Why?
Chapter 1: Pain
She looked down at the little slash, relished in the pain she felt. It was then she knew that it would only be a temporary satisfaction she would get from her act. She let a few drops of blood splatter onto the sink. Then took a towel and held it to her wrist and let it absorb the thin line that had formed on her wrist.
As she cleaned up the little mess she had made she thought out her day. The speech that she would have to write in the future to try and convince everyone that peace was a dream worth fighting for. She knew that HE would fight for that dream, but was it because it was HER dream? Or was it because he wanted to fight for it? Though even as she posed the question to herself, she knew it was for both reasons. He had started fighting for the dream because of her but then proceeded on because he had adopted the dream as his own. He had finally begun to live. It was his purpose if he had no other.
Purpose. That word was foreign to her. What purpose did she have? She then remembered that was why she had started. She had begun cutting to feel again. In a way it helped her life have definition. In an obscene way it gave her life a purpose. Since aside from her political career she had nothing else. Her brother, sister-in-law, yes she had them but while she lived on earth they lived on mars and traveled from colony to colony. But as with Noin's current condition they had limited their travel to visiting her on the weekends. She also had friends Duo, Hilde, Trowa, Dorothy, Quatre, Cathy, Wufei, and Sally but they were all either engaged or already married; except for Duo and Hilde but that's another story. It didn't seem fair for her to pile on her problems of feeling obsolete onto them.
That left Heero. Heero Yuy in all of his glory. She remembered being as love struck as any young fifteen year old could be. Though there was always that worry that all he wanted to do was kill her while all she wanted to do was love him. Her feelings hadn't lessened since then, just developed and matured. As her feelings developed for him she decided that she wouldn't pursue him if he want her to.
In the beginning, she had hoped and prayed that he would come to her first, but as much as she loved him, she knew him. She knew that he would never come after her. His feelings toward her were platonic. The only thing he felt toward her was friendship and if not friendship a sense of obligation; ever since he had been assigned as her bodyguard.
All she was allowed was the bitter taste of unrequited love. It wasn't as if she hadn't tried dating other people; not that she had ever dated Heero in the first place. But it was always it they were too good or not good enough. The tiniest imperfection turned her off and she had dropped them like dirty laundry. Though that was only for some of them. Others, ones she had liked, she had introduced to her other bachelorette friends and most of them had hit it off. She was so happy for each of them and yet jealous that they had found so easily what she strived to find.
'Oh well', she thought as her thoughts finished and as she finished cleaning up the bathroom for any traces of blood or what she had done. She tried remembering when she started but couldn't remember. 'my day awaits' she reflected as she opened up the bathroom door into her room as Pagan called for her.
"Miss Relena!"
"Coming Pagan!"
So that was the first chapter! Like? Dislike? Love comments! This is my first posted fic so be brutal!
Love and Peace
Mouse