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Seifer couldn't stand it anymore. He had begun to realise that maybe his pride had led him to this, led Fujin to such a precarious position that he couldn't stop this madness even if he really wanted to. Did he want to? Sitting on the throne, punching the guards, the power Edea allowed him was almost as intoxicating as love. He breathed heavy, trying solidly to get his body under control, get the adrenaline pumping through his system to fade and fuzz over and let him contemplate the significance of what had actually taken place. He didn't know what he felt, standing in the shadows, hearing the report from the Lieutenant, shaking in rage but restraining himself from beating the rogue senseless for calling Fujin a coward.
Squall! That brat back a Garden, they had been best friends once, but then Squall couldn't stop feeling sorry for himself until he had forgotten. They had all forgotten. Seifer didn't know why, but he could remember seeing Squall all throughout his life, always getting more attention, more friends, more gifts, better at everything even though they were supposed to be equal. Hearing Squall had now gotten Fujin in reprimand made Seifer want to kill him as coldly as possible. Seifer stood, yelling in anguish over Fujin not being there, of her fighting without him, of Edea's order and Squall taking her down, as he threw the precious thing in his hands trembling as he gasped for air between sobs that wracked his body as the greatcoat he wore slipped off his shoulders and he sank into the light from the window. All Seifer could do was hold his head in his hands as realization coaxed the magic of control out of him as the adrenaline took it along with the bottomless low he suffered as the natural drug wore off. Again, he ripped his voice in a sickening moaning yelp of grief as he looked at the thing he had thrown down. It was the journal. Fumbling his calloused fingers across the stones, he groped the journal to him, muttering whispers of appology to a Fujin he didn't think was there before picking up the precious book and scanning the page that had loosed from the binding.
"That we might clasp, ere closed, the book of fate,
And make the writer on a fairer leaf
Inscribe our names, or quite obliterate.
Ah! Love, could you and I with fate conspire
To mend this sorry scheme of things entire,
Would we not shatter it to bits, and then
Remould it nearer to the heart's desire?"
- Omar Khayyam used in a page of Nobus Ordo Saeclorum
Seifer began to read aloud the writing on the page, his voice feeble and hoarse from the moaning grief-stricken yelps, but quietly, barely a whimper, he could hear another voice join his own. Shaken, he swept his head upward, holding the book to his heart in case it was Edea come to destroy it. But it wasn't her. Fujin stood at the door, tears streaked down her face as she ran the few paces to fold the journal, fling it down and envelope the broken man in her slender, welcoming arms. She didn't know what to do, she had never seen him so sick with malcontent, never seen him sob so freely and it cut her down as he repeated the words that she had been wishing he would fulfill with her for such a bitter, long time. Together they sank in the light sobbing, crying freely as Seifer gnashed his teeth at the mess he'd made, at the danger he finally saw. It wasn't a game anymore, it wasn't fun. He had grown up, become a man and he did not like what he saw. Weeping steadily, Seifer wrapped Fujin onto his lap sweeping her hair from her face while lifting off the eye patch. He was surprised to see tears had coated the eye patch as well as her other eye.
"I am so sorry, Fujin. I've let you down, I let Rajin down, and I got us into such a f*cking mess I don't know what to do with it anymore"
Fujin tore her fingers away from his neck and coaxed his lips closed.
"TRUST"
"You shouldn't. I'm horrible inside, I'm evil, Fuu! I'm not worthy of..."
"LOVE" Fujin interupted, again coaxing Seifer's lips closed, kissing the nape of his neck and continued,
"FORGIVE" Seifer lowered his eyes again, letting his grip fail and easing Fujin off his lap and back onto the floor as he rose.
"I can't be forgiven, not yet. Because of me, things are going to be destroyed, people will be destroyed, are you prepared to stand by me through something like that?"
"PROMISE" Fujin said, standing as her eye grew darker with intensity.
"I can't hold myself together any longer, Fujin. Her evil... her magic is taking control, making me evil. I don't think I can get through this." Seifer pleaded, sobs preparing to emanate from his body again, except for a different reason, as Fujin stripped her jacket, letting it caress his on the floor, and raising her shirt up and over her head to reveal her sports bra and many horrendous scars. Seifer shuddered, tears coming in disbelief as the scar from her throat draped down wraping around her back and continuing all the way down her abdomen before ending above her navel. Other less serious scars in different stages of healing or staying coated her body like body paint, as Seifer walked forward and carefully caressed one on her abdomen softly with his fingers.
"This was evil, you are not." Fujin whispered painfully as Seifer's eyes grew wider as he noticed how speaking tortured the gashed scar on Fujin's throat before she closed the distance and kissed him hard on the lips. The kiss was harsh, almost painful in the need and dark origins, it seemed that Fujin was letting Seifer use her as a recepticle for the evil darkness he still felt shuddering through his bones. Yanking him down with her onto the bed, Fujin thrust her hands under his shirt, lifting it up and over and letting it drop soundly, feeling his flesh shudder at this intimate action, his face pant in want and confusion. Before it went any farther, Seifer sat up, kissing her hands as he held them tightly,
"I... what happened to you?"
"FATHER" Seifer gasped in shock, letting her arms fall as he swung his feet over his bed and punched the wall before uttering a bloodcurdling scream enveloped in pain, such pain.
"What IS this? Everything is WRONG! The world is wrong, what I'm doing is wrong, we were about to do something wrong, and DAMN this war! Why can't I have something left untouched by the evils around? Don't I deserve something? How can you be so good and have that memory? I don't get it!!"
Fujin stood, wrapped her arm around her as she walked and touched Seifer's chest with the other.
"DESTINY. PURPOSE" her touch had a calming affect, and he reached out putting his arms around her bare waist, hugging her gently, but not letting go. Time passed, and Seifer came to realize what Fujin had been telling him all along.
"If he hadn't done that to you, you wouldn't have run away. If I didn't leave Garden Squall wouldn't be in charge. If Edea doesn't do what she is doing, there would be something in the future that wouldn't work out. Okay, I get it. I'll accept that. Then what should I do?"
"LIVE"
"But Fu.."
"HOPE"
"Okay, But will you be there? Will you be with me? Can I be redeemed?" Seifer ended, whispering the last four words, trying hard to patch together a sentence of truth.
Fujin took Seifer's face in her hands, wiping its sodden texture with her palms before rubbing his cheeks and allowing her fingers to rest between his ears and his eyes. All the soul Fujin possessed seemed to seep into the one word she spoke,
"AFFIRMATIVE"
Seifer gave out a relieved laugh before picking the minute woman in his arms and setting his lips onto her neck, suckling softly as he peppered kisses along her jawline. She wrapped her legs around his waist and hung onto him death-do-them-part for an everlong minute.
Abruptly, Rajin bounded through the door, saw the position his friends were in, slapped his knee and laughed heartily. Fujin let her legs fall to the floor, Seifer let his lips rise from the place they inhabited on her neck, and Rajin closed the door with a slam.
"Ya know, you two are rich, ya know! It's a good thing Fujin's jacket covers her neck, ya know, 'cause she'll be seeing that in the morning, ya know!"
Seifer looked at the hickey sideways, lightening up conciderably with Rajin's presence until Fujin turned red and stomped lightly on Seifer's foot before kicking Rajin. Seifer laughed, half embarassed, half content.
"I really don't think it's that bad, you know." Seifer said, immediately covering his mouth at the sound of him copying Rajin's famous words. Fujin smirked, walking over to the pile of clothes and chucking Seifer his shirt, while tugging her own over her head.
"I came in here to see if you guys wanted to train, ya know, instead I get a melodram theatre moment... maybe I should just see a movie, ya know? ... Cinderella's playing... anyways, ya know, I've been thinking, ya know" Rajin said, massaging his head,
"About?" Seifer asked, sitting on his bed and motioning Fujin onto his lap as she tugged his shirt more securely around his waist.
"What we're gonna do when this all ends, ya know?"
"What do you mean?" Seifer said, seriousness tugging at the smile on his face.
"Well, ya know, everything has an ending, ya know, but it doesn't mean life stops, ya know... time to be happy... ya know... I was thinking... what about Balamb?"
"ESTHAR" Fujin said, giving in her piece.
Seifer looked at his two friends, Rajin so full of hope, Fujin so dear, how can he let this down?
"How about Balamb in the summer and Esthar in the winter? We don't have to settle on ONE place, do we? I've ... never mind" Seifer said, downcasting his eyes. Fujin raised his eyes to hers, kissing his cheek,
"WHAT?"
"Nevermind"
"C'mon, ya know... darn guy thinks he can stop in the middle of a sentence... heh! C'mon, fess up, ya know, we're the closest friends can get! Heck... Fu and you'll be more'n that soon enough.... ya know" Rajin bumbled, eliciting a blush from Fujin, and Seifer taking her more securely in his arms, leaning his back against the wall and resting her head on his shoulder.
"Well... it's just... I guess" Fujin moved her head with every word Seifer spoke, until Seifer chuckled, "I've always wanted to sail. Just get a sailboat and live on it, going to whichever docks we please"
He and his friends fell into silence, each pondering life at sea.
"Complete with stops to Balamb and Esthar?" Rajin asked, awaking from his thinking state.
"Yeah." Seifer said.
"DEAL" Fujin announced, cementing the deal. Maybe there was hope in the future after all?
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Seifer couldn't stand it anymore. He had begun to realise that maybe his pride had led him to this, led Fujin to such a precarious position that he couldn't stop this madness even if he really wanted to. Did he want to? Sitting on the throne, punching the guards, the power Edea allowed him was almost as intoxicating as love. He breathed heavy, trying solidly to get his body under control, get the adrenaline pumping through his system to fade and fuzz over and let him contemplate the significance of what had actually taken place. He didn't know what he felt, standing in the shadows, hearing the report from the Lieutenant, shaking in rage but restraining himself from beating the rogue senseless for calling Fujin a coward.
Squall! That brat back a Garden, they had been best friends once, but then Squall couldn't stop feeling sorry for himself until he had forgotten. They had all forgotten. Seifer didn't know why, but he could remember seeing Squall all throughout his life, always getting more attention, more friends, more gifts, better at everything even though they were supposed to be equal. Hearing Squall had now gotten Fujin in reprimand made Seifer want to kill him as coldly as possible. Seifer stood, yelling in anguish over Fujin not being there, of her fighting without him, of Edea's order and Squall taking her down, as he threw the precious thing in his hands trembling as he gasped for air between sobs that wracked his body as the greatcoat he wore slipped off his shoulders and he sank into the light from the window. All Seifer could do was hold his head in his hands as realization coaxed the magic of control out of him as the adrenaline took it along with the bottomless low he suffered as the natural drug wore off. Again, he ripped his voice in a sickening moaning yelp of grief as he looked at the thing he had thrown down. It was the journal. Fumbling his calloused fingers across the stones, he groped the journal to him, muttering whispers of appology to a Fujin he didn't think was there before picking up the precious book and scanning the page that had loosed from the binding.
"That we might clasp, ere closed, the book of fate,
And make the writer on a fairer leaf
Inscribe our names, or quite obliterate.
Ah! Love, could you and I with fate conspire
To mend this sorry scheme of things entire,
Would we not shatter it to bits, and then
Remould it nearer to the heart's desire?"
- Omar Khayyam used in a page of Nobus Ordo Saeclorum
Seifer began to read aloud the writing on the page, his voice feeble and hoarse from the moaning grief-stricken yelps, but quietly, barely a whimper, he could hear another voice join his own. Shaken, he swept his head upward, holding the book to his heart in case it was Edea come to destroy it. But it wasn't her. Fujin stood at the door, tears streaked down her face as she ran the few paces to fold the journal, fling it down and envelope the broken man in her slender, welcoming arms. She didn't know what to do, she had never seen him so sick with malcontent, never seen him sob so freely and it cut her down as he repeated the words that she had been wishing he would fulfill with her for such a bitter, long time. Together they sank in the light sobbing, crying freely as Seifer gnashed his teeth at the mess he'd made, at the danger he finally saw. It wasn't a game anymore, it wasn't fun. He had grown up, become a man and he did not like what he saw. Weeping steadily, Seifer wrapped Fujin onto his lap sweeping her hair from her face while lifting off the eye patch. He was surprised to see tears had coated the eye patch as well as her other eye.
"I am so sorry, Fujin. I've let you down, I let Rajin down, and I got us into such a f*cking mess I don't know what to do with it anymore"
Fujin tore her fingers away from his neck and coaxed his lips closed.
"TRUST"
"You shouldn't. I'm horrible inside, I'm evil, Fuu! I'm not worthy of..."
"LOVE" Fujin interupted, again coaxing Seifer's lips closed, kissing the nape of his neck and continued,
"FORGIVE" Seifer lowered his eyes again, letting his grip fail and easing Fujin off his lap and back onto the floor as he rose.
"I can't be forgiven, not yet. Because of me, things are going to be destroyed, people will be destroyed, are you prepared to stand by me through something like that?"
"PROMISE" Fujin said, standing as her eye grew darker with intensity.
"I can't hold myself together any longer, Fujin. Her evil... her magic is taking control, making me evil. I don't think I can get through this." Seifer pleaded, sobs preparing to emanate from his body again, except for a different reason, as Fujin stripped her jacket, letting it caress his on the floor, and raising her shirt up and over her head to reveal her sports bra and many horrendous scars. Seifer shuddered, tears coming in disbelief as the scar from her throat draped down wraping around her back and continuing all the way down her abdomen before ending above her navel. Other less serious scars in different stages of healing or staying coated her body like body paint, as Seifer walked forward and carefully caressed one on her abdomen softly with his fingers.
"This was evil, you are not." Fujin whispered painfully as Seifer's eyes grew wider as he noticed how speaking tortured the gashed scar on Fujin's throat before she closed the distance and kissed him hard on the lips. The kiss was harsh, almost painful in the need and dark origins, it seemed that Fujin was letting Seifer use her as a recepticle for the evil darkness he still felt shuddering through his bones. Yanking him down with her onto the bed, Fujin thrust her hands under his shirt, lifting it up and over and letting it drop soundly, feeling his flesh shudder at this intimate action, his face pant in want and confusion. Before it went any farther, Seifer sat up, kissing her hands as he held them tightly,
"I... what happened to you?"
"FATHER" Seifer gasped in shock, letting her arms fall as he swung his feet over his bed and punched the wall before uttering a bloodcurdling scream enveloped in pain, such pain.
"What IS this? Everything is WRONG! The world is wrong, what I'm doing is wrong, we were about to do something wrong, and DAMN this war! Why can't I have something left untouched by the evils around? Don't I deserve something? How can you be so good and have that memory? I don't get it!!"
Fujin stood, wrapped her arm around her as she walked and touched Seifer's chest with the other.
"DESTINY. PURPOSE" her touch had a calming affect, and he reached out putting his arms around her bare waist, hugging her gently, but not letting go. Time passed, and Seifer came to realize what Fujin had been telling him all along.
"If he hadn't done that to you, you wouldn't have run away. If I didn't leave Garden Squall wouldn't be in charge. If Edea doesn't do what she is doing, there would be something in the future that wouldn't work out. Okay, I get it. I'll accept that. Then what should I do?"
"LIVE"
"But Fu.."
"HOPE"
"Okay, But will you be there? Will you be with me? Can I be redeemed?" Seifer ended, whispering the last four words, trying hard to patch together a sentence of truth.
Fujin took Seifer's face in her hands, wiping its sodden texture with her palms before rubbing his cheeks and allowing her fingers to rest between his ears and his eyes. All the soul Fujin possessed seemed to seep into the one word she spoke,
"AFFIRMATIVE"
Seifer gave out a relieved laugh before picking the minute woman in his arms and setting his lips onto her neck, suckling softly as he peppered kisses along her jawline. She wrapped her legs around his waist and hung onto him death-do-them-part for an everlong minute.
Abruptly, Rajin bounded through the door, saw the position his friends were in, slapped his knee and laughed heartily. Fujin let her legs fall to the floor, Seifer let his lips rise from the place they inhabited on her neck, and Rajin closed the door with a slam.
"Ya know, you two are rich, ya know! It's a good thing Fujin's jacket covers her neck, ya know, 'cause she'll be seeing that in the morning, ya know!"
Seifer looked at the hickey sideways, lightening up conciderably with Rajin's presence until Fujin turned red and stomped lightly on Seifer's foot before kicking Rajin. Seifer laughed, half embarassed, half content.
"I really don't think it's that bad, you know." Seifer said, immediately covering his mouth at the sound of him copying Rajin's famous words. Fujin smirked, walking over to the pile of clothes and chucking Seifer his shirt, while tugging her own over her head.
"I came in here to see if you guys wanted to train, ya know, instead I get a melodram theatre moment... maybe I should just see a movie, ya know? ... Cinderella's playing... anyways, ya know, I've been thinking, ya know" Rajin said, massaging his head,
"About?" Seifer asked, sitting on his bed and motioning Fujin onto his lap as she tugged his shirt more securely around his waist.
"What we're gonna do when this all ends, ya know?"
"What do you mean?" Seifer said, seriousness tugging at the smile on his face.
"Well, ya know, everything has an ending, ya know, but it doesn't mean life stops, ya know... time to be happy... ya know... I was thinking... what about Balamb?"
"ESTHAR" Fujin said, giving in her piece.
Seifer looked at his two friends, Rajin so full of hope, Fujin so dear, how can he let this down?
"How about Balamb in the summer and Esthar in the winter? We don't have to settle on ONE place, do we? I've ... never mind" Seifer said, downcasting his eyes. Fujin raised his eyes to hers, kissing his cheek,
"WHAT?"
"Nevermind"
"C'mon, ya know... darn guy thinks he can stop in the middle of a sentence... heh! C'mon, fess up, ya know, we're the closest friends can get! Heck... Fu and you'll be more'n that soon enough.... ya know" Rajin bumbled, eliciting a blush from Fujin, and Seifer taking her more securely in his arms, leaning his back against the wall and resting her head on his shoulder.
"Well... it's just... I guess" Fujin moved her head with every word Seifer spoke, until Seifer chuckled, "I've always wanted to sail. Just get a sailboat and live on it, going to whichever docks we please"
He and his friends fell into silence, each pondering life at sea.
"Complete with stops to Balamb and Esthar?" Rajin asked, awaking from his thinking state.
"Yeah." Seifer said.
"DEAL" Fujin announced, cementing the deal. Maybe there was hope in the future after all?