. This was a ploy. Just to hurt him again. He was angry now. That pretentious ass. Shuichi wasn't going to care anymore. The mantra played like a broken record once more.
The song ended and the crowd exploded into applause. Hiro called to him from across the stage. "You're hot tonight!" Shuichi wasn't listening and Yuki wasn't sitting. He was walking forward. He was coming toward the stage.
The crowd control apprehended him, but he said a few words to them and was granted access to the stage. The music did not start this time and the crowd stopped when the light shone upon the famous author that had only a few months ago told the world of his love.
"No,"
He climbed the narrow set of stairs to the stage. Each step, hollow upon the painted wood, echoed through the room. Yuki Eiri had a slight smiled on cool, calm, unaffected face. Shuichi could feel his feet move him backwards and his mouth form the word "no" as the murderer drew closer and closer.
No, this man wasn't a murderer, he was a scared child then that was in a very bad place. He had changed. His face was harder and he was older and more experienced, but he was still tender inside. He had red blood just like anyone else. He was no evil person. Just confused and sad and trying to make his way, and his blood was red just like anyone else's.
"I will not let you turn me inside out."
"Shuichi," he said quietly as his hand closed on the boys arm. The crowd was still so quiet it was as if they weren't even there. It was just them on the black plane that was flooded with hot white light.
"No," Shuichi said, turning his head and clenching his eyes shut against the pain and tears. Yuki's other hand was upon his shoulder, tight, but not painful. He was not being held in a possessive way at all. It seemed more like. Like Yuki was clinging to him.
Yuki's lips were at his ear. He could hear and feel unsteady breath. "I am sorry. I've lied to you, and damaged you. I've made you cry, and taken you for granted. I was a fool and you will never know the extent to which my heart calls for you. I have been unfair and unkind and it has all come back down upon my head. I am apologizing to you, and will await your answer. Now finish your concert."
Shuichi was released and time went back to normal. Yuki walked off stage and disappeared into the darkness in the wings. The crowd seemed to flicker on with a low hum of whisper and rumor.
Shuichi, alone now on that plane of dark shivered and blinked back into the world of colored lights and music. He asked for the music again and was granted that gift. His body sang once more and acted as if nothing had ever happened. His band mates tried to mimic the effect.
The rest of the concert went flawlessly and seemed to go by like a summer rain shower. He said nothing as they changed in the dressing room. He said nothing as he walked the lonely streets home. He thought it all.
"He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. But are things going to change to change to change change? How can I take to take took his for for real and true and right and not wrong and enough. Because he loves me. Because he apologizes apologized and he loves me."
His thoughts rambled and paced through the dark while his feet walked him home. His hands dug around for his key and put it in the door. His hands opened the door for him and his eyes showed him his lover sitting on the couch, waiting. "Waiting for me because he loves me and I love him."
He stood in the doorway silent. Yuki looked back at him and rose and strode forward. "He loves me he loves me he loves me he loves me and I love him."
"Things," said the cool deep voice as refreshing as a stream in the spring, "are going to change. I will not take you for granted any more. I will love you like I should. But I will not change my entire demeanor. I may still be cruel, but I will try to cap it all off. I never want you to take it seriously. I never want to hurt you again because," he stepped forward, "I," a step, "need," another step, "you."
Shuichi's eyes let forth a soundless flow of salty tears. He let himself fall into Eiri Yuki's embrace and let himself be held tightly each clinging and acknowledging that they were the healing balm to each other's wounds.
Yuki ran a hand under his lover's chin and pointed the beautiful, passionate face upward. He then reached down his own face, equally as beautiful and passionate, and tasted salt on his lips for the rest of the night.
Everything is good,
Everything is good,
Everything is great.
Maybe I will let you turn me inside out.
Maybe,
Maybe.
I will
Always
Love you.