Disclaimer: I do not own Stephen King or David Keopp's Secret Window.
A/N: I don't know but the rating may change due to this chapter....Just to warn yall....
Here we go....
Chapter Three
It rained non-stop for the next week. I mean, I loved the rain, but I couldn't go outside or into town because well, it's weird. When it rains, my car drowns and it doesn't cooperate with me very well. So now I'm stuck inside until the clouds are finally out of it.
And yes, I've been a good boy and have been taking my medication every morning. They made me a little drowsy, and I couldn't go down to the market to pick up more soda to keep me awake either.
So right now, I'm sitting on the couch on my back, staring up at the broken ceiling. I actually don't feel so good. I prayed that there weren't side effects to the medication. I didn't want to be sick anymore. I just wanted to be normal. But...isn't that why I got the medication in the first place?
Oh, now I'm just confused. Oh well.
I went into the back room behind the kitchen and sat on a chair next to the window. The chair was one of the few things that were even in the room. The only other things in here were a couch, and an avocado-colored half- refrigerator. I tried to remember what was in it. Maybe money. Ha, no way. I used to store extra cash in my freezer, but that was when I was just a kid. I did a lot of stupid things when I was a kid....
[FLASHBACK]
The birds scattered like they usually did when I came outside to feed the dog. The damn birds were always eating remains of a crashed or policed-out party outside.
Carlie stood in the doorway, watching me, wearing one of my long, football jerseys. I'd completely forgotten what had happened the previous night, but it really didn't matter. I had this hot girl standing next to me, wearing my jersey and probably not much else, who I'd probably gotten in bed with me last, but you know what my buddy Jack can do to me.
I stood up after pouring an amount of dog food in Chico's bowl and looked at her. "Honey, I thought you went home," I said, trying to think of something to say to her that wouldn't show what a nerd I really was.
"Why would I go home?" She put on one of her sweet pouty faces and looked back at me, obviously planning what to do with me next.
"Well," I coughed. "It's almost the end of our senior year, and um, sorry to break it to you, but...we have finals tomorrow. But you didn't hear it from me."
She giggled and stepped toward me. "Yeah...but don't you find your awesome college parties way better than the stupid finals our stupid professors can give us?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
She kissed me. I guess this was when I realized that Carlie didn't see me as the geek I was. She thought I was something else. Every girl I ever dated did that. After this amount of time, I was sick of it. I wanted people to stop seeing through me. Just look at me without laser vision for once. See me as just a guy who doesn't want you all over me like this. Stop...seeing...through me.
[PRESENT]
I tried to forget that for so long. So long I've wanted that college memory of mine to just drift away, but it never did. Whenever I sat alone too long, I seem to leave my own body. And every time I do, that memory comes back. Maybe people still do see through me. Maybe that morning in the backyard of my beat-down apartment never really happened at all. Maybe it was just a repetitive dream....But was there symbolism?
It had only been months after I broke up with Carlie that I met Amy. Oh, God. It was so incredible, so perfect how her simple name can bring me such pain. Not perfect as in good, just perfect. It just made everything fit. She...she was the only one who could do that to me.
But...I've given up. I've given up on love. I've given up on life. Love's yelled at me too many times, and life has beaten me up from my head to my toes. There's too much effort involved to keep up with life. Everyone says that once you're my age, it's just smooth sailing from here on out, but it's not like that. It's just not like that. Sure I miss loving someone, but...that's why my daughter's coming, right? Right, Mort. She's coming to save you. She's coming to rescue me from the mud of the lake I've drowned and fainted in.
Wow. That's why I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I've drowned.
"Stop..." I said quietly to myself. "Just stop it, dumbass. Think about your daughter. Think about your baby girl...."
I didn't want to think about what I was thinking about because I know myself too well; if I keep thinking about it, I'll do it. I really will. I'll drown myself.
Maybe it was some kind of sign from God that it was raining right now. Because when it's raining, the lake is usually below ten degrees cold. I'd probably freeze to death before I even get to say I drowned myself. Not that I'd want to tell people that. I mean, I don't suffer from attention craving or anything like that. I don't even know what I suffer from; I just know it's not that.
I got up and was about to walk back to the front room, but stopped and opened the avocado-colored fridge. I rolled my eyes at myself as I found several bottles of Jack Daniels left over from a long, long time ago. I guess I really haven't been back here in a while.
Well, I decided it best to discard these worthless bottles of alcohol considering I would have a teenager staying with me, and only God knows how she's like. She could be a sweet, innocent girl who's read the entire Bible (something I still haven't succeeded in doing), or she could be...well, I don't really want to think about this. Not that I necessarily want her to have read the whole Bible, even though it would be nice. I don't know. I confuse myself too much!
For the next few hours or so, all I could think about was my little girl. I tried to picture her face, but the last person I came in face-to-face contact with was the kid at the clinic. I seriously couldn't believe that I'd forgotten what a teenager looked like.
By now, boredom was killing me. I thought of what to do. What to do...what to do...
Maybe I could try to write something,
God, am I crazy?
I'd only convinced myself that I had talent. I'm worthless. I stink at writing. It's not what I was put out on this earth to do. I was put on this earth to love Amy. And...I took that right away from myself. Yes, it was a right. It was my right to love her because she was my wife and-
The doorbell rang.
I'd become so caught up in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed the tears seeping out of my brown eyes. I stared at the door. Okay...I'm finally going to see my little angel.
I got up slowly and reached for the doorknob. Then I opened the door very quickly and took one long, dazed look at my fourteen-year-old daughter.
She stared up at me through jet black, long eyelashes that hid the depth in her deep brown eyes. Her skin glowed. Her hair was very straight, waist- length, and dirty blond. A few freckles scattered her face, which gave it depth and a variety of perspectives. Her eyes were amazing, though, surrounded by heavy black eyeliner. They were so different, no...familiar. Yes, familiar...she had my eyes.
She had a gray backpack on and was carrying a blue electric guitar; she also had a number of books under her other arm.
I know that your eyes see straight through me...
"Oh, honey..." I choked out; embracing her and wrapping my arms tightly around her, I felt her eyes soak my shirt. "You're so beautiful...so beautiful..."
"Hi, Dad," she mumbled into my chest, sobs pouring out of her. Her voice was soft and airy, but still had certain strength in it. I could see her strength in her beauty. You can tell just by looking at her that she's been through so much.
I didn't want to let her go, but I put my arm around her shoulder and led her inside and closing the door. "I can't believe this is you...." It was all I could say. I really couldn't believe this was my daughter.
I let her put her things down on the floor next to the couch, and then she just looked up at me. I really didn't know what to say, so we both kept silent, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was more like we were both being washed and refreshed, soaking in the warmth and tenderness of the situation.
And speak to me without a sound...
And everything I'd been thinking about for the past hours, the past 122,640 hours of my life, had been erased. They didn't matter.
This moment was what mattered.
"So..." I said, breaking the silence. "How's life?"
Her eyes became teary again. "Not so good. I couldn't imagine never being able to meet you, Dad. I mean...you-you wouldn't understand but..." She tried to stop from crying out loud, and her voice became high and pitchy. "...a girl needs her dad to be able to keep living. She-she has to know him...Mom's great, but she isn't enough. I've missed you this whole time and I never even knew who you were. Mom wouldn't show me pictures or anything....but you're my dad...so I-I love you."
I want to hold you...
I ran my fingers through her soft, damp hair. "I love you, Beverly. And I know I wasn't there for you this whole time. I know. I'm so sorry. Just please...please forgive me. Since every girl in my life disappeared, well...you've been my everything."
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A/N: Oh gosh I'm crying my eyes out! Please R&R that chapter. It took a loooong time to make it just right. I don't even know if it is, but just to be forewarned, I'm really considering making this R-rated! It's just getting really emotional. And yes, I put three song lines in this chapter. See ya!! ---jamie!
A/N: I don't know but the rating may change due to this chapter....Just to warn yall....
Here we go....
Chapter Three
It rained non-stop for the next week. I mean, I loved the rain, but I couldn't go outside or into town because well, it's weird. When it rains, my car drowns and it doesn't cooperate with me very well. So now I'm stuck inside until the clouds are finally out of it.
And yes, I've been a good boy and have been taking my medication every morning. They made me a little drowsy, and I couldn't go down to the market to pick up more soda to keep me awake either.
So right now, I'm sitting on the couch on my back, staring up at the broken ceiling. I actually don't feel so good. I prayed that there weren't side effects to the medication. I didn't want to be sick anymore. I just wanted to be normal. But...isn't that why I got the medication in the first place?
Oh, now I'm just confused. Oh well.
I went into the back room behind the kitchen and sat on a chair next to the window. The chair was one of the few things that were even in the room. The only other things in here were a couch, and an avocado-colored half- refrigerator. I tried to remember what was in it. Maybe money. Ha, no way. I used to store extra cash in my freezer, but that was when I was just a kid. I did a lot of stupid things when I was a kid....
[FLASHBACK]
The birds scattered like they usually did when I came outside to feed the dog. The damn birds were always eating remains of a crashed or policed-out party outside.
Carlie stood in the doorway, watching me, wearing one of my long, football jerseys. I'd completely forgotten what had happened the previous night, but it really didn't matter. I had this hot girl standing next to me, wearing my jersey and probably not much else, who I'd probably gotten in bed with me last, but you know what my buddy Jack can do to me.
I stood up after pouring an amount of dog food in Chico's bowl and looked at her. "Honey, I thought you went home," I said, trying to think of something to say to her that wouldn't show what a nerd I really was.
"Why would I go home?" She put on one of her sweet pouty faces and looked back at me, obviously planning what to do with me next.
"Well," I coughed. "It's almost the end of our senior year, and um, sorry to break it to you, but...we have finals tomorrow. But you didn't hear it from me."
She giggled and stepped toward me. "Yeah...but don't you find your awesome college parties way better than the stupid finals our stupid professors can give us?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
She kissed me. I guess this was when I realized that Carlie didn't see me as the geek I was. She thought I was something else. Every girl I ever dated did that. After this amount of time, I was sick of it. I wanted people to stop seeing through me. Just look at me without laser vision for once. See me as just a guy who doesn't want you all over me like this. Stop...seeing...through me.
[PRESENT]
I tried to forget that for so long. So long I've wanted that college memory of mine to just drift away, but it never did. Whenever I sat alone too long, I seem to leave my own body. And every time I do, that memory comes back. Maybe people still do see through me. Maybe that morning in the backyard of my beat-down apartment never really happened at all. Maybe it was just a repetitive dream....But was there symbolism?
It had only been months after I broke up with Carlie that I met Amy. Oh, God. It was so incredible, so perfect how her simple name can bring me such pain. Not perfect as in good, just perfect. It just made everything fit. She...she was the only one who could do that to me.
But...I've given up. I've given up on love. I've given up on life. Love's yelled at me too many times, and life has beaten me up from my head to my toes. There's too much effort involved to keep up with life. Everyone says that once you're my age, it's just smooth sailing from here on out, but it's not like that. It's just not like that. Sure I miss loving someone, but...that's why my daughter's coming, right? Right, Mort. She's coming to save you. She's coming to rescue me from the mud of the lake I've drowned and fainted in.
Wow. That's why I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I've drowned.
"Stop..." I said quietly to myself. "Just stop it, dumbass. Think about your daughter. Think about your baby girl...."
I didn't want to think about what I was thinking about because I know myself too well; if I keep thinking about it, I'll do it. I really will. I'll drown myself.
Maybe it was some kind of sign from God that it was raining right now. Because when it's raining, the lake is usually below ten degrees cold. I'd probably freeze to death before I even get to say I drowned myself. Not that I'd want to tell people that. I mean, I don't suffer from attention craving or anything like that. I don't even know what I suffer from; I just know it's not that.
I got up and was about to walk back to the front room, but stopped and opened the avocado-colored fridge. I rolled my eyes at myself as I found several bottles of Jack Daniels left over from a long, long time ago. I guess I really haven't been back here in a while.
Well, I decided it best to discard these worthless bottles of alcohol considering I would have a teenager staying with me, and only God knows how she's like. She could be a sweet, innocent girl who's read the entire Bible (something I still haven't succeeded in doing), or she could be...well, I don't really want to think about this. Not that I necessarily want her to have read the whole Bible, even though it would be nice. I don't know. I confuse myself too much!
For the next few hours or so, all I could think about was my little girl. I tried to picture her face, but the last person I came in face-to-face contact with was the kid at the clinic. I seriously couldn't believe that I'd forgotten what a teenager looked like.
By now, boredom was killing me. I thought of what to do. What to do...what to do...
Maybe I could try to write something,
God, am I crazy?
I'd only convinced myself that I had talent. I'm worthless. I stink at writing. It's not what I was put out on this earth to do. I was put on this earth to love Amy. And...I took that right away from myself. Yes, it was a right. It was my right to love her because she was my wife and-
The doorbell rang.
I'd become so caught up in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed the tears seeping out of my brown eyes. I stared at the door. Okay...I'm finally going to see my little angel.
I got up slowly and reached for the doorknob. Then I opened the door very quickly and took one long, dazed look at my fourteen-year-old daughter.
She stared up at me through jet black, long eyelashes that hid the depth in her deep brown eyes. Her skin glowed. Her hair was very straight, waist- length, and dirty blond. A few freckles scattered her face, which gave it depth and a variety of perspectives. Her eyes were amazing, though, surrounded by heavy black eyeliner. They were so different, no...familiar. Yes, familiar...she had my eyes.
She had a gray backpack on and was carrying a blue electric guitar; she also had a number of books under her other arm.
I know that your eyes see straight through me...
"Oh, honey..." I choked out; embracing her and wrapping my arms tightly around her, I felt her eyes soak my shirt. "You're so beautiful...so beautiful..."
"Hi, Dad," she mumbled into my chest, sobs pouring out of her. Her voice was soft and airy, but still had certain strength in it. I could see her strength in her beauty. You can tell just by looking at her that she's been through so much.
I didn't want to let her go, but I put my arm around her shoulder and led her inside and closing the door. "I can't believe this is you...." It was all I could say. I really couldn't believe this was my daughter.
I let her put her things down on the floor next to the couch, and then she just looked up at me. I really didn't know what to say, so we both kept silent, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was more like we were both being washed and refreshed, soaking in the warmth and tenderness of the situation.
And speak to me without a sound...
And everything I'd been thinking about for the past hours, the past 122,640 hours of my life, had been erased. They didn't matter.
This moment was what mattered.
"So..." I said, breaking the silence. "How's life?"
Her eyes became teary again. "Not so good. I couldn't imagine never being able to meet you, Dad. I mean...you-you wouldn't understand but..." She tried to stop from crying out loud, and her voice became high and pitchy. "...a girl needs her dad to be able to keep living. She-she has to know him...Mom's great, but she isn't enough. I've missed you this whole time and I never even knew who you were. Mom wouldn't show me pictures or anything....but you're my dad...so I-I love you."
I want to hold you...
I ran my fingers through her soft, damp hair. "I love you, Beverly. And I know I wasn't there for you this whole time. I know. I'm so sorry. Just please...please forgive me. Since every girl in my life disappeared, well...you've been my everything."
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A/N: Oh gosh I'm crying my eyes out! Please R&R that chapter. It took a loooong time to make it just right. I don't even know if it is, but just to be forewarned, I'm really considering making this R-rated! It's just getting really emotional. And yes, I put three song lines in this chapter. See ya!! ---jamie!