The Problem With Being A Notorious Vampire

Spoilers- Just general stuff, Spike's chipped, Angel lives in L.A. Spike does not have a soul

Disclaimer- I in no way own these characters or settings, they belong to Joss and co. I just like to steal them and make them dance for my amusement.

Warning- Kind of slash-y at the end, if you are not tolerant please go elsewhere. It is not explicit, or violent and flames will not be accepted.

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Buffy walked through Restfield cemetery, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. 'God' she thought to herself, 'you'd think they were in preschool.'

Buffy sighed and turned to wait. Angel and Spike were arguing again, they were so involved in the argument that they almost walked past her.

"Your scaring away the vampires, you know." Angel and Spike glared at each other. They immediately pointed to the other. "It's his fault."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Come on. It not like they'll wait for us to show."

Buffy stormed off with Spike and Angel still bickering quietly behind her.

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It was a very dusty Buffy walked through the park hours later. Spike and Angel had eventually run out of insults and had resorted to glaring at each other. Buffy was bored; they had only dusted 5 vamps that night. So she had decided to play bait in the park, but it wasn't working so far.

Buffy sighed, then stiffened as she sensed, rather than saw the vampires behind her. She extended her senses, trying to pinpoint the exact number; even though Spike and Angel were hiding nearby too many vampires could kill her before they could get to the park. She exhaled slowly in relief there were only two.

She turned quickly, but upon seeing the two vampires she had to clap a hand over her mouth to stop the giggles erupting. They were obviously fledglings with no sire; they knew nothing about being a vampire other then what their instincts and senses told them. They were the worse fashion victims she had seen, and that was including the time she had lived in L.A. To start with one was grossly overweight, with terrible acne scars covering his face. The other reminded Buffy of a scarecrow, all gangly arms and legs draped in skin.

The overweight vamp had struggled into dark denims, then topped it with a black shirt (stained with blood) and a battered, peeling fake leather jacket. The scarecrow vamp had chosen leather pants and a silk shirt, all it did was emphasis his skin and bone status.

The vamps leered at her and she shuddered slightly. They started to circle her. "Don't worry my dear, we won't hurt you. You have no reason to be scared." They grinned manically.

Buffy smiled brightly at them, not in the least impressed. "Oh don't worry, I'm not scared."

The vamps frowned. "You're not?"

Buffy shrugged. "Nope, not in the least."

They came closer. "Not even of the creatures that frequent these places?"

Buffy tipped her head to the side. "You mean like bears or raccoons… or vampires and demons?"

They were surprised. "You know of the supernatural?"

Buffy nodded. "Yep, been 'studying' it since I was 15."

"Then you have heard of us?" They questioned.

Buffy wrinkled her forehead. "Who are you?"

They drew themselves up. The scarecrow stepped forward. "I am Angelus, Scourge of Europe. They cower at my feet, I have left a bloody trail over the world."

He then pointed to his overweight friend. "And this is my childe, William the Bloody."

Buffy looked at them and slowly nodded her head. "Uh, so you're Angelus and William the Bloody?"

They nodded, smug smiles covering their faces.

"O-kay. I think there's someone should meet, or actually two someone's." Buffy turned to the direction in which Angel and Spike were hiding and yelled. "Angel, Spike. You guys wanna come out now?"

Angel and Spike emerged from the bushes were at her side in a second, without a sound to give them away. Spike puffed on a cigarette. "Yeah luv, what is it?"

Buffy gestured towards the two impersonators. Spike and Angel looked them over. "You called us out here for what? To see the winners of the 'most unlikely to be turned' awards?"

Buffy arched an eyebrow at him. "Ask them their names."

Angel shot Buffy a confused look before doing as she commanded.

The two fledglings straightened. The scarecrow spoke for them again. "I am Angelus, Scourge of Europe. They cower at my feet; I have left a bloody trail over the world. And this is my childe, William the Bloody."

Spike raised his scared eyebrow at them. "Uh ha. Next time you try to impersonate a famous vampire, make sure you're not talking to 'em you bloody wanker."

The scarecrow drew himself up to his full height and puffed out his chest as far as it could go. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Buffy grinned at them. She pointed towards Angel. "May I introduce Angel, also known as Angelus Scourge of Europe." She pointed towards Spike. "And his grandchilde Spike, aka William the Bloody."

Spike strode forward and stopped in front of the obese vampire pretending to be him. Spike looked him up and down; he turned back to Angel and started to complain. "Look at 'im. There's no way any one would believe he was me, he's too big, there's no scar and look at those clothes. I wouldn't be caught undead in them."

Angel snorted. "What about him? Like I would ever wear that shirt, even when I was evil."

The vamps fidgeted are their heroes' critical gazes. Scarecrow boy attempted to rally. "I don't what you're talking about. I'm Angelus, sired by Darla, begat of the Master of the Order of Aurelius."

Angel rolled his eyes, suddenly filled with rage that some skin and bones vampire would dare to impersonate him. "You are not. You're not even a childe; you're just a fledgling. You'll never know, what it is to be sired properly, to be taught the art of being a vampire. You'll always be weak and pitiful."

The obese vamp finally broke his silence. "Yeah, how would you know?"

Angel threw out his hand. "Because you read books to act like real vampires. You know nothing about being a vampire; everything you know is from screaming instincts and books. There are things that are not recorded, things that watchers would never record."

Scarecrow snorted disdainfully. "Like what?"

Angel narrowed his eyes; these fledglings were wearing on his nerves. "Like what is exactly involved in the relation between sire and childe. Things you could never know."

Scarecrow rolled his eyes. "Like what?"

"Like this." Angel grabbed the back of Spike's head and pulled it towards him, smashing his lips against his. Spike started to struggle and pull back before Angel let out a low growl, stilling his actions. Spike relaxed into the kiss, deepening it.

Buffy and the two other vamps stared wide-eyed at Spike and Angel. Scarecrow made a sound of disgust. "They're fags."

Buffy narrowed her eyes at them. "Say you boy's know what a Slayer is?"

They shook their heads. She smiled predatorily at them. "Well you're about to find out."

She struck quickly, dusting the vamps in seconds. She turned back to Angel and Spike, who were still involved with that kiss. Buffy sat on a nearby park bench and watched them make out. She smiled to herself. 'I should bring popcorn next time.'