We all have enough strength to bear other people's troubles

Wednesday 24th May 21:08

The sun had disappeared behind the ocean an hour ago and the moon was beginning to cast it's shimmering light across the dark water as Mark Sloan, dressed in a grey sweat suit, sat alone on the patch of sand in front of his house. Steve had been a long way up the beach when he picked out the familiar figure sitting motionless, staring out towards the horizon. His father barely acknowledged his arrival as he approached and so Steve wordlessly took a seat and began scanning the dark waters himself.

After a long while he turned to his father whose head slowly came around to meet his gaze. "Should I say it first?" Mark asked and Steve clenched his jaw. "Son" Mark began "you conducted a thorough and professional investigation. You had no way of knowing how things would turn out, none of this is your fault."

Steve showed no response, waited a while then said "OK, my turn. You spoke to Luis as a favour to Corrine, you weren't his doctor, and you aren't a child psychologist. You did everything you could to help that family and you aren't to blame for what happened."

"Feel any better?" Mark asked his son and Steve shook his head. "Me neither, it's been a hell of a day" the old man admitted. "You want to stay for dinner?" he continued and Steve gave the invitation some thought.

"I'm not really very hungry" he replied wearily.

"Same here" Mark agreed. "You know you don't have to stay here for me son, if Cheryl's expecting you….."

For the first time, Steve smiled "Dad" he shook his head "I'm not hungry, but I wouldn't mind hanging around for a while, if that's OK?"

"Sure" Mark answered eagerly then worriedly added "do you want to talk about it?"

"Nah" Steve shook his head. Picking up a small stick he began tracing patterns in the sand by his side "let's just sit a while" he suggested.

"Sounds good," his father agreed, turning his attention once more to the waves.

Wednesday 24th May 23:37

Steve had no sooner opened the door than he found himself embracing Cheryl tightly where she stood.

"And hello to you too" she whispered squeezing him back.

Steve relinquished his hold allowing her to step inside then he closed and locked the front door.

"Dad was going to wait up until you got here" he began in hushed tones "but he flaked out on the sofa so I sent him up to bed." They walked through into the lounge of the beach house, "you hungry?" Steve asked nervously, "I can fix you something" he signalled towards the kitchen.

Cheryl shook her head "I'm fine thanks" she replied quietly.

"It's not a problem" he assured her turning away but she brought him to a standstill with a single word.

"Steve"

He turned slowly and looked down at his hands "Thank you for coming" he whispered.

Cheryl closed the gap between them "It's OK".

"I know it's a long drive and it's late"

"Sshh" she took his hands in her own.

"I didn't want dad to be alone"

"It's OK"

"But I didn't want to be alone either"

"It's OK" she repeated, reaching up to stroke his face.

"I didn't want to be without you tonight"

"And you don't have to be, I'm right here" she kissed him softly.

"I'm a mess" Steve shook his head despondently.

Cheryl wound an arm around his waist allowing her other hand to cup his head. "You'll be OK" she assured him.

"My first case and I got it so wrong" he continued without self-pity, pulling her closer and resting his cheek atop her head.

"This isn't your fault you know?" she whispered against his chest.

"I know" he replied hoarsely.

"So stop blaming yourself. You're good at your job Steve."

There was no reply.

"I'm so glad you're here," he mumbled after a short while.

"Me too" Cheryl replied, pulling away slightly. She cupped his face in her hands "you look exhausted" she whispered looking into his bleary eyes. Steve didn't argue. "So let's go to bed," she suggested and Steve nodded, switching off the table lamp as he led the way down to his apartment.

Thursday 25th May 11:30

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Amanda asked a weary looking Mark as he sat slumped in a chair in the pathology lab. Jesse had taken a seat behind his colleague's desk and was staring blankly at a medical journal that lay open in front of him.

"On and off, I just kept going over and over the past few days in my mind, trying to work out what I should have done differently." Mark looked up as the door opened and Steve strode in.

"Morning Amanda" he smiled weakly then getting straight down to business asked, "what have you got?"

Amanda picked up a folder but spoke from memory "I ran a full blood screen but there was nothing unusual; no drugs or alcohol."

"There was no history of substance abuse" Mark confirmed "and he wasn't on any sort of medication."

Steve nodded "I just wanted to be sure that there were no contributing factors in the suicide before I went back to see the family." He signalled to the folder in Amanda's hand "may I?"

"Sure" she handed him the folder and he began to scrutinise the paper inside. "You've recorded the cause of death as heart failure," he asserted with confusion evident in his voice. "There was something wrong with his heart?"

"No" Amanda shook her head and elaborated "In most short-drop hangings"

"Short-drop?" Steve jumped in.

Mark clarified. "Cause of death can depend on how far the victim fell before the noose tightened around their neck. In Luis' case it would be considered a short-drop." Steve grimaced.

Amanda continued, "In most short-drop hangings death is by strangulation. It can be a slow process; the victim may not lose consciousness for three minutes or more. During that time you'd expect them to put up a great struggle." She paused, and noting the pained expression on Steve's face she wondered if her friend really needed to hear such details. She folded her arms and continued as gently as she could; "the autopsy indicated that Luis died from excessive pressure to the carotid arteries" she indicated on her neck "which in turn led to a sudden stoppage of the heart. I also noted a lack of clawing around the neck which indicates loss of consciousness was fairly rapid."

"Show me" Steve requested and Amanda reluctantly pulled a photo from the back of the folder he was holding.

She pointed with her pen "here you can see scratch marks around the area the ligature occurred. But I'd say he was conscious and struggling for less than fifteen seconds. Any longer and we'd see far deeper clawing, possibly rope burns on his palms if he'd tried to pull himself up."

Steve nodded his understanding, "I was under the impression that when somebody hanged themselves they broke their neck," he admitted.

"Common misconception" his father responded flatly "in long-drop hangings it's true, it's the principal behind hanging as a form of execution. But most suicides are generally a lot more prolonged."

Steve digested this information "I need to go over and see Corrine" he stated.

"What will happen to Matthew Green?" Jesse asked and Steve turned quickly not having noticed the young man when he first entered the room.

"Corrine isn't pressing charges over the robbery" he answered soberly "but Lexie is only 16 so there is the matter of statutory rape to discuss."

"And what happens about Max's death?" the young doctor enquired further.

Steve squeezed his eyes shut rubbed his brow "we still have some evidence to collect from Luis' room but his journal account of what happened seems credible and fairly comprehensive." He paused, "his mother, no doubt will be primarily concerned with how this will reflect on the family" he added with some distain "so it's too early to say what you'll be reading in the tabloids."

"She can't cover this up, can she?" Jesse asked incredulously.

Steve shrugged "not entirely, but there is nobody to prosecute, Luis was a minor, it appears to have been an accident, so who knows how the lawyers will handle it." Before Jesse could jump in with another question Steve added "listen guys, I've got to go."

"Steve" Amanda spoke up as he reached for the door handle. She swallowed hard "your dad told me that the two of you ran to Luis' room, that you took his weight while he cut him down," Steve nodded solemnly while still gripping the door handle. "If you have any doubts" she continued "if you were feeling or wondering what would have happened if you'd arrived thirty seconds sooner…" she could tell by Steve's face that they were exactly the questions he'd been asking himself.

"Son" Mark took over "Even if we'd just been downstairs, the time it would have taken us to reach him would have been too long. Once he kicked his chair away that was it."

"There was no chance of reviving him?" Steve asked in a deliberate tone.

Mark shook his head "Once his heart had suffered a shock like that we were fighting a losing battle. If he'd been choking then how quickly we reacted would have been far more crucial. We were right to take the steps we did and to call the paramedics but Amanda's report indicates we didn't stand a chance of bringing him back."

Steve nodded slowly as he absorbed this new piece of information "Thank you Amanda" he smiled bitterly "but right now that doesn't make me feel a whole lot better." And with that he turned and left.