4
INT. SYDNEY'S APARTMENT
Sydney and Vaughn stare at each other for what seems like eternity, until Sydney finally breaks their gaze and starts to speak
SYDNEY
Listen Vaughn, at the risk of sounding rude, I have to know why you're here.
Vaughn is about to speak when Sydney finishes her thought
SYDNEY
And yes, your car just happened to steer its way over to my apartment. But...[beat]...why are you still here???
Vaughn is amused by how flustered she looks and gives her a sheepish grin
VAUGHN
Well...[beat]...you invited me in.
Sydney glares at Vaughn who swallows and chooses his next words carefully
VAUGHN
Syd, we need to talk
Sydney looks down...anticipating him to apologize for his display of affection earlier that evening. She waits for him to express his regret. She's not sure if her heart can take a blow from him right now. Sydney attempts to offer Vaughn a way out.
SYDNEY
Look Vaughn, I know...
VAUGHN
I'm not sure you do.
Vaughn looks down
VAUGHN
I came here tonight because I wanted to talk to you. I needed to talk to you. There have been a lot of things left unsaid and I think it's about time we address the issues...
Sydney interrupts him
SYDNEY
Listen Vaughn, the last thing I need from you right now is rhetoric.
Vaughn looks hurt by this statement, but Sydney continues to speak
SYDNEY
If you came here to talk about what happened earlier this evening let me make it easier for you. Yes, I was relieved to see you...[beat]...because part of me had to know that you were really ok. I let my emotions get the better of me and I realize that you were just being who you are...a concerned friend.
"FRIEND." The word makes Vaughn flinch a little
SYDNEY
Rest assured that I thought nothing more about our hug.
Sydney says the last statement strained. She lets out a sigh and looks at Vaughn's face for a reaction. He looks at her intently and slowly hangs his head before he starts to speak
VAUGHN
So that's it. You just want to trivialize what happened to us tonight...what's been happening to us since North Korea?
Sydney is suddenly made livid by this statement and she gets up and starts pacing the living room as her anger takes over
SYDNEY
Trivialize!?! Vaughn, NOTHING happened. We hugged. That's it. Yes, ever since North Korea, it's been difficult to go on missions with you...[beat]...not because I finally realized how you still feel about me...but because every time we're put in an impossible situation where I could possibly lose you again, I'm ALWAYS ratcheted back to the reality that I've already lost you!!! So don't talk to me about what's been happening to US since North Korea, because I have been dealing with this ever since that night I woke up in Hong Kong!
Sydney is now sobbing, but her face still held an angry and determined look. Vaughn looks at her from where he's sitting...his own eyes threatening to spill over the tears he's been keeping contained. He's hurting too and he's a little upset that she doesn't seem to notice.
VAUGHN
That's not fair, Syd!
She gives him a steely look
SYDNEY
No, it's not! It's not fair that the Covenant stole 2 years of my life. It's not fair that I lost 2 of my best friends because of this job, while a man like Arvin Sloane gets to go on with his life outside of prison bars where he really belongs. It's not fair that the world kept moving on while I was dead. It's not fair that you found someone else to love and married her..[beat]...and it's certainly not fair that fate suddenly decided to throw me back into the equation without so much as an ally.
Vaughn gets off the couch and walks towards her with a defeated expression on his face
VAUGHN
Sydney, that's not true.
SYDNEY
You're right. I have my dad and Dixon and Weiss and Marshall and Carrie
She looks down, pained by what she has to say next
SYDNEY
But I don't have you, Vaughn. And THAT's not fair.
Sydney is sobbing uncontrollably now that she's admitted to herself and to the man that she loves, how broken she is without him.
VAUGHN
Syd...
He couldn't take it anymore and he pulls her into his embrace, hugging her tighter than he's ever held her before. He was hanging for dear life it seemed and she just continued to sob. Vaughn presses his cheek against the side of her head as he starts to speak
VAUGHN
Sydney...[beat]... like I told you before..[beat]...I'M YOUR ALLY. Never question that.
Sydney backs away from Vaughn's embrace and slowly shakes her head in disagreement.
SYDNEY
No, Vaughn. You WERE my ally. There was a time when I was certain that you'd do anything to keep me from harm. I'm sure even now, you still feel the need to protect me...but
VAUGHN
Sydney...
That's the second time he's used her full name in the last 5 minutes and she's a little unnerved by his seriousness
SYDNEY
...but who's gonna protect me from you, Vaughn? Even I can't fool myself into believing that I can move on with my life without you. I don't understand why I'm unable to compartmentalize my feelings for you, when my whole life is about being able to tuck things away, only to be revealed at my say so. Every time I look at you...[beat]...every time
Vaughn looks at her pained expression while trying with all his might to defy the emotions that welled behind his eyes
SYDNEY
I am ripped apart, Vaughn. EVERY time.
Sydney is now covering her face with both hands as tears escape through her fingers. Vaughn leads her to the couch and sits her down before he kneels in front her. He slowly pries her hands away from her face and lovingly wipes away her falling tears.
VAUGHN
Sydney
Vaughn says her name so loving that it breaks her heart
SYDNEY
Vaughn, don't...
VAUGHN
Dammit Syd, let me talk!
He looks down, angered that he let his frustration with the situation get the better of him. She is surprised by his animosity, but refrains from speaking.
VAUGHN
I'm sorry Syd
He looks at her with a gentle expression on his face and she just nods in understanding
VAUGHN
I need you to listen to me, ok?
His eyebrows are furrowed and once again Sydney nods in understanding. Vaughn gives her a half-hearted smile.
VAUGHN
All my life, I've tried to be an honorable man like my father.[beat] When I used to read his journals and saw how loyal he was to his job and to our family...how he never questioned orders and always obeyed the rules...I thought [beat]....I thought, THAT is the type of man I want to be. Someone who's dependent and trustworthy and virtuous. A man who stands up for what's right and never wavers.
Sydney looks at Vaughn with awe, but slowly turns away with a guilty look on her face. She remembers all of the times she had put him in a position that caused him to break the rules and question his morality and loyalties. She felt bad that she single handedly deconstructed this man before her. Vaughn notices the tears starting to well up in her eyes again, and knows why they are there...but he continues to speak...afraid that if he stops, he will not be able to get the courage to start again.
VAUGHN
When we met...[beat]...that day you walked into the CIA headquarters with your red bozo hair and your swollen cheeks...[beat]...I literally thought you were a crazy person.
Sydney, who is still looking down just nods
VAUGHN
And then I read your statement, and I got to know you. The more I worked with you, the more fascinated I became with your strong will and your fighting spirit. I was also amazed by how vulnerable you really were. How fragile and emotional and caring the woman behind the spy is. You know all of this.
Vaughn is looking at her with is intense gaze (Ya know the one)
VAUGHN
You were always good at compartmentalizing...you had to be to do your job. You still are, regardless of what you may think. I never really quite understood how you were able to reconcile the woman with the spy...[beat]... but I vowed to myself that I would do whatever I could to make things easier for you. I didn't want you to feel like you had to choose between one or the other.
Sydney looks up at Vaughn with tears rolling down her face and she gives him the most endearing smile. He returns the favor and reminds himself to finish talking
VAUGHN
That's when I knew that I couldn't be like my father and be your handler too. Unlike him, I didn't care about rules and consequences, at least not where you were concerned. All I could think about was how I could keep you safe. I used to think that your dad was one of the most amoral people I knew in the agency. I had a hard time swallowing his decision to frame Russek and an even more difficult time acknowledging that he did it without a second thought. But he did it for you....and on that level, I understood the decision he made.
Sydney remembers how her dad framed Russek to divert SD-6's attention away from her. Another innocent person's life taken at her expense, she thought. Vaughn sees the wheels in her brain turning, but he continues on...determined to get out what he needs to say.
VAUGHN
Syd...[beat]...that night you fought Alison...
A solitary tear grazes Vaughn's cheek and Sydney wants nothing more than to reach out to him and shower him with her love. But she remains still
VAUGHN
Syd, I failed you that night. I should've walked you into your apartment and waited for you. I could've helped you fight Alison. I should've...
Sydney is horrified by his suggestions
SYDNEY
Vaughn, no! Don't do this. Let's not go through the "what if's"
VAUGHN
But Syd, if I had just...
SYDNEY
It's not your fault Vaughn. It's no one's fault [beat]...remember?
They both remember what he tells her on the runway before she left for Rome
FLASHBACK
Vaughn and Sydney gazing into each other's eyes before she escaped to Rome...both thinking this may be the last time they see each other for a long time
VAUGHN
What happened between us...the way it is...isn't anyone's fault Sydney. And even though everything's changed...[beat]...some things don't. I won't lose you twice.
end Flashback
Sydney closes her eyes as she speaks
SYDNEY
I don't blame you Vaughn. I never did. Even when I accused you of losing faith...[beat]...I..
Sydney opens her eyes and looks straight into Vaughn's
SYDNEY
It just hurted. [beat]. It hurts. I wish it didn't...but it does.
Vaughn pinches the bridge of his nose and runs his hand through his hair as he takes a seat next to Sydney on the couch, grabbing her right hand into his and placing it on his lap...unable to reply to what she's just said. She looks at their entwined fingers and continues to speak
SYDNEY
You said you didn't know how I was able to reconcile the woman with the spy. [beat] With you...I never had to. The work we do is not easy...but you made it bearable for me. Even when we couldn't be together because of SD-6, you just had a way of making me feel like myself...even when I felt like I was drowning in all of my aliases, you were always able to find ME. But that's all different now.
Vaughn turns to face her with his puppy dog face that can just break your heart (augh! You know which one!!!)
VAUGHN
How?
SYDNEY
The separation we had before was forced upon us by SD-6. This separation...[beat]
Sydney looks down at Vaughn's wedding ring and he follows her gaze
SYDNEY
This one is a choice.