(3 /?)
Description: Post-"Chosen" Faith & Buffy girltalk piece, with substantial contributions from Spike, though he's technically not even there.. Setting is Rome, September 2003.
Disclaimers -- the usual.
III. Empathy
"I may not attempt to report in its fulness our young woman's response to the deep appeal of
Rome. . . " Henry James, "Portrait of a Lady"
It was a gorgeous spring day in the Roman Forum. Faith put a leather-clad sleeve over her forehead and slumped against a ruin. She groaned. "I hate sunshine."
"It does kind of clash with your carefully cultivated pallor," Buffy admitted.
"Fuck yeah," Faith answered. "That and cats."
"Well," Buffy hesitated. "Maybe if it was a pale cat. . .or a black one, to match your hair. Well, your old hair."
"No, I mean, I hate cats. Stray ones, anyway." A striped head emerged from the shadow of a column. Faith scowled at it, and the creature disappeared. "That's right, you just try something." She turned to Buffy. "I don't trust their motives."
Buffy frowned. "Really, I'd think you'd have some empathy. I mean, that you'd understand."
"I got all kinds of empathy," Faith said , laying heavy stress on the last word. "Which is exactly why I don't trust them. Oh, you can take one of them home, give her food and fresh water, nice place to sleep. Maybe if she's a smart cat, you can find some use for her. Teach her to catch mice, keep the vermin population down. Maybe she gets to like hunting the mice, gets really good at it. Gets nicer food, crystal dishes, softer pillows. But somewhere in there, you know and she knows that she's a wild animal. If you gave her a good reason and half a chance, she wouldn't just bite the hand that fed her. She would chew it off and gnaw it to bits, and wash it down with your blood."
"Well," Buffy swallowed, locking eyes with Faith, tracing her expression for the hint of a joke. "She could, I guess. Anybody could. I don't know about would. . ."
"Oh, it's not just a would. It's almost a 'should.' It's the stray cat code, B, whatever it takes." She spread her hands. "Am I right, or am I right? I thought you'd have some empathy. Seeing as you don't trust my motives."
"Faith," Buffy sighed, "I never said that. In fact, I'm starting to understand. I think this is a thing between you and Robin that I should never have gotten in the middle of."
"What's to get in the middle of?" Faith asked. "What's not to love? Traveling the world. Kicking demons. Big strong guy at my side, has my back. When he doesn't have me on my back. I mean, isn't that the way that you'd have it if you could? Fighting side by side with Angel, or Commando Boy?"
Buffy lowered her chin to stare at Faith. "Commando Boy?"
"Yeah, well, about that. . ." For once, it was Faith's turn to look uncomfortable.
"No no no no. You steal my body, you sleep with my boyfriend and after all that, you don't remember his name?"
"Right," Faith looked down, tugging at her shirtsleeve. "I wasn't sure if you knew -- I mean, if he would have told you."
"Oh," Buffy said. "Oh, he told me. But I thought you were the one who didn't want to drag up the past."
Faith leaned against the stone wall and ran a finger through a film of dust. "Look around, B. In a place like this, the past is not so much a thing that you have to drag up. Something Robin told me that he read somewhere. The past isn't dead. It isn't even past."
"No." She swallowed and looked at the other girl. "I guess it isn't."
"So . . ." Faith's eyes wandered down to the tips of her boots. "This may be kind of a shitty question, and it may make you want to try to kick my ass."
Buffy tilted her head. "Try?"
"Yeah." Faith met Buffy's eyes now and with a curve of her lip said, "You and the whole baby slayer army can try. But I still have to ask. Whatever happened with you and -" She swallowed. "Riley?"
"Oh." Buffy was both surprised by the question and by how long it had been since she gave much thought to Riley Finn at all. It's called moving on, love, I'd think you'd be happy about it. Moving on, that's what I'm so damn good at. "Well, it wasn't the world's greatest breakup, but, you know, I didn't kill him, so on the whole Buffy scale of things. . . not so bad."
"So it wasn't because of -" Faith swallowed, the closest Buffy had ever seen her to apologizing for anything.
"Because of you?" Buffy barked out a laugh. "Hell, no. With Riley it went on a long time after -- well, after that."
Faith hesitated, then continued. "I thought I should say that he loved you. I mean, he told me he loved you. Well, me, but of course, meaning you."
"And with trying to kill me and all, you never got a chance to mention it?"
"I didn't try to kill you! I mean -- not after that. There was definitely a point when I quit trying to --" A tourist's head swiveled their way, as Faith's voice had risen and this one actually seemed to speak English. "Are you looking at something?" she demanded, staring the man down until he turned on his heel and scurried away. "But I did think about that sometimes, whether I should have said something. Then when I saw he was out of the picture, I always wondered if it might have made a difference."
"Faith," Buffy managed a smile. "I appreciate hearing that, in a weird way, but Riley not being in love with me was never exactly the problem. Really, maybe the other way around. I pushed him away."
"Oh," Faith said. "So you woke up one morning and were all -- You're a big strong guy and I know you love me now --" She mimed a shoving gesture. "Go away. And I mean, I'm really asking. Because let's just say I have some empathy."
"Oh." It was Buffy's turn. "Oh. You and Robin?"
"A little bit of that, yeah."
"Well, with Riley, it wasn't so much -- I mean, me pushing him away, that was sort of an underlying cause. It wasn't the immediate cause. Look, if you want to try to make it to the Coliseum before sunset --"
"And the immediate cause would be --?'
"Right." Buffy looked down and spit out quickly. "I found him getting a suck job in a vampire brothel. Now if we just get a move on --"
"You what him whatting a what????" Faith demanded.
Buffy gestured for her to lower her voice. "I mean, literally a suck job. Not like - sex or anything."
"B, I know what you're talking about. I've seen it and -- OK, I take back the whole thing about what a sweet little love puppy he was. And to be honest, here, I'm not even sure I'm down with the whole you-not-killing-him." To Buffy's sharp look, she said. "Well, I don't mean literally." A second's thought. "No, I kind of mean literally. Why would you think that for one second you should have to put up with that and -- how was that your fault?"
"I was busy with a lot of my own stuff. I didn't really give him the time he needed. What with Glory after Dawn, and my mom in the hospital."
"Whoa whoa whoa, B? Busy with your own stuff is spending too much time on a 'Xena: Warrior Princess' chatroom -- cause, you know, Robin and me have had this fight. 'Your own stuff' not saving the world and your sister while watching your mom die."
Buffy sighed. "I guess. It's just -- which one of you was in the chatroom?"
"Look, the whole cyber thing was new to me. And there were some great Lucy pictures, only later I found out somebody made them with PhotoShop, and the bloom was off the rose."
Buffy peered at her. "Are you sure that's not Willow in there? Could be some kind of memory spell involved."
"Stop changing the subject," said Faith. "There's no way to understand or excuse what he did, all right? It wasn't just cheating, it was worse than cheating. You were the slayer and he was going against everything that's about, giving himself up to a vampire. No excuse for that. Period. Move on."
"Well," Buffy sighed. "I did. And maybe that's why I can understand a little better what it meant to him."
"Oh," Faith said. "I don't know why I keep forgetting about your little Undead Fetish." After a moment's hesitation, she said, "Do you miss him?"
"Sometimes," Buffy shrugged. "But it's really been so long. I'm in a pretty good place. Riley found someone else and he's happy." Hey, love, I don't think she means him.
"I don't mean him."
"I know, F-- Bianca. I was avoiding the question." I know, Spike. I was avoiding the question.
"Well," Buffy sighed, settling in for the big talk now. "It's been, what? Four months since -- all that happened. Since Spike was," she swallowed, "Lost. What would you say if I told you that I don't miss him?" Hang on, there.
Faith stepped back from her, lowered her head, and considered. "Well," she said. "'Liar liar pants on fire' comes to mind. Come on, B. It's your better half talking. You can tell me how it is."
"Fine, Faith," Buffy said. "Fine then. I will."
(End Chapter 3)
Description: Post-"Chosen" Faith & Buffy girltalk piece, with substantial contributions from Spike, though he's technically not even there.. Setting is Rome, September 2003.
Disclaimers -- the usual.
III. Empathy
"I may not attempt to report in its fulness our young woman's response to the deep appeal of
Rome. . . " Henry James, "Portrait of a Lady"
It was a gorgeous spring day in the Roman Forum. Faith put a leather-clad sleeve over her forehead and slumped against a ruin. She groaned. "I hate sunshine."
"It does kind of clash with your carefully cultivated pallor," Buffy admitted.
"Fuck yeah," Faith answered. "That and cats."
"Well," Buffy hesitated. "Maybe if it was a pale cat. . .or a black one, to match your hair. Well, your old hair."
"No, I mean, I hate cats. Stray ones, anyway." A striped head emerged from the shadow of a column. Faith scowled at it, and the creature disappeared. "That's right, you just try something." She turned to Buffy. "I don't trust their motives."
Buffy frowned. "Really, I'd think you'd have some empathy. I mean, that you'd understand."
"I got all kinds of empathy," Faith said , laying heavy stress on the last word. "Which is exactly why I don't trust them. Oh, you can take one of them home, give her food and fresh water, nice place to sleep. Maybe if she's a smart cat, you can find some use for her. Teach her to catch mice, keep the vermin population down. Maybe she gets to like hunting the mice, gets really good at it. Gets nicer food, crystal dishes, softer pillows. But somewhere in there, you know and she knows that she's a wild animal. If you gave her a good reason and half a chance, she wouldn't just bite the hand that fed her. She would chew it off and gnaw it to bits, and wash it down with your blood."
"Well," Buffy swallowed, locking eyes with Faith, tracing her expression for the hint of a joke. "She could, I guess. Anybody could. I don't know about would. . ."
"Oh, it's not just a would. It's almost a 'should.' It's the stray cat code, B, whatever it takes." She spread her hands. "Am I right, or am I right? I thought you'd have some empathy. Seeing as you don't trust my motives."
"Faith," Buffy sighed, "I never said that. In fact, I'm starting to understand. I think this is a thing between you and Robin that I should never have gotten in the middle of."
"What's to get in the middle of?" Faith asked. "What's not to love? Traveling the world. Kicking demons. Big strong guy at my side, has my back. When he doesn't have me on my back. I mean, isn't that the way that you'd have it if you could? Fighting side by side with Angel, or Commando Boy?"
Buffy lowered her chin to stare at Faith. "Commando Boy?"
"Yeah, well, about that. . ." For once, it was Faith's turn to look uncomfortable.
"No no no no. You steal my body, you sleep with my boyfriend and after all that, you don't remember his name?"
"Right," Faith looked down, tugging at her shirtsleeve. "I wasn't sure if you knew -- I mean, if he would have told you."
"Oh," Buffy said. "Oh, he told me. But I thought you were the one who didn't want to drag up the past."
Faith leaned against the stone wall and ran a finger through a film of dust. "Look around, B. In a place like this, the past is not so much a thing that you have to drag up. Something Robin told me that he read somewhere. The past isn't dead. It isn't even past."
"No." She swallowed and looked at the other girl. "I guess it isn't."
"So . . ." Faith's eyes wandered down to the tips of her boots. "This may be kind of a shitty question, and it may make you want to try to kick my ass."
Buffy tilted her head. "Try?"
"Yeah." Faith met Buffy's eyes now and with a curve of her lip said, "You and the whole baby slayer army can try. But I still have to ask. Whatever happened with you and -" She swallowed. "Riley?"
"Oh." Buffy was both surprised by the question and by how long it had been since she gave much thought to Riley Finn at all. It's called moving on, love, I'd think you'd be happy about it. Moving on, that's what I'm so damn good at. "Well, it wasn't the world's greatest breakup, but, you know, I didn't kill him, so on the whole Buffy scale of things. . . not so bad."
"So it wasn't because of -" Faith swallowed, the closest Buffy had ever seen her to apologizing for anything.
"Because of you?" Buffy barked out a laugh. "Hell, no. With Riley it went on a long time after -- well, after that."
Faith hesitated, then continued. "I thought I should say that he loved you. I mean, he told me he loved you. Well, me, but of course, meaning you."
"And with trying to kill me and all, you never got a chance to mention it?"
"I didn't try to kill you! I mean -- not after that. There was definitely a point when I quit trying to --" A tourist's head swiveled their way, as Faith's voice had risen and this one actually seemed to speak English. "Are you looking at something?" she demanded, staring the man down until he turned on his heel and scurried away. "But I did think about that sometimes, whether I should have said something. Then when I saw he was out of the picture, I always wondered if it might have made a difference."
"Faith," Buffy managed a smile. "I appreciate hearing that, in a weird way, but Riley not being in love with me was never exactly the problem. Really, maybe the other way around. I pushed him away."
"Oh," Faith said. "So you woke up one morning and were all -- You're a big strong guy and I know you love me now --" She mimed a shoving gesture. "Go away. And I mean, I'm really asking. Because let's just say I have some empathy."
"Oh." It was Buffy's turn. "Oh. You and Robin?"
"A little bit of that, yeah."
"Well, with Riley, it wasn't so much -- I mean, me pushing him away, that was sort of an underlying cause. It wasn't the immediate cause. Look, if you want to try to make it to the Coliseum before sunset --"
"And the immediate cause would be --?'
"Right." Buffy looked down and spit out quickly. "I found him getting a suck job in a vampire brothel. Now if we just get a move on --"
"You what him whatting a what????" Faith demanded.
Buffy gestured for her to lower her voice. "I mean, literally a suck job. Not like - sex or anything."
"B, I know what you're talking about. I've seen it and -- OK, I take back the whole thing about what a sweet little love puppy he was. And to be honest, here, I'm not even sure I'm down with the whole you-not-killing-him." To Buffy's sharp look, she said. "Well, I don't mean literally." A second's thought. "No, I kind of mean literally. Why would you think that for one second you should have to put up with that and -- how was that your fault?"
"I was busy with a lot of my own stuff. I didn't really give him the time he needed. What with Glory after Dawn, and my mom in the hospital."
"Whoa whoa whoa, B? Busy with your own stuff is spending too much time on a 'Xena: Warrior Princess' chatroom -- cause, you know, Robin and me have had this fight. 'Your own stuff' not saving the world and your sister while watching your mom die."
Buffy sighed. "I guess. It's just -- which one of you was in the chatroom?"
"Look, the whole cyber thing was new to me. And there were some great Lucy pictures, only later I found out somebody made them with PhotoShop, and the bloom was off the rose."
Buffy peered at her. "Are you sure that's not Willow in there? Could be some kind of memory spell involved."
"Stop changing the subject," said Faith. "There's no way to understand or excuse what he did, all right? It wasn't just cheating, it was worse than cheating. You were the slayer and he was going against everything that's about, giving himself up to a vampire. No excuse for that. Period. Move on."
"Well," Buffy sighed. "I did. And maybe that's why I can understand a little better what it meant to him."
"Oh," Faith said. "I don't know why I keep forgetting about your little Undead Fetish." After a moment's hesitation, she said, "Do you miss him?"
"Sometimes," Buffy shrugged. "But it's really been so long. I'm in a pretty good place. Riley found someone else and he's happy." Hey, love, I don't think she means him.
"I don't mean him."
"I know, F-- Bianca. I was avoiding the question." I know, Spike. I was avoiding the question.
"Well," Buffy sighed, settling in for the big talk now. "It's been, what? Four months since -- all that happened. Since Spike was," she swallowed, "Lost. What would you say if I told you that I don't miss him?" Hang on, there.
Faith stepped back from her, lowered her head, and considered. "Well," she said. "'Liar liar pants on fire' comes to mind. Come on, B. It's your better half talking. You can tell me how it is."
"Fine, Faith," Buffy said. "Fine then. I will."
(End Chapter 3)