Buffy's Letter
Dear Spike,
I'm sorry for everything. I know I'm sorry are basically meaningless words now a days but I figured it was worth a try. Things haven't really been all that great in the past between us. I think that the last couple of days have probably been some of the best. Thanks again for what you did. You know finding me that night, and staying and convincing me I could do it. Win. If you're reading this then it probably means I'm not around anymore. But don't worry about me. I'll be ok. And I know that in time you will be too. I know that I have hurt you. A lot. Maybe more than I've ever hurt anyone. And I'm sorry. There are those words again. Maybe still meaningless. Maybe not. It's weird thinking of you reading this. Knowing that I'm gone. But in a way it's comforting. I guess I'm just strange like that. I want you to know that I love you. I know that you may not believe it, and I want you to know that I'm not just saying it because now I'm dead and so therefore don't have to deal with it anymore. But I'm saying it because I mean it. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're the one Spike. And yea I may not have been completely in love with you, but that's because we didn't really have a chance to have anything like that. I wish that we could have, but if you're reading this then I guess we won't get that chance. So I guess what I'm really trying to say is I hope you never read this letter and I hope that we get our chance.
You've been there for me time and time again, even when I really tried to convince myself I didn't need you. Thank you for being so stubborn and not leaving like everyone else. I want you to know that what I told you, about believing in you, and being with you, I meant all that. These last couple of nights have been really special to me. And I wouldn't trade them for anything. I didn't intend on this letter being this long. But I guess there was more to say then I thought. I would like to keep writing to you all day but I have to go get ready for the battle coming up tomorrow. I hope that you live a good life, and that you find someone who really deserves you. I never did. I never deserved the things that you did for me. I told you once that you were beneath me. But if anything I'm beneath you. You're a good man, and you deserve the best. I wish it to you now. But before I stop writing I want to say one more thing. I love you and I trust you. I hope before I die I get to hear you tell me you love me one more time. You haven't really said it directly since you've had your soul. I know that sounds selfish but I can't help it. I've always been selfish when it comes to you. Well I guess this is it. I hope that in the 100 years or so that you live you never forget me. I hope I'll see you again one day.
Love Always,
Buffy
Dear Spike,
I'm sorry for everything. I know I'm sorry are basically meaningless words now a days but I figured it was worth a try. Things haven't really been all that great in the past between us. I think that the last couple of days have probably been some of the best. Thanks again for what you did. You know finding me that night, and staying and convincing me I could do it. Win. If you're reading this then it probably means I'm not around anymore. But don't worry about me. I'll be ok. And I know that in time you will be too. I know that I have hurt you. A lot. Maybe more than I've ever hurt anyone. And I'm sorry. There are those words again. Maybe still meaningless. Maybe not. It's weird thinking of you reading this. Knowing that I'm gone. But in a way it's comforting. I guess I'm just strange like that. I want you to know that I love you. I know that you may not believe it, and I want you to know that I'm not just saying it because now I'm dead and so therefore don't have to deal with it anymore. But I'm saying it because I mean it. When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're the one Spike. And yea I may not have been completely in love with you, but that's because we didn't really have a chance to have anything like that. I wish that we could have, but if you're reading this then I guess we won't get that chance. So I guess what I'm really trying to say is I hope you never read this letter and I hope that we get our chance.
You've been there for me time and time again, even when I really tried to convince myself I didn't need you. Thank you for being so stubborn and not leaving like everyone else. I want you to know that what I told you, about believing in you, and being with you, I meant all that. These last couple of nights have been really special to me. And I wouldn't trade them for anything. I didn't intend on this letter being this long. But I guess there was more to say then I thought. I would like to keep writing to you all day but I have to go get ready for the battle coming up tomorrow. I hope that you live a good life, and that you find someone who really deserves you. I never did. I never deserved the things that you did for me. I told you once that you were beneath me. But if anything I'm beneath you. You're a good man, and you deserve the best. I wish it to you now. But before I stop writing I want to say one more thing. I love you and I trust you. I hope before I die I get to hear you tell me you love me one more time. You haven't really said it directly since you've had your soul. I know that sounds selfish but I can't help it. I've always been selfish when it comes to you. Well I guess this is it. I hope that in the 100 years or so that you live you never forget me. I hope I'll see you again one day.
Love Always,
Buffy